McDonnells... Better Than McDonald's

Signs and Wonders

2012-01-22T21:49:00.000-08:00

¹¹ The Lord has given me a strong warning not to think like everyone else does. He said, ¹² “Don’t call everything a conspiracy, like they do,
      and don’t live in dread of what frightens them.
¹³ Make the Lord of Heaven’s Armies holy in your life.
      He is the one you should fear.
   He is the one who should make you tremble.
    ¹⁴ He will keep you safe.
   But to Israel and Judah
      he will be a stone that makes people stumble,
      a rock that makes them fall.
   And for the people of Jerusalem
      he will be a trap and a snare.
¹⁵ Many will stumble and fall,
      never to rise again.
      They will be snared and captured.”
¹⁶ Preserve the teaching of God;
      entrust his instructions to those who follow me.
¹⁷ I will wait for the Lord,
      who has turned away from the descendants of Jacob.
      I will put my hope in him.
¹⁸ I and the children the Lord has given me serve as signs and (wonders) to Israel from the Lord of Heaven’s Armies who dwells in his Temple on Mount Zion.
¹⁹ Someone may say to you, “Let’s ask the mediums and those who consult the spirits of the dead. With their whisperings and mutterings, they will tell us what to do.” But shouldn’t people ask God for guidance? Should the living seek guidance from the dead?
²⁰ Look to God’s instructions and teachings! People who contradict his word are completely in the dark. ²¹ They will go from one place to another, weary and hungry. And because they are hungry, they will rage and curse their king and their God. They will look up to heaven ²² and down at the earth, but wherever they look, there will be trouble and anguish and dark despair. They will be thrown out into the darkness." -from Isaiah 8

ok--can we say new life verse (passage)?!?! Today I was thinking about how we are giving up this house to go live in one room again, five of us now, and soon to be six, and asking the Lord about our calling. He spoke to my heart, "You are called to be a sign and a wonder." I knew immediately that this means that we will have to have faith. And that He will provide for us in mighty ways! I was talking to my aunt in Germany today, and I know that she and my uncle think we are crazy to have another child in this situation. My former boss thinks we are crazy. Many people think we are crazy. They probably give us the "benefit of the doubt" and hope the baby was an accident. But it wasn't! It was a faith baby. God ALWAYS provides for those He sends. I know they are shaking their heads at us. But now I know something else: That God WILL prove His faithfulness in MIRACULOUS ways. The first mention of "signs and wonders" in the Bible is in Exodus 7:3 "But I will harden Pharaoh’s heart that I may multiply My signs and My wonders in the land of Egypt." It is specifically talking about mighty miracles.

Then I found Isaiah 8:18, which was speaking directly of my situation! That I and my CHILDREN whom God has given me will be a sign and a wonder! I was astounded, taken aback. So I ask those out there with families: When people look at your family, do they see a sign and a wonder? Do they think, "here is a family that reveals God's heart and God's glory" or do they think "Here is a family that exemplifies good planning?"

God has given me a strong warning not to think like everyone else does... When He brings us out of this land, when He provides (continues providing!) all we need and more, when He lifts us up, people will recognize us as having been with Jesus, and that is completely invigorating.

October /November Noveltyspeak

2011-11-30T21:21:00.000-08:00

G: "My face is clean."
me: "No, it's not; it has butter on it and so do your hands."
G: "I don't see any butterness." -Oct. 1

G: "My ankle is hurt, so I need some peppermint tea." or on other occasions, "My feelings are hurt, so I need some peppermint tea." -October

G: "My arms are dizzy." -Oct. 13

When I sprayed Golden's bottom to help her wipe, she said,
"He, he. That tickles... every day." -Oct. 27

me: talking about grandmothers and grandfathers
Sp: "Is it grand when you have a smile on your face?" -Oct. 27

me: "God took six days to work and one day to rest. So it reminds us to rest. It's important to follow God's example."
Sp: "The 'remind me' day and the 'oh yeah' day." -Nov. 3

G: "Why do people don't like to touch fire?"
me: "Because it hurts really really badly and it can destroy your body."
G: "Yeah... that makes me sad and it hurts my feelings." -Nov. 2

G (standing on chair): "Mom, when I'm your age, can I be this tall?"
me: "Sure, Golden. Actually it's God who decides how tall you're gonna be."
G: "Yeah, and He decides what movie we're gonna watch." -Nov. 3

Sp: "This is my ship, the Maple Flower." -Nov. 7

Sp: "We're still battling over our sins and stuff. Cause life is hard. That's what we're finding out about life." -Nov. 8

Danielle: "I really want my teeth brushed."
me: "You're gonna have to ask your mommy."
Sp: "You're gonna have to ask God about that." -Nov.12

me: "I don't even know if Danielle is awake yet."
Sp: "Yeah-huh! She goes to bed at 49. That's what Auntie Omi told me." -Nov. 12

G: "I'm getting married to this."
Sp (distressed): "But that's not a prince!"
G: "I know, but I'm getting married to it." -Nov. 15

G: "Hey Daddy! When you were in the office and Mommy was sleeping and Sparrow and I were on the green couch, I heard 'ckch--ckch--ckch.'"
Daddy: "O yeah? And what was it?"
G: "Probably it was God, or the floor cracking." -Nov. 21

G: "In the sea, there are pirate ships, and they have pirates in them, and they want to eat us for dinner." -Nov. 20

G: "D-A-R-F spells with Golden." -Nov. 20

The Number 4

2011-11-01T21:54:00.000-07:00

I suppose I should share the fact that we are expecting baby #4!!! (Making this the 5th pregnancy; I will never forget...) Not really a surprise for anyone reading this, I am sure, but for the record, there you have it. I think that the positive pregnancy test is STILL floating around in my hugerific bag somewhere; I found it the other day as I was digging through for something else and thought, "This is bizarre! If someone was looking through my bag and found this, what would that say about me??" ...So from August to November, that little tidbit has been keeping my beautiful little secret in the darkness of the recesses of my purse--which is actually more like a duffel bag slash suitcase--how very very un-A-personality of me. Although to defend myself, I have to say that I DO actually have a place where I keep (or am supposed to keep) positive pregnancy tests. How many people can say that? Perhaps my collection will get quite large someday! Ya never do know.

At any rate, we are so blessed to be getting another little lightbulb in our midst and are really excited/thankful/blessed to be chosen for this. The girls are excited too. Silas would be excited if he knew what was going on... As his legal guardian, I will just speak that for him. I love how in the Bible whenever the Lord is describing promised blessings to His people, the first thing usually mentioned is the blessing of the womb. God says His people will increase. Really! That is the first blessing on God's mind! And was also the first commandment to mankind: Be fruitful and multiply. In this age, isn't it funny that we have lost the ancient paths so profoundly that it actually is considered a special calling for someone to give their fertility to God in what He would decide to do with it, when we should all have a different mindset, should be automatically jumping to fulfill that vision that is close to God's heart, the vision for the increase of His people, and to fulfill His original mandate! I love being showered with God's first blessings. Everything else is secondary, and I believe everything else will come in good time as well. Especially the increase of our herds, uh huh! "There will be sheeps milk enough for our maidens!" I believe that is stated in the venerable book of Proverbs somewhere. Though of course I am paraphrasing.

Anyway, let me go off on this a little bit: I LOVE how in the kingdom of God, everything is reversed. In order to live and thrive and be of use to the kingdom of God, you have to have a "different spirit," as was said of Caleb in the Bible. In other words, a different mindset. I have been learning so much through listening to Jacob Reeve's talks online (to be found on www.jacobreeveministries.com and www.sbhop.com--thank you, Jacob!) about calling, kingdom, the dispensation we are living in, etc. and am so excited to have this confirmed--that a lot of the times the "open door" is not necessarily the will of God. It is just the easy thing to do. Faith, on the other hand--without which it is impossible to please God--oftentimes calls us to gnarly, counter-cultural, and counter-logical actions, places, and commitments. I love knowing that, it is exciting. Because right now we are in a place where there is absolutely NO open door, so there is no easy way for us to go. We are forced into faith, we can absolutely not flake out here! Thank you, Lord! But that is another post altogether. Were we talking about pregnancy and babies, or what?

I have found a really cool birth center in Tucson that takes the AHCCCS insurance, and I am really excited to be working with midwives! Even though it is about an hour's drive from our neighborhood... I am sure it will be ok. Supernatural childbirth, baby!

I am 18 weeks along and feeling amazing. I got extremely ill at about 12 weeks and was down for the count for eight days! it was the most gnarly virus I have ever dealt with. I was so frustrated every day, when I wouldn't get better! At any rate, when I did finally come out of it, I felt amazing. And still do. Getting nice and pudgy for the holiday season as well. And since we don't do ultrasounds anymore, we won't know what we are getting 'til the little sunshine comes out to greet us! Either way, the baby will have enough clothes, well, if it's a boy they will be a little sparse. But boys don't need a lot anyways. there will be plenty. Born toward the beginning of April! I seem to be making a pattern of April and August babies here. What if I produce 12 children, and they are all born in the months beginning with A?!?!

Preggy Food!

2011-10-22T17:58:00.000-07:00

When I am blessed to be with child, one of the main evidences is always that over half my Facebook posts are about food:

If you don't have a spaetzle press, you need to get one. (Sept. 18)

recovery: subsisting on oatmeal, chicken soup, and frozen mango puree. not bad! (Sept. 21)

in germany we used to eat quark with jam on bread for breakfast. i have found my u.s. equivalent: plain greek yogurt! (Sept. 25)

6:30 pm-- sipping turkish coffee and making waffles for dinner. i love my life! (Sept. 27)

German braided sweet bread loaves, marinated grilled zucchini & fish, green tossed salad, fresh-picked apples in apple pie. Shabbat shalom! (Sept. 30)

best part of the cookie-making process? when it's just butter, sugars, eggs, and vanilla all whipped up into a frenzy. mmmmm. i always steal too much and jack up my recipe's balance. (Oct. 11)

Dang. Rice and beans can be so! Good! And no, I did not add any lard (Oct. 14)

Stuffed french toast for breakfast. Apparently I am not on a diet. (Oct. 15)

I ♥ my pressure cooker! How did I ever manage to cook beans without it?!?! (Oct. 15)

made my own pumpkin latte. and i am FIVE DOLLARS RICHER! (Oct. 16)

Water with lime, bowl of kale chips. Low cal and healthy. And YUM! (and not the kind of "healthy" that most people claim for snacks, like muffins full of sugar, but they are whole wheat. Har har har.) (Oct. 22)

One of the things I tend to really love in early pregnancy is pickles. Pickles pickles pickles. I was shopping at Trader Joe's one evening and well, TRYING to limit myself on the amount of foodstuffs I was buying, but when I got to the register, finding myself way over budget, I had to select some things to take out of my cart. Remove the extra bread, extra carton of eggs, second smoked turkey breast, this olive oil, etc. etc. The cashier said kindly, "You have two jars of pickles, did you mean to get two?" --"YES!" I interjected immediately. "Yes, I need the pickles!" Little did she know...

And really, I don't have weird cravings, like chocolate cake and pickles together. Unless you count pickles on bread with butter. That's not weird, is it? It's normal in Germany!

More things I love during pregnancy:
Potatoes (esp. with mayonnaise)
Potato chips (salt and vinegar anyone?)
Cheese (but that is really anytime, har)
Orange juice
Green olives with cream cheese on toast

Things I don't love in early pregnancy:
Coffee (Sad, sad, sad! Even the smell revolts me! If my husband forgets to close the door when he slips out in the AM to make his coffee, and the smell wafts into the bedroom, oh man...)
Sweet foods (well, they're not horrible, but I would rather have something with vinegar! Like sauerkraut!)
Onions
Salad (thought I make myself eat it anyway. I just add pickles!)
Doing anything except for sleeping and loafing around.... sigh.

The fun thing is I am in my 2nd trimester now. Pregnancy heaven. Energy is back, love of coffee is back. I can enjoy cooking again! LOVE. What are your pregnancy cravings?

Vegetarian Dinner

2011-10-17T22:11:00.000-07:00

OK, I wish I had a picture of the meal I am about to describe to you. (Don't you just love food blogs? It's like their contributors all live in lofts with huge windows, where it is perpetually sunny, or they all happen to be trained professional photographers with all the equipment needed to create the right lighting on the spot... and then after taking the time to prepare the food beautifully, set up the lighting, arrange it all, take a photo shoot, etc., we are supposed to believe that they were just making it "for dinner for their family" and that all the hungry hordes were just standing around patiently waiting for all the camera equipment to be done with its job and hauled away from their kitchen table before they began their meal. Hah!) At any rate, when I was finished preparing my meal, it was dark, really dark, and actually my house is always pretty much dark; I'd have to do my food photography outdoors! And I actually AM a professionally trained photographer--ssshhh, don't tell anyone--but sadly without any professional cameras or equipment. Until this moment, I have considered them to be not very useful to my current career! What was I thinking!

     At any rate, the point is, I threw together a delicious meal that was too good not to share in writing, and IT WAS VEGETARIAN. I only know 2 vegetarians, so probably none of the 11 people who will eventually read this even care, but I thought that that factor was quite significant, as the meal was satisfying and filling and tasty, and some carnivores find that hard to achieve without the meat element. The vegetarian's secret? BUTTER. AND CHEESE. Now I don't pretend to know what vegans do. Cause vegan cheese is stinky and gross and made out of questionable components. And vegan butter is more like margarine/plastic. And also made out of questionable components. And a life without butter and cheese is like a life without Christmas and birthdays. But we'll leave the vegans to their own ways and move on.

     The meal: Rice pasta fusilli with butternut squash and garlic-butter brussels sprouts. (Notice that that is a double BS meal!) I did not have this meal all planned out. In fact, I have found that it is more expensive to plan a specific menu with nice meals and try to purchase all necessary ingredients at the store that week, than to have a good sense of basic pantry and fridge staples, a well-stocked spice cupboard, and assortment of that week's affordable fruits and vegetables. And a little creativity, of course. We can go into kitchen staples another time. At any rate, this is how the meal of last night was born.

The pasta: Cooked as normal, tossed with olive oil, set out to be eaten with brussels sprouts, squash, and the following choices: garlic-butter-n-olive-oil, smoked sea salt, cracked pepper, grated cheese (parmesan is always a winner. I didn't have any and used raw cheddar, grated finely), lemon, etc. use your imagination!

The butternut squash (BS): Cut in half and spread with a little butter, roasted cut-side down in a 375-deg. oven for about an hour. Serve in chunks in the pasta, or on the side with either butter and maple syrup, or lemon, salt, and pepper.

The brussels sprouts (BS): About 17 sprouts cleaned and outer leaves removed, stems trimmed, then an X cut into the bottom of each stem. Steamed about 15-20 mins. THEN... cut in half and browned for a few minutes cut side down in a lovely garlic butter (about 3 cloves of garlic, crushed/chopped, cooked on low in about 3 T. butter. I also added some olive oil to the mix because I love the flavor.) Served with the pasta and the remaining garlic butter drizzled over.

     I am telling you: It was so! Good! Even Sparrow devoured her brussels sprouts! Here's to all y'all vegetarians out there who know that the secret of your good cookin' is the same as the famed chefs of France: butter, butter, and more butter. Enjoy!

Ps--This served two adults and two little children. Adjust amounts accordingly.

Of Yogurt and Index Cards

2011-10-15T22:59:00.000-07:00

I have just come from scraping a pile of yogurt off the counter with an index card. An index card! Actually, those things are quite useful for scraping kitchen emergencies. I think everyone should have a stack of index cards on their counter. See, some good things DO get discovered through being a bit disorganized! I was pouring myself a nice, demure, healthy little bowl of pre-bedtime yogurt, when suddenly the container slipped and half of it spilled out into a big blob on the counter! (Praise God I have learned to at least wipe my counters clean after every meal--a few years ago, it would have landed on a bunch of old crumbs!) Quickly, I grabbed an index card off a nearby stack (which happened to be there for memorization-verse-writing) and was able to effectively scoop about 97% of it back into the container. I apologize right now to the good bacteria which may get killed because I introduced "bad" bacteria into the container. But we cannot be wasting the precious yogurt.

The point is, it's been one heck of a yogurt-spilling kind of day. I had a gnarly headache after a heavy (albeit delicious) breakfast of stuffed french toast. I have been having this weird sinusy headache thing off and on for weeks now, and it makes it excruciating to bend over; all the pressure that goes to the head is too much, and today it wouldn't go away for hours and hours. After lunch Thomas had mercy on us and took the children to the playground. I started feeling much better. (So wrong!) Later I lost my temper terribly with Golden when she couldn't make up her mind about wanting to go walking with their friends or not, and i just can't believe I still do that! I am obviously inadequate to impart wisdom and the Lord's Word to these children! I long to be a lily, to speak gently all of the time, to overflow with gratitude instead of the festering yuckiness that seems to be just beneath the surface. I want to be lovely to my children, and attractive to be around, not scratchy and prickly, as I tend to get so often, esp. when not feeling great. No wonder Sparrow wants to get out and be with her friends! I have got a lot of work and self-restraint to do (to me!) when it comes to that girl.

In the meantime, we are grateful to be here, thankful to be alive and to have good food on our table, blessed to be pregnant, and blessed to have one another. Let--me--live--it--Lord. Even, *especiallly,* on glob-o-yogurt days.

Silas cuteness

2011-10-15T22:09:00.000-07:00

Silas can build a 4-block tower at age 12 mos!!!

He covers his mouth when he coughs or sneezes. i've NEVER seen a baby do that before.

He loves getting physical with his sisters, but hates when they pick him up. Seriously, the other day I was in a desperate situation with all 3 children at Trader Joe's, and we had to use the bathroom. I didn't have Silas' car seat with me, and you can't take the carts into the bathroom. What was I to do? Being as he can't walk yet, I couldn't just put him down! I had to ask Sparrow to hold him. He screamed and bucked the whole time; poor Sparrow was afraid she would drop him! So there ya go, Silas! Learn to walk!

If we read a book, he loves to get right in the middle and roll on our hair or burrow on our book.

Those girls love him! Well, Golden loves to boss him around a lot, shouting "No, Silas!" and generally asserting her superior status as older sister. But when she accidentally hurts him, she does show such compassion and immediately hugs him and says things like, "It's ok, Silas. I'm sorry. It's ok, Mama's here." Lol. Sparrow has found such delight in his little antics, and we laugh about them together. He crawls down the hall first thing in the morning and shouts "WAwO!?" for Sparrow. He often plays with her hair or her face and makes her crack up. If he hits one of them or pulls her hair, we try to teach him "gentle," and show him. He is a really good imitator, so he does it right away.

He has learned to say "up!" (a very useful word for a baby, I might say). So now his words are up to 5! Dada, Hello, Sparrow, Up, and Mama. Or rather, he usually says "mum mum." And it melts my heart! We were trying to teach him for ages, and when he finally could say that sound, we made such a big deal out of it, that now he thinks it is really funny. The way he says it is hilarious, too, with a little mischevious look on his face and his bottom lip held to overlap his top one.

His favorite person ever is Daddy. The other night at prayer meeting he was awake the whole time. When he heard the door open, he said "da!" but it was Emi and Jonathan. Thomas came much later and Silas was STILL awake and sooooo excited. Yeah, he will usually get mad, if Thomas is holding him and tries to pass him off to me!

He is forever taking the pots and pans and tupperware out of my cupboard in the kitchen. It is the one door I am ok with him entering because the contents is relatively benign; however, everything gets strewn in a big mess around my feet, while I am trying to work! And don't you dare try to put the things away again; if he perceives that that is happening, he immediately crawls over to re-do the damage! When he is going about his business like this, with his specific little ideas in his brain, we call it his "important baby work." He can be very opinionated about it.

Silas has never really been sick in his life, isn't that amazing!?! I believe he walks in divine health. He did get goopy eyes and perhaps a bit of a stuffy nose a few weeks ago when all of us were sick, but he barely barely had a touch of it; I was in bed for 8 days! I have got to pray for that kind of health over Sparrow; although she has been doing much better now, than when she was Silas' age.

He is playing well outside now, and the girls have finally learned the fun of playing outdoors as well! Hurrah! They have a few pots and bowls they like to fill with water and dip all the toys they possibly can for baths and what-not. Silas just scoots around and tries to join in, and usually when I go to find him, he is stuffing gravel rocks into his mouth (eye roll). I don't try to prevent him because I think his exposure to germs is somewhat healthy, especially seeing as he has such a good immune system; or is that WHY he has a good immune system? It is hard to know, but I like him to be able to play outside without me having to be there pulling rocks out of his mouth every second. So the rocks stay in. =)

But OH he is such a precious boy, and the other day we were reminded of the preciousness of their life, and the fragility... They were playing out front as usual, but the girls had decided to go to the back of the house for something, and he had followed them. I could hear their voices in the back and yelled at sparrow to go back in front, because Silas couldn't go in the back because of the danger of the fish pond. i was exercising and didn't check. Sparrow had shouted "OK!" and I heard them playing in front again. 5 mins later Thomas came out and said, "Where are the children?" "Playing out front." He looked out front. "Where is Silas?" I shot up from my pilates and lunged out the back door, crying "You are frickin' kidding me!" Thomas arrived at the same time. Stories of all the recent Tucson drownings of little children piercing our heads. I will never forget the sight when we arrived out back: there was Silas, happily sitting on the edge of the fish pond. He turned to look at us with those puppy blue eyes. Alive. ALIVE!!! My baby. I have to be a lot more careful, and train him specifically about the pond as well. He has tried to lower himself into it backward before, but I was right there to prevent any wetness. If he tried that by himself, it would not be a happy scenario. But this time, it was! Relief and joy and giddiness came upon me as well as the heaviness of my grave responsibility. Thank you, Lord!

September Sagacity

2011-10-04T22:33:00.000-07:00

S is 5 yrs old. G is 3. They come up with these bits of wisdom all by themselves.

G: "Mom, could you please not say that, cause I don't want to be mad at you." (where is she getting this from?) -Sept. 1

G: "Mom, can Sparrow have some cinnamon roll too, when her attitude is over?" -Sept. 1

G: "Mom, you drawed on your eyes. Why did you do that?"
me: "It's eyeliner. I think it's pretty."
G: "I don't want you to do that, cause I might get mad. And I don't want you to do that again, cause I might get mad again." (apparently she puts a lot of stock in the effect of her getting mad. all false illusion!) -Sept. 1

G: "Mom, why do people say 'poo poo' if you put hot sauce on their tongue?" (hahahaha, oh no, my dear, it is actually the other way around... the fact that she didn't get the order of it brings into question the effectiveness of the consequence...) -Sept. 1

Sp. watching me do Pilates: "Mama, Pilates aren't very appropriate." -Sept. 3

Sp: "Father, he screwed our heads on really tight, ya know what I mean? Not the Father who lives in our house. ...Actually, God lives in our house too!" -Sept. 8

G: "Why does Silas have a mickey meow on his shirt?"
me: "I don't know."
G: "Maybe the police officer gave it to him."
me: "Which police officer?"
G: "The pink one." (ah... of course.) -Sept. 11

G: "Mom, in school you have to change your socks, and then some people try to get in, but the door is locked."
me: "Who told you that?"
G: "My grand old sister did it." -Sept. 11

G: "Maybe, in California, you could have a pink horse, for your birthday, and it could walk like this--like a spider." -Sept. 16

(Actually, Golden in general has gotten this idea into her head that your birthday is the time to have your every earthly wish fulfilled. Whenever her sister complains about anything, desires anything, laments anything, Golden always says, "Don't worry. On your birthday you can have it." Er... I guess I've been getting her really good birthday presents? It's good she can appreciate a cotton quilt and a coloring book so darn much!)

(me fantasizing about visiting Germany, & going on an airplane.)
G: "But mom, are there lids?"
me: "On what?"
G: "Are there LIDS? On the airplanes."
me: "Yes. Airplanes have lids."
G: "Yeah, and you have to hold on to the bars soooo tight, so you don't fall off." -Sept. 20

G: "What are THOSE?!?!"
me, chuckling: "It's called a bra."
G, amused: "You look funny! They're like glasses." -Sept. 26

G, singing basically in ascending scales, with a serious face and demeanor: "You can have my life until you have happiness, and you gave my life again..." (it went on and on with the same basic theme.) -Sept. 27

G: "I'm a housekeeper."
me: "What's a housekeeper?"
G: "A housekeeper is a fireman." -Sept. 30

Silas is one?!?!!

2011-09-21T22:39:00.000-07:00

On August 20th, our firstborn son celebrated the completion of his first year of life outside the womb! I can't believe it has gone so fast, as cliche as that is to say... I have loved every day of his life; he is such a delightful presence in our home. He is different than the girls in that he is definitely not as verbal; by his 1st birthday he was only saying "uh-oh!" (but saying it very frequently!) and now he also says "hello." But certain other things he is doing far before they did--just this afternoon I nearly fell off my chair because I saw him building a tower with blocks--four blocks on top of each other! I know for certain that the girls didn't do that til after 18 mos. and maybe after they turned two. Another interesting thing is, that even though he is a boy, he seems to prefer daddy over mommy when given a choice! That, I think, is rare in a little boy, but I think it is good! =) At any rate, those things are far less important than the person that he is inside and how God will use him in his life--he is certainly a little light bulb to our life, and such a sweet joy to hold, nurse, sing to, laugh with, and observe. I am so blessed.

We had pancakes for breakfast, and went swimming at the Oro Valley Pool--thanks to Golden, who decided to use some of her birthday money so we could all go. Thomas had an audition, so he couldn't join us, so it was me trying to keep three little children alive in the water by myself! The kiddie pool was out of commission, so we had to use the big pool. But everyone had a good time. Silas kicked and squealed! Sparrow was in a lifejacket, and on two noodles, and paddled herself around keeping her head above water most of the time! Golden mostly sat on the steps, even though she was also wearing a life jacket. It was awesome to get into the cold water! After swimming, I took them to McDonald's--I knew I had been saving that gift card for a special occasion! And they were so excited that they got to pick milk for their drink. Hah!

Our cooler was out of commission at the time Silas turned one, so we had his party at the Kuglers, our neighbors and good friends. I thank God for them again and again! Anyhow, it was just us and them and their sister/brother in law, and their mother, whom my children refer to as "Grandma Susie," and who played a big part in my own upbringing and home school years. I am trying more and more to simplify parties for my little ones in order to keep memories and expectations simple, focus on family, and keep costs down. So it was perfect. We provided the food, they provided the venue, and voila! Party! For the cake, as is my custom, I decorated with a toy on top instead of trying to paint or shape some elaborate scheme onto it. It looks great and is no hassle. At a birthday party last month, we had eaten some delicious home made chocolate cheesecake, and I had been wanting to try my hand at it ever since! I looked all around for a springform pan until finally my good neighbor Hildegard said she had two, and I could actually have one! Woohoo! Chocolate cheesecake, here we come.

When it came out of the oven, it looked like the grand canyon and I was afraid it was going to be too dry, but i covered the cracks with ganache and put silas' work truck toy (courtesy of auntie martina) on top with a bunch of chocolatey whipped cream. He loved it! AND it was delicious! He got to open presents, too, little tyke! One of my faves was a $20 gift card to Home Depot, for new cooler pads. Hah! Yes, that was mostly for mommy, but Silas definitely would appreciate that as well. (We got that from Emi and Jonathan--they are such wonderful, caring neighbors as well.)

To Silas on His First Birthday

Silas--you are a blessing. From the moment I found out about you, you have brought joy, peace, and confidence with you. We loved you for whatever you were, but on the day you were born and they said you were a boy, there was great rejoicing! You will always have the special place of firstborn son in this family, and we look forward to seeing you become a man--a strong, gentle, extraordinary man of God. You are like an olive plant in our home and add riches to our lives. Your personality is a delight and we love seeing you grow, learn, and interact with us all. Hide God's word in your heart--may He make you a lover of His Word and His name. May God grow you, prosper you, give you faith and abundant blessings--You will and do shine brightly. I love you. <3 Mommy

Sunday Dinner Spaetzle

2011-09-18T18:03:00.000-07:00

Apparently I am German. Yes! It's still there! Lately I have been really sentimental about Germany, really missing the food and culture. I think it's the reality of the realization that my children are not going to have the multi-cultural childhood experiences that I did growing up, that is making my upbringing suddenly that much more precious and dear to me. One of the quintessentially German dishes that I have been craving is spaetzle (Pronounced Shpetsleh)--and it means "little sparrows!" how cute is that! Anyhow, it's home made egg noodles, basically, but it is a soft batter-style dough that is pressed through holes into boiling water. and it is SO! GOOD! My Oma used to make it in her blessed kitchen, usually with beef and a really hearty brown beef sauce to go with it, and it is probably one of my top 4 favorite meals of all time. Food. Heaven. Now mind you, it is super dense and has basically no nutritional value, but anytime you are craving a huge amount of extra delicious white flour in your tummy (like on a Sunday, when you've been really good all week), well, this is the thing for you.
The thing about this meal is, you have to have a special gadget to be able to achieve the noodles: a spaetzle press (aka potato ricer), which looks something like the hugest garlic press you have ever seen. Or the ones my mom and grandma had did, anyway.

The one I have now, I got from a woman in California who owned a European deli shop. It looks more like a flat cheese grater except the holes are not knife-like and it has a slider-cup to go back and forth over the top.

     This version makes not long noodles so much as tiny rounded mini-dumplings, but the taste is the same, and after tragically losing my mother's spaetzle press in one of our many moves, I was certainly glad to have something. The point is, if you have any German in your family, rediscover it, and for the love of your heritage, get a spaetzle press. If you don't have any German, pretend like you do, because this is one meal that is WORTH having a whole extra gadget in your kitchen to make! Do it.

Basic recipe and method:

3 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp. salt
dash nutmeg (Germans love adding nutmeg to stuff)
4 eggs
1 cup cold water
2 TBSP butter

Mix the flour, salt, and nutmeg in a bowl. Break up the eggs with a fork, then add them and the water to the flour mixture. Stir vigorously until you have a smooth batter/dough (I used my Kitchenaid mixer). Meanwhile, boil a bunch of water in a big pot with some salt. when it is boiling, press the dough through your spaetzle maker into the hot water. Cook 2 or 3 minutes and remove with a slotted spoon. Toss with butter.

(Now, if you reeeeeeaaaaally can't buy a spaetzle press and you reeeeeeaaaaally want to make this, I did find a recipe online that allows you to make the dough stiffer and roll it out/cut strips off of it to make the noodles, but I can't promise that it will be the real mccoy. To do this, use 5 eggs and only 1/2 cup water, mixing that together with the salt and nutmeg first, then adding the flour in small amounts til you get the consistency you need. Roll flat and cut 2-or 3-inch strips off, dropping them into the water. Good luck with that.)

So usually, where I come from, Spaetzle is served with jaegerschnitzel, which is pork, and mushrooms, or beef and savory brown sauce. I only had chicken, so I decided to adapt German-style schnitzel methods to chicken and make up a sauce. And here is where I discovered that apparently I still AM German, because it was sooooooooo good that I could have eaten the whole thing then and there. Here is that part of the recipe/process:

Chicken tenders (or if using lg. chicken breasts, beat them thin with a meat tenderizer)
flour
paprika (Germans love adding paprika to stuff)
salt and pepper
a whole bunch of butter
1 1/2 to 2 cups chicken broth
about 1 tsp. onion powder, or to taste

     Rinse the meat and pat dry. Dredge in a mix of flour, paprika, salt, and pepper and fry in butter on both sides til just done. (My flour ratio was about 1/3 cup, 1 tsp. paprika, 1 tsp. salt, and 1/4 tsp. pepper.) Add more butter if it has gone a little dry, and put in about 2 Tablespoons of your leftover flour mix, whisking it in. Add the onion powder too, and keep whisking as you add the chicken broth slowly. Result: super amazing authentically German-tasting gravy/butter sauce! YUM!

     Now: Eat heaping platefuls of spaetzle and chicken drenched in sauce, and if you're feeling good, make a quick green salad with onions and tomatoes and use a vinaigrette. Add some spaetzle, chicken, and sauce to the top and be transported to German food bliss.

Here is my home picture. This was after my 1st portion and during the salad course and it doesn't look like much, but it is probably the best thing you can imagine eating. Ever.

Golden's birthday party

2011-09-15T22:13:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I blogged Silas' birthday party, and skipped over Golden's! eek! It was because I had written it down in the family journal that I thought I had blogged it, and well, now I will. Here, from my entry in the FJ, Aug. 7, 2011:

Golden, 2nd child, 2nd daughter, middle child, fire cracker, whipper snapper, bright little sunshine, delight--that one turned three years old today. What a perfect day! Sundays are already enjoyable to begin with, and having a birthday on a Sunday--even better! Golden got to pick breakfast, and she picked french toast. So we had french toast with strawberries, powdered sugar, bananas, cinnamon whipped cream, and great big smiles in the morning. (And an extra [DECAF] coffee for me--yum!) Even Silas ate the same thing--I love it when he can eat what we're eating. Anyway, to honor German family tradition, Golden also got a gift at the breakfast table. It was a "My Little Pony" coloring book (yes, i did buy her a creativity-killing coloring book! She loves them, what can I say...) and two mini My Little Pony plastic toys that I had gotten at a resale ages ago and saved for a special occasion. One of them was to share with Sparrow.

After breakfast and cleanup, we did home church and then I got to making fondant (for the cake) and lunch. Golden easily took a nap after her lunch. Sparrow was my companion in cleanup, preparing for the celebration, and decorating the cake.

At 4 pm, friends began coming over. I had decided she could have three friends over--one for each year of her life so far--but then I found out that Adelyn (Danielle's cousin) was going to be here visiting, so of course we had to have her, too! Plus moms and babies. So it was quite a full house! We did a craft and painted nails. Then dinner--pizza and hot dogs. Then the cake (which was made to look like a present by using fondant, m&ms, and fruit by the foot). Then presents--so exciting! Our friends are so sweet and generous. Golden loved all her gifts. From me & Thomas she got a cotton quilt (every night she had been crying out, "Mom! Sparrow is taking all the blanket!" And the only extra one we had thus far was polyester) and a musical jewelry box with a little spinning ballerina inside. (Almost exactly like Sparrow's except the outside design.) One huge blessing is that as I was going out shopping on Thursday, I checked the mail, and my lovely aunt Martina had sent a birthday card for Golden with 50 dollars inside! So I got to go to Target and pick out a present for her--just what I'd wanted to do, but had been resisting--we can't waste $ right now. I picked out a toy cell phone I knew she would love, and now she has $ left over, too! She did and does love her cell phone. Can you tell I love giving gifts?

After presents we watched "Milo and Otis" and ate popcorn! So good! Golden loves watching movies, and so rarely gets to. (It hink I watched that one with Sparrow on her 3rd birthday as well!)

Oh. Super funny episode with the cake. We brought the cake out and sang "happy birthday," but when I placed it in front of Golden, the vent blew the candles out! We closed the vent and lit the candles again, telling her to blow, but instead she started singing "happy birthday" again! So we all joined in a second time. Then she blew out the candles. Hooray!

To Golden on Her Turning Three

Every year that you have been in our life has been a better year. Yes! To watch you grow has been nothing but astonishing and delightful. Your laughter sounds like music. Your hair is like golden down. Over the past year, you have grown and learned so much! From how to do tendus to learning "America the Beautiful" by heart, you do it all with assurance. You even learned how to draw ladybugs and lions, and recite a story in front of an audience. You learned how to help make the bed and how to say "excuse me, mommy," and unload the dishwasher. You became a big sister and you are so good at making sure Silas doesn't go into the bathroom or put little things into his moth that he could choke on--not even pink princess castles that are actually the same size as he--"he's gonna choke!" You've learned about Jesus and how to pray. You are so good at reciting Bible verses! And you've learned to be your sister's best friend. God sure wanted to bless us when He gave us you! You give our family so much joy. We love you, Golden, without end.
Love, your Mommy

July and August: From the Mouth of Babes

2011-09-12T23:08:00.000-07:00

G: "I had a dream about a star and a moon and a big ditch, and I was not afraid of it, cause there was a shooting star, and remember there was a lion and a ditch and there was a nice dragon sitting by the ditch." -July 4

G: (praying) "Thank you that I got to see the boom storm. And hear the boom boom storm." -July 7

G: "Why do they call it 'brotherhood'?"
me: "It means we love each other. Like a brother."
G: "Yeah, and it means that we kiss each other." -July 23

Sp: "I figured out that 'gasoline' has a silent E at the end."
me: "And how did you do that?"
Sp: "At first I thought it said 'gasolinE' but then I figured out that the E was silent." (and with no formal reading lessons yet! go little 5-year-old!) -July 23

Sp: "Daddy's the coffee, and you're the cream, and I'm the sugar."
G: (shouting from the kitchen) "I'll be the leftovers!" -July 24

Sp: "God can draw on the walls because He's God and He's not renting a house." -July 29

Sp: "Even when it's the morning sometimes, it's still dark."
me: "No, you can pull the blinds up when you wake up."
Sp: "No, even when the blinds are up, it's still dark. It's the Jesus kind of darkness, the sin all around us." -July 30

Sp: "It must have taken a really long time to pave the road."
me: "Yeah!"
G: "Yeah! And God loves us--SO much!" -Aug. 2

Sp: "God is like a cookie. Except He's not little and round. And He's not for eating." -Aug. 3

G: "I love Daddy so much, and I love you and I love Sparrow and I love Silas. And the people is SO in the family!" -Aug. 5

G: "God will punish us."
me: "No He won't. Jesus already took our punishment."
G: "Yeah. And He took away all Jesus' blood. And His blood took all of our punish." -Aug. 6

G: "Somebody pooted!"
Sp: "Not me!"
G: "Oh. I think that was the egg smell that I smelled." -Aug. 23

G: (during prayer meeting) "...And thank you for mommy's new baby and that there is another baby gonna come out of mommy, and another one, and another one, and that we got to see a LOT of buzzards. Amen." (and THAT is how she inadvertently announced our new pregnancy!) -Aug. 23

G: (showing me an electric candle) "These are quieter than pumas, but not than trucks." -Aug. 24

G: "Mommy, why are you crying?"
me: "I don't know, I'm having a bad day."
G: (going off to find Sparrow) "Sparrow! Mommy is sad and she needs a band-aid!" -Aug. 26

G: "Mom, I keep throwing up and days and days, why do I keep doing that? When I eat too much food it makes me sick." -Aug. 28
G: (seeing me drinking a bottled soda) "Mom, you're like a man, like drinking wine." -Aug. 28

G: (seeing me squint because of the strong carbonation in my soda) "Mom, I saw you sleeping on one eye." -Aug. 28

June Jumblies

2011-07-08T00:33:00.000-07:00

G: (speaking in pretend anger)
"I'm gonna put you in jail and--make you some LUNCH!" -june 1

G: "I'm gonna sit on the floor, so my body won't get lost." -june 6

Sp: (singing a made-up song)
"Jesus, G-I-S-S, Jesus!..." =june 7

(snippets from my girls who were looking at a world atlas together)

"ooh, look at the cute man!" (football player in helmet)

S: "Mom, which ones are female? ...Prob'ly the girl ones are female."

S: "It's a statue of a king. A christmas king." -june 8

(me about to put raw honey from local honeycomb on golden's toast)
G: "No, no! I don't want that kind of honey! I want real honey, that's in the cupboard!" -june 11

G: "Sparrow, you could pray!"
S: "No, I don't want to!"
G: "But you can pray by yourself cause you're strong enough."
S: "It's not that you have to be strong to pray."
G: :But I can't carry stuff in the world." -June 13

G: "I had a scary dream that there was a lion and a zebra and a giraffe. and it was so quite mean, and it went 'roooooooaaaaaar!'" -june 13

G: "Surely don't hurt your back, K?" -june 13

G: "Mom, she's fathering me!" (bothering) -june 17

me whispering loudly across the table after Thomas has gone outside:
"Today we're going to make some cards for Daddy, cause Father's Day is the day after tomorrow."
Golden leans over table and whispers loudly, "after winter, I'm gonna take a present." -June 17

S: "Mom, the W in my name is silent!" -june 22

G: :Daddy! you look like a gramma!" (He was wearing silver glasses) -june 24

G: "G'night, king! ...sleep like you're rocked by the stream!" -June 24

G: "Mama, can I have some vitamin Eve?" -june 26

G: "Sparrow, that hurts my feelings!" (sparrow was leaning on her shoulder) -june 26

G throws her stuffed animal in air and catches it:
"Oh my GOSH! that was beautiful!" -June 26

S: "mom, i know how to say there you go in spanish: 'der ju go.' " -june 28

the thing in the pond

2011-06-30T17:28:00.000-07:00

Monday morning we woke up to find a creature in our fish pond--a furry, piglike desert creature--the infamous javelina. the desert animals come to our pond to drink early in the morning, and well, this one was overly ambitious or else nudged in by a fellow, but somehow, the footing was lost... i was awakened by thomas telling me what he had found as he got ready to haul it out of the water. it was still alive, but when i groggily bumbled out of bed to take a peek, it was clear that this creature had no fight left in it except just to keep its nose above the water! at first thomas tried to push it out with a rake, and the blobby little guy didn't even struggle or move! when he let it sink back down to go get his shovel, i felt such compassion for the poor thing--i understand the feeling--not going under again? thomas lifted the soggy boarlike fellow out with a huge heave, and he lay there totally exhausted and helpless. then, cause he was still on the edge of the pond, we pushed him over to the sand. he was shaking miserably. he stayed there just huddling in the sun, not able to move--a few times he tried to get up, but was shaking so badly that he could not coordinate his limbs; it was actually rather funny. an hour later, though, when thomas tried giving him some old apple, he was so uninterested that he decided to get up and wander off into the desert. that night we encountered the herd near our house again, and i am sure he was among them...

enjoy the video.

the dark side hasn't got a thing on us

2011-06-23T23:28:00.000-07:00

yesterday: another nasty bug self-destructs by drowning itself in our house! YEAH! i think God is definitely saying something here. if we don't even have to worry about killing our own scorpions and centipedes, what DO we have to worry about? evil can't touch us! we don't have to spend all our energies trying to keep the devil out necessarily, for God has rendered him powerless!

may memorables

2011-06-05T13:29:00.000-07:00

G: "Are we going back to the old hallway?" (driving home from California) -May 3

Sp: "Mom, I wish candyland was real and that we lived there." (doesn't every 5-yr-old?) -May 3

G: "Some reason places are goooood places. and nice places. They're good places, and real." -May 3

Seeing me putting ice into a glass of coffee,
G: "I want ice water!"
Sp: "Actually, it's iced wine." -May 8

G: "Mommy, God told to get in this hot car for a long, long time. And God said the whole world to get in this hot car for a long, long day." -May 10

G: "Always, Adam and Eve always eat fruit off that tree." (the story happens the same way each time, no matter how we wish it would end differently! i feel ya, little one!) -May 11

Sp: "I know why it's called 'Starbucks.' Cause it sounds like 'fourbucks' and everything there is four bucks!" (she's got insight, that girl!) -May 15

Sp: "I want a mommy just like Journey's. Just the same as her, just the shape as her! With the same hair." -May 19

G: "I'm five."
Sp: "No, you're not, you're only two."
G: "I'm actually two half old." -May 19

Sp: "You'll always be my mom, but you're also gonna be like my grandma, cause you're old." Reflecting a little further, she says astonished, "I don't know how my Opa and Oma stayed alive this long!" -May 19

G: "Last time, at the coffee shop, I scrumbled, and there was a baby in my hand, and I poured it out..."
me: "You scrambled?"
Sp: "No, she means stumbled."
G: " No, stambled; no, scandaled!" -May 21

Sp: "Mom, in college are there great big tall sky scrapers?" -May 21

Sp: "If you're first on land, you're gonna be last in heaven." (love how she called Earth "land!") -May 23

(Playing house with British accents)
Sp: "Oh yes, my dear, it's very simmering." -May 24

Sp: "I want to go to Superhero camp!"
me: "Well, they have something for you too! They have princess camp for girls and superhero camp for boys."
Sp: "I think monkey camp is also for boys." -May 25

G: "I want some mango!"
me: "It's not mango, it's honeydew."
G: "I want some honeydude!" -May 28

(We were all brainstorming names for characters in a story.)
G: "I know! Apple-face!" -May 29

G: "You're erupting me!" (interrupting) -all the time!

Golden likes to bring people a book and say, "Can you read this to me in German?" If they don't know German, they then tell her so, and she gets all disappointed! I don't think she would mind if it were in English, do you?

church

2011-05-29T21:30:00.000-07:00

today we tried a new church in catalina. catalina! the people were VERY friendly, but not weird friendly. we were greeted by many people and engaged in conversation but not gawked at or made to feel awkward. everyone beamed at our children and made positive comments about family, which is also refreshing. we got there like a half hour early! yeah! it is 10 minutes away from our house! and besides, the service time was posted as 9:15 on the website but was actually at 9:30. the worship was lively. the ambiance was good. i missed most of the sermon because silas was shrieking at the poor nursery ladies. ...he is birthing a tooth, or two, and besides, it was his nap time and he had been too busy doing important baby work that morning to give any attention to nursing.

i wish...i wish it had gone just that one step further. i miss that rawness about california churches; that real, up front, hard-hitting, bible-digging, revolutionary rawness. that is what the soul needs. it needs spiritual reality. so, at first glance, the church seemed main stream, some of the books on the shelves i would not necessarily endorse, but OBVIOUSLY there is room for different tastes and differences of opinion. the most promising thing i saw up there, seriously, was randy alcorn's safely home. i really, really, really want to read it. it has been recommended by several people and the reason i am interested in that author is because he wrote a challenging expose booklet on the facts of birth control, including the little-known fact that birth control, besides preventing conception, also acts as an abortifacent if that function fails. nobody wants to know these things, they would rather go on doing the thing that everyone does, the thing that is comfortable for them and their plans. so i was actually surprised to see randy alcorn on that shelf alongside ecumenical rick warren and semi-liberal erickson.

a lively church in catalina is such a needed thing. catalina has been known for its drugs, drinking, and other moral sludge that goes along with all that. it is good to see people who had the courage not only to come and start a contemporary church in the heart of it, but to move out here and live in this dirty ramshackle ghost of a town as well.

they, too, operate on the "membership" system which is a little disappointing, but as i told thomas at lunch, most churches do. reality is actually the exception in soooooo many areas, and we should probably stop trying to find a reality here and just go somewhere where we can agree with the general doctrine and manner of "doing church." i loved how the people embraced us, the pastor and his wife spent a lot of time talking to us and listening. a girl i went to elementary school with us knew me right away by name...ah, small towns!

(but more on the "church membership" issue, as if we weren't already uncomfortable with it, tonight we read 2 samuel 24, when david takes a census and thereby shows his trust is in man's power rather than God's alone. vv. 1-3 completely struck me. the children's Bible says, when Joab was warning David, "you have no right to rejoice in their strength." so when the pastor today was comparing church membership to a football team where he was the coach and the coach looked out not to the fans, but to his team for help, it made sense at the time... but when i read the story mentioned above, i got a very eerie feeling that this is what church census is for as well. trusting in man's strength, not in God's alone?)

this. place. needs. a. revival. we are still praying for spirit fire. people need to know how to appropriate the power of the holy spirit for their lives and others! that is what the soul craves! power! it makes me sad to see churches that are too focused on being seeker-friendly or churches that have their membership so fossilized that everything takes on a musty tinge of insincere routine, the choir is a show for the pew sitters. help me, lord, i am so critical, and yet i have no skills to change any of it. all i have is knees. let me use them well and my tongue less. i praise God for showing us a good community that is near our home. the power of the Spirit can work there too! I love His ways.

full heart

2011-05-28T22:42:00.000-07:00

yesterday we watched a movie as a family, something we rarely do because i don't like to get my children too inundated with movie images in the first place, and secondly because there is so little of quality out there that my children can also handle suspense-wise. they are innocent, and that is cool. i don't want to rush too fast to desensitize them through movies. so yes, they are finnicky (seriously? did i spell that wrong, or are you telling me that word is not in the dictionary yet?) about suspense. but one of the things that i have noticed that they can stomach well is victorian-era mini dramas! i love these kinds of movies. they move slowly. they are not nasty or gory (usually). lots for me to enjoy, and the girls are just happy to watch something. i am so grateful for that. they may prefer to watch go diego go, but when it comes down to it they like just getting to watch any movie at all. and my husband--have i told you about my husband? he can sit and enjoy them too! as much as he likes getting dirty in the yard and working on motorcycles, i love that he will watch a british mini series with me. so Cranford it was last night, and if you have never seen it, do make a point of doing so. it is very funny and touching. and it has a sequel!

my heart has been so full with all the blessings in my life. this is such a good season, i am excited for every day. my three little ones are thriving and i get to be with them all the time. i am learning more and more about how to be a good parent. and we are standing at the brink of a summer in which we have no idea what we are going to do for income. it is the hugest opportunity we have had yet, to jump off the diving board and start something amazing!

yesterday i realized once again, that i need to write more often, just about the little things we are doing. i started this blog as a journal for my children and that is what it must remain. we have this amazing life! we live in the middle of the neighborhood where i grew up, which makes for a lot of crazy nostalgia/deja vu every time i go outside. i am more aware of the shifting of the tides of life than i ever was before. every time we pass certain houses in the neighborhood i am flooded with memories, mixed with a little longing for the people and times that used to be found there. some of the people are still there, like lighthouses, havens from the time march that is overtaking us all. my children are the ones who are young now. they are the ones making memories they will look back on just like this. having them here is such a comfort and such a serious jolt at the same time.

today we had a "memorial day" bbq (2 days early) with grahams, tuckers, and schmidt's at emi and jonathan's. lauren came too! the children ran and played outside (safe, enclosed yard... maybe i should take them to india to get some recklessness into them...) with their friends. it was nice for sparrow to have some bonding time with bekah. and elizabeth (age 12) is such a delight, to help them in their games and be a general care taker. she truly delights in the younger children; it is so refreshing to watch. i made panna cotta! and then we had to conceal it from the children so the adults could savor it. =) the children can have a bit of cheap ice cream. ice cream on a cone is about the pinnacle of happiness for them right now.

i have been feeling that our life is lacking in ministry/service to the outside world. i want to teach my children to serve. i know this begins at home, but i will keep looking out for opportunities to get them out of the comfort zone of safe american christianity. i want them to live the childhood i had in mexico in a way. but that is just not going to be. another realization i have to come to terms with. their life is just going to be a different story. but that doesn't mean it won't be adventuresome and good. aspects of it will be better. i would like to start a study on nancy campbell's "the power of motherhood" in my home for women in catalina. that would be a good place to start. a prayer meeting in our home would also be a good place. Lord, help me to be a bold, real, lady filled with the power of God! abandoned to Him. tomorrow we are trying a new church--in catalina! i am sooooo excited, the website looks good. we have been here for a year and have not found a home church. tucson is spiritually really hard ground. i pray that God has something for us soon, and nearby. i don't think we ourselves are meant to be church planters. ...at least not yet.

goodnight--i am supposed to go to bed at ten nowadays! a new resolution i made in order to be a better mother. it really does help me to be so much more focused and patient. it's been a hard road for me in that regard. but God always gives fresh ideas.

Sunny Rose Faces, Miles of Blue

2011-05-15T00:05:00.000-07:00

(Originally written Monday, April 25, 2011)
Santa Barbara is the perfect place to visit. I have gotten to see it with all fresh eyes on this amazing trip--reddened, tired, craziness fresh eyes that is! Rest has been a bit elusive... but oh, I am in love with the sea! (I might remind you that my name means 'the sea.') Believe it or not, though, we didn't actually GO to the beach until 6 days after we had arrived in California! But once we did, we got sunburned straight away and have been getting redder ever since. Now there are five days left, and i am in awe of how God worked it out, and just in deep thankfulness for friends, trips, and beautiful, sea-kissed coast. A few anecdotes from the road...

The Daring Journey
When Thomas said he was taking the car to San Francisco, I got a wild, crazy idea--if you are going to take the car...you can also take US! Except we are going to stay in Santa Barbara! "OK," he says. He was so supportive of the idea! Soon after, I was introduced to "the trailer." He wanted to sell the motorcycle in San Francisco, so the plan was to tow it there on a trailer. Indeed, he bought a trailer kit from home depot (which he had been wanting for a long time anyway) and built the thing together. You should see these things! They are just skeleton--no floor, and no walls! But instead of a floor, Thomas put down a board. Then he drove the motorcycle up onto the board. In the rain. And asked me to "steady" it if it slipped, which it almost did--what was I going to do against the weight of a 400-lb. motorcycle? It seems that God sent an angel to steady it at that point, because it did not in fact slip off of the narrow board. Those 1st few minutes of driving were some of the most nerve-wracking of my 15 million on this side of the womb! In case you didn't know, we live on a hill. A very. Steep. Hill. So we had to go up. Then we had to go down. At an angle. I was having visions of the motorcycle crashing off the trailer, into the car, and ending our trip 40 feet after it began. But by some miracle of physics it actually stayed on the trailer. I could not understand how just a few tie-downs were keeping that thing upright. But Thomas got out and adjusted it a few times, and eventually I had to sit back and trust that if he trusted the trailer with his machine, then it must be somewhat stable. That was a happy realization. The trip took only eleven and a half hours! I had predicted twelve. (Can't drive over 55, 60 with the trailer!) And, oh yes, were you...praying for us? I had been asking people to pray for COLD weather on the day we left, and not only was it overcast and raining, it was SNOWING!! Er... and as for Arizona roads...they are AWESOME! Not til you drive the horrors of pitty, bumpy, uneven LA freeways towing a vertical motorcycle on a narrow board with a volvo do you fully appreciate the beauty of the smooth and well-maintained AZ roads. Thank you, Jan Brewer, or whoever you are, Secretary of Arizona Roadways!

Victory Over the Enemy
We stayed at my former boss Rod's detached guest suite for a week. The first day, we saw a huge, hairy, scary bug scuttle into the door and disappear before we could get it, in the crack between the carpet and the door. Some kind of centipede? After it absconded, I eventually gave up looking for it and decided, well, we'd just have to forget about it and trust that it wouldn't try to mess with us while we were sleeping. The next day, Golden spit out some medicine I was trying to give her, so I had to take her clothes off and soak them in the bathtub. The morning after that, when I went to take the clothes out, what should I find but the evil, heebie-jeebie centipede--drowned in the tub! Self-destruct! That's what I call spiritual power right there.

Yes, it was that gross.

(continued on May 10, 2011)
Who Thought This was a Good Idea?
Sparrow got sick on the day before she turned 5, and thus we had to postpone her birthday party with friends…indefinitely. Instead, on her birthday, we tried to rest in the morning and around lunch time we headed out to have a picnic at the rose gardens. That was her wish for the day; she LOVES the rose gardens, and I figured as long as she was outside, her hacking and coughing couldn’t bother too many people. The sun even came out as we were driving around! I had to go to lassens and get her some elderberry stuff and colloidal silver. Then, passing by the hospital where she had been born on this very day exactly five years previous, we had to get out and take pictures! At last we did make it to the rose gardens, and the flowers were all in bloom and happy to see the sun! it was a great time until we had to leave again. Then it seemed the whining faucet got turned on and nobody wanted to listen. And I still had to figure out dinner! Rod and his guest room were great, but it had no kitchen, so every day we kind of had to go shopping for picnic food, or eat out. Anyhow, we went to whole foods, where I figured we could all find something to our tastes, and get a vegan, sugar-free dessert for my girl. And while we were there, of course sparrow had to poop, so…more time in the bathroom. My favorite! I think I spent more time in the public bathrooms of Santa Barbara on that vacation than in any other single location! Finally we got "home" and I tried to convince them that eating cold beans on a tortilla was a yummy idea. Golden had completely skipped her nap and was so not listening! There were times that week--quite a few times--when I thought I must be insane for attempting this adventure...

The following day, of course, we went out again. Glutton for punishment, I know, but am I going to just sit in a room all day with three children and no kitchen?? Of course not!! I had figured out that going out two times was the expedient thing to do. Once in the morning, to tire them out. Then back for a rest, then out again after nap time. This particular afternoon we were going to the clock tower, one of sparrow's other favorite places in Santa Barbara. It's a lot of fun until someone runs into the corner of a metal sign with their head and begins to dispense blood and high-pitched shrieks. Sparrow. Yes, Sparrow. I quickly grabbed my nursing cover for her to hold over the wound, and we gathered ourselves and left. Back down the stairs. Back up to the parking garage. Back to my car to get the band-aid kit. Then down and over a few blocks to peet's coffee and see if we can use the bathroom. I stood there with my bleeding child and my behemoth of a stroller (borrowed from a friend) for five minutes right in front of the counter, being totally ignored by the employees! finally they turned around and addressed the man who had come in behind me, and he ordered! Where is the love?! at that point i got completely flustered and just asked for the bathroom key, which it turned out, had been sitting on the drink counter the whole time. I went outside to the bathrooms in the complex, only to find that the key did not work. Over and over I tried it, then had no choice but to go back into Peet's. And what did I find there inside? A bathroom! What? That was certainly new since I had been there last! A bathroom inside now?! I felt like a dork! Nonetheless, it was a happy find, and I lunged for the door, only to be cut off by an employee saying that the bathroom was temporarily out of order. But someone had just come out of there! "But my daughter is bleeding!" I said incredulously. "Sorry," was the response. "Someone dumped a whole bunch of toilet paper and paper towels in the toilet so I have to unclog it." I could not believe this verdict! Discouraged, I ordered some coffee and we sat down outside. It was then that I remembered that everything I needed to clean and dress the wound was right in my hand! my car "1st aid kit" which normally only contains band-aids, had been beefed up with hydrogen peroxide, cotton balls, and Neosporin just for the road trip! Hehe, SCORE! The Peet's patio will do for an infirmary, thank you.

Rainbow of Grace
On Good Friday, Thomas was driving down from San Francisco to spend Easter weekend with us. We had been picnicking at the park, and hopped in the car around 6:40 to go to church. Traffic was hoooooooorrible. It took us over 45 minutes in traffic to get there! We were grossly late. But the amazing thing is that while we were sitting around on the freeway, we experienced the most awesome, vibrant double rainbow, stretching from Montecito, right over us, to the ocean. It was a little bit rainy, a little bit sunny, and all the way magical. Even when we don't get to church on time, His grace is everywhere.

Beauty in the Breakdown
Sunday noon,we all piled into the Volvo to drive back to my brother's from our last invigorating California church service.When we started the engine, we heard a strange sound. An ugly sound. An in-our-engine sound. Thomas was extremely alarmed. Sounds in the engine just don't mean that much to me. "It's just a noise; let's get home." Yeah, I've lived with sounds in the engine before. We did start for "home," but just as we were about to turn into the freeway, the engine died. Just cut out. ooooookaaaaaayyy... Thank God there was a little side street right off the turnstile so instead of going onto the freeway as planned, we coasted onto Ogan street and into a nice, shady parking spot off the side of the road. Wow. Now what? We ended up calling my brother, who was still at church. He got Chris Atkinson to drive over with him; we transferred all our car seats into his car and drove home, and Chris gave him a ride in his car. We took a nap. We woke up and had a leisurely family afternoon at Alice Keck Park. The next day we had the car towed to Swedemasters Auto Shop and later that day they gave us the verdict: $4000. I almost spit out my lunch! I thought that it would be $400, or so, not $4000!!! Apparently the timing belt had broken, and messed up a bunch of stuff in the engine. Yeah. No one had ever told me THAT could happen! Long story short, that is more than we paid for that car, so... now we were looking at our other options for getting home. and thomas was supposed to be at work the next day. We decided to rent a car, donate the volvo to charity, and leave the trailer with friends in California for now. Thomas would have to ride his motorcycle all the way to Tucson... and he did! There are many, MANY indicators of God's grace on this whole situation; some of them are listed below. It was a bit of a shock never seeing my car again, you know? One day we got out, and I thought, "We'll get it back running again tomorrow," and the next day it was lost to me forever. Whew! But before I get too sentimental about Tozer, my faithful Volvo, let me dwell on the beauty in the breakdown:

-Ogan Street--the fact that that turnstile in Carpinteria HAS a side street going off of it, a side street that had plenty of parking, was sloping downhill, and had a shady tree for us to stop under, was miraculous. I feel like God had put that street into the heads of the Carpinteria city planners a long time ago, JUST for us on that fateful day.

-the Timing of the broken Timing belt--the fact that it was right after church when we hadn't even packed yet, and not not as we were leaving to go back to Tucson--or worse yet, in the middle of the desert--was such providence.

-the taco fundraiser--my brother and I had both bought tacos after church. this proved to be God's will in two ways: 1) I had eaten some and was not mad with hunger when we had the breakdown and had to sit and wait for awhile for it all to work out, and to get home for some lunch 2) my bro eats slowly, so he was actually still at church eating when we called him, and able to get a friend to help him right then and there.

-my headache--ok, that wasn't the blessing part, but the fact is that i was getting a really gnarly headache around the time that all this occurred, and was beginning to DREAD having to make that 12-hour drive on a hot day in such a state. Instead, I got to have a nap and a restful afternoon in a park in Santa Barbara.

-Air Conditioning--Since we had had such amazing cold and overcast weather on the trip out, I was confidently praying for the same thing on the way home. When Sunday was proving to be a cloudless, hott-ish day, I was a little disheartened, but God knew what He was doing. He never did send clouds that day, nor on Tuesday, the day we did drive home. Instead, he let us drive home in the comforts of air conditioning! (AND the car had a working radio, which helped me to stay awake on that drive, since I had to do the driving all by myself!)

-Thomas' work--He was supposed to be teaching classes by Monday afternoon. But God had orchestrated it in advance, that the studio had already covered his afternoon classes. So he didn't miss too much work in the end!

-Two extra days in SB--yup, that place is somewhere in the center of my blurry little universe!

To further let it sink in, enjoy the song.

april's amusing quotes

2011-05-06T22:46:00.000-07:00

Sp. "I figured out how to spell 'twice!' T-Y-S-S!" -apr. 2

Sp: "I wanna be a gymnastics teacher when i grow up...no, i wanna teach ballet...no, i wanna be one of those people that cooks the food at McDonald's!" -apr. 5

Sp: "are we going to california on the day after two days, or on the two-th day?" -apr. 7

Sp: "one day, when we were in california, and you were getting ready for the day, and you were polishing your eyes, we were listening to this cd with you." -apr. 7

G: "I saw a polm tree at california!" -apr. 10

Sp: "It's so amazing that God put Santa Barbara so close to Oxnard! He should do that with every country." -apr. 12

G: "Mom! i found ALL of the flowers in the world!" (when we were driving past a hill with a bunch of yellow flowers on it) -apr. 12

G: "the rain was dripping down my sadness." -apr. 12

G: "I don't wanna get bloody fingers on my hands." -apr. 12

Sp: "tomorrow, the first thing i'm gonna do is something that pleases God. I'm gonna pray." -apr. 18

Sp: "Since I said that last night, i'm gonna do a serious prayer. dear God, i pray for the slubs in india, that they would have food, and clothes, and a house, and money. and thank you that we have food, and clothes, and a house, and money. and thank you for this sweet little baby. and thank you that i don't have to live all by myself. amen." -apr. 19

Sp: "We were pretending like this man-statue is our daddy!" -apr. 19

G: "last time it was raining, i fell in the waterproof." - apr. 22

G: "oh, i think i felt some sprinkles on my stickers." -apr. 22

G. making up a song in the car: "bright and shiny as the moon, go to sleep in my dreams..." -apr. 24

Silas learned to crawl on Easter! (apr. 24)

G: "Hey, Auntie Easter! i'm going really high!" (auntie Esther) -apr. 26

G: "Goodnight! see you in a half!" -apr. 28

Reflections on a magical vacation

2011-05-05T22:04:00.000-07:00

yes. yes. yes. i am going to detail our vacation chronologically--of course! can i ever get away from the chronological format without feeling that some meaningful detail of *the way things were* will be lost? but tonight, as i sit in this very quiet house in this very quiet. large, oceanless desert, i have--sentiments. i strangely am feeling a lot about my car. almost as if it had been a faithful dog. and i say "had been" because... it is dead. yes, that's all part of the story. you don't get to hear that til the end. so tozer (the car) is fried, sitting in some auto mechanic's shop in santa barbara, never to be seen again, and here i am. visions of the sea, lingering memories of jasmine scented days are my companions. i. miss. california. i *know* it's just a passing thing, that one generally gets a hollow feeling upon returning home from a fun sleepover or exciting travel, but... for tonight, i'm just gonna let myself feel that, be ok with missing it.

i am overwhelmed with gratitude about how the whole trip unfolded--i felt God's grace strong upon us through the whole journey--from the day that we left under cool cloud cover, to even the day the engine died and we coasted straight into a perfect, shady little parking spot! the whole trip, God provided. I felt "sent" and was soooooooo excited to participate in church on the coastlands!!! i knew right off the bat that the trip was a good idea, that it did not have to be expensive, and that it wasn't just going to be a "sitting around" vacation. it was a purposeful one, and i was happy to jump in. but when God sends you to the most beautiful place on earth, well... i guess it's ok to feel a little forlorn when the whirlwind has dropped you back in tucson.

next day--God's goodness is so overwhelming. thomas was perfectly fine on his antibiotics and is now scheduled for minor surgery to remove all traces of the cyst. even now we already have a prospective new used VAN that is available to us for free--we only need to fix it up. i had told mike and dia when we said goodbye to them on tuesday in oxnard--"i guess the car breaking down was God's way of telling us to spend the tax return money on a van!"

truly, this kind of situation is the only time we could ever take any semblance of a "vacation," so it is amazing that it was so refreshing and everything clicked. even in unimportant things: i had really been thinking about taking sparrow to disneyland, but in the end i wrote in my journal. "i have decided not to go to disneyland unless someone gives me money specifically for that." i could not justify spending the money, especially cause my children are still so young and can't go on a lot of the rides. and also because people had been helping us out during thomas' loss of work due to his illness, i could bring myself to go to disneyland and basically say--"thanks! here's how we spent your money!" so, you ask, did anyone give me money specifically for DL? no. we skipped the middle man and just got free tickets! thanks, holly tuggy! what a blast. that was the icing on the cake, and my children LOVED it, even silas.

there were a few times when thought, "yes, i'll be ready to go home. mostly when i noticed my children were getting untrained and out of control. and was i ready? ...no. i could have stayed. but here is the word that the Lord gave me this morning!

"...having confessed that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. for those who say such things make it clear that they are seeking a country of their own. and indeed if they had been thinking of that country from which they went out, they would have had opportunity to return. but as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. therefore, God is not ashamed to be called their God; for He has prepared a city for them." Heb. 11:13b-14

AMEN! I AM A STRANGER AND AN EXILE ON THE EARTH!

February/March Speak

2011-03-31T23:35:00.000-07:00

FIND US ON TWITTER! i created a whole account dedicated to my children's musings. so fun! it's under twitter.com/chattyolives.

S: "the other town was starving, but we're even starvier." -feb. 1st

G (singing): "black sheep, black sheep, have you any wool, yessir, yessir, three bags full. one for the miss, had a great kiss..." -feb. 8

G: "Posterman" (postman!) -feb.8

G (praying): "thank you for mommy, and Jesus of the Lord, and baby, and basket and flower and hippopotamus and leaf and skirt. amen. and for mommy and daddy. amen." -feb. 8

G: "when jacob was running away from esau, daddy went to the office to read the Bible." -feb. 13

S: "it would be sad, if somebody would trade husbands with you, and then somebody would think that thomas was a not-obeying-God man." -feb. 16 (where do they get this stuff?)

G & S (singing): "I've got the love of Jesus in my mouth!" feb. 16

G: "i need to wipe my hand fart." (trying to say "hand first.")
S: "she said 'hand-fart!' can i have a hand fart?" -feb. 16

S: "mom, remember when you used to say, 'he who does not work has to eat gravel.'?" -feb. 19 (i never said that! i said, 'he who does not work does not eat!')

S: "i wanna write a story about a girl named... party heart." -feb. 19

G: "i was crying, and i was making the noisest." -feb. 24

G: "i don't want to pee on your hair, pecause...i don't want to." -feb. 27 (when i leaned over her while she was going, she could feel my hair on her back and was getting concerned.)

(me joking around with S): "someday i'm gonna be ooolllld and decrepit, and you're gonna have to take care of me!"
S: "...and then you're gonna die when you're for--...six--...one-ninety-hundred!"
me: "ha! thank you for not saying forty!" -march 8

(going to a big resale at church)
G: "we're going to the sale-boat!" -march 11

(i put sunscreen on G)
G: "i got my sunflower screen." -march 11

G: "i wanna go to da coffee shopping." -all the time!

G (quoting her "jesus storybook Bible" CD): "never stopping, never getting up (giving up!), unbreaking, always and for... love." -march 12

S: "how will his crackers get soft?"
me: "because things get softer by the licking them."
S: "can daddy's drum get softer by me licking it?" -march 13

S: "so each of the things have two roles. beans are more cheap but i don't like them the most. and avocados are not as cheap, but i like them more." -march 13

S: "Daddy's gonna be stoked that me and G got spoiled. he's gonna be SO stoked!" -march 16

G: "Jesus was fighting about God, and then Jericho was sleeping in the manger." -march 16

G--current sayings
"hoosannna"
"it's almost valentime!"
(when she is "reading" the Bible): "and the Lord told moses, 'send your best soldier to fight me'..."

G: "bye, mama! i hafta go rescue. i'm going to go rescue myself." -march 24

S: "we can plant a BUNCH of flowers in our little garden, and then we can pick some! we can pick some for our friends, and we can pick some for the slums in india." -march 21

S: "i'm gonna [retend to give you a present, and it's ginna be an empty box, and when you open it you will say, 'nothing's in here!' and i'm gonna say, 'it's a box of relief and a box of faith." (so needed that at that moment!) -march 21

S: "I got out of her belly! I cut a hole into her belly! cause i got a knife and a machete and some scissors and a fork." (what? you lost me at the fork!) -march 27

S: "mommy, i'm so excited to be a grown-up."
me: "oh yeah? what's gonna be your favorite thing about being a grown-up, do you think?"
S: "um...i think my favorite thing is going to be...i get to make dinner, and take care of children."
me: "you're going to be such a good mommy."
S: "...and i don't even care what my hair is gonna look like! ...or what my children's hair is gonna look like!" (that's a big deal for her--haha!) -march 31

G: "i was born in your belly."
S: "yeah. i was born in your belly, and G was born in my belly." -march 31

why i love missionaries

2011-03-07T22:26:00.000-08:00

since coming back to AZ to live among wycliffe Bible translators, I have been reminded of just how much I love missionaries. love. they really have a culture of their own, out here, and i'll wager than any missionary has a bit of that same flair marking his/ her life.what is it? it's basically a deep-seated knowledge about the things that matter. the most. a despising of pretenses. all mingled with a great frugality. we don't mind being a little ghetto. ghetto can be a big money saver. and why spend a lot of money just to make your curtains match your carpet and your dishes match...each other, when there are people in the world whose life consists of adobe huts with dirt floors and holey tin roofs--and who are none the sadder for it?

One of my fist big "culture shock" moments--culture shock of stepping out of the missionary culture and into normal american society, that is--came within my first couple of months at Colorado Christian University. My dad had given me a car to drive around when I needed to in high school, and he let me take it to college! Now this thing was manufactured when i was about 4 years old, and had not seen cushy days lately. when we had left it with renters during my 1st year of high school, it somehow got an enormous dent in the side, which of course we had never spent the money to fix--that would be a waste, when the car still ran fine! the thing was pretty hearty and drove well, but was hard to shift, hard to steer, was covered in bumper stickers, had problems with the window, and was just well-used. I remember talking to a few friends on this particular day, when I mentioned one of the problems with my car and said, "I need to get a new car." One of my friends, without missing a beat, said, "you need to get a car." ouch! i couldn't figure out why this comment surprised me so much, but now I know. Americans like Nice Stuff. Missionaries like Stuff That Works. I was thankful I had a vehicle at all, and didn't see why she had to be a snob about it! So here is my tribute--why I love missionaries:

-if you try to brew them a second cup of tea and they notice you've thrown the 1st tea bag in the trash, they come over and pick it out to use again! (ok, some might not, but this has happened in my kitchen.)
-they nonchalantly feed their one-yr-old a piece of cookie that has fallen to the ground--yes, even in front of other people
-they nonchalantly feed their one-yr-old a piece of cookie off someone else's plate after it's been abandoned
-they love hand-me-downs and think of receiving them as practical instead of embarrassing
-they don't have to have their toenails painted all the time
-once you've known them, you always feel like you still know them, no matter how long you've been away
-they are completely comfortable talking to strangers.
-they find it more interesting to sit and talk than to watch TV or movies--and they invent all kinds of creative games like "throw the steak knife on the lawn and see if it sticks"
-if the only available pair of flip flops is 3 sizes too big, they'll take them anyway and just cut off the heels

Writing this blog reminded me of this awesome list some MK's put together awhile back: "You Know You're an MK When..." Check it out! Especially numbers 1, 3, 4, 9, 13, 31, 35, 37, 40, 45, 66, 72, 74, 80, 88, 90, 95, 101, 104, 111, 112, 117, 121, 123, 125, 135, 137, 138, 140, and 141. (ok, that's like all of them! LOL!)

Opa and Oma

2011-02-16T22:44:00.000-08:00

It is a blessed house indeed that has three generations under one roof! After several days' delay due to snow storms in New York, my dad and his wife Charlotte arrived at our home about a week and a half ago. What fun! It is such a wonderful thing that the children are making connections with an older generation, that they are learning more about their roots, and of course, that they have their very own grandpa and grandma to play with! i could not have asked for a better stepmother. God truly brought her to my dad in an amazing way as he was retiring to Germany from a lifetime in the mission field. She is also a former missionary from Peru, and spunky, and warm, and practical and lovely... and loves coffee, so of course we can connect!

I have been so spoiled to have someone always available these last few days to hold Silas while I make dinner, and the children are simply radiant about their Oma and Opa. (Though Golden does often get confused about which to call what! We hear frequent prayers of thanks for "Opa Lotti" and "Oma Wolfram," for example.) They are just such a wonderful presence, I wish we could keep them. My dad goes to Mexico for five days tomorrow to take part in the New Testament Presentation celebration: the people of our village, Santo Domingo, will at last have a complete New Testament available in their own language! This was my dad's life work, and I am so proud of him. Then we will get him back for another almost-three weeks and we will drink up every moment! In the meantime, Charlotte will teach me the recorder and reading music. Can you believe they went downtown today to buy Sparrow (they call her "Bella," her middle name) a birthday present of a real three-piece recorder?! Her first official instrument, and she can begin learning it as soon as she receives it, it is a perfect first instrument; simple and beautiful. and so German!

Jovial January

2011-02-07T21:43:00.000-08:00

Sp: "Mama, your teeth are so white. They are white like a bride dress." - Jan. 2

(In the Trader Joe's bathroom)
G: "Does it smell like poopie, Mama?"
me: "Yes."
G: "Does it smell like boy poopie, Mama?"
(I was hoping not, since the boy bathroom was the one we were about to enter!)
-Jan. 2

Sp: "She says 'cup-a-TAI.'" (referring to 'My Fair Lady.') -Jan. 2nd

Sparrow after coming home from a procedure at the dentist, with a shy look on her:
"I shink I heard the doctor shay that I was sh'posed to have shome ice cream." -Jan. 4

G: "When you were little, you got da TV stuck in the water sprout." -Jan. 4

G: "I'll read da Bible. 'Once in a time, there was God.'" -Jan. 4

Sparrow and Golden playing Jacob's wives:
Sp: "I'll be the one who people think she's ugly." -Jan. 5th

Deep thoughts by Golden:
G: "Mom?"
me: "Yes?"
G: "Why don't da tree fall over me?"
me: "Because God gave trees roots that go deep into the ground and make the tree stand straight and strong."
(pause)
G: "Mom?"
me: "Yes?"
G: "Why don't David break in pieces over me?"
me: "Because God gave David bones in his body that hold him all together so he doesn't break in pieces."
(pause)
G: "Mom?"
me: "Yes?"
G: "I'm hungry."
-Jan. 8

me: "Don't hang on the stroller, Sparrow."
Sp: "Why?"
me: "Because I can't push it with Golden in it and you hanging on it and hold the baby. That's why God gave you your own two legs."
Sp: "...I think I need a third."
-Jan. 8

Sparrow's dreams:

"My dream was: First we went to Phoenix with Holly Tuggy and there were a bunch of ducks quacking around, and one of them was really excited to look at something and then it just died. And then we met an old man and he thought something was funny in his garage, and he thought it was rreeeeeeeaaaaaalllly funny, and then there were a bunch of fish in the toilet, and they were white fish, and when you flushed it, they still came back up. And there were a lot of moths in the hallway and they looked like they were made of play-doh. And Julia was there. And then we went back home and there was a butterfly in the water spout, and it flew away, and then I caught it and put it in the water spout again, and it came back out, so I caught it and put it in the water spout again, and it came back out, and then I caught it again and put it in the water spout again." -Jan. 9th

"In my dream last night we went to that place where Uncle went, and when we were there we were playing in the snow and eating pictures of Golden." -Jan. 10th

Golden, seeing me get out the Bible, says suddenly, "Whoa, Jesus!" -Jan. 10th

Sp: "Whoa, Guggies, you absolutely fell over, Guggies!" (playing with Silas) -Jan. 10th

G: "We went to walk! And rice for dinner and I drank wine, and... more wine, and... Look at that Christmas tree!" (telling Daddy about her day over the phone.) -Jan. 15

I made cinnamon rolls. Golden said to me, sincerely,
"Thank you, bringing frosting food." -Jan. 16

G: "I wanna sleep in your bed pecause I wanna sleep in your bed." -Jan. 16

G: "I was playing with my sand castle pecause I was playing with my shovel, and then I was afraid of the piggies." (javelinas) -Jan. 17

G: "Do gorillas eat people at dance class?" -Jan. 20

G: "Can David live at dance class?" -Jan. 20

G: "I just bumped the floor pecause pecause I bumped my bottom pecause I grabbed Uncle's picture pecause I fell down right there." -Jan. 21

G: "Here's your coffee, Sparrow. It has caffeine and sugar and xylitol and milk." -Jan. 21

G: "Thank you for bringing new books for Christmas." (We had gotten some new ones at the library that day.) -Jan. 22

G: "Look at dat! Issa flower-washin-ma-hand!" -Jan. 22

Golden is saying the most wonderful words of her own imaginings these days, to include such lovely hybrids as:
-water sprout
-bumpely
-jumpoline
-xylitone

S: (concerned) "That carrot went right into my bone, instead of to the curly whirly thing under my tummy."
- Jan. 23

Golden, singing a little song to herself:
"Up to California, up to California!" -Jan. 23

(Concerned about getting older)
Sp: "But I don't wanna leave Golden behind!" -Jan. 24

me: "When you're five, you can sit in back without a booster."
Sp: "OK, but can I sit in the front when i'm 38?" -Jan. 24

G: "Iss time for wake-upping!" -Jan. 26

Sp: "you go to sleep, baby. I'll stay up all night and watch out for robins." (robbers!) -Jan. 26

G: "Das a merdmaid!"
turns Starbucks cup all the way around, and says, amazed:
"Das another merdmaid!" -Jan. 26

G: "Iss like a plie, pecause its bottom is so big, like a fish." (and for some reason she was talking about the moon!) -Jan. 27

Sp: "I asked her to look at my stick, and she just looked at it really fast and didn't even say anything to my stick!" (disappointed that some person we met along our walk would not even address her precious walking stick...) -Jan. 27

(Eating English muffins:)
Sp: "Mine is an Irish muffin and yours is a Chinese muffin." -Jan. 27

(Playing pretend food)
Sp: "Mine is lollipop-chocolate-cookie-sugar-blueberry-watermelon-strawberry kind." -Jan. 28

Golden's comments on "Maisy's Big Book of Words"

"Latybug"

"Brown, brown bird"

"Fork, spoon, and flower"

"Cereal" (his name is actually "Cyril.")

"Police car"

"Velcro"

This one is just for fun! Couldn't resist. But ripping off "Everybody Poops," just a little bit...

a joy they will know

2011-02-04T21:49:00.000-08:00

Today marked 14 years since my mother's arrival in heaven. Now here they are, her treasures, her CROWN, her little wriggly, laugh-outloud, full-of-questions, bursting-with-energy grandchildren: how will they know her? They cannot know the warmth of her smile, the sound of her singing, the accent she would use to encourage them, the feel of her sun-kissed arms. But they will know her. Her legacy. Her story. Her words. We will talk about her. We will look forward to seeing her someday. We will remember how much of her is in me, in them. We will keep her close.

I chose to celebrate her life by simply being joyful today. As she was! Ready to smile, filled with the joy of the Lord. We lit a candle in her memory at every meal, and at dinner time we sang. Songs she loved, and with her German accent!

All too often I default to being on edge, irritated. Today, remembering the fragility of life and the importance of a mother's impact, it was a little easier to stop and think--wait, why am i NOT smiling? is there any reason not to smile? So I smiled in her honor all the day. My children seemed more sweet to me, my patience stretched further, and I put on my garments of praise. To do what God has commanded, I honor my mother. By being the best mother I can be, being sanctified daily by Him, our mutual Father, the Father she loved.

"i was playing with my sand castle, and i was afraid of the javelinas..."

2011-01-17T21:24:00.000-08:00

The past two days were mild. Warm, even! Sparrow and I were out in the back yard this afternoon. I on my laptop and she playing with the net in the fish pond. When she saw the hose she thought she'd like to water something (everything in the yard looks like it is dying right now...oops!) and pretty soon she thought she'd like to play in the mud. well, who doesn't wanna play in the mud sometimes, right? So after we had put on appropriate mud-playing clothes and gathered Golden, newly nap-woken, I put the hose on low on one of the crackly plants and gave them some buckets and shovels. they were up on a rise held in by a stone wall on the east side of the house. I decided to run in and clean out the bathtub so it would be ready for them when they were done! The bathtub normally houses my mop/mop bucket, and Silas' dirty diaper bucket. It's been ages since they took a bath in it; I've just been getting them clean in the shower lately, with me! I decided to soak the dirty diapers while I was at it, and then Thomas called. When i went out to check on them, I got startled by a group of javelina running off; they had been eating the moldy remains of the old pumpkin that Uncle Rick had thrown out into the "desert" for me (read: the front yard). A second later, I heard bloodcurdling screams coming from around the corner. Oh no; had one of them fallen? I ran to the east side of the house, and there were both of my girls screaming at the tops of their lungs, hysterical tears streaming down their faces. "MAAAMAAAA!" "I'll call you back!" I shouted to Thomas, running over. The gathering of my mud-stained, tear-streaked, shaking little bundles was the most precious moment of my day.

Yes, the hysteria was on account of the wild pigs, which have no interest in humans, besides the fact that they can generate some tasty trash. sparrow, later: "where WERE you?" wow. true. i have never left them alone outside before. they are usually within earshot at least. i can't believe i didn't hear them screaming like that, from in the house! Golden, later :"i was playing with my sand castle, pecause i was playing with my shovel, and i was afraid of the javelinas." she said it again and again! poor babies! well that is the last time that happens until they are older and more trained in desert savvy! Time to be more of a sheep mother again. Goat mothers leave their children on a hill while they go off to do stuff goat mothers do. Sheep mothers keep their babies within earshot.

Review of Two Children's Bibles

2011-01-17T15:02:00.000-08:00

I realized that in my Christmas blog I forgot to mention the Bibles my little ones received! And they were my favorite gift to give! Sparrow's is called "The Bible for Children" and is the entire Bible in Simplified Living Bible Text. The art work is riveting, realistic, and just well-done. Golden's is "The Jesus Storybook Bible," deluxe edition. I had been looking for a good children's Bible for some time. I have no stomach for most normal children's "Bibles," which should not really be allowed to call themselves Bibles at all, but should rather be called "Sparse Collection of Bible-Based Stories," wouldn't you agree? It's a shame, really, nothing like the Bible! I would rather read to my children a good Dr. Seuss book or Laura Ingalls Wilder than most any children's Bible.

The quest: a children's Bible that
1) Contains the whole of scripture, not just "stories," in simpler language for children
2) Has beautiful, inspiring, engaging art work

How hard can it be? Harder than you think! Apparently the whole of scripture is not appropriate for children, or children are not expected to be able to benefit from reading it. As for art work? If i see another 2-dimensional pudgy Noah that looks like a cutesy Fisher Price figurine...I guess I'll have to commission my husband to do the art work himself!

I began asking other mothers for suggestions. Passed up a few, but then my lovely "Mama Joy," the mother of one of my best friends, emailed me about a children's Bible she LOVED: it was called "The Bible for Children" in Simplified Living. She told me that it was out of print, but there were currently a few used ones on Amazon. Sure enough, I looked at it and loved the art work, too! So I snagged one for about $20--though they were also available for $400! Must be a rare find. Turns out it was just what I was looking for, and then I found out that my friend next door had been searching for a copy of this Bible for YEARS! She had had one when she was young and lost it, and now could not seem to locate one anywhere! I was able to find another one for only a few dollars more the next week. Of course she must have her childhood Bible!

The second Bible was also suggested by Mama Joy, and I felt even better about it when I noticed it was approved by my favorite mama blogger. It is called "The Jesus Storybook Bible," and even though it is, yes, a collection of stories, it surpasses other children's Bible story books for these reasons:
A) It shows how each of the stories in the selection point to Christ, from the very beginning, and going on throughout scripture.
B) The writing is more interesting/riveting than most. It might as well be excitingly written, if it is going to be reworded at all!
C) The art is done by a renowned professional. It is modern and cool. I still prefer the realistic-looking artwork to anything stylized, but at least it is interesting.
D) It comes with audio CDs! (the "deluxe" version does, anyway.) These are read by a most delifghtful and talented professional actor, excellent storytelling. (It was also only about $16, with CD's and everything.)

We have all been thoroughly enjoying both of these Bibles this year. The girls frequently sit and look at the pictures in the BFC, and we are reading it morning and evening, chapter by chapter. (With minor skipping--sparrow is only four, after all!) It also contains some recap and thinking questions to make it easier for the parent to check in with how the children are understanding it. It is not quite as literal as I prefer, for example, it uses the word "contract" instead of "covenant," and the two are actually quite different concepts. However, that is what you get with "Simplified," and at least it contains the whole of scripture. We will not be using it for memorization. Sparrow listens to the JSB every spare minute. She has figured out the "play" and "pause" buttons on the stereo and just listens to it throughout the day whenever she is in her room! She is listening to it right now, in fact. Their favorite story is called "the Young Hero and the Horrible Giant." They laugh at it, quote it, etc. I am also noticing that Sparrow is absorbing information from it. She will act out certain stories or start telling me a bit of theology every now and then. I am loving seeing the scripture becoming something they love! Last night we came home late and I sat down to pray with them as I tucked them into my bed (hard day and daddy's gone so long...) Sparrow, suddenly alarmed: "Oh no! ...We forgot to read the Bible!"
"I will read it to you right after prayer." ...but she was dreaming about it before I got to "Amen."

strange boat

2011-01-15T00:36:00.000-08:00

Thomas had the privilege, today, to perform in Santa Barbara Dance Theatre's 20th anniversary show at the Granada Theatre in Santa Barbara. Or should I say, they had the privilege of having him shine onstage. Have I ever mentioned he is an amazing dancer? For two weeks now we've been missing him, thinking of him, praying for him, dreaming of him, and it was for this. I pray the audience was inspired by the dance! He got to perform two pieces, called "artifice" and "strange boat," my personal favorite. Here is the SBDT website, which has the Strange Boat video on it from a few years ago. (you have to look for the video under the "videos" tab... sorry, the website is set up so i can't link directly to the specific vid.) The year I fell in love. Is it any wonder? (Look for Thomas with the knee pad.)

100 days

2011-01-13T21:49:00.000-08:00

I am joining my favorite blogger, ann voskamp, in a small undertaking called a "100 days calendar." you take three goals, and write them down every day for 100 days. if you have worked on that goal by the end of the day, you get to cross it off! isn't it beautiful and simple? my three goals:

read the Bible/pray
blog
work on home business

the first one is obvious. sometimes this gets shoved aside, and because it is my conviction that time with the Lord is the most valuable time, I want to prioritize it in such a way that I will get into the habit of actually living that conviction. even when tired. even when distracted by children's needs.

the second one has to do with challenge/change. i am good at making novels of my opinions. can i write a blog post every day, make it interesting, and learn how to be less wordy/more concise? see, there i go again! more words and more slashes! ...it is also a challenge to get back into the swing of journalling. my children do and say so many interesting things, and little things happen so quickly, then are oft quickly forgotten. sitting down to reflect every day will help me to remember.

the third one is something that is just taking shape. we have a heart to start a home business, but the exact nature of it is not yet decided upon. there will be prayer, collaboration, and a refining of the "hidden arts" of home. for now, i have started looking up feldenkrais in the news to try to see what sort of public feedback i could use to put into a brochure. thomas is almost certified!

for now, i'd like to say...aren't babies relaxing? third babies, i mean. whenever i look into my baby's eyes or go to feed him or something, i get a recharge of relaxants. so innocent!so cute! so peaceful! and i can go on into the wiles of the day with more relaxed vigor and beauty of soul.

head over to 'a holy experience' to get your own 100 days calendar. Look under the "free gifts for you" tab.

december delightfuls

2011-01-09T12:44:00.000-08:00

golden "reading" a book:
"once in a time, der was a jesus on a cross." (she said this for every page!) -dec. 1st

me: "when you get baptized, it's telling the world that you belong to Jesus."
sp: "we belong to Jesus!"
me: "you do! i'm so happy you invited him into your heart!"
sp: "no, i invited him OUT yesterday when i prayed!" (said excitedly and cheerfully!) -dec. 2

"it's amazing that God is three pieces!" -sp. dec. 3

(while listening to me read a dr. seuss book)
sp: "why do they say 'whom'? i think it's from the Bible." -dec. 9

sp: "God can't see silas cause he's too little. he's like a tiny salt!" -dec. 8

sp: "i saw a cowboy! i haven't seen one my whole entire life, but just now i saw one!" -dec. 11

sp: "silas just told me that there was a whole world in your belly and he had a bigger world for babies, and they went to the baby fair, and there was a carousel for babies and a ferris wheel for babies." -dec. 18

golden these days, instead of saying "inside out," she says "open side." she is convinced this is the correct term.

"he's looking on your naked bones." -G. dec. 18

(while showing me the big plastic bubbles to pop)
G: "it's really soundy." -dec. 26

sp: "i want some pop corn."
G: "maybe tomorrow." -dec. 26

G: "mommy put some beans in my rice and then i got some throw up." -dec. 27

sp: "mommy, smell my doll!"
me: "mmm! smells like strawberries and cream!"
G: "mom, smell my dolly! ...smells like bicycle!" -dec. 30

the full week

2011-01-08T22:51:00.000-08:00

we have had a FULL week!

monday--thomas gone, 6 am, for a month away! what will we do without him?! rick was kind enough to drive him to the airport at 4 am, so i could stay with the children!
later that day, a road trip for us! the children and rick and i left for phoenix at 11:30. liz koppa greene was there visiting her brother! it was actually surprise, az. which is the wrong side of phoenix, as we found out. didn't arrive til 3-ish! there were potty breaks and coffee breaks and nursing breaks and unmarked roads and construction and, well, a heck of a distance to drive. but worth it! hurrah for old friends! hung out with liz at a park and at dinner til 6:30-ish. she is so loving, so lovely. funny times, too, because there weren't enought seats in the car for all of us with liz, so we had to stuff tall rick in the back and tell him to get down lest he were glimpsed by an immigration officer! after such good times and "set" and sweet tea at chick-fil-a, then: all the way home! rick and i are suckers for mcdonald's coffee. =) well... not really. it's just that mcdonald's does a LOT better job of putting visible locations near the freeways. i love that whenever i want to stop for coffee, my brother wants to, too. even though he can't have caffeine at night. we call it decaf.

tuesday--we all launched out again at 7:30 am to take sparrow to the dentist for the first of 2 appointments. she needed several partial root canals. (yikes! what have i done?) they had given us the option of 2 work sessions under partial sedation, or one session under full sedation. now the reason that i chose this particular route of treatment was that i thought i could come in to the procedure with her under the partial sedation option. now that i think about it, they had never expressly TOLD me that i could, but they certainly had NOT told me that they separate the parents from the children for all of their procedures except cleanings/consultations. i had gotten the impression that i could not go in with her if she was going completely under, but nothing like that crossed my mind for the partial one! so it was a complete shock when the assistant lady said, "now we will take her to the back. see you in 45 minutes!" what?! i let her know how bummed i was and that this was not what i was expecting, but she was equally flustered that i didn't know the policy and the dentist mentioned that it was on all his forms. well hello?! who reads all the legal jargon!? sad, because they were so thorough about explaining everything else in clear terms, and they neglected that one, which you'd think would be important to most parents! anyhow, the nurse assured me that she would be with her at all times, and so what could i do? they had already administered the sedative, and besides, the other kind of appointment would not have been made until march. well, once i resigned myself to it, i got happy again and waited out in the lobby with rick, golden, and silas. time flew by and before we knew it they said they were done. they said sparrow had been exceptionally good. she was funny all loopy from the meds, and said she wanted to stay at the dentist! i wish my dentist could make me feel so pampered and at-home! but truly, they are wonderful with children and go above and beyond to make them feel special and comfortable. in fact, it was a little over the top. they told sparrow she could pick a tv channel "if it's ok with mom" (i should have said no. i HATE how tv infects their minds with toxic commercials.) and the nurse suggested to me (in front of sparrow!) that we go out and buy her a slushie or an ice cream when it was over to make her numb mouth feel better. well of course we weren't getting away without it! sparrow actually did not beg for it or anything; it was later that night that she said sheepishly, "i shink dat i heard de doctor shay i was sh'posed to have some ice cream..." oh of course i had to! so.... so far my darling has two stainless steel teeth. She is really proud of them! and more to come later this month. they allowed her to pick a prize, and after the nurse had listed off her options, sparrow said, "i want a sleeping beauty and a cinderella dress!" but a pink hot wheels car would have to do for now. golden was jealous of both the teeth and the car.

wednesday--road trip to mount lemmon! left at 11:30 again, drove 2 hours up. one hour there, half of which was spent gettting clothes on and then off for going pee and then on again, then off because soaking and freezing! but we did get to slide down some snowy hills on our makeshift sleds (baking sheets and cardboard covered with trash bags) and the children saw their first "real" snow--snow that sticks. (it snowed at our house the day before new years eve and was very magical, but we made only a tiny snow man, and it was all gone the next day) actually, golden had found her mittens in my bag after i had packed all the stuff to leave, and she had played with them in the house and then left them there! so her poor hands were frozen and she could only handle about 15 mins. of the snow play. she spent the rest of the time sitting in the volvo sucking her thumb! (we stayed right by the car.) sparrow was elated and hilarious. we have no snow pants, so her bum was wet and freezing in 10 minutes, but did she complain? no! she was elated! the first thing she did after getting out of the car was throw herself down and try to make a snow angel on that packed, old snow! hahahaha! love her! anyhow, after all that fun, we drove 2 hours back home. plus a starbucks run. (there goes kreikebaum collaboration again!) later that night i watched "iron man" with rick.

thursday--to silas' pediatrician appt. in the morning with the girls. just a checkup! and then to take sparrow to her first dance class of the year, which daddy wasn't teaching that day! =( then cleaning and preparing for a small party at my house at 7; lauren was leaving again for phoenix the next day. chris came too, and the schmidts. but omi was sick, or at least threatening to! her children were not feeling well. we sat around and drank mulled wine and played "set" and talked. lauren is so sweet, she told me she was SO jazzed about our nightly family devotions, which she participated in the other night when she was here for dinner. i love that girl, and i love that a simple thing like family devotions can inspire and refresh like that. that is what it is meant to do!

friday--supposed to be a home day, after that crazy week. i usually only go out once a week, and that's for shopping, sheesh! but then i wanted to read with the girls and told them we could do a quick run to the library. well. uncle decided to come with us, so i thought i'd stop at the community center for a quick minute and see about maybe finding some shoes for golden. i left rush limbaugh on the car radio for rick, and then of course it took waaaaaaay longer than anticipated. when i reemerged, i noticed my car headlights were on too, and when i tried to start the car, ...it wouldn't! horrid thoughts went through my brain: electrical problem! no money to fix it! and i don't even have AAA anymore, so how are we going to get this thing out of here?!?! well, at least we could attempt a jump start...if anyone was willing to help us! i asked about three people, all of which had a different excuse, and was feeling a bit hopeless. my brother was finally able to recruit a lady who said she could wait til the guy next to us moved out of the spot--one of the unhelpful naysayers. and sure enough, that started the car! i was so humbled to be completely at the mercy of this hardened, down-and-out older woman with few teeth and a raggedy pony tail. the only one willing to help. she shrugged off my hug and "God bless you," but i am praying her a blessing anyways! praise God it was NOT an electrical problem. just rush limbaugh. OH i am SO thankful for my car!!!

we have been playing bed chess at my house lately, and the moves are getting more and more complicated. the girls usually fall asleep in their room but usually end up in my bed before morning. which is fine, but lately they've added a few elements: for a few days we had their princess tent up and they were falling asleep in there together. then last night sparrow said she wanted to snuggle with golden in her bed, but golden said "no!" (not really the tpuchy-feely type.) i convinced her to let sparrow in, as a service to her sister since sparrow gets easily spooked. but before i had even gone to bed, golden was awake and transferred to my bed. now i had in my bed one silas and one golden, and though the bed is fairly large, i did not want to attempt to squeeze between them. so i took the monitor and went into the girls' room, where sparrow was still sleeping in golden's crib, and i fell asleep in sparrow's bed! the monitor woke me up several times to feed silas, but i was in her bed til morning, and of course, during the night, they both joined me after all! so i woke up in sparrow's bed with two little girls, and it turns out silas got my huge bed to himself all night long! haha!

saturday--a home day! at last! we didn't go anywhere except to drop off mail at the box in the morning, and a walk to check the mail in the evening. we did crafts today! and math! and i got to take a shower! and we ate leftovers! i love home days.

the bed chess is a little less complicated this evening. i put silas in his own bed next to mine, and while golden fell asleep on the couch and stayed there for hours, i did just now bring her to her bed, and sparrow is in hers! now i must go to bed, before all the places get rearranged again!

goodnight, sabbath! may next week be full of home adventures!

christmastime!

2011-01-08T20:36:00.000-08:00

oh, christmas! it was more beautiful than ever this year. i know that many times people get depressed after christmas, but there was none of that with me and i know it's because i have found the secret joy of christmas: Him. i couldn't care less about getting gifts anymore, but i was still SO excited about christmas! His coming is whispered in the decorations, in the songs, in the candles and lights and in the love of family. and does my secret gift ever leave? no, it grows every day, every year. i have been talking to sparrow about this and i pray that she gets this true excitement about the only Gift we'll ever need...

the highlight of our activities this season was a christmas pageant that omi and i had decided to put together for the children at our house. ...the only problem was that we didn't really get started on it til november, and we had less than ideal amounts of time to get together and rehearse. result: a TERRIBLE dress rehearsal on the 22nd, (supposed to start late afternoon/evening, but actually didn't start til 10pm) and can you imagine it, with our little children?! and the show was the following evening! that night we stayed up collaborating til the wee hours: typing lists, notes, schedules, discussing changes and things to be done before tomorrow's performance. thinking: what have we done? and being somewhat thankful that we had NOT indeed invited the entire neighborhood as we originally intended to, but mostly family (omi's family. there are a lot of them). i was slipping into short dreams and almost off of my chair as we were cramming thus, and i stayed up til 3 am despite warnings to go to bed. emily stayed up til 1am painting the background to such a beautiful landscape that we could not thank her enough! and yet we still had our work cut out for us the following day...

the schedule said:
9:15--monty nudge omi awake to call julia
9:30--monty possibly drive to julia's to get recruits (we had discovered that we needed a couple of extra people for this show to work! (especially after golden decided she didn't like to have any part of this show except be in the ballet dance, which was written for sparrow and danielle...) enter the tucker family! whew!)
10:00--1st rehearsal
12:00--nap
3:00--2nd rehearsal
6:30--show time

well, ALL of this happened, and more! we were AMAZING that day! elizabeth and bekah were indeed loaned to us for the day, and bekah was such a natural little actress that she really enhanced the show. elizabeth was my curtain pulling buddy. thomas had originally been on curtains with me, but the night before we'd realized we needed him backstage at a job where he could be free to get the baby or hold golden back from jumping onstage if need be. oh, what we did that day! the background went up, was touched up, the sheet for the stage went up, the music was fixed, the roman soldier costume finished, jewels glued on to treasure boxes, further notes and adjustments made, the apartment (where our audience would be seated) cleaned up, and all the while normal feeding and napping going on with the little ones. wow! we managed to start 1st dress rehearsal at 11 and the 2nd at 4:00. pretty good, for wycliffe time! and we were feeling soooooo much better. by the time guests began to arrive, we were feeling excited, ready, and confident.

the show went BEAUTIFULLY! sparrow and danielle danced their choreography better than they ever had before. curtains were opened and closed at the proper time. we had one glitch in one of our songs, and that was IT! everything else went better than expected. elation! afterward we had cookies and coffee and cider with our guests, in our kitchen that was crammed full of props: inn front, stable, donkey, and the floating ox head. hahaha! the children played and romped together for hours, people stayed and talked, and later, only the oldies but goodies were left: omi, monty, emi, jonathan, and hannah. at which point we grabbed the guitar and had a christmas song fest! we even sang the orchestra song in a round, which i have been wanting to do for ages but our children are too little to hold a part by themselves! thomas is such a good sport and sings "the horn, the horn, it sounds so forlorn" like a champ. however, when we do this at home, i have to let the tape recorder take one of the parts (i have sung it into the recorder in advance, of course...) haha! at any rate, our rendition with friends is up on you tube here. i think this was our first rendition! not bad! ...ok, not great. but soooooooo fun!

the following day was christmas eve. we had found out just a few days before that rick was going to drive out to see us after all, hurrah! and he was coming on christmas eve. the day was spent trying to clear the house out a bit of our props, etc. and put things in order again. and cooking, of course! my presents for people this year were mostly food items: nut mixes and cookies, etc. then we were roasting a chicken for our dinner that evening: an awesome recipe by ina garten, but halfway through cooking it i got grossed out by the bacon smell and took the bacon strips off of it. it was still super tasty without the bacon. i recommend putting a 1/4 cup of butter under the skin at the breast instead, and seasoning it under the skin as well, yummy, yummy! we put mushrooms, onions, and potatoes around the chicken in the pan. amazing.

we attended a candle light service at grace community church that evening, which was lovely. no family picture, though! i could kick myself for neglecting that, when it is so rare that we all are dressed up at the same time! even silas had on a christmas sweater, and golden was in this ridiculously puffy plaid dress and little black velvet jacket, courtesy of cousin teresa. we loved it! she was clacking her black hand-me-down sunday shoes like she was the luckiest princess in the world! which she is, of course. God has provided even suck luxuries as clacky sunday shoes. the newberg family was in attendance, and we sat right next to them. afterward, mrs. newberg said God had laid it on her heart to give us $20! what a gorgeous woman. God is so faithful.

then back home to our chicken--yes, we had left it in the oven to finish up, as we had run out of time to eat it before going to service! oooooooh was dinner delicious! uncle did not arrive in time, but never fear: he had gotten himself in-n-out on the way over here, which is just as good of a christmas eve dinner to him! he did finally make it at 11:00 or so; i was wrapping presents: ALL the presents, because i had been putting it off until after the show. oops! i will never do that again! i was up til 4:30! ...but i feel God may be changing the whole format of our christmases anyways, to phase out the present thing and be able to focus more on the glorious arrival of that holy babe! i just know that when i was growing up, the excitement over presents definitely trumped the whole Jesus thing, and i did experience some years of emptiness at christmas when i grew up, only to come around to finding true joy in Jesus later on. we shall see. i don't think presents in themselves are evil, obviously. I love giving presents to my little ones! i try not to go overboard: we usually do some art supplies, a toy, some dress-up stuff, and clothes. this year i did much better with not overdoing things. i really don't like the me, me, me attitude that comes up in the little ones when they are opening things hastily, and i could tell that thomas did not enjoy watching them fall upon the loot, either!

but christmas morning did come, bright and sunny beautiful, and we thanked the Lord for his abundant blessings, having our christmas morning at home, then off to graham central for a late breakfast with everybody. oh MY! there we were exceedingly spoiled with a huge bag of trader joe's goodies and marvelous gifts of clothes, cups, toys, candles, gift cards, etc. etc. i even got a pressure cooker from omi and monty! and that was AFTER they gave us a 2 month netflix subscription! sheesh! definitely, it will be hard to say no to doing presents in this neighborhood! but we shall see. either way, God is working on and transforming this family.

the children played, we had a typical holiday at grahams just relaxing and having FUN! we had a nap at home at mid-day (except sparrow who stayed to play) and then, though we had not planned to, were convinced to go back for christmas dinner and just spend the rest of the day! we had a walk, pie, etc. etc. what a lovely family they are. God, bless the Grahams for every way they have taken us in and treated us like their own.

i felt under such grace. Christ is come!

november nuttiness

2010-12-03T19:22:00.000-08:00

sp: "it's really fun to discover." (after she figured out that red and blue make purple while drawing a rainbow) -nov. 2

sp: "buzz lightyear can't have dinner."
me: "why?"
sp: "because he's mean."
me: "but he got nice at the end of the movie."
sp: "why?"
me: "cause he got humbled."
a few minutes later, thomas came into the room. golden holds up the buzz lightyear figure and says,
"he get humbled!" -nov. 2

sp: "a sandwich came into my room and said, 'no preservatives!'" -nov. 4

me: "you met auntie holly before. the first time you met her you were only 3 weeks old, a tiiiiiiiiiiiiiny baby!"
sp: "when my head was shaped like a triangle!" -nov. 5

sp: "do people get a hundred years old--til they're as old as a giant?" -nov. 5

(golden singing)
"i got the love of jason in my heart!" -nov. 6

sparrow flaps the cover of a book open, setting it on her lap, and says, "i'm gonna look at my laptop...what?! lauren had a baby?" -nov. 7 (wow, she understands that's how i find out about people's babies nowadays!)

when sparrow showed her something, golden said, "das really cool." -nov. 7 (hee hee! 2 yrs old! so sweet!)

G: "pizza. can swim." -nov. 9

sparrow drawing a spider. when she had drawn 7 legs on one side,
sp: "eight?"
me: "yeah."
sp: "...wait...it can't have one more on that side!" (very distressed!) -nov. 10

sp: "God made the inside of us with waterproof. AND it's amazing that this waterproof can bend!" -nov. 10

song, "and ransom captive israel..." on in the background,
sp: "it's the kind of captain that saves people." -nov. 10

learning about lazarus, sparrow kept calling him "razzle-us." -nov. 10

g: "can i have some water? i want some caffeine in it." -nov. 10

sp: "that's a LOAD of bananas!" -nov. 10

g: "he's kicking. so faster." -nov. 10

sp: "let's pretend that herod walked up to this bowl of oatmeal and he climbed up to the edge, and he said, 'oh, gunness! that's a BUNCH of oatmeal!'" -nov. 11

g: "poky poky is the lord." (trying to remember a bible verse) -nov. 11

golden singing, "the horn, it does doodli doodli..." -nov. 11

sp: "what's recycling?"
me: "it's the kind of trash that you can make new stuff out of."
sp: "like what...collages?" -nov. 12

sparrow did a painting that we glued our family's heads onto. golden looks at the one of me, and says "that's mommy--when you're older." -nov. 14

silas was nursing pretty vigorously one day while we were praying. sparrow leans over to me and whispers, "he's gonna get a brain freeze." -nov. 14

sp: "who in the world is named Gunness?"
me: "why, cause we say 'oh, gunness'?"
sp: " no, cause we say, 'thank Gunness.'" -nov. 15

golden shoves a microphone in my face and says, "talk about it." -nov. 15

(thomas walks into the room)
g: "hello, love." -nov. 15

me: "peas are a superfood."
sp: "what's a superfood?"
me: "it gives you super energy."
(me eating some peas out of her bowl)
sp: "why are you eating them? i don't want to have a little bit of super energy!" -nov. 15

sp: "i ate the chicken bra!" (broth) -nov. 15

g: "look! i'm hiding in the corny! i'm hiding in the corny! sparrow, hide in the corny!"
(sparrow hides in a corner too)
g: "now we both have corns." -nov. 18

me: why did that little doll table break again?"
g: "i dunno. i sat on it. with my body." -nov. 19

me: "you know what this song reminds me of? the whole foods in san francisco."
sp: "you know what mom? san francisco reminds me of itself." -nov. 20

(i made a pancake shaped like a heart)
g: "d'you wan' a heart pancake, mom?"
me: "no, i made it for you cause i love you."
g: "...maybe sticka da wall." -nov. 21 (so sweet! she wanted me to put it up on the wall for display, she thought it was so cool!)

(after we got a box of hand-me-downs from a friend for golden)
me to sparrow: "well, elliana is smaller than you, so she can't really pass her things down to you."
sp: "you mean UP to me?" -nov. 23

golden has taken to calling sparrow "sparrito." (she has heard it from me a few times!) so cute when she says, "come on, sparrito!"

me: "maybe we can make that manger today."
sp: "but can we put beautiful things in front of it? ...like silas in a bumbo seat?" -nov. 26

happy advent time

2010-12-01T08:55:00.000-08:00

our first advent was a beautiful time of warmth, togetherness, and anticipation. we made a jesse tree out of trader joe's paper bags to put onto the wall in the kitchen. we read the scriptures from isaiah and 1st samuel and sang christmas songs. then i had a special treat up my sleeve, an advent package from auntie martina in germany! she is so thoughtful, the girls were ecstatic, of course! she sent beautiful german woodcut ornaments and chocolate and tea and coloring books and cookies and then some! what a beautiful auntie i have. so amazing. i long for her to know the higher Love that drives the true excitement into this season! my girls (esp. sparrow) are so excited about Jesus; her idea was to make a manger and put "all our beautiful things" in front of it as an offering to baby Jesus. i even made a manger that sunday morning out of cardboard, but alas! it buckled quite quickly with golden trying to put her dolly into it! perhaps we can reinforce and salvage it... we skipped second advent because we were out, but did third advent today and the girls made apple symbols for the jesse tree. golden's apple is sooo adorable! both apples are. i like these little crafts because i can make up anything simple and the girls are pleased to do it and pleased to tape their creations onto our 2-D tree. (though i do have my reservations about doing these "directed" crafts with golden, i think that kind of thing is mostly detrimental for a young artist's development. praying the good will outweigh that, though.) the jesse tree is such a wonderful way to keep the focus on the story of Christ, and to teach Christ's centrality to the family from a young age. it takes you through the old testament with creation, the fall, the story of the covenant, israel, and all the key people leading up to Jesus.

lighting the candle

peeking princess with the fall crown

favorite curtain game

package from auntie martina

the jesse tree

golden calls this "apple and a raindrop." so there she is still being creative after i gave her a guided "apple and leaf" craft to do!

thanksgiving

2010-11-30T13:27:00.000-08:00

what a blessing to be here in the old neighborhood with old friends as neighbors! emi and jonathan lent us their home for the big graham thanksgiving dinner while they went for thanksgiving with the in-laws. (we were the only ones there not actually related to the grahams, but... having known them since i was two, i feel related, anyway). they had put me in charge of the stuffed sweet potatoes, bread, and coffee. having done almost the entire dinner by myself for the past 2 years, i was amazed and very thankful that i didn't have to do more this year; i barely got it all done as it was! ok, i also made a pie and cranberry sauce, but i got those done the night before, and i was not baking bread from scratch. i guess having the three little ones diverting my attention every five minutes or less makes it more challenging than ever. i did get sparrow and golden involved, however, we are still learning a lifestyle of working together on everyday tasks. so here is what they did:

i put a big towel down on the kitchen floor and filled my biggest mixing bowl with water. then i dumped the 24 sweet potatoes out on the towel and the girls washed them in the water bowl, putting the clean ones in another bowl. i gave sparrow a kitchen towel to dry the sweet potatoes as they went along, and then we transferred them to the table and everyone helped poke holes into the skins with forks! this was a lot of fun for them and there was only one accident. sparrow also spent time with me in the kitchen during golden's nap. she was making thanksgiving cards for her friends. she would tell me what she wanted to write, and i would tell her the letters, which she would dutifully write down. she made three of them, a huge accomplishment for someone who can't actually read yet! by 3:30 we were over at the schmidt's place and everyone was already there: mr. and mrs. graham, julia's family, omi's family, and grandma sneider. the children's table was bigger than the grownups' table! which is how it should be. if it isn't, then we are not multiplying! but as it is, there were all the little ones shining and beaming around the table, and we felt very blessed.

all the food was amazing. what is it about stuffing that i love so much?! and yet it does not taste as good if i try to make it at any other time of the year... after dinner we all waddled out into the cold for an invigorating walk--it WAS cold, it was going to go below zero (celcius) that night! then back for dessert and games. there were more pies than you could shake a stick at, plus whipped cream, the aforementioned coffee, and pumpkin ice cream. the children were ecstatic. golden and sparrow came back for seconds and would have had thirds if i had let them! but they had not eaten that much dinner; it seems that the children weren't too thrilled with thanksgiving food! "the incredibles" came on tv. sparrow hates suspense in movies and can't usually handle it, but since she's seen that one before, it was alright, and the adults played games! apples to apples and wise and otherwise. my favorite "saying," made up by elizabeth (age 12) was this: "if there is fat on your hand...there is ham in your stomach." hahahaha! it was so cool of her to play games with us. she is the only "tween" in the family, and she is an amazing big sister. we were still there when emi and jonathan came back! hehe! they joined in the merriment for awhile, then there was a quick clean up flurry and time to head out into the night freeze for home. it was 10 pm.

during the morning. the girls making silas fancy.

the children at their amazing thanksgiving table


...and silas is part of the children crew too! his first thanksgiving!

mcdonnell family ready for a walk thanksgiving day

thomas walking with golden after she fell

ladies and children

running to catch up

checking the mail

zachary cozy with monty

games!

children relaxing

golden the climber

...and slide!

i am so so so so thankful to the Lord Almighty for nursing us and nourishing us, for his patience and lovingkindness, His word, his mercies which are new every morning, His Holy Spirit which fills us daily, my husband who is so patient and hard working and such a good father, my beautiful blessings of children that i have been privileged to bear and now get to have the adventure of motherhood with! amazing friends and neighbors, the home we live in, all our mod cons (dishwasher, oven, stove, microwave, laundry, toaster, electricity, hot water, toilets, showers, computers, come ON!), and the vision and sacrifice of the pilgrims who came here to build a new world, as well as the pioneers and hard working farmers who tamed this land and made it so amazing. and of course for the soldiers who sacrificed and are still sacrificing for our freedom. God bless America, and may His name be glorified in it!

october oddness

2010-11-02T23:49:00.000-07:00

me singing: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, once i caught a fish alive. 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, then i let him go again. why did you let him go? because he bit my finger so! which finger did he bite?" (i pause for sparrow's answer.) all of a sudden, golden jumps in and says, "God!" -oct. 4 (oh dear, already got the sunday school answer thing down pat!)

sp: "i promised i would fall asleep, but...i just forgot." -oct. 7

sparrow was getting all worked up trying to get golden to try some home made salsa, but golden kept refusing.
me: "don't worry, she'll probably start liking it when she's four, like you."
sp: "but mom, this salsa won't last that long!" -oct. 7

sparrow looking at the new princess band-aids box: "mommy, belle looks like she's giving birth." -oct. 6

sp: "i hope heaven has a wood floor." -oct. 4 (do ya think she'll be disappointed when she finds it is not wood, but gold?)

sparrow put a hat on silas and was so delighted with it. "we should show himself to himself." -oct. 5

me: "silas, you've been so good over there, you've been in there for almost an hour!"
sp: "yeah and he was SO good in your belly when he was all by himself!" -oct. 6

golden calls the broom the "sweeper." -oct. 8

golden telling auntie omi about her little brother: "silas. red. hairs." -oct. 4

we were going through our MEP math lesson, and one of the questions for sparrow was "what do the grownups in your family do?"
sp: " the grownups watch movies in the night and look on the computer at morning."
q: "what do the children in your family do?"
sp: "the children kill scorpions in the night and buy pumpkins at morning."

then she really got on a roll:
"the dad juggles and the mom sings funny things. the grandma buys halos. golden likes to trip over her toys and fall on her head. she likes to throw bananas out in the desert and i like to throw watermelons out in the desert." -oct. 8

me: "how do they figure our baby is a boy? well, he's wearing boy clothes! if the baby looks like a boy, people will think it's a boy. if the baby looks like a girl, people will think it's a girl."
sp: "and if the baby looks like obama, people will think it's obama!" -oct. 10

sp: "i really feel bad for that man that he had to wait for 46 days." (this was the day after we had read the story of the pool of bethesda. the actual time the man waited to be healed was 38 years!) -oct. 14

sparrow looking at one of our wedding pictures: "mommy, you're so pretty there. i want to keep you that way." -oct. 14

me: "danielle's great grandpa died. he went to heaven."

sp: "is he in the throne yard?"
me: "what are you talking about? what's a throne yard?"

sp: "that place where people die in a bunch of boxes!" -oct. 17

sp. re: silas: "why doesn't he have any eyebrows--he has no FUR!" -oct. 17

sp: "if our next daughter is a kitty, we can name her 'hello kitty.'" -oct. 17

I had gotten myself into a fix getting annoyed at these barbies that sparrow kept finding in the car (i had put them in there to get rid of, and apparently never gotten around to it.) i had to apologize for getting mad and explain why we don't want the barbies in our house. sparrow listened patiently and then said, "and besides, that one with the red dress had lint on it." (could i have asked for a better daughter? she's so precious!) -oct. 23

sp: "silas, you're so cute and pretty, i want to eat you. ...i want to eat myself, cause i'm so beautiful."
me: "and what makes you beautiful?"
sp: pauses to think, says finally, "...this dress."
me, laughing: "the Bible says it's your gentle and quiet spirit. your heart."
sp: "...and God can see inside this heart that's in me! and he also thinks i'm beautiful when i'm wearing NO clothes, and NO panties!" -oct. 23

sp: "God's light is SO white, it's not even dark white!" -oct. 24

silas is lying on the couch, crying: arms flailing, mouth open, eyes closed.
sp: "he looks like he's worshiping!" -oct. 24

golden, re: silas: "she's a little tadpole!" -oct. 26

me: "he who does not work does not eat."
g: "God is eating da flowers." -oct. 28

sp: "i'm gonna be 45 before silas."

evening at the dollhouse

2010-10-15T22:59:00.000-07:00

i had the best time playing doll house with my girls this evening! we had a simple sabbath meal of curried vegetables and rice (the girls are learning to eat "grown-up" foods, and i am learning to be tough on them about that! hurrah!), and a lovely family devotion--well, interspersed with toddler training for whining, leaving the room, etc. but lovely nonetheless. the girls were all ready for bed by 8, so we had time to play! sparrow wanted to keep her dress on to play "lion," so we played lion for awhile, which segued into dollhouse, as our lion uncle, the playmobil lion, was keeping prisoners in the dollhouse, so it happened. soon he was teaching the prisoners to sing lovely christmas songs as a collective choir, and before we knew it, "uncle tony" had become a dog and we were setting up family relationships between the dolls and naming them all.

sparrow and golden were given this dollhouse when thomas' boss' daughter was getting rid of stuff she didn't play with anymore! we were excited to receive such a grand present. it had come with several barbies, and i had promptly gotten rid of them. in the words of holly hobbie, those dolls are "just...too much." we replaced the barbies with whatever we had: several old dolls i used to play with as a little girl, a few mcdonald's happy meal dolls, a playmobil, a home made spoon doll, and some other characters we've picked up at various places.

how GLAD i am that we decided to get rid of the barbies! sparrow is obsessed with beautiful princess stuff, and i think it is not healthy to indulge that too much. this, their eclectic, piecemeal family, is so much more interesting, despite the fact that most of the dolls are spatially challenged (way too small for their environment)!

left to right: aunt zelda, father harry ("because he's very hairy!"), mother isabella, daughter ann, daughter cherry (she's only nine!)(and i don't know why both of the daughters are naked at the dinner table...sounds about right, though), ...princess olivia, also known as rosemary (me: "and what is she in the family? the cousin?" sp:"no! she's the princess!" ...oh. of course. the princess of the family...) at the bottom we have cousin angelina sitting down with baby ocean, and of course "uncle tony," their dog who looks like a lion. the beloved pet horse, "starfish," looks on.

oh and how could i have forgotten the doctor, Dr. westerband in this photo!?! sorry, my dear, diminutive dr. westerband. (it was the name of my real OB, of course! hahahaha!)

here is the pet room. not all the animals are named yet. they also have a pink pony which they have named "elead."

i love playing with my girls!!

september funnies

2010-10-01T00:26:00.000-07:00

sp: "in heaven there's no throwing crumbs at people. but there ARE fire crackers." -sept. 2

g: "silas go da class?"
sp: no, silas can't go to class! he's too little, he can't walk! and secondly, he can't do what the teacher says!" -sept. 3

sp: "i put the cake in the oven. it's boiling for 40 minutes. but we have to eat it all up, cause it's rotten." -sept. 3

sp: "or if this painting falls down, it might be really heavy and we don't want it to fall on him (silas) and break him. cause he's really cute." -sept. 4

me: "so when we're cold and hungry or when someone takes our things, we can still praise the Lord!"
sp: "yeah cause maybe those were old toys and we didn't want them and somebody takes them, so we praise Him!" -sept. 5

(playing store with sparrow)
me: "i will buy some strawberries and a banana so i have food on my journey."
sp: "and here's some butterfly meat. the dog meat is one dollar, but we're living in mexico." -sept. 5

golden woke up from her nap and searched the house. she came to me with tears in her huge blue eyes and said sadly, "i can't find it, the daddy." -sept. 9

golden's abc's: "ABCDEDG, HIJJ ellenono P. QRS, Y and Z, now I know my ABC's, HIJK ellenono P. QRS, Y and Z, now i know my ABC's, HIJJ ellenono P..." (on and on and on!) -sept. 10 and beyond

"you can pull your own hair." (sparrow to golden) -sept. 13

"roll it up, the panties." -golden, when she *pulls* up her panties. (potty training!) -sept. 14

we went to the pediatrician, and they had me do an assessment with each of the girls to see where they are at developmentally. on one of the questions i was doing with golden, there were five little pictures: a cat, dog, bird, horse, and man, all in a row. you are supposed to point to each one and see if your child can identify them. golden: "kitty!...doggie!...birdie!...horsie!.................Jesus!" -sept. 15

golden has finally been completely potty trained (except for the occasional night accident) and it is so funny to watch her enthusiasm for going potty. every single time she has to pee, she calls out, "gotta pee 'gain!" it is apparently never the first time that she has to pee. it's ALWAYS "again."

apparently there is an imaginary bagel that interacts with the girls. golden runs through the house yelling, "bagel, bagel, bagel!" the other day sparrow asked me if "that bagel" were still around.
me: "what bagel?"
sp: "the one that always chases golden around the house!" (oh, of COURSE! that one!)

golden was having a whining episode at dinner time and i was talking to her about her grumpy attitude.
me: "where's your happy smile?"
golden pauses and then painstakingly forces the most cheesy smile, and says,
"i found it!" -sept. 14

sp: "i wish my teeth were curly." -sept. 20

sp: "yesterday when daddy left, i missed him the badliest of ANY missing!" -sept. 21

sparrow calling after daddy in the morning:
"bye bye! feel safe!" -sept. 22

me: "let's draw a landscape today. do you know what a landscape is?"
sp: "yeah. if there's flowers in somebody's yard and you pick them, that's a landscape."
after a little time of discussing landscapes, golden points to her drawing and says,
"look, lamb cakes!" -sept. 22

sp: "is GOD a jolly good fellow, or is JESUS a jolly good fellow?" (she thought that song was a hymn! love!) -sept. 24

sp: "sometimes, if somebody's gentle and nice to you, you can say, 'no thank you, i can be nice to myself.'" -sept. 28

sp: "i think it's so amazing that we live."
me: "it IS amazing! what made you think of that just now?"
sp: "because when i was asleep, i didn't notice that i live." -sept. 29

me: "daddy has a pretty cool job. he gets to teach dance all day. but do you wanna know a secret? i have an even better job, because i get to be your mommy all day long!"
sp: "i get to be your special one all day long." -sept. 29

sp: "goliath and the devil should be cursed. they should be cursed with a sword, cause they're badder than sin." -sept. 30

why i love living in the middle of nowhere

2010-09-29T00:01:00.000-07:00

when i first thought of moving back here, i was apprehensive about it being so far out, and so hot. after living in the vibrant, beautiful, and socially savvy community of santa barbara, CA for the past seven years, i thought i would go semi-crazy living back in the desert. but God truly brought me to a place where i craved to be here. and the Word says that "a desire fulfilled is a tree of life." a good desire, given me by the Lord. arizona has been wonderful for our family so far. let me count the ways.

1. it is cheap. we were especially blessed to find a house for rent that is especially affordable. (and did i mention it is huge? it is 4-bedrooms and 2 bathrooms in all, which is actually way too much space for us five, and we rarely use the "apartment" side of the house. mainly it is a storage area, but we do have plans to turn it into some sort of dance/art studio if possible.) it is SO nice to live life without scraping and scrounging to pay a basic thing like rent--WAY overly inflated rent. what a lot of stress that used to be!

2. it is conservative. it is so refreshing to have neighbors in the neighborhood and in the grocery line who understand our views of the government and society!

3. speaking of neighbors, we have wonderful neighbors. almost too good to be true. they let us borrow their car, give us needed items all the time, set up our internet for us, supported us from their church, paid our first few months of bills, go on evening walks with us, have us over to dinner, give us any advice and help we might need to make life here simpler, AND have children that are the same ages as ours! (yes, we are not REALLY out in the middle of nowhere. we have no stores, but we still have neighbors.)

4. less distractions. it is SO freeing to live a simpler life. and being our here affords far less opportunity to get distracted with things other than home and family. when i am in a fun town or big city, there are always things i want to check out, explore, and experience. here, there IS no cool coffee shop i want to try, so i stay home, to the betterment of my children's lives. they don't need more parks and stuff to do. they need me. here. and happy to be with THEM. and i am! so thankful for the help God has given me in this by setting me out here on my "homestead." He is giving me a new mindset that i am sure will grow stronger until i can keep it anywhere!

july/ august quotes

2010-09-11T23:15:00.000-07:00

"bear was the disobeyer." -sp. july 10

"mom, i don't like it when people sing happy birthday to me. i just like to sing it to everyone else. so could you tell all the people in the world not to do that to me? cause all the people in the world might take turns doing that." -sparrow, july 11

sp: "can i have some ice water?"
me: "no, there isn't any ice; there's something wrong with the ice maker."
sp: "well, we could HUNT for some!" -july 16

"golden, cheese is NOT animal. ...it grows on trees." -sparrow, aug. 4th

me: "it's so green outside! how pretty."
sp: "well i think it should be pink outside." -aug. 11

me: "shoot, i ran a red light, i hope i don't get a ticket!"
sp: "the kind of ticket you get to go somewhere special?" -aug. 18

golden's funny words:
"bike-issle" (bicycle)
"hanguber" (hamburger)
"bili cord" (umbilical cord)

also, the other day the girls were eating yogurt. all of a sudden golden looked down and noticed she had spilled copious amounts on her dress. her immediate response: "oh gu'ness!"

her first complete sentence, i believe, was on july 21st:
"my clippy fell down!" she does talk a lot and can go on and on, she prays sweetly listing people every evening, but usually she leaves out some connective words between her thoughts, so i was surprised to hear that sentence with each word in its proper place!

Golden praying:
"lissa and uncle reesa and gino, and grampa ceci, and..."
(melissa and cousin teresa and cousin gino and grampa jim who lives with auntie ceci...) -aug.11

"i know, i could marry silas!" -sp., aug. 22

(excitedly, full of wonder)
"oh! HE smells like PIZZA!" -sp. aug. 24

"does God have a cell phone? ...a really big one?" -sp. aug. 24

looking at silas,
"mom, i'm glad he didn't break when i leaned on your belly." -aug. 24

born yesterday

2010-09-05T23:06:00.000-07:00

ok, so he wasn't really born yesterday, but that little phrase expresses so much to me right now. when you have a baby you are instantly brought back to the amazing fragility and wonder of life, and are thrown into an awe-state that is all wrapped up in the newness of this child: the tiny body which was there inside you but concealed for all that time, the fresh-sparked soul, and all the delicate unknowns about the life journey to come. it is hard to think about. really, really thinking about life usually makes me end up in tears. it is easier to brush off the cosmic breath with the pressing things of everyday life, with distractions and amusements... part of me wants to be a native american nature dweller right now, digging for roots and hunting the deer as i think on all this, instead of dishing up bowls of cheerios every morning inside these four walls. but there is the Spirit, and He still speaks whether you are in or out, so here i am, fulfilling my duties, and snatching moments of spirit-depth before the vulnerable newness grows into its path of solid branches.

the end of pregnancy was hard this time around. i have never bothered much about the classic complaints of the third trimester, because to me anything is so much better than being nauseous all the time, as during my first trimesters. but this time it was hard in a spiritual sense; i felt hot and irritated most of the time, and i was overly harsh with my girls a lot, which grieves me to think about. not knowing an exact due date was a challenge as well; i was pretty sure it was the middle of august, but as days went past that, i began to fear i might go all the way into september, grunting every time i had to pick up the kitchen cloths off the floor AGAIN and waddling about in my rotation of two and a half outfits day after day...

thomas had come back on the 13th, and being relieved that he would not be missing the birth, we breathed a bit easier as we settled down to wait. i had a couple of false starts. one evening i sat down to write my sister an email and suddenly pains came on so strong that i couldn't write. i went to bed... and woke up to my 6 am alarm, disappointed that i would be doing a pilates video workout instead of a uterine one which resulted in holding a baby in my arms. wednesday the 18th i was also having fairly strong contractions in the evening. i got sparrow's dance bag all ready for the following day, just in case i wasn't there to pack it, and went to bed... again waking up to a pilates workout. tired of working out, and having recently cleaned the bathrooms, i was so ready for baby now that i told sparrow on thurs. evening that tonight might be the night. she prayed before bed that the baby would come out tonight, and sure enough... this time i woke up at 3 am to contractions!

my labors have always started while i was sleeping. part of how i know it's real is if the contractions wake me up. i never do believe the labor if it is kicking in during the daytime, or before i've gone to sleep for the night. the first thing i like to do when i know i am in real labor is take a shower. i can't stand the thought of giving birth to a baby while having greasy hair. ok, my first labor i delayed the shower, but that is because i didn't know how fast labor was going to go! now i know. they are not going to dawdle on for 24 hours, if i want clean hair, i've gotta get it NOW. so i lit some candles and thoroughly enjoyed the freshness of dr. bronner's peppermint hemp soap as the water ran over me and i swayed to the rhythm of my labor. once out, i woke up thomas. THE PLAN was to leave ASAP and do most of the labor in the hospital this time, as the speed of the labor was totally unpredictable, and the distance to the hospital was MUCH greater this time than either of my previous experiences. we ate some toast with peanut butter and bananas as we packed, some chocolate yogurt--the hospital does not allow you to eat once admitted. the weirdest thing was that we could not find the "listening" half of our baby monitor! i SWEAR i put both pieces into the top drawer of the tall dresser in the girls' room, but we searched and searched between contractions, and only the "transmission" side was there. THE PLAN for the girls was to have abby kugler (staying in our attached apt.) listen to the monitor til morning as she slept, then bring them over to omi/monty's in the AM. i even called and woke up poor monty to see if he had a baby monitor, but no go.(oh yes, i did wake him up, but they are also missing parts of their monitor.) so when we were almost ready, we knocked on kugler's door, and abby ended up coming over and sleeping on the couch. poor woman!!! she was going to have to go manage the wycliffe conference tomorrow, and here she was all cheerful at 4 am with her pillow! i love that woman.

so thomas and i high tailed it out of there and i kept having to tell him "GENTLY!" over the speed bumps. whoo! my contractions were three or so minutes apart, but relaxed in the car somewhat, and got further apart when we got to the hospital. i tell you, it was so much more bearable being in the car without being in pushing stage! we called dr. westerband's office because there were a few things i had discussed with her that were outside of normal hospital protocol, and she was the one that would have to give them the directives concerning me. (she said no routine IV would be ok, and that i could deliver lying on my side.) however, dr. w's office did not pick up the phone! it rang and rang. they are supposed to have a 24-hour answering service! i called the hospital back and they said that oh yes, dr. w. was not on call tonight, and i would be assigned to a random doctor. what?! that can happen here??!!?? i was a bit apprehensive and miffed. what if the other dr. was a male who did not respect the woman's power to labor? what if they now insisted that i be connected to an iv? NOT the ideal situation! i didn't expect my doctor to leave me in the dust during the final stretch here. actually, continuity of care has been shown to have better outcomes for baby and mother. but oh well, no turning back now.

once we got to the hospital, the flood of paperwork began. oh yes. admission. then triage (where they made me put on a hospital gown and checked me to see if i was really in labor. i was 7 cm dilated!) then i got to walk to labor and delivery and my nurse spent 5 minutes trying to stab a hep lock needle into my vein, jabbing my bone repeatedly (it is still sore two weeks later!). that was definitely one of the worst parts. she was trying to stab it into one of the most obscure veins in my arm, which is baffling! I HAVE GOOD VEINS! i have NEVER had them try to stick it into a side vein like that before. it has always been no sweat. aaaaaaanyways... they brought me a labor ball, and strapped me to the fetal monitor, and the fun of waiting began. poor thomas was extremely tired after his long day at work, and i kept employing him as a double hip squeezer for every single contraction. we also made sure i drank tons of water so an IV wouldn't be necessary. but it really was a waiting game. i did spend some time on the toilet which must have helped me to progress, but other than that i did not move much or do much to work with my labor. i had been reading "natural childbirth the bradley way" a few days before, and just kept remembering the emphasis on the importance of totally relaxing your belly, so that is pretty much all i focused on this labor. trying to totally relax my belly with every contraction. i spent time draped over the birth ball which was on the bed, i spent time just sitting on the bed, also toward the end, leaning my head into thomas who was sitting in front of me for part of the time, and toward the end i was up on the bed kneeling and clasping the top part of the bed which they had put all the way up for me. i didn't even look at the nurse when a new shift came in. i didn't know what she looked like til after the birth, haha! but still it was frustrating because i swear they had me signing papers, answering questions, getting tested, and getting fingerprinted the WHOLE time i was there laboring, right up until the end! sheesh! when you ask a woman in active labor a question that requires an intellectual response, you pull her out of her active labor every time! i am baffled that they don't know that and am positive that had i been left alone to get into it more, it would have gone faster, and i would have perceived less pain. because it WAS painful. it was hard. i felt like i was in transition for about an hour and a half! toward the end there were some high blood pressure readings and they were concerned i was getting preeclampsia, so they took my blood and tested me. it came back negative. the blood pressure was also reading normal again. turned out to be a funky bp machine. ah, technology!

anyhow, pretty early on we got to meet the doctor that was on call tonight instead of westerband. her name was dr. gillespie, and yes, it was a woman! when she came in, i was immediately put at ease. she was young-ish, in her 30s perhaps, and looked a bit like jerusha gittlen. she was wearing a little silver cross on her necklace, and a kind, open smile. she allowed me to labor without an IV, and when i asked her about a possible side lying delivery, she said ok in such an agreeable and unhesitating manner that i became even bolder and asked, "...or hands-and-knees?" "sure," she said right away. and became immediately one of my favorite strangers in the world. even dr. westerband said she would get too turned around if i was on hands and knees, so to keep it on the side. i hit the jackpot with this dr. gillespie! i also asked her to put counter pressure on while baby was coming out, and to remind me to push slowly while crowning, cause they usu. shoot out so fast that i tear, and she agreed to that as well. i'm serious, she was the coolest!

i finally started feeling the first inklings of pushiness around...7:30, 7:45-ish. the contractions were coming a bit slower now, more sitting in between. the doctor came in and checked me. 9 cm. 9 cm!!!! see why checking is so discouraging/deceptive? when they told me i was 7 at admission, i thought, i'm almost done! more than 3 hours later, i had only progressed 2 cm! but i am sure that the whole checking/ belly monitor/ question asking caused me to slow, or even regress somewhat before i moved on. anyway, gillespie asked me if i wanted her to break my water. i said no. she then asked me not to push through my contractions for now, so i just blew and moo-ed for awhile until i told the nurse it was unbearable not to push, i couldn't help myself. she called the dr. in again and this time i was complete. i was still hugging the back of the bed, up on my knees, with my back toward everyone, and i had no desire to move. and i was pushing! ah, glorious pushing, it's my favorite part! it is A) perceived (by me) to be more productive than any other stage because it requires more active participation, and B) so encouraging because you KNOW the baby is almost here, it's almost over! my water broke with the first push. the baby came out with the 2nd. the dr. coached me beautifully and provided the needed counter pressure. i definitely felt the "ring of fire" this time more than with my 1st two births. the head was coming out, and the contraction was ending. i stopped pushing, willing to wait for the next one, just to be sure i was pushing slow enough, but the dr. said, "keep pushing," so i pushed slowly through the end of the contraction, and the head came all the way out, and the body followed! 8:13 AM. what i had been growing in there for 9 months, my mystery, was here! "it's a boy!" they said. "IT'S OUT!" i thought. OH how wonderful to have this surprise come out and be so perfect! he was perfect! i pulled my shirt off and flipped over, reaching over the crazy bloody bed; they handed me the warm, squiggly body, blue curly cord trailing behind...

they clamped the cord right away, i asked if they could wait when i saw them doing it, but the dr. and nurse both immediately said, "no" and "we have to do it now." a bit surprising, but it was a minor thing after such a beautiful emergence that i didn't sweat it. thomas cut the cord. they suctioned him while he was on my belly. threw warm blankets on us. i just lay there relieved. thomas was stunned to have a son. we were both actually SO surprised! "i have begotten a man child with the help of the Lord!" (thomas is still getting used to it; he keeps referring to the baby as "she" and "her." we just laugh.) i put the baby to my breast right away this time. with my girls, i had waited to nurse, just placing them on my belly and letting them "crawl" up to find the milk for themselves. my philosophy on this has changed. yes, they CAN crawl up to find the breast at newborn, and it is really cool to see, but i have learned more about WHO I AM as MOTHER, who God made me, and what that means. part of my job is NOURISHER, and i have realized that me taking initiative to FEED my child is the right thing to do. i don't know how much it affects the child later on, if at all, but God gave ME the authority of motherhood, and they are not motherless. they don't have to be independently finding their food. the boy child latched on right away and began to suckle. it was a satisfying feeling.

they did give me pitocin in an IV pretty immediately to contract my uterus and stop the bleeding, which i would have preferred to avoid, (i think it cancels out some of the natural oxytocin that makes you fall in LOVE) but i was so happy with the birth that i didn't protest. i just looked at my boy child and laughed. gillespie checked me, and: NO TEARS! praise Jesus, i had thought it impossible. thomas got to hold his son after about 1/2 hour. then he made ready to go home for awhile, he wanted to see the girls, and i told him to feel free to take a nap. today was his day off!! i just sat there with my boy and praised God. and texted the world! i wolfed down a piece of french toast. i tried to sleep, but the pillows were impossibly uncomfortable. texted thomas: "bring pillows." i finally acknowledged my nurse, Cathi, who turned out to be this awesome on-fire Christian! she told me her whole testimony, which was pretty radical, divorce, conviction by the HS, getting back together with her husband, he coming to the Lord DAYS before dying of a massive heart attack. she goes to a church with a messianic Jewish pastor, (i'd like to visit it sometime) and listens to all the calvary preachers on the radio, incl. the one who teaches at the church we've been attending in oro valley. she really was a sweetheart. i wish she would have remembered better what it is like to be in active labor!!!!!!!!!!!! but God obviously blessed us through one another that morning. AND she rescued my placenta from the trash. at last i took a shower, got a patronizing talk from a pediatrician about the vitamin-k shot, and my baby had his bath too (with the CA baby "tea tree and lavender" soap i had brought in). lauren came to see me on her lunch break and brought me a latte! whew! i REALLY wanted that coffee! it was so great to see her. soon after came mrs. graham with aunt trina, emily, omi, sparrow, golden, david, and danielle. the hospital staff weeded out d&d because they were non-related children =( but the others got to stay and help me transfer (at last) to the postpartum room, with a parade of balloons and presents. it was wonderful to have visitors. the girls took to their baby brother immediately, golden acted like she knew what it was going to be the whole time: "baby broder," she kept saying, and sparrow got to hold him on the bed. soon thomas came back as well and stayed for awhile before going off to run some errands for me. i saw him again later that night and we sat down to discuss the question of our son's name. my sad discovery was that "youngblood," my long-favored name for a boy, is from jungbluth, german, and means "impetuous young man." impetuous?! impetuous???!!!??? really? does it have to??? ...we certainly couldn't speak that over our child. and besides, thomas was not so keen on the name anyways, so... i guess it was a good thing i decided to let it go. we had several options on the table: cyrus, blue, peregrin, strongbow (mine! i guess i am partial to warrior-sounding names), but decided in the end on Silas, at thomas' suggestion. i hadn't thought of it, but when he mentioned it, i thought "yes!" right away. and we had prayed a lot during the pregnancy about God giving us the right name. Silas Arrow. Silas means "forest" from greek "sylvanus." there are a lot of good spiritual connotations for forests, trees, etc. and i love that Silas in the Bible was a missionary and prophet. as for Arrow, thomas has always had that name in mind, and well, we are hoping for our quiver full of arrows! (Psalm 127.) God wants arrows for the battle!

"Listen to Me, O islands,
         And pay attention, you peoples from afar
         The LORD called Me from the womb;
         From the body of My mother He named Me.
    He has made My mouth like a sharp sword,
         In the shadow of His hand He has concealed Me;
         And He has also made Me a select arrow,
         He has hidden Me in His quiver." Isaiah 49: 1-2


Silas Arrow McDonnell, Aug. 20, 2010, 7lbs 9 oz., 20"long

placenta!

2010-08-24T23:30:00.000-07:00

ok, placentas can be a bit intimidating. first there is the weirdness of an inanimate slab of meat hung by umbilical cord coming out of you. second there is all the blood and veins surrounding it, and then there is the question of what to do with it. so many options! but for me, the fascination factor overpowers the grossness factors, and after letting sparrow's placenta go to waste in my doula's freezer for about two years before i think she finally threw it away (i JUST couldn't decide how to enjoy it!), i went turbo with golden's and cooked it up with onions and garlic and ate the whole thing in two sittings! this time, i wanted to try dehydrating/encapsulating the nutritive mystery meat for a more spread-out release of the benefits (not to mention more user-friendly consumption).

now let me just observe that people are uncomfortable with placenta consumption because, presumably, of where it comes from. it comes out of a...crazy...kind of place. you want to eat that?? i'd like to remind everyone that the BABY came out of that same place, and we don't hesitate to kiss and smell and coo over it, even though it has not been sanitized by cooking, and has far less nutritional benefits. for that matter, YOU came out of that place. if you think eating placenta is gross, i think you're gross.

on the night of august 22, the placenta was on the verge of turning 3 days old. now or never, i decided. at midnight i entered the kitchen prepared for a late-night tussle with the steak of my son's in-utero provision. i know i am supposed to start going to bed early, but...that's just going to have to start tomorrow! i recalled from golden's placenta that the process of dealing with the membranes can be very time-consuming, bloody, and frustrating. however, was in for several nice surprises and two nasty surprises.

the online tutorial i was using came from the cafe mom website, from a cindy collins. most grateful to her and to the internet. here is the approximate process:

step 1: prep the prep area. get out all supplies. cover counter with newspaper (or paper bags) to help minimize cleanup.

the iced tea and dark chocolate are for personal fortification, prior to beginning. for some, a glass of vodka may be more appropriate?

2. rinse placenta in colander in sink and stab while rinsing to "bleed." (nice surprise #1: LOTS LESS BLOOD when you bleed/rinse beforehand! hello! why didn't the "cook it up like liver" tutorial tell me this last go-around? AVOID excessive trauma by adhering to step #2!)

3. sever cord at base (i used kitchen shears. i love them.)

4. "wrap placenta membrane fetal side around placenta into a ball." er... what? fetal side? ball? hm... my placenta's membranes seemed to be somehow already cut and partially separated from the placenta anyways, so this step was a no-go for me. i ended up cutting off the excess membrane and dealing with a partially-membraned organism, hoping for the best. (nice surprise #2: not having to remove all the membranes from the meat this time! that was the worst, remembering the last experience...)

5. place fresh lemon and fresh ginger in steaming water and steam placenta 15 mins. each side. huh. i had no lemon and no ginger. i did, however, have limes. the ginger is optional anyways. ...right? (nasty surprise #1: my steamer! it has a big skewer with a metal ring coming out the middle! i had to cut a slit thru the middle of the placenta in order to stab the skewer/ring through it. the worst was not realized until post-steaming: the placenta had shrunk and tightened to an astonishing degree, becoming stuck onto the skewer! in fact, i could not turn it over after 15 minutes; i had to steam it on one side for 30 mins. instead. then let it cool a bit before i wrestled it off the skewer.)

12:24 AM--what's cooking in mom's kitchen

6. slice thinly and dehydrate. set oven (toaster oven) to lowest temperature. should take 6-8 hours. (no... mine took about 34. the 6-8 hours must have been for a professional dehydrator only.)

7. have fun cleaning the utensils! (nasty surprise #2: steaming a placenta creates some majorly adhesive residue! i will never, never put a placenta into that type of leaf-folding steamer again. ever. nope.)

8. grind to powder in food processor. (yet to be done. the pieces are looking like beef jerky right about now, being stored for the time when i have time...)

9. fill empty capsules with placenta powder. take 3 capsules twice daily for 1st week and 2 capsules twice daily for 2nd week. store in freezer! (storage tip from my doula friend, not online.)

10. enjoy feeling like SUPERWOMAN.

golden's 2nd birthday

2010-08-16T23:24:00.000-07:00

august 7th was a saturday, a beautiful day on which we celebrated the 2nd anniversary of our sunny golden child's arrival in our family!

sparrow and i had been plotting special birthday things and looking forward to them for quite some time. she had gotten five dollars out of her piggy bank to buy a special gift for her sister: a princess accessory set with a tiara, a necklace, earrings, and fancy heeled slippers. the night before the birthday, she got to stay up extra late with me to wrap it in a special way. it was going to be golden's breakfast gift. (in germany we have a tradition of giving gifts to the birthday person at breakfast time.)

golden and sparrow almost had the same joy when she opened it! we had had a rare "fancy" breakfast of pancakes (instead of the usual joe's o's cereal) and then sparrow got the gift out of the closet and presented it to the little one. oh what joy! i think golden wore those huge cinderella slippers for most of the day! we had gotten sparrow's out of storage too, so they traipsed about the house together clacking their plastic heels.

i decided to have a little toenail-painting session with the princesses as i took a break from cupcake baking (box mix!) and cleaning/getting ready for the party we were having that afternoon. i have tried to stay away from nail polish because i think it is not good to give young children too much "grown-up" stuff to become vain over, on a regular basis. but every once in awhile, it is ok to do something rare and special, even if it involves breathing in fumes. they were so tickled! we chose a nice sparkly blue and boy, were they proud of their toes! i did mine too, of course.

during golden's nap, i let sparrow stay up and help me color the frosting for the cupcakes and put sprinkles on them. the theme was "colorful"--i had found the cutest fans and paper globes for decorations on clearance at target--they ALL cost me only about a dollar! they had deep, strong solid summer colors, so i made the cup cakes to match. we also colored the fruit dip and made the soy milk pink.

the children showed up shortly after three pm: annie and her adelin, plus baby abrina. auntie emily. auntie omi and her danielle and david. i had tried to keep it very small and very simple this year, because i have realized that children don't really care if they only have a cupcake, a $3 toy, and two friends over. we break our backs and our banks to invite 45 people, and the birthday girl ends up clinging to you because of all the strangers.

the children were quite exuberant and golden had LOTS of help blowing out candles and opening presents... thomas called from san francisco just before we sang happy birthday, so i put him on speakerphone, and he got to sing along. golden got lots of cool little presents, and i so appreciate not having a huge pileful of new toys to find a place for! she got sidewalk chalk and crayons and flower wall stickers and new sunday shoes (from me) and an art apron and craft jewels, things like that. we had such a good time! i broke my sugar fast for a day and had some cupcake and ice cream, luxurious!

golden, on your 2nd birthday--
every day we are more delighted and amazed at how much laughter and sweetness you add to our home. we feel so special that God gave you to us, and are blessed to be chosen to take care of you and love you. you love to share with others, you love to help, and you want to take care of us all. if mommy says she needs her shoes, you hurry to find them for me, and when i remind you to be sweet, you love to comply. you also love to be funny and silly, and your laugh is one of the most beautiful sounds i've ever heard. you can already pray with sincerity for others. always remember this habit and this sincerity, and God will make your heart overflow with love. you are an anointed, sparkly golden one. God has set you apart for Him, so shine! love, mommy

pregnancy update #3

2010-08-05T23:31:00.000-07:00

have i ever mentioned that i am overly spoiled when it comes to having good friends?

last saturday we had a little brunch at starbucks, as is tradition for the graham/kugler/schmidt group (we have been joining them there weekly if possible, and it is a great thing to look forward to... sometimes i stay for hours and hours JUST to be able to feel the air conditioning.) when we got home, i was very tired, so gave the girls their lunch and plopped into bed a little after 1 pm. just before 2 pm i was awakened by a voice at my window and the sound of gushing rain. it was mrs. kugler, saying "doris, could you come over to the apartment really fast?" i shot up, thinking it was an emergency, put on a bra and t-shirt, and rushed out the door to meet her. we got soaking wet, even with her umbrella. they are staying in our attached apartment, so it was not 20 feet to travel, and still parts of us were definitely drenched. what met my eyes when i walked in the door, but a group of my friends, sitting there smiling at me, and an apartment all beautifully decorated for a BABY SHOWER!!! i was baffled! baby shower? not expecting this! rubbing sleep out of my eyes! wow. i didn't expect any type of baby shower this time around. i have mostly what i need! but here they all were, and omi had set it all up and prepared games and brought all the special foods i love the most and beautiful tea cups...she really does have such a servant's heart and loves to bless people, it is amazing. lauren was there! and shawna, and ann came later too, and annie with her adelyn and abrina, and julia with elizabeth and hannah, mrs. graham and mrs. kugler of course. we grabbed the monitor and set it up to listen in on my sleeping girls, but they weren't sleeping for long with all that activity next door! i let them come through the living room sliding door, and you should have seen their faces when they saw that there was a Party on the other side! it was quite like going through the wardrobe into narnia! so yes, we ate treats (breaking rules on my no-sugar diet of course), talked and laughed, played baby shower games, and i even got to open presents! mrs. graham gave me a thousand baby wipes, and an embroidery book, and my girls each got a dr. seuss bag with new markers and notebooks inside! i also got one of julia's signature nursing covers! and a few swaddle wrappers, money, diapers, soft blankie, etc. etc. i am so undeserving!

thomas is gone in san francisco now, to return on the 13th. the unofficial due date is around aug. 15th, so i hope this little one holds on. my friend who is studying to be a naturopathic doctor is in town, woohoo! and she said she can be my labor companion in case it happens before husband returns. then i have good friends in the kugler and graham clan next door(s) to cover me for anything else. i had an appointment today (aug. 5th) and the nurse said i was 2 cm dilated. which really means nothing, but that explains the sharp pains that have been happening in my cervix. afterward i took the girls to ross and target for a few household things and the whole time i was contracting, feeling like labor was imminent! i had to have a little wine to relax the uterus when i got home, and it worked. don't come out yet, baby! i have not been known to give birth early, so i don't know what i'm worried about. i bet my uterus was just irritated from the heat today and from the cervical check. i should have declined it, what was i thinking?

oh and i actually had LOST 2 pounds since my last appt. two weeks ago, is that a first or what!! for me, anyways. i am back at 156 lbs where before i was at 158.8, wow, i guess that's almost 3 lbs! my exercise routine and no-sugar thing is working, YAAAAAY! actually, omi says she lost weight too when she was preggy with danielle, after she gave up sugar. it is amazing how much a little sugar can affect your poor body.

but...i have darning and mending to do, so i'm gonna "make like a baby and head out!"

a new home

2010-07-27T23:05:00.000-07:00

we began moving july 15th and have been in the process ever since! good thing we allowed ourselves time; i can't lift much and go at a snail's pace, plus have the regular meal-making and household tasks on my hands. thomas is leaving for feldenkrais studies in san francisco on wednesday, and will be gone for two weeks. we are "settled in" enough now, to be able to welcome a baby, even though my nesting instincts are not satisfied with the cleaning and the boxes... here, some visuals of the first day of our moving. we LOVE being in this house! it is like a palace to us, and such a different feel, having our own place.

moving boxes hastily in the rain!

our new home

lovely light on the far mountain (this is the entrance to the guest apartment)

kitchen

living room (yep, we got a free couch and free curtains!)

the girls' room! (complete with toddler bed for sparrow from a neighbor)

the view from the office

in the master bedroom

master bedroom/master bath area

video tour!

a good heart

2010-07-22T23:50:00.000-07:00

yesterday, another hot day. me: grumpy, tired, and tomato staking not going so well. moving slowly to keep up with everything while my little ones move about like lightning bugs. sparrow found a pink rock right outside the door and i heard it drop onto the tile floor a few times. i sternly warned her as many times not to throw rocks in the house. she came into the kitchen a few minutes later and simply THREW it, i don't know what she was thinking, but i suddenly became a shrieking banshee as i screeched, "HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO THROW ROCKS IN THE HOUSE!!!" i picked up the rock and threw it out the front door, knowing it was a special rock to her... then she surprised me completely. she hung her head and said to me, "mom, i wish God would give me a good heart." ohhhhh, my sparrow! it pierced me to my own bad heart that she felt her sin thus, and showed such remorse, when i was still in the middle of my own tantrum! i knelt down beside her and hugged her and apologized. then i got to tell her that God IS giving her a good heart, He promised! she invited Jesus into her heart about a year ago (07-08-09) and she is already being so affected by His Spirit. praise God for His continual conviction of my attitude.

tomato staking, day 3

2010-07-21T01:13:00.000-07:00

right. progress! i love that when you make intense changes in your life, you can usually see changes pretty immediately. i have only been tomato staking for three days and i can already see sparrow's attitude toward home getting so much better.

if the first day was easy, yesterday was HARD. i wrote in the family journal, "HOW do people sustain this over a period of time?" it was HOT in the kitchen, i was cooking roast chicken, i felt i could not think or move faster than molasses... it took me about an hour to make a simple salad, i think. the girls were a bit grumpier than the day before. i tried to sit and do a craft with them while i was making dinner, but it took way longer than expected, then dinner was late, and when our neighbor came over to graciously install our internet for free, i forgot to even give him a cup of water! the mood was definitely hectic and not ...happy/serene, which is what we are going for. sorry, monty!

today was much better. i prepared myself for doing things slowly, or not doing "things" at all, if that's what it would take. tentatively, i made an agenda: finish unpacking kitchen. there were 2 or 3 boxes left. and i did get it done! that's about all i got done before lunch, but i still felt productive. sparrow still defaults to a whiny voice, but she doesn't ask to "go somewhere" every 5 minutes now or see her friend danielle. i LOVE that she has a good playmate so close by! but i still need her to be able to enjoy home first and foremost.

as for golden, we had quite a little testing of the will today! she is used to people catering to her as much as they possibly can, and she is a very happy child--as long as she gets what she wants! today she was washing her hands after one of her many, many potty trips (the girls have taken to blowing bubbles into glasses of water with their straws. this tends to make them drink a lot more water than usual. and golden is just potty training, so she needs to have someone go with her every time.) anyways, mommy said, "that's enough water, now come dry your hands." "no. play water!" and that's where it began! i am super thankful for the advice on godly tomatoes, which was going through my head: "outlast, outlast, outlast." i was so pleased that i was able to keep my composure and calm voice, and yet continue to insist that she hear me and do what i say. i had food in the pressure cooker that i had to run and check on a couple of times, but other than that, i set myself to camp out and win this battle. i wanted her to take my hand and hop off the step stool, being DONE with handwashing, and coming to dry her hands. she stood there resisting me for so long that her hands dried on their own, but i still kept telling her to take my hand, and she wouldn't! she was mad and crying; screaming, actually, and eventually she put out both her arms to be picked up. a few years ago i would have done it, thinking, 'good, she is done hand washing and wants to come to me, that means she surrendered.' but i was able to see today, she was NOT surrendering yet. she was trying to create a situation where SHE was the one in control, deciding to be picked up and getting away with not doing EXACTLY what mommy told her to do, which was take my hand and come down off the stool. about 15 minutes later, she finally did decide to obey, and after helping her get down i did pick her up and had some lovely 1-on1 time with her sitting on the bed and looking at my belly/her future brother/sister. (although she told me it was gonna be a giraffe.) when we came back out to the kitchen, she hugged me, holding on, and she said, "happy now."

that's what i'm talking about!!!! happy girls obedient to their happy mother. but i will not be so happy tomorrow if i don't go to bed right away. so: more on T.Stking adventures to come!

tomato staking

2010-07-18T22:56:00.000-07:00

quick post, cause i am supposed to be getting home (we don't have internet at our new house yet, so i am down at marlett's trying to get caught up...)

i have decided to bite the bullet and try "intense" tomato staking with my children once again. and this time i hope it lasts for more than a day. the Bible says that your children are actually supposed to be a SOURCE of REST to you. is that ever true with me?? i have been so convicted lately, about my grumpy attitude, and so convicted about sparrow's, and i think this is really the only way to make significant progress in that area.

tomato staking is keeping your child close to you at all times, within eyesight or at least earshot. intense tomato staking is keeping them within four or so feet of you at all times, for the purposes of training, until they can be trusted to move further away. i have tried it before with sparrow, but not with both of them, and was anticipating a LOT more push back from Golden, but she seems to be getting it, and actually not minding that much! i have to say, it is SO hard to implement: if you go to the bathroom, you ALL go into the bathroom. nobody is allowed to "run" and get something from another room. you all go together. and them being with you at all times, of course you have to let them help make dinner and wash dishes. we will see how this goes tomorrow when i am making roast chicken instead of just plain rice...

but for now, i am already super happy with the results. i yelled a lot less, the girls fought a lot less, and sparrow and i had some good, deep conversations. i have been noticing that sparrow's voice is whiny MOST of the time. it frustrates me to no end, and then i snap at her, instead of being the patient and sweet mother i am supposed to be. this way we all learn to enjoy being together and learning and helping. now, Lord, give me strength and courage of will to keep doing this! i really really want to train them right, and if this is what it takes... this means, when she is playing with a friend they STILL have to be by my side, not running off to rooms and getting into mischief...

i highly recommend this method, as read on www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com. an amazing kick in the butt.

4th of july

2010-07-10T22:51:00.000-07:00

oh, my, and it was almost a week ago! i am slow, slower at blogging than i am at walking/ waddling right now... which is really slow. sparrow has been looking forward to the 4th of july for ages. she is always asking me if we can get out our flags. so that week i did get out their little flags from last year and let them play with them.

the graham clan was gathering at grandma mumma's old house, where jonathan and emi are moving, right down the drive from graham central. we were invited to the party, a bbq and fireworks celebration. the girls brought their bathing suits and played in the sprinklers. and it was a HOT day. i had spent all afternoon baking and cooking up goodies. cupcakes with white frosting and strawberries, two loaves of beer bread, two blueberry tarts, whipped cream. yum! omi had made a beautiful cherry pie too! we all brought stuff to grill. nitrite-free hot dogs for me, marinated chicken for thomas! mmmmm, it was such a good potluck. the five cousins were there too, emi and jonathan, mr and mrs graham...

we could see the saddlebrooke fireworks from the mumma house pretty well, but some of us wanted to go down to saddlebrooke and sit directly under the loud, celebratory blasts. i took sparrow with me, and omi, elizabeth, sp. and i had to HUSTLE cause suddenly the fireworks were starting, and we ran around looking for the right vehicle to take, and which keys were to which car. we did finally make it to fireworks under the stars, and sparrow was a little wary of the blasting noises at first, but learned to revel in it by the end.

when we got back, i overheard golden telling jonathan's parents all about what she saw: "fire-works! orange! green! boom!" she is such a little story teller.

after all that sugar and late night partying, we had screaming meltdowns at home, plus golden had a rash of cactus or thistle prickers from getting into the car somehow... i didn't even brush her teeth! on the one day it was really necessary... but all in all, my favorite holiday of the year turned out fabulously. it is so good to spend it with friends.

Sabbath

2010-07-10T13:12:00.000-07:00

our sabbath celebration last night was just a simple ceremony. it's amazing what a tablecloth, a jar with a flower, two candles, and some pretty dresses can do. it has been so hot that i haven't even been able to cook much. the weather is humid; it wants to rain, but rarely does. yesterday the rain lasted 5 minutes and only served to make the earth steamy. no relief from the heat. the moisture in the air renders the swamp cooler ineffective, so all we have in the way of cool in the house is blowing humid air and ceiling fans. i did manage to bake the sabbath bread yesterday, though i opted for basic whole wheat instead of challah. (more multi-purpose, less leftovers...) i also had some leftover coleslaw and we ate our bread with butter, cheese, sliced tomatoes, cucumbers, and pickles. our "wine" (for the blessing of the wine) was orange juice. but really, just saying the prayers and blessing each other and blessing the Lord for everything on our table, singing the songs, remembering the symbols of creation, redemption, the double portion, etc. makes things so peaceful and beautiful for a little while. i love the change.

this is our third week doing a sabbath ceremony. i got the book "celebrating biblical feasts" by martha zimmerman on amazon and was immediately inspired to begin. we have been getting used to just doing the opening ceremony (fri nights) and haven't attempted the closing one yet, but i would like to get that going eventually, too, it is such a special thing to be mindful of the Lord's ordinances and be deliberate about setting that time apart. it is a bit confusing that the Christian tradition has made sunday the "day of rest" because the real sabbath is on the 7th day of the week, making the beginning friday evening. so the "end" of sabbath is technically saturday night. now the question is, should we make sunday the day of church and work at home? (you know, mowing lawn, cleaning, etc. all that stuff you normally do on saturdays...) or should we change our "opening" of sabbath to saturday night, and keep sundays for church and resting? i understand that they made the christian day of celebration on sunday because that's the day Jesus rose from the grave, but... i still wish church was on saturday now. you can't very well take TWO days off!

either way, yesterday was simple and lovely. sparrow even made up a song that went something like this: "sabbath afternoon, sabbath afternoon, we get to eat the bread. the bread is in the oven, the candles are on the table..." i forget. it was sweetness. she is learning the thankfulness song "bless our home" from the book pretty well too, and they enjoy drinking out of the wine glass and washing their hands in the bowl. and i, of course, love getting blessed by my husband. he reads out of prov. 31 and says the sweetest things...

may God's rest go with you today. enjoy your family and the Lord!

a little inspiring dance before the celebration:

ready to eat the bread!

may and june quotes

2010-07-02T22:34:00.000-07:00

golden has a huge vocabulary because she can imitate pretty much anything you say to her, even if she doesn't know what it means. here, however, are a few of her funny pronunciations from the month of may/june:

"gar-jeb" (garbage)
"poo taste" (toothpaste)
"holy bear" (polar bear)
"passi-via" (princess olivia)
"sick-a-pup" (sippy cup)
"baby suit!" (bathing suit)
"lady pop-pop" (lolly pop)

sp: "i wanna have a picnic."
me: "we are going to take a nap and then go out later."
sp: i don't wanna go out later."
me: "ok, you may stay home."
sp: no, i wanna go out now! that kind of not later!" -may 9

"it would be fun to have a piece of chocolate as big as God." -may 15

me: "they need to go to bed ASAP."
sp: "can we move to ASAP?" -may 26

sp: "it felt illegal to push that plate on the table."
me: "oh really? what does 'illegal' mean?"
sp: "it means it felt kind of good and kind of bad." -may 26

"do soldiers sing really bad songs like 'you kill people on sundays?'" -may 27

sp: "can we go see castles if we visit Germany?"
me: "yes, but they're very old."
sp: "but is the land around the castles really nice?"
me: "yes, it's very nice."
sp: "but--are there candy flowers?" -may 27

one morning, golden was awake very early in the family bed. sparrow began stirring groggily.
g: "smiling!" (trying to get sparrow to smile)
me: "she's sleeping , golden." (but sparrow had reluctantly opened her eyes.)
g: pushes sparrow's eyelid down with her finger and says, "close da door." -may 29

"i'm gonna make you three tables... the right one is for dinner, and the left one is for breakfast, and the... north one is for lunch!" -june 2

"mommy, are goose bumps when a goose bumps into you?" -sp. june 3

sp: "let's do jokes."
me: "ok. you first."
sp: "um... can i have a chicken cinnamon?" -june 6

"the flies can't hear us, cause their ears are soooooo tiny!" -sp. june 25

"i dreamed that you and omi were eating blue tamale peels!" -sp. june 7

"for sabbath, can we dress up and do an activity scene?" -sp. june 18

"the gum went in the back of my mouth, and the back of my mouth swallowed it!" -june 19

sp: "watermelon, salt, and spices! that's how you make tomato juice."
me: "are there tomatoes in it?"
sp: "NOOOO. you just put watermelon in at the end." -june 22

golden is pretending to discipline her stuffed bunny that looks like it is closing its eyes praying...
sp: "the bunny's praying that it will be good." -june 22

"mom, i wish we lived in san francisco. but i want them (san francisco and tucson) to be mixed, because i want to see danielle AND i wanna go to whole foods all the time." (apparently we went to whole foods all the time in SF and that was one of her favorite parts!) -sp. june 24

sp: "were adam and eve little kids too?"
me: "nope, God made them already grown up."
sp: "...cause there were no bellies in the world?" -june 24

sp: "and the dolly wants to wash his hands."
me: "i thought you said the dolly was a girl."
sp: "it is."
me: but you keep saying 'his.'"
sp: (ponders for a second) "oh. ...i didn't hear myself." -june 29

"i'm tired. good thing it's my bedtime." -sp. june 29

sparrow's book

2010-06-29T22:46:00.000-07:00

Today we put Golden down for a nap in the morning, which never happens anymore, and it meant... Sparrow and i had some time to do preschool stuff together! In san francisco a few times, she wanted to make a book or a calendar, and since i didn't have stapler nor space to work in, i had to keep putting her off. So i thought making a book would be a perfect activity for today. She had been telling me this morning a made-up story about doing acrobatics at the fair, so we started with that idea and wrote it down. We finished the drawings after Golden went to bed this evening, and Sparrow was very tired but made herself stay up until i had finished transcribing and taping the words into their final format, so she could have me read her story to her before bed! she said, "i'm tired. good thing it's my bedtime!" So without further verbiage, i present to you... "Acrobatics at the Fair," by Sparrow McDonnell.

THE END.

Father's Day Collage for my Dad

2010-06-24T23:42:00.001-07:00

Free scrapbooking design personalized with Smilebox

the first week

2010-06-12T22:33:00.000-07:00

it has been so strange and wonderful to be here. strange, because of the emotions and memories attached to this place from growing up/ high school, yet I am different. and wonderful for so many reasons. this is a large country, arizona, large spaces, large stores, broad room in houses, long roads, and lots of parking. the mindset is a little more conservative, the growth environment more wholesome for children... huge, new shopping centers are to be found in the middle of cactus and shrubbery; one walks into a wal-mart as big as a football field and is greeted with that distinctive cold blast of air that reminds me of so many sweet past days.

the house we have landed in for the summer is a beautiful, original, ranch-style home filled with artwork and decor that speaks of the rural life, love for indigenous peoples, and the embracing of the desert.

ah, the desert! it has been hot and hotter most days... the cicadas buzz about us all day and most nights, desert animal life is abundantly seen in the early mornings and evenings. deer, rabbits, gila monsters, quail... we feel rural, close to nature, where the heat is bigger than us. we can only lie low in the shelter during day, and cope with the immensity of it in humility, realizing our littleness before this force, an expression of God.

we are reminded about how vulnerable we are, finding poisonous insects in the house almost daily. assasin bugs (kissing bugs) seem to love this house as much as we do. there was one encounter with a scorpion, as well, and spiders are frequent guests.

we are surrounded by good old friends. the girls i grew up with of the graham household have grown up and started their own families; there is a peppering of them around this house. (just kidding! two of them live in this neighborhood. one of my best friends, Omi, with her family (3 little ones in the same age ranges as ours) lives in the next house down, and her sister Emi (married to Jonathan) lives in the next house up. mama and papa graham still live in the same house, the one just to the east of us. so we are surrounded! the grahams are a very loving, inclusive bunch. it was they who did so much to make our move here possible. seeking out employment and housing opportunities, and doing all to make us comfortable. now that we are here we feel immensely loved, taken in, included. we have gone on walks, joined them for a family potluck, enjoyed saturday morning at starbucks together, and just hung out at each others houses. we left sparrow with them today as they were out in town visiting their grandmothers, etc. she has the BEST time with omi's daughter danielle! she came back to me all smiley and excited. she got a cough drop, and ice cream, and got to ride in a vintage car, and danielle's van has a dvd player!!!!! wow. what a special day for sparrow. i thought the girls might miss all the outings to the parks, and... golden does still say "park!" when we get into the car, but i think they have found it is MUCH nicer to have friends as neighbors than to go to a new park every day...

golden is potty training; for a few days she was stuck in the stage where she was afraid of the potty and wouldn't voluntarily sit on it. now she does better, but only with #1. she's so cute; she says, "pee pee coming!" we realized too that it would be much more time efficient to buy one of those plastic mini toilet seats that goes over your regular one. that way we won't be cleaning the potty out over and over... (golden pees almost as much as i do. yesterday i had a record 15 times!)

we have found a potential house to move to when our time here runs out: it is right up the drive! it would be so nice to have a close move, and also to get to stay near our friends, though you may have gathered, we are *slightly* far away from town... the house we are looking at has super super cheap rent, and the washer and dryer are right in the kitchen! cloth diapers will finally become an option! three bedrooms will feel like such an amazing luxury, plus there is a whole little apartment attached! we do feel spoiled, excited. Lord, keep us fiery for you, bless our h0me and family to be a beacon for you!

pregnancy update #2

2010-06-10T21:59:00.000-07:00

wow. i have to say this baby is coming along quite nicely. and it might be huge. at least judging by my own rapidly expanding form; quite alarming, in fact! is it possible that my bottom is having twins?

in san francisco i was ecstatic to find a midwifery center that accepts medi-cal! it was called sage femme and had beautiful birthing rooms with big round tubs in them. oooooh how i would love to deliver here! i managed to get one appointment in before we were moving again... when i stepped on the scale at sage femme, i couldn't believe how much i had already gained! 32 pounds! my last two pregnancies i had gained 40, in 40 weeks. right now, i was only 26 weeks along...

today we visited the dr. here in tucson--or i should really say *over there* in tucson--we do live quite a ways out... she is a german lady, dr. westerband. slim, tall, friendly. she shook hands with us and was very sweet, but also direct. my friend omi has had her for at least 2 of her pregnancies, and that is how i came to this particular doctor. everything looks normal, minus the fact that she told me my belly was measuring at 32 weeks! that can't be! it was measuring 26 weeks less than a month ago, and i have only gained 2 pounds since then. (yes! the no sugar thing is working!) oh dear. let's call it 28-29 weeks and be done with it. i "tweaked" my dates for this clinic, not knowing exactly what they are of course, but guessing rather late; my new due date is august 27th. i would rather go into labor a few weeks "early" than go "late" and have them wanting to induce me and what-not. the dr. recommended an ultrasound, but i am going to refuse it. hope she doesn't hold it against me! i really need to be able to trust her to do the right thing when that baby is coming out!!

they also had me do one of those horrendous glucose tests at the clinic today. i asked if i couldn't rather eat a sugary meal of my choice (i was thinking dark chocolate), and they said, well... maybe, but that would take a lot longer. i decided not to wait til next time.

i finally began exercising again this week. it feels so nice! i can get up early again, have a place to come out and do pilates again... i am SO SORE!! yesterday i almost cried every time i had to lower myself onto the toilet--which of course is currently about 30 times a day. ouch!

the girls are looking forward to having a new baby in the house--at least sparrow is. and i know golden will love it too... well, she IS a *bit* possessive of my lap, but i think her natural motherly qualities will win out. she really does have the nurturing thing going on. she takes care of all of us! if i say, "sparrow, put your shoes on," for example, golden will run and get sparrow's shoes and bring them to her. they both love to feel the belly, give the belly "raspberries," talk to it, (usually silly talk) and so forth.

thomas has to do feldenkrais in august again--glory! i joked after golden's birth that we would have to time our next baby around his feldenkrais sessions, but of course, God knows timing better than we do, and surprise! another august baby. thankfully, this is thomas' last year of feldenkrais training. anyways, he is supposed to be going for only 2 weeks; he will be back by mid-august, meaning, if i don't deliver two weeks early, he should be around. plus, i have wonderful friends for neighbors in three surrounding houses! i am not worried.

today i did hear a few words from the Lord while i was praying for this little one:
minister to nations
on fire for God
speaking truth

isn't that beautiful? now i will know a few things to speak and plant into this one when she/he comes out! Lord, bless this little one to be dedicated to you always, to hear your voice, to be attentive to your word, to bend the heart to you. protect this little one now and during the birth process and throughout life. THANK YOU! for the chance to receive another one; may we receive it as we would receive you, as your word says in matthew 18:5, "and whoever receives one such child in My name receives Me."

tucson, AZ

2010-06-09T22:44:00.001-07:00

i write today from tucson, arizona. it's been awhile since i updated, and we have undergone another move since! i am sitting in a beautiful, expansive old ranch-style house with cool air flowing down on me from a cooler vent, and babies sleeping soundly in one of the bedrooms. i can walk around this house naked if i want! yes, just our family in this huge space! what a luxury. we are house sitting for the summer, for friends my family has known for years from wycliffe. the same neighborhood where my parents' old house is, though that's sold now, and i haven't even been to look at it in the almost-week since we've been here.

we felt that God was not opening the doors in san francisco as of yet, and made the decision on the 18th of may to come to tucson, after everything job-and housing-wise had come together in a matter of days. then we acted like tourists for two weeks, getting as much city fun experience as we could, knowing we'd be going to a simpler, slower life. on may 31st we bade goodbye to uncle al, who has been so good to us, and drove to santa barbara, where we stayed for a day (2 nights) with our lovely friends the dillons and loaded all our stuff from storage to a u-haul truck (and by "we" i mean thomas did all the work single handedly... i am watching babies, of course, and too pregnant to be much help!). we did have to get rid of some more furniture, incl. our beloved wedding couch... but it is good to get lighter, and in the end all we needed fit into the truck! june 2nd we drove, via much traffic in LA and a terrible attempted restroom stop in long beach, to san diego to spend the night with our friends the hadidians and their baby grey (almost the same age as golden). thursday, the 3rd was our official drive to tucson day, but it was going to be a hot one (94 in tucson--ok, not THAT hot for tucson! but still hot enough to be very uncomfortable in a car with no AC!). we stayed the morning in san diego and went to the beach with crystal and grey, our last goodbye to the ocean!! even got to see thomas' good friend sam and his new adopted son. we left sd around 4:30 pm, and were rolling into calm, slow tucson around midnight, just as expected. it DID get a little too hot near the edge of california, but soon enough the sun went down and the rest of the journey was pleasant. 75-mph speed limits in AZ really make you feel like you're cruising! we managed to get the whole 400-mile trip done with only one stop! yuma, AZ, the hottest place on earth. we stopped there around sunset and spent most of it in the air-conditioned carl's junior with play structure. it was a one-hour stop; such is life when toddlers must go poop!

we are settling in in a lovely, leisurely way. days are hot, up to 108 or so currently. (the girls have yet to get used to that. "too 'ot!" golden says when we step outside, and sparrow too...) neighbors are familiar and friendly (one of my best friends and her whole family still lives here. their children are about the same age as ours). rabbits, deer, and gila monsters roam our driveway. beware of kissing bugs and scorpions to be found in the house... it is SUMMER in the desert, stores and parks are far away, life is slow. pray for summer employment when you think of us; thomas' dance teaching job doesn't start til august! God has always been good.

five years of marriage

2010-05-08T23:30:00.002-07:00

yesterday was our fifth anniversary. five years of amazing growth and love and happiness. i love my husband! today we were able to go out to some delicious indian food and walk a little at the marina. the babies were being watched by lovely girls from reality sf. what a blessing!

sparrow's 4th birthday

2010-05-08T23:30:00.001-07:00

we had arrived in san francisco ten days prior. this saturday the 17th of april, we were celebrating sparrow's 4th birthday! (actual birthday april 18th.)
in germany you traditionally get presents at the breakfast table, and i had found the perfect birthday dress online, so that was the present sparrow opened at breakfast, along with all the cards that came in the mail. she was so excited about it! then had to wait sooooooooo long for the party to start at 2:30! we went to crissy field for a picnic, and cousin gino and uncle larry were able to make it too! along with a church friend of thomas'. sparrow's cake was from trader joe's this year--can't really be doing a lot of baking in uncle al's kitchen, poor man! we added whipped cream and sprinkles to the top of the cake. sparrow had especially requested sprinkles. she and gino kept eating more sprinkles just by themselves! it was really fun to have gino there.

after fruit and cake and presents (she got a tutu from me and thomas, also the first of the "betsy" books by carolyn haywood. a new jacket from gino), we walked down to the cafe and got ice cream cones! sparrow loves ice cream cones and never gets them! the last time she had one was at my birthday in september. so she was very pleased.

sparrow,
from the minute you were born you changed our lives in such an amazing way, and you have amazed us every day ever since. i love how thoughtful you are, the way you muse about things and wonder about things like how big God is and if God is brighter than the angels. i love how you really learn and incorporate the things i tell you into your life. i love how you make pages full of letters and then read them to me! i love that you love to be read to, and you love to snuggle. it is wonderful how you love learning bible verses with me and putting them to song. and it is so precious that you love to kiss and play with golden. you have a strong sense of justice and a beautiful singing voice. i love listening to the original songs you make up! never stop singing like you do all the time! i pray that you may always have a soft heart toward God, that you would allow Him to mold you, that you would love good and hate evil all the days of your life. i know you will turn out to be just like a beautiful pillar in a palace. strong to hold it up, and lovely to look at. happy birthday!

blog changes

2010-05-08T22:19:00.001-07:00

for awhile now, i have been wanting to steer this blog into more of a family-doings-only one, but as you can tell... i have a lot of other stuff to say as well! i am starting a new blog to catch all of my motherly, wifely, political, and personal thoughts. hopefully that will leave this one open to be more of a family journal so the girls can one day go back and see what they were doing without having to sift through my personal rants! =)

i have re-posted a few things on my new blog, "more on the way," but if i can find more attractive templates for wordpress, i am going to change it again, so stay tuned! and there will soon be more words and pictures both here and there.

follow me on the new blog if you have enjoyed (even in a masochistic way) reading my convictions and musings, or if not, feel welcome to keep updated on the family stuff (quotes and things) here.

march, april adages

2010-05-01T22:59:00.000-07:00

"i love heaven and i love san francisco, so i wanna come back down after we go there." (to heaven) -march 14

"does God allow us to just good and only good and all good things?" (in heaven) -march 18

"and if you go away on summer vacation all by yourself, daddy will watch us!" -march 19

sp: "i wanna meet obama."
me: "why?"
sp: "you said he was nice when you meet him."
me: "oh, i'm sure he is very nice to everyone he meets, it's just that he has some terrible ideas about how to run the country. very, very bad."
sp: "hey! the devil is bad too!" -march 25

"i'm excited for golden, that she's gonna grow up, and be three years old." -march 14

"if i turn four before golden, the i'll won. but if she turns four before me, then she'll won." -march 14

sp: "i've never seen a dinosaur."
me: "that's because they don't exist anymore. they lived a long time ago."
sp: "but we never went there to see them!"
me: "no, they lived and died before we were born."
sp: "it was when we were in our grandma's bellies." -march 25

me: "a girl who is hungry eats what's set before her."
sp: "that's what the Bible says... is that what the Bible says?"
me: "well not really. it does say to eat what's set before you. even if you think it's...sketchy."
sp: "does it taste like ketchup?"
me: "sketchy? no, that's just a way to describe something. it doesn't taste like anything."
sp: "but if you put beans in it, it'll taste like beans." -march 22

sp: " come on, let's floss!"
(me writing, sparrow impatient to floss teeth)
sp: "are you doing it fast? cause i don't want my teeth to turn black!" -march 22

me: "ok girls, let's tackle the bedroom."
sp: "how do you tackle the bedroom?"
me: "well, it means to attack."
sp: "you need to do it with lots of muscles. i'll show you how."
(runs off & comes back)
sp: "here's how you do it. you put on a scary face, and then you attack the bedroom!"
(runs and attacks her bed) -march 22

"hey mom! i discovered something. it's not something naughty, but it's something that i'll tell you: it's not going to be warm every day." -march 29

Golden: "happy dir-day raining, pthpthpthpthpth!" -march 30
(wanting to sing "the foolish man built his house upon the sand" which includes rain coming down and the splatting of the house in the end... but the only song she knows is happy birthday.)

"we know God, and we don't go on the big way that is with the instruction." (she meant destruction!) -april 2

"they go on the big road, but when they get there, they see that it's for instruction." (again, destruction. we were reading matthew 7:13-14) -april 2

"baweebee!" (golden saying strawberry) -april 2

"i didn't know myself when i was a baby, but you did, and you said, 'hm, this baby looks like a sparrow!'" -april 7

sp: "mom! i saw some generations!"
me: "what do you mean?"
sp: "i saw two trees that were the same size. that's a generation." -april 12

(singing a little song she made up)
"i wake up in the morning and i say to myself, what if i go down to the cafe and have a hot chocolate, even though i'm sick...but it's really not true..." -april 12
(i very much enjoy her songs. woman after my own heart with the cafe idea!!)

(there was a little baby crying in his mom's sling)
g: "baby!"
me: "you see a baby? yeah!"
g: "mom? mom?" (i look at her to see what she wants to tell me)
g: "whining." -april 12 (hahahaha! she noticed that baby was whining!)

(sparrow crying)
me: "what's wrong, did you bite your lip?"
sp: "no, it's my hippy cups!" (hiccups!) -april 17

(enthralled with the mylar princess balloon she got for her birthday)
sp: "i can learn about princesses from this princess balloon."
me: "oh yeah? what are you learning?"
sp: "about princesses...but these princesses aren't doing anything."
me: "so you're not really learning anything, are you?"
sp: "no, i am! but these princesses just aren't doing anything!" -april 18

(talking about the unknown gender of our new baby)
me: "God knows what we need, so God is making it into whatever it needs to be, for His own glory."
sp: "is HisOwnGlory helping too?" -april 18

sparrow named her three flower sproutlings:
1. "beautiful flower"
2. "three-year-old"
3. "bravo biscuit restaurant"
-april 22

sparrow is developing quite the young philosopher's brain:

"golden is sharing with herself." -april 22

"God can't be in heaven, he's too big!" -april 22

"satan shouldn't have been had." -april 23

sp: "do teachers put away the thing before they take out the other thing?"
me: do they put away what before they do what thing?"
sp: "the thing they do after they do that thing!" -april 27

sp: "mom, come to our coffee shop, and you can give us some money!"
me: "and what will you give me?"
sp: "some coffee. with caffeine in it. actually we'll give you one cup of coffee and one cup of caffeine."
me: "oh. what does caffeine look like?"
sp: "i don't know. i've never seen it by itself before...
let me get behind the coffee stand and get the coffee book and see what we have at peet's...we have orange coffee and clear coffeee and gray coffee...(continuing to list off colors)
and there's ladybugs in the ladybug coffee and lemons in the lemon coffee and cheese in the cheese coffee. oh yeah, and there's a crab one." -april 29
(just what i've always wanted! a good cheddar-flavored latte!)

expanding into freedom

2010-04-28T15:49:00.000-07:00

the Christian life and doctrine is full of paradoxes that are difficult to grasp, but must be embraced in faith toward God. Jesus was both God and man. God is both three and one. to die is gain. and how about this one: submission brings freedom. yes, submission to God really does, and here is where i have learned it: in marriage and home life, where He is gently, gently teaching me to stop striving and giving me the courage to submit to my husband and to submit to the way He made me to be. the more i have allowed this to happen, the more contented, joyful, and free i have become.

for much of my Christian life, i didn't understand why i still felt so restless and discontented. i could hear a really great, meaningful sermon on doctrine or Christian living, and still come home and have so much anxiety and double-mindedness, not knowing what God wanted for me, not knowing what i wanted for myself. for my entire single life i ran around being all crazy about finding the will of God for my life and wishing so bad that i just had a burning bush to tell me exactly what to do! getting married was the best thing that could have happened to me, because it began in me a death to self and a refining process that i could not have experienced as a single with thousands of options before me. yes, it was horribly hard, and still is sometimes, that is why it is called "death," but i wouldn't trade the freedom i have found for anything.

God does, thankfully, tell married women in every age group exactly what to do: older women are to teach the younger women "to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed." (Titus 2:4-5). and younger married women are obviously supposed to then learn and DO THESE things! yes! having children! being submissive to their husbands! being homemakers! does it not say so plain and clear in God's word? why do married Christian women of today act as though they had a thousand options, to shut off their wombs' function for personal gain, to go out and work, to grumble against their husbands? God actually calls failure to obey Titus 2:4-5 a blaspheming of His word! yet how His word would be honored if the Christian older women really took that call seriously and each one taught the younger women in her life the above virtues! we younger women really need a lot of help! i am thankful at least that i have stumbled upon some books and ministries where older women are reaching out to the younger on these topics.

i know now why the church sermons still left me with a confused life view: because while the doctrine at the pulpit is indispensable, the average male preacher has not the foggiest idea about the soul and marrow of a woman's existence. they are usually as confused by the entrenched feminist views as we are! not to mention that it would be entirely ill received if a man were to pontificate on how women need to stay home and have babies!! which is exactly why the Bible gives that task to older women with the necessary softness and experience. instead, we younger women are left out to follow the world's ideas of womanhood. (i find it sad as well that we have intimidated our Christian men, who might have a good feeling for the true order of things, into becoming a bit spineless: they concede to being homemakers as well, and feel that in order to be loving, sensitive, non-chauvenists... they must support their wife in her career (or her ministry) and her decision not to have children, or only one or two, and then to continue with the career when she puts them away into public schools.)

the directions of titus 2 are very hard to swallow in the world of today. they sound so back woods! so oppressive! yes, satan has done a good job deceiving us and blinding us to the true potential of womanhood and motherhood by demeaning it so much that even Christians can no longer embrace the true value of it. one friend of mine wrote, "it would do God such a disservice to reduce women to a womb....a real travesty of His intention for us all..." and that is how deep the deception has gotten! that we would see the way He made us as demeaning, a reduction of value! that is truly the world's feminist influence talking. satan is the one who wants a woman's greatest calling to be seen as dirty work, of little value, and undesirably narrow. did God not Himself make us with a womb? the word "woman" in the original means "womb man." yes, womb man! that says a lot about God's intention. it is by the womb that He chose to call us, to set us apart. it was God's own defining characteristic of women! and we are made in His very image! "El Shaddai," the almighty, literally means "breasted one." yes! God has a MOTHER heart as well as a father heart! in Genesis 3, satan has enmity with the woman because of the potential of her womb and her training up of godly offspring, specifically the messiah. satan still hates the womb for that potential, the potential to raise up armies of strong contenders against him! we need to open our eyes to the sad deception of the last century and see exactly how valuable we are. the feminists are wrong. they shout and shout for their rights because it is "my body," and yet they do not even fully embrace the way their body is made! they cut off the very function of their womb in order to have the freedom to... to what? to become more like men! or to merely have the freedom to entertain themselves! how sad! reducing? NO, to embrace the womb and the offices God gave us as women is not a reducing, it is an expansion. an expansion into freedom, peace, and POWER.

Romans 9:20 warns, "who are you, o man, who answers back to God? the thing molded will not say to the molder, 'why did you make me like this,' will it?" of course one has to freely embrace it all as God's gift, in order to gain freedom. we cannot be free when we strive against it or are forced into it by anyone else (as it is in some muslim circles. we can all see it becomes oppressive when forced). i am not one that believes that women shouldn't have the right to work or vote. but yes, it seems logical that when married, God made it such that children would follow, and once a mother, why be a mother halfway? we are called to be homemakers; "workers at home," as some translations put it! that doesn't mean we can't have business ventures on the side (see the woman of Proverbs 31!) but it does mean our first concern is for the home, and that we are THERE. our work is just as valuable as the husband's, but it is at home. we guard against all kinds of evils and combat problems in society by being at home and training up our children in a godly way. and by embracing the children that God wants to give us, we will not be reduced, we will be expanded! our influence in the world expands, our personal peace and freedom in Christ expands, our patience and kindness expands, our wisdom expands, our legacy expands. most of the time, if Christian parents are faithful, their children are faithful to God as well. we are not guaranteed the faith of our children, of course, but often God does choose to call the children of faithful families to Himself. how we Christians like to complain about the way the world is going, when we ourselves were the ones who chose to narrow the positive influence in the world by limiting our offspring so we might go off and enjoy ourselves.

of course, the Lord knew this was going to happen, and predicted that we would be hated and persecuted in the last days, and that there would be all kinds of social problems, but that doesn't negate individual responsibility to do as He says. all that being said, however, i definitely understand that the Lord does not limit Himself and that He has indeed chosen to still use many women in other powerful ways, who were not convicted to this effect. (partially also because men have not stepped up in the way they were called to, either, as it was in the story of Deborah in the Bible. i am so thankful that the Lord gave me a husband that led me in this way, staying true to the Word and calling attention to the worldly deceptions in me.) "He is not a tame lion," as C.S. Lewis liked to say. He has so much grace and may work in any way He wants. and as always, i still have such a long way to go in becoming the Biblical wife and mother i am called to be: in hospitality, gentleness, giving, etc. "not that i have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. but one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, i press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." phil. 3:12-14

May He lead you to embrace the peace and freedom He gives through submission.

homeschooling and unschooling

2010-04-23T16:52:00.000-07:00

recent discussions with friends on homeschooling have forced me to clarify my stance on the matter, and really get down with what i believe about this subject.

i used to believe that homeschooling was a neutral matter--could be good, could be bad. then i believed one should pray about it for each child and decide that way. then i believed that it would definitely be good for us, because the education one can receive at home can be so much superior (with less time-waste) than the education one would receive in CA public schools. (thinking, "i wouldn't mind sending them to montessori school, but since we can't afford that...) now i have come to believe that it is pretty much a must for Christian parents in a secular age.

Deuteronomy 6:4-9 says,
"Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates."

if we are to be speaking to our children of the Lord's commands all day long, yet we are only with our children in the evenings, or afternoons, we are only partially fulfilling this command of God. He also puts the responsibility of the teaching on the parents, and there are many other places in scripture that affirm this. (see end of paragraph for further study) So I believe that even if children are at a Christian school, the Deuteronomy 6 mandate is not being obeyed.
(Deut. 4:9-10, 4:21-24, 6:1-9, 20-25, 11:18-21, 31:19-21, 32:46-47.
Psalm 45:17, 48:12-14, 71:18, 78:1-8, 79:13, 145:4-5.
Proverbs 6:20-24, 31:1. Isaiah 38:19, 59:21. Joel 1:3)

i can see why not all Christian parents would want to accept this. they might send their children out in order to "be a light in the world" or to "challenge and grow their faith." Nowhere in scripture does it support either of these ideas. Christian mothers may also fall into the trap of wanting to get some time during the day to be involved in ministry or help earn income for the family (which God clearly puts on the husband. will He not be faithful and provide enough with the way He has set things up?) and while the scripture does not directly say "thou shalt homeschool," i think it does give parents full responsibility for the godly education of their children and it does make sense to me that when they are gone in a secular environment most of the day, one has to backpedal very hard to make the godly education still THE biggest factor in their young minds. not to mention that the implied things of scripture need not be deemed unimportant. let us remember that the trinity itself, a foundational doctrine, is not spelled out in black and white in the Bible, but implied. because i believe that God has set up children to be with their parents at all times during their early years, and most of the time during their growing up years, i personally do not think that young children need to be sent out into the world to be a light or to have their faith challenged just yet. we must use the years of impressionability to form their minds always toward God. the most important thing the Lord wants us to teach our children is to fear Him. Can we do this as effectively with the school teaching them otherwise? the Lord does call US to be a light. He calls US to be a witness for Him. i believe it is a sad disservice to our children if we put them out there as if they were an arm or a leg of ours, expecting them to shine the light for us, when they have not reached the age where we would consider them "accountable." the Bible seems to favor long preparation times for ministry and service. Jesus himself officially began His ministry at age 30. i hope we don't think His early life was a waste of time!

one friend of mine argued that some parents would be just miserable homeschooling, and it would be better for them to send their children to public school. really? what is parenting? what is motherhood? the Bible says that women will be made whole through childbearing (1 Timothy 2:15)! this speaks of the fact that motherhood is a great sacrifice, and it is through this death to self that we grow and are made whole in Him. i would not describe myself as a natural homeschooling mom. i would have much preferred, at one point, to have most of the day to myself again, to work at my own thing, to get my "down" time, and to "recharge." but is that the kind of wholeness God wants me to have? i find that if i am convicted about something in the Lord, He gives me the strength and the joy to carry it out as well. of course this cannot be recommended for a non-Christian, who might actually go crazy! but with the Holy Spirit, i will never be afraid of the sacrifices He asks me to make, or the path He decides to send me on! submission is a beautiful thing.

i realize that most children in public school who have involved, sincere Christian parents at home, do end up following the Lord when they grow up, but i think a lot of confusion and time-wasting frivolity comes in in the meantime. (it did for me.) also, along with homeschooling, i think early child training is totally key, and parents must be loving and gentle as well as firm in their approach. (the Bible teaches gentle and total communication with children, it is not just "spanking is the only thing to do.") i am seeing now that i did not have consistent and insistent early childhood training in respect, thankfulness, cheerfulness, immediate obedience, listening, etc. what i want for my children is to be able to follow the Christian path without that too-commonly-seen-as-necessary period of rebellion. i reject the idea that the period of rebellion is inevitable and that it is even good. i think God would rather have that we never rebel. it IS possible to experience His goodness and be on fire in spirit faith without that experience. and that is why i look to families who have raised children to adulthood who 1) are contented, sincere, brave, joyful, on-fire christians making a difference (NOT separated from society as adults), and 2) haven't felt the need to rebel. all of the families like this i have researched have homeschooled. so i see it not only as encouraged in the Bible, but also supported by real life, modern day examples that i can observe for myself. now i think for me one of the hardest things has been to humble myself and get the stereotype out of my head that homeschooling families are boring, or that the life devoid of rebellion is boring. yeah. that's been a challenge.

the other concept i've come across recently is "unschooling," which is basically an extension of modern psychology trends crossed with new-age humanist beliefs about how to raise "free" and creative children. my friend pointed me to a blog (walk slowly, live wildly) that expounded in some depth about the theory of "unschooling," though i had already come across the concept in real life situations.

i sort of love it, sort of hate it. like the ideals behind it, love that they (and we!) live in a country where this is (still) allowed, and i agree with what the author says about socialization, reading, and math. however, i think this is a really misguided way to raise a child, especially for Christians. God gave us specific roles for a reason. and the specific roles are only for specific seasons. one need not feel sorry for a child for having parents that raise him up toward godly goals, restricting his choices especially while young, because this child eventually becomes an adult with his own children, and will get his turn to make all the choices! the parents have equipped him to make the right ones. i think it is wrong to teach a child that they are on par with adults in all ways. of COURSE their value is the same, but their roles are different, and their level of knowledge is very different. God put parents in the seat of authority over the child to teach discipline, self-denial, and self-control, (doing so with great love, constant communication, and gentleness,) and a love for learning. Proverbs 22:6 says, "train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it." are the parents in the unschooling world doing anything resembling training? if anything, they are training the child to believe he is his own master, needing not to answer to anybody. parents should never feel bad for training into a child Biblical concepts and values. the Bible says that "the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge" (Prov. 1:7), and we should start from scripture when it comes to education theory, not just throw it in there somewhere as one piece of the pie, should the child ask. there is much depth in that concept of training. it is not just pointing them in the right direction. it is consistently and continuously reinforcing things to children to teach them "the way they should go." not letting them go their own way, or choose their own path from childhood, but showing them the right path and training it into them.

I find that a lot of the time, as i used to be, parents are afraid they will crush a child's creativity, or spirit, if they give too much direction or restrict choices. the Bible speaks directly to this concept as well, and thankfully i came across this verse and was freed from the wavering lack of confidence i had in the way to go about child rearing: Proverbs 15:4 says, "A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but perversion in it crushes the spirit." this dispels the notion that one crushes the spirit by training a child or limiting choices early in life. instead, the way to crush a spirit is to have a manipulative, harsh, or "perverted" tongue: speaking things in rashness, irritation or anger, or speaking things that are distorted or untrue. personally, i found that when i let my youngsters have their choice of everything, it would lead to stress and be so unworkable that eventually i would get irritated and snap at them. giving toddlers a lot of choices or trying to accommodate their wills as much as possible is doing them a disservice. they don't even KNOW what they want, poor things, they are given over to the whims of their flesh! sometimes i would find that sparrow had asked for twenty things (some directly contradicting the others) in the space of five minutes, and no matter how much i tried to give her them all, she would still go on wanting, and being unhappy! i'm sorry, but a child is NOT a mere "guest in your home." a child is your God-given responsibility, to raise up in the ways of the Lord. let us take up our task with fear and reverence, that we might present our children to Him whole!

the family of "walk slowly, live wildly" will raise a very self-confident and independent child, and that is where i think they've gone wrong. nothing in the scripture indicates that we should focus on self-confidence nor independence. indeed, the scripture decries these "qualities." i am not speaking of God-given self-worth here, but society's interpretation of self-confidence, which really boils down to self-love, something quite ugly. i know it is a total social no-no to be down on self-confidence, but it's TRUE. well, time will tell, will it not? i have found that the families who have used a style of parenting that originates in the Bible and doesn't sway to current social trends, have ended up with children who ARE very capable and smart and innovative as well as able to follow the Lord obediently, not stifled and boring, if you can imagine! (gasp!) and then there is the practical factor: the family in the above-mentioned blog, has a mere two children. would their parenting style work with three, four, ten children? Nooooooo.... and yet, God somehow (mistakenly?) made our wombs to work over, and over, and over again. it seems that God designed us to have big families, and it would therefore be wiser to adopt a parenting approach that would work with many children, whether you have one or one dozen.

transplant

2010-04-21T16:29:00.000-07:00

there is so much to catch up on from the last few weeks. yes, we now live in san francsico! i never thought i would live in san francisco. it was a city i visited during a spring break in college. a city to be gawked at, enjoyed, arms flung wide. and then go home to your quiet corner and think about it all over several months. right? coming here is a bit like journeying to europe. it is not for living in, is it??!! for me the high cost of living has always been the main deterrent (ever since having children, that is. i picture myself now rather in kansas with a quiet place that may accommodate a garden and a tree house.) who wants to live in an amazing urban scene when one by necessity stays home all the time anyway? but i knew santa barbara was not the place for us to stay either. that has been on my heart for several years. i am SO relieved we moved. and in recent years it has become clear that san francisco is a place where we must be, at least for awhile. thomas has been feeling the call for this city in many ways, and i love that it is my duty to follow and support, not worrying about cost of living and details about the future. if i were the head of the family, i would worry, you see. but God has made my job very clear, and so i am not stressed by decisions that are not mine to make. where God leads thomas is where He is leading me. that is marriage, and i feel blessed for the protection and covering it affords. of course i do not sit there like a doormat. my opinion is made known. but i speak it as my opinion, not my ultimatum. and peace reigns in a house with an arrangement like that. how thankful i am to have learned that!

the weeks before the move were rather stressful, yes, i kept feeling that i would like to pack more every night and the days were dwindling. i know how crazy it is to move, but i have never done it with two children before. and i was determined to pack everything in an organized fashion this time. thanks to emilie barnes' "survival for busy women," i had my packing plan, i just needed time to implement it! but i did in the end manage to pack most of our things with my very organized card file system. (now if only i could have convinced my husband to let me do the same with his things as well!!!) still, the end was very, very crazy. we got a storage space in santa barbara for now, because we were staying with thomas' friend Al in SF to begin with. during the last few days, he did nothing but move things into storage, sell furniture, clear things out, etc. etc. which left me to finish the home packing and do all the cleaning. poor thomas, i am sure he would have loved to take over a lot of the cleaning. he was just too swamped. then there was easter in the middle of it all (easter was on sunday the 4th, and tues. the 6th was our last day in the apt.) and for me the challenge was finding time to do this intense work. mostly during children's naps and night sleeps. my MOPS table ladies came through in an amazing way. every night for the last week, someone brought over dinner for us! that was such a gift from God, i had no idea i would need that, but i did! most of my afternoons are normally spent preparing dinner.

we had people stop in here and there to help clean, too, what amazing friends we have made! holly lomelino took my children more than once so i would have time. melissa came by several times, naomi dillon cleaned my entire fridge and freezer, heather purvis came over and worked on blinds, baseboards, bathrooms and cupboards! abby swaney from mops took the girls 9-5 on monday. i have never left them for that long! monday night i stayed up til 3 am cleaning, since i had no arrangements for the girls the next day, but i was able to drop them off at holly's again, praise God, and that is where they stayed until 10:30 that night. we were intending to leave on tuesday after we got it all cleaned, but by tuesday afternoon there were still piles of unorganized things on our living room floor, and it was getting quite clear that this would not be done in time to make a 350-mile trek that evening. we made arrangements to stay at the dillons that night. another big thank you! holly had sent over some boys from the dp house, and that was such an encouragement to me, in that last stretch, we didn't even know them, and they came in there, and did everything i asked! baseboards, walls, light fixtures, vacuuming, blinds, windows, closets. i know it would not have gotten done without them. and they accepted nothing in return! they didn't even want pizza! wow, God has his angels everywhere.

i had been pretty concerned about inhaling cleaning chemicals in my pregnant state, but there was nothing to be done about it. by tuesday evening, however, i started to feel very strange in my abdomen. my stomach had been hurting ever since lunch, and now i thought i was feeling tightening in the womb, and i hadn't noticed the baby moving. horrible thoughts. melissa was over cleaning out the space under and behind the fridge, and she made me sit down for awhile. she prayed for me, and as soon as she did, the baby started moving. soon i was able to start vacuuming again. and on and on we went, until yes, 10:30 that night. when i saw the bags and bags and piles of things that we were intending to bring to san francisco now (instead of storing), my heart sank. there were already 2 motorcycles and 2 bicycles in the back of the truck, and then to bring 3 guitars?... the girls and i had in the volvo filled with 3 suitcases and 2 plastic bins and a pack n play and some bedding, and bathroom stuff, and then the food for the journey must fit, and laptop and bible and children! we had to fit a crib mattress into the truck for sparrow to have a bed at al's, and then there was all of thomas' needed clothing and some file boxes with paperwork and thomas' feldenkrais blankets and random bags of: children's helmet, bicycle helmet, lamps to bring, etc. my, it was a stash! but somehow the next morning he made it all fit, and by 10 am we were really off on the journey!!

the girls and i listened to sparrow's new cds from holly: "questions with answers" which i'd never heard of before. it is all systematic songs about the basic doctrine questions, with verse references in the songs, it was amazing! i was getting all choked up with it! ah the beauty of truth. it is a 3-cd set by Dana Dirksen, a mother of six. get your hands on the original, lovely, edifying music at Songs for Saplings. I LOVE that we have come to this crazy city, and my Sparrow now belts out "will God ever die? NO! God lives forever!" as we are out and about, instead of some meaningless swill about duckies on a pond... seriously, these songs playing in the car as we drive about town reminds me why we are here, and that we are part of a different culture of peace, joy, and victory! here is a little synopsis of our journey north:

10 am- the journey begins! golden and sparrow really into saying "goodbye, goleta! goodbye mountains! goodbye santa barbara beaches!"
11 am-golden falls asleep. blanket in her window keeps out the sun.
12:30 pm- atascadero. lunch at in-n-out. i had been talking to omi on the phone for 40 mins. or so. (still no baby for her. now due end of april.) girls love the french fries. change golden's poopy diaper standing up in the parking lot. (my dream: every public place equipped with a changing table.)
1:30 pm- on the road again.
2 pm- sparrow falls asleep. i am almost falling asleep myself. need coffee!
2:45 pm- starbucks stop near salinas. oj for girls. change golden's poopy diaper again! on grass this time. good thing she tells us when she has a poopy diaper! i wouldn't have checked...
3:30 pm-on the road again.
4:30 pm-near san jose. bathroom stop at krispy kreme. make an obligatory purchase of 1 donut to share among us. golden learns the word "donut" with alarming speed. golden poops again! (aren't you supposed to poop less while traveling?) thank God krispy kreme has a changing table. thomas puts gas in the truck. almost back on the 101, we see the traffic is really slow and make a quick turnaround, stopping off near a business park with some grass and trees. girls and i take a walk and play with the snapdragons at google headquarters.
5:30 pm- on the road again. traffic is slow but not awful. we've gotta go forward.
6:15 pm- arrival in san francisco at 121 gladstone ave. uncle al receives us with such loveliness. a whole room, with a beautifully made up futon bed awaits. thomas unpacks the cars and then goes to trader joe's to get us some dinner. golden falls asleep before dinner in the pack n play. sparrow stays up late. 1st evening in san francisco!

yes, and uncle al has been super lovely the whole time: patient, gentle, allowing free use of his kitchen, bathroom, etc. he lends me his gps system, gives advice on the city, helps bring in the groceries, plays with the girls, and generally never has any disparaging tone or word. but we know we can't stay here forever! we MUST get our own place, and thomas MUST get work. we are leaning on the Lord, crying out to him, but we know we must also act. applications are in to peet's and trader joe's around town, and that may be what is necessary in the beginning, but i have faith for much more, a job that will make thomas amazed at God's specific provision and grace, a job that will pay for cost of living here, and we know that that is what God will bring if He intends for us to stay.

the girls and i have been having a bit of a vacation feeling, exploring the city, and it has brought very memorable adventures. they are adjusting beautifully. in this whole process, golden even weaned herself! i don't think i've nursed her even just for comfort in several days! she now prefers to snuggle. thought i was going to have a hard time trying to do this without overwhelming her about the timing of the move, the baby, etc. i really didn't want to wean her at all, i think she's too young to have it forced on her, so i am glad she did it herself.

all in all, we are doing great. so thankful to the Lord for all the friends who supported our going and gave money, time, etc. to make it happen. so many of our SB friends sacrificed for us, and that is humbling. Christ in action. the church here is great, we have been to 2 sundays now, and people are really excited we are here. i think that the intensity of the city has also spurred us on to increase the intensity of the Christian training of our children. our family devotion times have been sweet. all to God and for God, we remember He is good no matter what happens.

excited about letters

2010-04-01T01:14:00.000-07:00

sparrow has been getting into the beginnings of writing letters. the first sound we have worked on is the "oo" sound, and her first written words were "boot" and "boo." this was not a systematic teaching of mine, but rather grew out of a book we were reading called "toot and puddle" by holly hobbie. (a wonderful book with great illustrations.) the repetition of the short name "toot" made it easy for her to learn to read it, and we went on to writing from there.

here are her first written words:

doing great, and she writes whenever she gets the chance! but look what ended up on her grandmother's easter card last night!! i laughed until i cried.

then tonight, she wanted to play "coffee." she said, "i'll be the person that earns the money and you be the person that buys the coffee." she poured me a nice latte that cost twenty dollars. then she wrote me a receipt!

i am loving this. precious moments in the midst of moving craziness.

pregnancy update #1

2010-03-14T00:56:00.001-08:00

i realize i haven't updated about this pregnancy at all! i must be about 20 weeks now, due around the end of august?

i was pretty nauseous and tired for about 6 weeks, which now that it's behind me, wasn't that bad! plus, this time i tried to keep a good attitude about it and see it all as part of the great amazing blessing of being able to bear children.

we are keeping this baby's gender a surprise until it comes out! i never thought i would be one to be able to do that, but i read in a commentary about surrendered motherhood that since God actually describes the womb as a "secret place," we might consider leaving it that way. i never really thought about that psalm (139) in that way before, as giving instruction. perhaps more of a description of how things necessarily were in the time it was written. but God's word is always relevant, and it always instructs. i feel totally at peace with waiting to see what He has chosen for us! last time around i was so shocked when i found out through ultrasound i was having another girl, that it kind of put a damper on the rest of my pregnancy. but now i would not trade my Golden for a hundred boys. even if i never have one. i LOVE having girls.

yesterday sparrow and i were talking about what we thought the gender of the baby might be. i said, "God is making it into whatever it needs to be, for His own glory." sparrow: "is his own glory helping too?"

golden, too, rubs the belly and says "hi, baby!" but mostly she is just really excited to see my belly button and exclaim over it.

i have not seen a doctor or anyone yet. i knew we were moving, so i didn't want to start and then switch. not to mention the clinic in santa barbara was less than desirable for a place to go hang out with two toddlers just to wait and wait, then be poked, prodded, patronized, and admonished. yikes. i am hoping here in the big city there will be more options for care, perhaps even with a female ob, or maybe i can birth at a hospital that has an alternative birthing center! we will see. either way, besides feeling large, i feel fine, baby is moving, and i am not worried. it feels a blessed thing to be me.

the unknown

2010-03-14T00:32:00.000-08:00

i finally packed my first box tonight after meaning to start for the past two weeks... oh well, some of us work better under pressure. i just can't seem to find the time to DO the packing and cleaning! everyday things take up most of my time, and by evening i am usually exhausted and need some relaxation time! i discovered tonight, however, that packing that box was relaxing. i used emilie barnes' note-card and enumerating system, and i feel...powerful! i don't think i've ever done anything that organized in my life. here's what you do:

as you pack your box, you write on a notecard each item that you have placed into it. (preferably you are also previously sorting your items according to category so they are not all "misc" boxes!) if you are going to keep the box in storage or in a closet after the move, you also write on the note card where the box is stored. you label the box with a number, or a color, or both. the note card goes into a note card filing box with categories/colors where you can quickly find each card and locate individual items in corresponding boxes in a matter of minutes. wow. i am planning to do the entire house this way and never get unorganized again.

i seriously wrote down the title of every single book that went into my box #1. but i must confess that in the end, i put a small decorative pillow in the top of the box for "stuffing." the box was getting too heavy to add more books, but still had a little space. i hate wasting space! see, even when i do something unorganized, there is usually a practical purpose behind it. type A's can't have it their way all the time. i am not going out to buy packing paper to fill that space, dangit!

an excerpt from last night's journal entry:
"last night i began to be hitwith a major emotionality/sentimentality for santa barbara. i always knew i was going to miss it when we had to go, but suddenly it was this feeling of "what--have--i--done?!" getting us to leave the greatest place on earth..."

we were thinking that without a job set up in san francisco, we won't have enough money to move there yet. thomas was talking about going to tucson after all while we get SF figured out, but still to keep that as our ultimate goal.

"and now that tucson is a real possibility, of course i am thinking of all the challenges: tiny apartment, no kitchen, no AC in the car, heat, pregnancy, no close parks, no ocean...gosh, are we lucky here! but i realized to day too, that living in santa barbara for us was a bit backward, because the surrounding area and town was always more attractive than the home. in tucson, home will be IT. it will be an intense narrowing down, focusing on family and homestead, with no resort-town outside my door to escape to whenever things get stressful. it dawned on me that most people feel they need to take vacations away from home. i never felt that way here. because every trip into santa barbara is a vacation. each afternoon at the park, every morning at the beach was a vacation.

i drove by so many parks today, as i took the sceninc route home from the zoo in this perfect march sun-winded weather. and each remarkable place i passed brought up waves of sweet, jasmine-scented memories from the fullness of the past seven years. that is why i cried last night. it has all been too beautiful, yet too tragic as we struggled and struggled to get by, hopes sinking more each year that we would find a way out of the rut. but all of this will soon be a memory, nay, a fantasy in our remembrance, as we will surely remember nothing but the magic of this enchanting place."

here's to the unknown!

note: we are really still hoping to make SF work right away... we are going to have to ask for help and find a place with friends or family where we can crash while thomas finds a job. pray for favor! it is not easy to ask for help, nor to find those that are even able to extend it.

february funnies

2010-03-10T23:36:00.001-08:00

"God's thinking, 'hmmm...some people are singing about some animals that i made!' " -feb. 7
(we were singing 'he's got the whole world in his hands.')

"my tights are so pretty and miraculous." -feb. 8

"we're making noises like this: 'blablablablab!' cause this is gonna be a blab house." -feb. 12

"i like your hair. what did they use to put it on you?" -feb. 13
(nothing unusual about my hair, either! just normal that day.)

"if we move to kansas, i can have a tree house? oh, in kansas they must not make you go to school without your parents." -feb. 13
(she suddenly projects all her fantasies onto kansas and now thinks it is this amazing wonderland, just because i said once, "sure, you can have a treehouse--if we ever move to kansas!)

"if you wipe my butt and i wipe your butt, ...we'll be twins!" -feb. 20

golden: saw a picture of a lamb's behind and said promptly, "booty!" -feb. 21

golden's many words now include mini phrases such as:
like it!
open it!
have it!
get it!
got it!
do it!
eat that!
tickle me!
buckle me!
close the door!

she also likes to point things out and say "see? birdie!" or "see? lulah!" (for tallulah in the maisie books)
the other day she pointed to my cow calendar and said, "who dat? da moo!"
she is beginning to get the concept of reading, and it is hilarious. she calls every letter a "B" and then she usually sounds it out like this: "k, k, k...mama!" yes, she thinks that every word spells mama. ah, mother's bliss!
oh and she is getting really good at humpty dumpty! "dumpy dumpy da, da, da, WALL!"
she also loves to say "lula!" (hallelujah!) but it's mainly because thomas likes to lift her up in the air when he declares "hallelujah!" and she now thinks that it is her ticket to a free ride!
every time she sees change, she calls it "bank!" cause she has a little piggy bank...

other words:
popcorn (doocorn)
belly button
glasses (in english, now!)
airplane (she mostly says that in english too, although there were a few days there where she was calling airplanes "lukluk," for german "flugzeug.")
monkey
lemon
orange (pronounced correctly now, not "dunge.")
sour dough
no touch
UG! (when thomas left the house without giving her a hug one day)
castle (her castle tent)
belly
snuggle (nuggle)
shake-da-booty (ralph covert has this great kids version of the shake your booty song. golden's favorite!)
bloke (broke)
nose
chair
hair
eyes
feet
dancing
song
hands
messy!
sorry
plo-do (play-doh)
outside

german:
matsch (mud)
eek (musik, pronounced actually in german mooz-eek)
apf (kopf, head)
messer (knife)
strumpf (sock)

another hilarious thing of hers is that when you ask her a question, she starts with "um..." =)
and she will pray in the evenings, just like sparrow. she points to each one of us and sweetly thanks for "do-den, mami, daddy, sister, sparrow, dick (uncle rick), and dotes (chris coates)...umen!"
also, if you ask her if she wants something, even if she has just said she wants it, she says, "no?" and shakes her head. she rarely ever says yes to a question!

january jollies

2010-02-05T22:15:00.000-08:00

"sometimes, when we go to heaven, we can leave some of our stuff at home." -jan. 2

"i like feeling golden's skin. it's so skinny." -jan. 2

"i made a big nest for golden to sleep in when she's about...two." -jan. 8

sparrow telling me about her dream:
"...and it poked me in the back with its mouth."
me: "what poked you in the back?"
sp: "a fierce bad lizard." -jan. 10

"here's my baby. i named her rubella. that's her first name. she might not be named squasher after all because that might be a boy name." -jan. 10

"golden put the rabbit on the ground! ...she's a nice girl, but sometimes she does mean things."
-jan. 12

"her ice is dissing appear!" (she meant "disappearing") -jan. 16

me: "did you make this cake?"
sp: "yes, and it's chocolate. and i put sugar in it and chocolate in it and fried beans in it and oats in it." -jan. 19

(we were looking at a page of school stickers and sparrow was having me read each phrase aloud. this particular one had a lisa-frank style pony on it)
sp: "what does this one say?"
me: "giant step forward."
sp: "you mean, 'giant, step out of the way, because horsie's walking'?" -jan. 21

"i feel someone knocking on my heart." -jan. 25

"my horse is really stinky and dirty. i'm gonna milk it."
later,
"oh no! the acorns fell in the milk! ...what a waste of acorns!" -jan. 27

thirteen years

2010-02-03T21:29:00.000-08:00

i had a dream last night that i was sitting with a friend in my parents' old house in arizona. that precious, beloved, colorful, light-filled house, waiting for my mother to come home. i was adolescent. we finally spotted her, light-haired, cheerful, and lanky, walking around the house through the desert. she walked around it a few times, and i knew she was trying to surprise us, but finally she came to the front door and i ran up and gave her a big hug. she had been out of town and had a pint of wheat kernels in her hand. she handed me the container; i said, "what are you going to do with these? sprout them?" and i took the container over to the counter to rinse the kernels. i mostly remember the joy radiating all around her, and i remember myself: so happy to see her, so eager to help her do what she wanted to do. this is the part that i felt so poignantly because that is not the relationship i had with my mother. yes, she really was an amazing, joyful woman who loved to sing and smile, encourage and enjoy...and sprout things. but as for me, i was usually annoyed as a teenager, speaking disrespectfully most of the time, hating to help in the house, and exhibiting frequent impatience and anger.

i realized at some point during today that tomorrow will be thirteen years since my mother died. but i didn't make the connection with the hazy cobwebs of that dream until this evening. of course that is why i dreamed about her! that picture was a picture from God of how the mother-daughter relationship is supposed to be. what i could have been to her if i had been submitted. but it was not so much a guilt trip, although i suppose i always feel it a little bit around this time of year, but a beautiful encouragement and reminder: this is how i have to raise my daughters. with joy, with diligence, getting them involved in what we do at home, and with insistence upon respect. especially cultivating respect in these early years. i believe it will help them to be self-controlled in the home and able to enjoy genuinely good family relationships. Lord, help me to be as light and radiant as You made my mother, and help me to honor You and honor her in the way i raise my girls. thank You for showing me a glimpse of that beautiful mother of mine in heaven! young, beautiful, free of disease, full of laughter, and still growing things. May my own little sprouts have a lot of her in them.

godliness with contentment

2010-01-20T22:26:00.000-08:00

the things one stumbles upon in muddled early morning hours when the mind is not yet functioning, but somehow is best able to receive those still words from the other world... can be so new and fascinating. a big step of understanding taken, when my eyes are yet bleary from sleep and my brain still covered with dream-webs. and when i unearth these things, it is not as if i've never known it, it is more a recognition; things my spirit has known but my mind and body blocked out in the concreteness and constant clamoring of the five senses. not to mention the constant winds of culture and society, even the society of the church... the struggle now is to grasp it while it is at the surface, and keep it there to inform my LIFE, not merely my intellect. and my key word that morning was: contentment.

1 timothy 6:6 "but godliness actually is a means of great gain when accompanied by contentment."

it wasn't just that morning. God has really been bringing me on a journey of knowing contentment for several years. i suppose if i were He, i would have thought to do it by giving me my heart's desires: steady income, plenty of new clothes to wear, and a place to grow a garden. but He hasn't gone about it that way; on the contrary, He has been taking the hope of these things away more and more, little by little. and little by little i am learning to trust Him, and getting happier. what a lesson for parenting: fostering contentment not by coddling, or the giving in to desires, but by persistent love and communication, and by making things more minimal.

but what struck me about this verse was the way that contentment seemed to be presented as a prerequisite to godliness, or if not a prerequisite, the key to unlocking the treasures of godliness. if godliness is a means of gain to a person when accompanied by contentment, can it be concluded that godliness without contentment is of little gain? i looked around me and saw a generation of Christians, dedicated to seeking godliness yet without peace. committed to church, having fun in fellowship, serving in projects, but tossed to and fro yet by the world's lusts, the world's entertainment, and the world's attitudes. by their feelings and desires. WHY does a Christian look no different? WHERE are the soldiers for God's end-time army? why is all this godliness of such little gain? contentment, He whispered. the key is contentment. and how does one become content? how did i? by surrender. a giving up of dreams, of self, time, energy, future, desires, and demands. if you sink into the ocean, the waters are peaceful below. the world is clamoring so loudly that the message of self-sacrifice is harder and harder to translate. people tell you not to lose yourself, to take time for yourself, do something you want to do. but Jesus said that in losing your life you will find it. for me that means being ok with being frumpy sometimes. not keeping up with fashion as i would like. not watching movies i would like to. biting my tongue when i am tired and feel overburdened and snappy. even biting my tongue when i know i am justified, logical, or righteous.

for me, this surrender did have a lot to do with discovering the ancient paths, "returning" to a new culture unlocked in the Word. Jeremiah 6:16 says, "Thus says the LORD,'Stand by the ways and see and ask for the ancient paths,where the good way is, and walk in it;And you will find rest for your souls.But they said, 'We will not walk in it.' " how peaceful i have felt this past year as i have begun to learn to walk in it, to surrender to how the Lord made me; He has taught me to love and embrace motherhood, not just love my children while holding motherhood itself at arms' length. He has taught me the importance of my womb in my identity as a woman, also the preciousness of my words. my circumstances are no better than the ones i was clamoring to get out of and complaining about a year and two ago, but my heart...my heart is content. and i am confident that will unlock more and more of this kind of gain; heart and marrow, eternal vision, peace and freedom to live.

golden's words

2010-01-03T21:25:00.000-08:00

golden is acquiring words at the pace of at least one per day now, and i am not too surprised that most of them are english. (today she kept saying "the butt! the butt!" after her bath.) but she has some good german ones going as well. she also does car sounds, airplanes, trains, animals, etc. on dec. 1st we were all amused before our naptime to observe her all alone in her crib doing a train sound to herself over and over: "tg-tg-tg-tg-tg hoo, hoo!" sparrow told me even today (jan. 3rd): "golden is really good at playing." yep! another thing i find so hilarious about her is that she says "the" (or "da") in front of many of her words. here is a list of as many words as i can remember that she can currently say.

pillow
dog
dress
cookie
sticker
the bite (when she's begging daddy for food)
down
balloon
moon
ball
the baby
cereal (unclearly, but i can still tell what she's saying)
hide
hider (what they call the sun shades for the car window)
soup (pronounced "doup!")
chips (pronounced "dipsh")
book
the car
night-night
chair
up-up-up (when she wants up)
all right! & let's go! & hey hey! (when we're singing the dora the explorer song)
let's go (when she wants to leave)
the bird
boots (as in, the monkey from d. the explorer)
snack
knock knock (pronounced "na-nack.")
jeans
sparrow
off (esp. when she wants me to take her shoes or socks off)
pray
park

german:
decke (blanket) (pronounced by golden "dagacka")
mehr (more)
baer (bear)
schuh (shoe)
baum (tree)
nass (wet)
nase (nose)
hase (rabbit)
brille (glasses)
tschuess (bye)
wasser (water)
tee (tea)
tuer (door)
laut (loud)
kacke (poop)
amen (amen)

golden also has several words that she consistently says in her very own way:
bambum (means "apple")
datadung (means "i want a drink of water")
gakung (means "uncle")
papo (means "opa," grandpa)

the other day i caught golden praying! she was looking at a little board book that has a song with written music on the last page. when she got to the last page, she leaned over the ottoman and the book, folded her hands, bowed her head, and did a little quiet mumbling to herself. then she straightened up and said "amen." i have no idea why that book compelled her to pray, but she seems to do it quite often when she looks at that one! maybe it's the music that reminds her of worship/devotion time? golden actually has been the one to remind us to pray at the table several times! suddenly she folds her hands or says "pray." so amazing how they can catch on so early!

december declarations

2010-01-03T21:03:00.000-08:00

(looking out the car window)
"mom, maybe that bird gone astray." -dec. 2

"hey, look, there's a slave lion!" (it was a sphinx in a magazine. she didn't know what to call it, but made up the most logical name, from having seen 'the prince of egypt.')
"mom, stop pretending like you're the police." -dec. 6

(talking about going to see the snow)
"...and golden will hope that it's really warm, but it's COLD." -dec. 7

"i'll fought him!" (runs after Dad) -dec. 7

"you'll be dora and i'll be mary and golden will be ABC. but golden is already ABC." (don't ask me what she meant! -dec. 8

sp: "i'm squirting like a squirt-hog."
me: "what's a squirt-hog?"
sp: "it's a raccoon who squirts." -dec. 16

(singing to the tune of "o come let us adore Him")
"o come look at my paper, o come look at my paper!" -dec. 17

(singing her made-up christmas song)
"she held him close, she held him close, she held him close in her wraps...the song of a bird came to mary...and her tears came down and down and down..." -dec. 18

me: "where's the moon tonight?"
sp: "maybe it went out on a date. it's not in our country. maybe it went to school." -dec. 18

(building with blocks)
"look at these mistimulus buildings." (i think she meant 'mysterious' but she retained the word 'stimulus' from political radio from the car, no doubt!) -dec. 18

"let's hope the sun doesn't go down while we're taking a nap." -dec. 20

(telling a story)
"...and one day when he was going to the store, he realized that it was his birthday. and eyeore thought he was going to die when it was his birthday. but it wasn't a dying birthday, it was a happy christmas party birthday. 'happy christmas!' said everyone." -dec. 22

sp: "it's a digit in here!"
me: "what's a digit?"
sp: "a digit is a kind of place that we don't like." -dec. 26

me: "the pharaohs worshiped the sun, and the moon, water...things like that."
sp, mysteriously: "maybe they worshiped house." -dec. 30

"mom, some of the poop came out like frosting! wanna see?" (pointing excitedly behind her into the toilet) -dec. 30

a new one

2010-01-02T22:47:00.000-08:00

the christmas craziness is over, the much loved, but dead and crackly tree which barely hung on, reluctantly absconded with and ornaments mostly put away. and here we are, left not with melancholy, but with freshness, newness. new year and a new child on the way.

christmas day the queasy and tired feeling began after our porkulous breakfast of pancakes and bacon. i thought for several days that it was only the effects of all the bad food we had eaten. but when i didn't want my coffee on sunday morning, i knew something was up. i also began craving potatoes that night, and didn't stop eating them through monday. i held off taking the test til tuesday morning, but on the 29th it became official, and we are overjoyed.

this pregnancy feels different already because i am different. i am happy and contented. i embrace it all as part of the blessed joy of using my body the way God intended. He wants to create LIFE in me! it is becoming more and more foreign to me how i could ever have been of the mindset of saying "no" to what God created me for. well, i have a womb, and why would i say to Him, "why did you make me this way?" everything's peaceful here then. we can do with less. we are His soldiers and He makes us strong. but we also have great expectations. and waterfalls of grace are pouring down as we humbly accept God's highest calling: the working out of His father heart and mother heart in us.

november funnies

2009-12-09T22:10:00.000-08:00

ah! so much to write about! but putting together family christmas packages must trump blogging. for now, i give you...november funnies.

sparrow, getting up out of bed:
"my feet need a rest... from resting." -nov. 3

sp: "you sly old fox! she's a baby!"
me: "what? who's the sly old fox?"
sp: "golden."
me: "well then who's the baby?"
sp: "the sly old fox!" -nov. 3

"i like molasses! tastes like evergreen trees!" -nov. 11

"it smells like recycle inside my mouth." -nov. 13

"it smells really good inside my mouth. maybe some little someone is inside my mouth licking it." -nov. 13

me: "what starts with the letter H?"
sp: "hudo."
me: "hello? yes!"
sp: "no, hudo."
me: "hudo? yes, right! whatever hudo is, it starts with H."
sp: "hudo means that you are a ban-o. and bano means that that you are eating a brown banana and some white popcorn." -nov. 13

"my ball's name is 'be-calm-and-quiet-bebo.'" -nov. 14

sp: "let's make donuts!"
me: "um...i don't know how to make donuts. but i think it requires a lot of grease. i don't have a lot of grease."
sp: "how about our home will be filled with grease. and there's gonna be some on the top and on the middle and on the bottom, and then our house will be full of grease. and then we can fill our cups with grease." -nov. 18 (now doesn't that sound nice!)

sparrow has been drawing little creatures, i must scan some and post them soon, they are absolutely charming. they are just what most early "people drawings" look like: a single shape for torso and head, with features and limbs drawn in. i love them. the other day sparrow was working really hard on drawing her creatures and she was getting pretty frustrated with how the heads were not turning out perfectly circular. when she started to whimper, i asked her what was wrong, and she blurted out, "i--i'm only making lemons! i can only make stupid guys!" -nov. 18

singing many interesting made-up songs lately. one:
"let me go, let me go, let me go, oh beauty, oh beauty, oh beauty..." -nov. 18

"i like my lunch! glorious!" -nov. 18 (aw. that's the best compliment anyone ever paid me for boiled gnocci with ketchup!)

(after drinking water)
"some water is in my tummy! but pretty soon, when i grow up, i'm gonna have a baby in my tummy, and there will still be some water in there, and my baby will be swimming around." -nov. 18

me: "do you need a night-light?"
sp: "i need a daylight!" -nov. 25

mitchell leaves the house after retrieving his sunglasses.
sparrow leans close to me and whispers,
"mom, some people don't know that we aren't supposed to slam the door." (hahahahaha!) -nov. 30

a strange experience

2009-11-12T00:25:00.000-08:00

poor sparrow (age 3 1/2) had the oddest experience yesterday, the kind that could stick in your memory and make you fearful of certain places/ people.

we were at stowe grove park around lunch time, when sparrow told me that she had to go #2. there is only a port-a-potty there, so i was hoping she could wait til we got home, but she had to go SO badly that she had to sit down in the sand while i went off to fetch her shoes across the playground. we had to remove her puffy princess dress before we went in, too, as i did not want potty germs smearing themselves on that mass of fabric... i left her dress outside on the bike rack.

the port-a-potty was out of seat covers, of course, but there was no way i could hold her hovering over the seat for that long, so she had to sit down on the seat. i had her hold on to me, though, instead of grabbing the seat with her hands, as there was no soap/water to wash with after. there we sat in that potty for AGES! it was a bountiful load, it kept on coming!

i stood there and listened to the sounds outside. birds chirping, golden playing with thomas, etc. then some new people were arriving at the park. i could hear talking, firm footsteps, and a strange shouting. i was wondering what these newcomers would think of the dress outside, when all of a sudden, someone tried the door. it was locked, but the door was RIPPED open, and there stood a very tall, red-haired, red-moustached man with a horrible, scary, angry expression on his face! he was shocked/disappointed to see us, made a disappointed sound, and then made the most horrifying angry grunt/shout as he SLAMMED the door back shut and proceeded to grunt and shout irately and unintelligibly outside the potty. he would not stop! i reached over and slid the lock back in place, realizing this was not a normally developed person. a woman's voice from outside said "sorry," and i tried to say "that's ok," but the damage was done. when i looked down at sparrow she was weeping in utter fear. i wanted to get out of there as soon as possible, but it was hard trying to calm her down enough to get her to respond to my question of "are you all done?" i had to soothe her by telling her it was just an accident and that he just needed to go to the bathroom really bad. "it's alright. mommy's here. daddy's here. he didn't know you were in here." meanwhile the scary sounds kept coming from outside. finally she was able to tell me she was done, and we quickly finished. but by the time we emerged, the group had decided to go to the restrooms across the other side of the park, and were walking away at quite a distance now. i wished sparrow could have gotten a bit more closure. thomas wished so too, and took her to follow them, so that she could say hi at least, and i think he wanted to talk to the care giver too, to see if she could not have prevented her charge from ripping open a public restroom door... but they were already too far away for them to catch up easily. we talked about it with sparrow a little more, telling her that that man was just a little boy inside that could not express himself and was mad only because he had to go potty so badly. we prayed. thankfully the group came walking by again, and we encouraged sparrow to say hello, which she did. none of them heard her, but i was proud of her chipper voice and attitude.

i really hope this does not traumatize her experience of port-a-potties for the rest of her life, or makes her fearful of strangers, alone times, or interacting in public. i know my own skittish imagination could have run wild with that when i was younger, and the fear could have haunted me for years. so far we have not referred to the occurrence again, nor has she, thankfully.

when i got home, i decided to wash her bottom before her nap, just in case. there were blue splatters from the port-a-potty liquid chemicals ALL over her bottom and legs. gross! which is worse, getting traumatized for life, or getting some weird disease from port-a-potty juice?

october quotable

2009-11-09T22:29:00.000-08:00

"i want it buttoned all the way because it's not fair to see my nakedness." -oct. 4

when i called sparrow "little miss chocolate," she said, "where's mr. chocolate? ...hey! maybe my baby brother will grow up, and then he'll be my size, and then he'll get some chocolate, and then he'll be mr. chocolate!" (where is this baby brother she's talking about?!) -oct. 4

(naming a new stuffed animal)
"her first name is meleusa and her middle name is gabzooga and her last name is star. and her very last name is chanca." -oct. 5

(we were making shepherd's pie that eve...)
"are we gonna put shepherds in the pie?" -oct. 6

me: "oh i know what we could have brought to class for C--a cross!"
sp, cheerfully: "we could bring a cross, to die on!" -oct. 8

sp: "i don't want the blanket to get poop on it."
me: "me neither. but it won't. we'll be careful."
sp singing: "oh be careful little blanket what you--get on yourself!" -oct. 9

"i love daddy, but i don't want him to wash my hair." -oct. 10

(talking about thanksgiving.)
sp: "and myself can come."
me: yourself? absolutely, yourself is one of the most important people that should be there, for me."
sp: "and for me." -oct. 15

"some people have to move somewhere where they can have christmas." -oct. 20

sp: "can i have the berries, mom?"
me: "no, they're for my wreath."
sp: "no, i mean for the owl to eat. the fake owl doesn't have any food. ...i guess he'll go out for bugs." -oct. 21

sp: "what did daddy say?"
me: "he said he was gonna do the dishes."
sp: "he's the best man for me ever." -oct. 21

sparrow had a booger on her finger. she held it up to the night light and said excitedly,
"warm it by the light! warm it by the light!" -oct. 21

sp: "i love to go to uncle's birthday, it's fun, and we're gonna have animal cake. we're gonna catch a zebra and put it in the cake."
me: "and what's gonna happen when we cut the cake?"
sp: "there's gonna be zebra pieces in the cake, like marshmallows." -oct. 23

"there's a loooooot of fairies in germany." -oct. 25

"am i ever gonna roll away to heaven?" -oct. 25

"mommy! i don't want to be all by myself with golden and God and the angels." -oct. 26

me: "i have an idea! we could make a lemonade stand and you could sell lemonade!"
sp: "i have an idea! i could sell sucking pigs and you could sell lemonade!" -oct. 27
(we had been reading "farmer boy" by laura ingalls wilder in the evenings)

golden: "bye bye, dad." -oct. 27 (first phrase!)
and "hi, mama." -oct. 28

(sparrow putting on her tiara)
"i'm gonna be the queen of helping."
and later,
"i'm gonna be the queen of not helping." -oct. 29

me: "what should we have for lunch?"
sp: "i'm gonna have apples and hot sauce." -oct. 29

"the mommy got some new children. and she switched her old ones to someone else." -oct. 29 (pretend playing with her teddy and other stuffed animals.)

"mom, are you gonna do the next thing?" -late oct.

sp: "are we gonna be sad?"
me: "no."
sp: "then why is it sadder-day?" -oct. 31

"this 'E' is the duck's uncle! his name is katie. ...he's a girl uncle." -oct. 31

baby snazz contest!

2009-11-01T23:06:00.000-08:00

check it out, you can enter to win 20 pairs of baby leg warmers at babysnazz.com! i love the "baby legs" brand in particular for little ones and melontree is great for toddlers and older children. FUN! perfect for christmas presents, anyone?