wow, i just checked my calendar, and apparently i am 16 weeks already, i kept thinking 14 1/2! time goes by so much faster with the second one. praise God. i am 40.4% of the way there! baby is about 2.8 ounces and 4.6 inches with working bladder function and fully formed fingernails.
We finally had our 1st "real" checkup last thursday, which meant actually getting to hear the heartbeat! it sounded a lot slower than i remember sparrow's, and it was loud and booming, not like her little beating-wings sound. thomas and sparrow got to come with me and we are now not only referring to new baby as "belly button baby," like sparrow, but also "boom boom baby." which is satisfying for now.
the county clinic is a cultural experience in itself. i could already tell that from my first visit there. i kid you not, they gave me a one-hour "total health" interview in which i swear they asked me if i could read, and how often i wear my seatbelt in the car. hahahahaha! also, i was almost 10 minutes late to my first appointment, and it turned out i hadn't received paperwork in the mail which they normally send. so i had to go sign this paper in the back office where the assistant guy was like, "oh, where are the english ones?!" he couldn't find them so i told him i could read spanish and sign that one. then he was saying something along the lines of how responsible i seemed. "we'll see about that," i said. because i felt it was a bit unfair of him to judge me as he seemed to be comparing me to other patients. "well, you were on time, at least, and most people can't even do that." what? interesting. i wasn't on time. but he had already decided about me, and in his mind i had been on time. well at least that one interpreted things in my favor.
for the second visit, the nurse practitioner ordered an ultrasound for me at 15 weeks, as well as iron pills. don't question a county health worker. or most any western medical worker who tells you anything, for that matter. i asked her if there were different types of iron supplements, and she said, "no, they're all the same, get the cheapest one, here's a prescription." then i asked her if it would really be necessary to get an ultrasound at 15 weeks, since i know they do one at 20 weeks to determine the sex. i would prefer not to have too many ultrasounds, and when i explained to her that i have read they can be harmful to the fetus' brain and are linked to ADD and other attention problems, she thought i was nuts, as she herself had "never heard that before." "here, come with me," she said, and charged out into the hallway to find some other random woman. "look, here, she's been doing ultrasounds for 30 years--have you ever heard that they can be harmful?" "no." "see, there you go!" (virtual pat on the head, thank you!) i am not so easily placated. "well since it's not that early on any more, i am really not that concerned, i just want to know that i have options." "options? yeah, oh yes, of course you have options! hahaha!" (later the other lady took me aside and told me that i absolutely did not have to have a 15-wk. ultrasound, esp. since the only purpose was to confirm my due date, and i was really sure on my cycle dates anyways. that's better.) oh, and on the iron pills: i KNOW there are different types of vitamins, some are much better than others. i am choosing to buy my own food-based pre-natals, for example, because the only ones doctors write prescriptions for are the synthetic ones, which can do more harm than good. so i go home and look at my food-based prenatal vitamins. they have iron in them. i have just been taking only half the dosage, since i am running low. but i will now take the full dosage, and skip the scary pills they gave me at the clinic, which say on the label, i kid you not, "do NOT lie down within 30 minutes after taking this product!" and "do NOT consume this product one hour before or within 2 hours after consuming: eggs, whole grains, antacids, ..." the list went on! any pregnant woman that could keep those things straight is miraculous--i eat whole grains for every meal--i'm sorry! besides, you should have seen the list of side effects. my prenatals say nothing about those kinds of goings-on. oh yes, but it's all the same, and it's all perfectly fine.
at least all the other results of my blood tests came out fine. no risks of major things with the baby, at least not that they can see. they took six vials of blood the first time i went to the clinic--sweet. i had asked them if they could have dr. green send over my medical records, since i have had all these blood tests before--maybe it could save us at least half of them? and they looked at me and said, "...no." "why not?" "that's just how we do things here. we have to do all our own bloodwork." great. welcome to the system. you'd think some smart, thinking person could say, "hey! we could save a lot of time and money if we had patients' previous medical records sent to us!" but no. they insisted on taking six vials of my blood, and that was just the first extraction. if they try to make me take that glucose drink again (neon green) i am flat-out refusing. i'll sign a waiver. that crap i'm sure does more harm than good. i do NOT have gestational diabetes!
well, enough on that ranting. now quickly for my thoughts on boys and girls. or have i already stated this? i think i did. however, for the record, here is the basic thought: i love girls. a girl would be great for sparrow to have by her side. now why do people see it as a cursed thing to have 2 girls in a row? i know ia m getting kinda defensive here, but there is a 52% chance of having a girl! just wanna get that out there and say that girls are amazing. i was the second girl, and i am hecka glad i am around! i think my parents even liked me a little bit! besides, if i were planning on only having 2 kids, the pressure would be a little bit stronger on the male end. you know men want to have their male offspring. and americans want you to have one of each, and then stop. one of each and a white picket fence and a dog and all your vaccines. that is why they see the second girl as a bane. sure, my life will be different depending on what the outcome is, and here's how: if it is a boy, the pressure for "producing a male heir" (to what?) is off, and i will take a few years break before starting in on my second batch of kids. if it is a girl, ...i guess we will just keep going! hahaha yes, there is that need to satisfy a man's craving for a manchild. i have had visions of 2 little mini-thomases running around in rain boots and little sweat pants. but we'll see if they substantiate.
now, friends, it is 12:15 am, and if i am to start in on my new resolution tomorrow: get up an hour earlier and exercise! (this means 5 am) --then i'd better get to sleep.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Thursday, February 21, 2008
pregnancy journal entry 2
1/24/2008 11:49:00 PM :: no more tea!!
boo--i finally decided to quit drinking dr. miller's wonderful beautiful amazing holy tea, as the company was not getting back to me on if it is REALLY safe during pregnancy or not. there is a warning on the package about "cathartic herbs,... "should not be taken while pregnant or breastfeeding..." but i know for a fact that dr. miller himself had said re: the nursing issue: "would you rather feed your baby through clean pipes or dirty pipes?" and everyone i know in the higher-ups keeps re-iterating how gentle and safe this tea is. i figure the warning was just one of those things they legally had to put on there thanks to the ridiculous fda. i mean, they practically have to put that on chamomile tea nowadays, don't they? but then i started thinking that i'd better not take any chances, so i quit drinking even small amounts of wine, quit coffee (stomach flu helped me get over that in one day), and (sigh) quit the tea. immediately thereafter, i began to feel gross and nauseous on a lot more of a regular basis, so it's making me a bit sad and i can't wait to start again! as soon as i give birth i am having a holy tea/ coffee/ beer and wine party with all my other recent birth-giver friends.
apparently baby is 2 inches long now! and has lips and fingernails. that's pretty cool. have i mentioned that sparrow rubs my belly and says "hi, baby!" it's such a sweet thing. we are trying to get out of her whether she thinks it's a boy or a girl, but she changes her mind quite frequently. i can't remember what i wrote in my last journal entry, but according to my ovulation calculator, it MAY be either, but i think it's probably a girl. which would be great, to have 2 little girls together. the only thing is, for a man the pressure is on to have male offspring, so i wouldn't mind having a boy right now just to get that pressure out of the way! i was the 2nd girl, and sparrow and this next one will be separated in age by the exact amt. of months that me and my sister are. so that would be cool. except i don't remember us getting along that well when we were growing up. but you never know. i pray God gives us one with a compatible personality, and that they will be absolutely best friends.
jen and joseph found out recently that their baby has a triosome condition or something like that. it is some fluke that happens at conception to one in so many babies, having nothing to do with genetics, health of the parents, etc. doctors expect the baby to die either before birth or have so many problems that she will probably not live long afterwards. but God has given them great faith and they are hoping for a miracle. this will be really interesting as i was requested to be a doula at her birth! God has also given them (and others) several dreams of when the child is already 2 or 3 years old, and he clearly gave them the name sarah elizabeth, which is super significant, since both sarah and elizabeth in the Bible had supernatural births. the first thing i thought of really when i heard the news was, "wow, i hope they have good insurance." how would you deal with money stuff in a baby that was health-challenged... but again, maybe she won't be at all. they said they are hearing so many stories of parents that had the same diagnosis, but the babies lived and were normal.
oh i found out i have to get my prenatal care at the county clinic, which is going to be...interesting. i see it as a place swarming with aids patients, junkies, and herpes. but hey, i guess beggars can't be choosers, and at least my prenatal care will be free again. the problem was that doctors are getting fed up with medi-cal, so barely anyone is taking it anymore. the ones i called that were potentially taking it, all said that they were currently "not taking new patients," but i do wonder if they really meant that they just aren't taking medi-cal. i mean, if no doctor is taking new patients, is every woman who gets newly pregnant in santa barbara having to go to the county clinic? i DOUBT it!! well, my registration is next tuesday, and i am resigned to it and don't really mind in the end. at least it's my second baby and i already know sort of what to expect. although the jen and joseph thing really does bring to mind that you NEVER know, and makes me a bit nervous to find out how this one is doing. esp. since i miscarried before. anyhow, the first question i will ask when i go in is how the dr. feels about natural birthing, and if he will allow me to write a birth plan. as long as he will agree to: no routine episiotomy, no iv, freedom of movement in labor, and alternative birthing positions, i think i will be ok. besides that, i just realized we might be moving before this baby ever comes!
we have high hopes for this summer. thomas' season ends early this year, at the end of february, and once i quit my job AND have another baby, in order to stay in this town and survive, he will need to be making about 2 thousand more than he does right now. hm. unless the tea business suddenly thrives and starts bringing in a ton of money. but i don't epect that to happen for another five years or so. anyways, i would LOVE to move out of state. in CA you can get ok rent in some places, but you really have to resign yourself to living in a ghetto area. in other states, you could live in a nice area and have a mortgage for half of what we are paying for our rent on the apartment! with 2 kids especially, it would be so nice to have a yard--i won't be able to take sparrow to the park as much, and she does love to be outside. so--we re praying about where to go! thomas would like to stay in-state for the next 4 years so he can finish his feldenkrais training, but that means we might have to live someplace like stockton. which wouldn't be horrible, i guess. as long as we have a job and our family nucleus, we will be fine. God is big. he knows exactly what we need. week 11 marks the time that i had my miscarriage last time around, and i hate to even think about it, but i can't deny that i have been nervous, and wondering what the difference was... hoping to hold on to this one and not have a repeat of that EVER again. once i am in the 2nd trimester i think i will breathe a bit easier, and that is coming up fairly soon. anyways, no spotting or anything so far at all, so i think we are good. once i am in 2nd trimester, i will have to go to the dentist, too, to get a cavity fixed that has been growing for quite sometime. good stuff. maybe i won't be so tired all the time anymore either... well not much left to say tonight! hopefully i will be journalling with more frequency in the future.
color spot focusing on "belly button baby," as the little one is now referred to by sparrow. yes, the lumpy figure has already set in... (note too that sparrow has 2 toothbrushes in the photo... neither of them hers!)
boo--i finally decided to quit drinking dr. miller's wonderful beautiful amazing holy tea, as the company was not getting back to me on if it is REALLY safe during pregnancy or not. there is a warning on the package about "cathartic herbs,... "should not be taken while pregnant or breastfeeding..." but i know for a fact that dr. miller himself had said re: the nursing issue: "would you rather feed your baby through clean pipes or dirty pipes?" and everyone i know in the higher-ups keeps re-iterating how gentle and safe this tea is. i figure the warning was just one of those things they legally had to put on there thanks to the ridiculous fda. i mean, they practically have to put that on chamomile tea nowadays, don't they? but then i started thinking that i'd better not take any chances, so i quit drinking even small amounts of wine, quit coffee (stomach flu helped me get over that in one day), and (sigh) quit the tea. immediately thereafter, i began to feel gross and nauseous on a lot more of a regular basis, so it's making me a bit sad and i can't wait to start again! as soon as i give birth i am having a holy tea/ coffee/ beer and wine party with all my other recent birth-giver friends.
apparently baby is 2 inches long now! and has lips and fingernails. that's pretty cool. have i mentioned that sparrow rubs my belly and says "hi, baby!" it's such a sweet thing. we are trying to get out of her whether she thinks it's a boy or a girl, but she changes her mind quite frequently. i can't remember what i wrote in my last journal entry, but according to my ovulation calculator, it MAY be either, but i think it's probably a girl. which would be great, to have 2 little girls together. the only thing is, for a man the pressure is on to have male offspring, so i wouldn't mind having a boy right now just to get that pressure out of the way! i was the 2nd girl, and sparrow and this next one will be separated in age by the exact amt. of months that me and my sister are. so that would be cool. except i don't remember us getting along that well when we were growing up. but you never know. i pray God gives us one with a compatible personality, and that they will be absolutely best friends.
jen and joseph found out recently that their baby has a triosome condition or something like that. it is some fluke that happens at conception to one in so many babies, having nothing to do with genetics, health of the parents, etc. doctors expect the baby to die either before birth or have so many problems that she will probably not live long afterwards. but God has given them great faith and they are hoping for a miracle. this will be really interesting as i was requested to be a doula at her birth! God has also given them (and others) several dreams of when the child is already 2 or 3 years old, and he clearly gave them the name sarah elizabeth, which is super significant, since both sarah and elizabeth in the Bible had supernatural births. the first thing i thought of really when i heard the news was, "wow, i hope they have good insurance." how would you deal with money stuff in a baby that was health-challenged... but again, maybe she won't be at all. they said they are hearing so many stories of parents that had the same diagnosis, but the babies lived and were normal.
oh i found out i have to get my prenatal care at the county clinic, which is going to be...interesting. i see it as a place swarming with aids patients, junkies, and herpes. but hey, i guess beggars can't be choosers, and at least my prenatal care will be free again. the problem was that doctors are getting fed up with medi-cal, so barely anyone is taking it anymore. the ones i called that were potentially taking it, all said that they were currently "not taking new patients," but i do wonder if they really meant that they just aren't taking medi-cal. i mean, if no doctor is taking new patients, is every woman who gets newly pregnant in santa barbara having to go to the county clinic? i DOUBT it!! well, my registration is next tuesday, and i am resigned to it and don't really mind in the end. at least it's my second baby and i already know sort of what to expect. although the jen and joseph thing really does bring to mind that you NEVER know, and makes me a bit nervous to find out how this one is doing. esp. since i miscarried before. anyhow, the first question i will ask when i go in is how the dr. feels about natural birthing, and if he will allow me to write a birth plan. as long as he will agree to: no routine episiotomy, no iv, freedom of movement in labor, and alternative birthing positions, i think i will be ok. besides that, i just realized we might be moving before this baby ever comes!
we have high hopes for this summer. thomas' season ends early this year, at the end of february, and once i quit my job AND have another baby, in order to stay in this town and survive, he will need to be making about 2 thousand more than he does right now. hm. unless the tea business suddenly thrives and starts bringing in a ton of money. but i don't epect that to happen for another five years or so. anyways, i would LOVE to move out of state. in CA you can get ok rent in some places, but you really have to resign yourself to living in a ghetto area. in other states, you could live in a nice area and have a mortgage for half of what we are paying for our rent on the apartment! with 2 kids especially, it would be so nice to have a yard--i won't be able to take sparrow to the park as much, and she does love to be outside. so--we re praying about where to go! thomas would like to stay in-state for the next 4 years so he can finish his feldenkrais training, but that means we might have to live someplace like stockton. which wouldn't be horrible, i guess. as long as we have a job and our family nucleus, we will be fine. God is big. he knows exactly what we need. week 11 marks the time that i had my miscarriage last time around, and i hate to even think about it, but i can't deny that i have been nervous, and wondering what the difference was... hoping to hold on to this one and not have a repeat of that EVER again. once i am in the 2nd trimester i think i will breathe a bit easier, and that is coming up fairly soon. anyways, no spotting or anything so far at all, so i think we are good. once i am in 2nd trimester, i will have to go to the dentist, too, to get a cavity fixed that has been growing for quite sometime. good stuff. maybe i won't be so tired all the time anymore either... well not much left to say tonight! hopefully i will be journalling with more frequency in the future.
color spot focusing on "belly button baby," as the little one is now referred to by sparrow. yes, the lumpy figure has already set in... (note too that sparrow has 2 toothbrushes in the photo... neither of them hers!)
pregnancy journal entry 1
12/16/2007 5:31:00 PM :: hi baby!
this is sunday. wednesday night tara and meg came over and brought me a "christmas present": a pregnancy test! i had "known" i was pregnant but was refusing to buy a test since they cost at least 8 dollars. then tara and meg were coming over for a coffee martini and i told them i should probably not have any hard liquor since i suspected the pregnancy! then they really wanted to know, which is why they bought me the test. i didn't take it til thursday when i was alone, since i wanted thomas to be the first to know. it turned out with a "plus" immediately. the same day, i went to IV Clinic and had it confirmed. they calculated i was 5-6 weeks already. friday night i told sparrow, "there's a baby in there!" pointing to my belly. she is sooo sweet: she said, "hi, baby!" and waved. now she keeps remembering when she sees my belly button, and says, "hi, belly--hi, hi...baby!" as if she is still trying to get it right: there's a....baby in there! right! no nausea yet, i pray that it either kicks in or just that this baby sticks and is a strong one. a bit antsy about that, but it's ok. and i need not have any more wine this holiday season. not that i go overboard, but... just in case. we have just been telling whoever we want already, this time around. i hadn't found a good moment to tell alan and melissa, but then i told them this morning, and...they already knew!! they were pretty light-hearted about it, but dang! they said they overheard. well, liz slipped a little yesterday whole melissa was there, but i didn't think she had heard. oops! since it's really going to affect their lives, i wish i had been the one to tell them. oh well!! that's that.
this is sunday. wednesday night tara and meg came over and brought me a "christmas present": a pregnancy test! i had "known" i was pregnant but was refusing to buy a test since they cost at least 8 dollars. then tara and meg were coming over for a coffee martini and i told them i should probably not have any hard liquor since i suspected the pregnancy! then they really wanted to know, which is why they bought me the test. i didn't take it til thursday when i was alone, since i wanted thomas to be the first to know. it turned out with a "plus" immediately. the same day, i went to IV Clinic and had it confirmed. they calculated i was 5-6 weeks already. friday night i told sparrow, "there's a baby in there!" pointing to my belly. she is sooo sweet: she said, "hi, baby!" and waved. now she keeps remembering when she sees my belly button, and says, "hi, belly--hi, hi...baby!" as if she is still trying to get it right: there's a....baby in there! right! no nausea yet, i pray that it either kicks in or just that this baby sticks and is a strong one. a bit antsy about that, but it's ok. and i need not have any more wine this holiday season. not that i go overboard, but... just in case. we have just been telling whoever we want already, this time around. i hadn't found a good moment to tell alan and melissa, but then i told them this morning, and...they already knew!! they were pretty light-hearted about it, but dang! they said they overheard. well, liz slipped a little yesterday whole melissa was there, but i didn't think she had heard. oops! since it's really going to affect their lives, i wish i had been the one to tell them. oh well!! that's that.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
nice art, mama
i can't believe all the things a child can learn to recognize--and pronounce--before they are two years old! their brain has to be making so many connections in order to even make sense of the world they are born into without motor skills, and then to organize it to a point where they can recognize an airplane in the sky as well as an airplane on a page, even a poorly drawn one. to know the difference between a man and a lady, to be able to say "uh-oh, mac and cheese on the dog," or "that's glass--it breaks" and know what those concepts represent.
here are some of sparrow's most impressive little detailed words that she knows and can pronounce!: mac and cheese*rolling pin*mittens*scarf*heart (shape)*knuckles*rocket*praying mantis*somersault*helicopter*dinosaur
she is getting to the point where she tells me, "good job, mama!" (yessss! i must say good job to her a lot!) oh and the other day (feb. 2nd) she also told me, "nice art, mama!" she was watching me finish the birthday card we were making for samuel.
speaking of samuel, he's been potty training recently, and has been walking around in a bath robe all day so he has easy access to the potty. well he is practically naked when the thing flaps open. anyways, sparrow the other night took her shirt off (she loves naked time of course and likes to say "hi, nakey girl!" to herself when she gets in that state) anyways, she took her shirt off and said happily, "all naked!...just like samuel."
funny tidbit from feb. 7th: i gave her a glass of water to drink, and she saw a bubble in it and thought it was sparkling water. she said, "it's bubble water!" i said, "no, it's not bubble water, it's normal water." then she "copies" me, but says (adorably), "it's nibble water." she couldn't quite get that pronunciation of "normal" after saying "bubble." haha. she also says the cutest thing for pancakes: "pa-pakes." m for several months it was so cute too cause she would pronounce kitchen "chicken." sooooo funny! every morning when she'd wake up (and wake me up), she'd immediately say, "go chicken." she just wanted to get out into the kitchen right away and nurse! now she still says it, except she's learned how to say kitchen correctly. bummer i never got it on tape.
so we were sick for about a month straight with three different things... the first and possibly worst was the stomach flu, which sparrow and i both got. luckily i got it a day later than her, so at least she was feeling better on the day i was constantly barfing. i had tried to get her to barf into a bucket, but whenever she would throw up, all she'd wanna do was cling to me so tightly. so i had her vomit in my hair, on my clothes, ...i took to catching it in a towel after awhile, and used all our towels in the span of 24 hours! anyways, she must have really observed me barfing in the bucket all the next day, because for the next couple weeks when we were sick with cold and other flus, i would tell her "i feel yucky," a lot. then a couple times she noticed me feeling yucky, and this is what she said: "mommy feel yucky--get a bucket." (01-29)
the other day she was looking at one of her favorite books which contains farm scenes. it has these flaps that you open to reveal pics underneath pics. well this one page is an "opposites" page, and you flip the flap over the large carrot to reveal a much smaller carrot. so the other day, sparrow flips the carrot flap and says, "mama carrot, baby carrot!" hah! she also did it with two hearts she saw on the cereal box, one smaller than the other: "mama heart, baby heart." (01-28)
we have been reading several dr. seuss books from the library. amazingly, the first one we ever got was a little board book version of "dr. seuss' ABCs." it had been several weeks since that one, when we got another dr. seuss book. but she called the new one "dr. abc" and she keeps doing it most of the time, with dr. seuss books: "read dr. ABC."
haha one time recently she found my wallet and was playing with it. we were in the car so i wanted to get it back before she took all the cards out and dispersed them everywhere. i finally got it off of her, and she said to me, "I need that!" (01-26)
the next day she told me "i need the cereal." (she has been eating mostly cereal and milk since i've been feeling so sick and pregnant.) then just today she was standing by thomas who was playing the guitar. all of a sudden she says, "i need a pick." (02-09) she amazes me!
she likes to be just like me which is so flattering! when i give her a towel too after i get out of the shower, she says, 'just like you!' earlier this week (02-04) she was playing with her toy cookware, and whisking her imaginary eggs. she said to me, "i making eggs--just like you!" aaaah! i almost wanted to cry.
oh yeah, the other day in the bathroom she left and told me, "i'll be right back." haha! she is so grown up! then she was paling with her bear, and she said, "sit down, have a seat." have a seat!? where did that one come from? ...thomas. had to be. super funny.
when she wants to read books, she grabs one off the shelf and says "read 'em." melissa has been pretty diligent in trying to get her to get in the habit of putting the books back on the shelf. tonight in the bedroom she had a stack of books out, but put them back into the shelf saying, "clean books on da shelf." i die!
here are some of sparrow's most impressive little detailed words that she knows and can pronounce!: mac and cheese*rolling pin*mittens*scarf*heart (shape)*knuckles*rocket*praying mantis*somersault*helicopter*dinosaur
she is getting to the point where she tells me, "good job, mama!" (yessss! i must say good job to her a lot!) oh and the other day (feb. 2nd) she also told me, "nice art, mama!" she was watching me finish the birthday card we were making for samuel.
speaking of samuel, he's been potty training recently, and has been walking around in a bath robe all day so he has easy access to the potty. well he is practically naked when the thing flaps open. anyways, sparrow the other night took her shirt off (she loves naked time of course and likes to say "hi, nakey girl!" to herself when she gets in that state) anyways, she took her shirt off and said happily, "all naked!...just like samuel."
funny tidbit from feb. 7th: i gave her a glass of water to drink, and she saw a bubble in it and thought it was sparkling water. she said, "it's bubble water!" i said, "no, it's not bubble water, it's normal water." then she "copies" me, but says (adorably), "it's nibble water." she couldn't quite get that pronunciation of "normal" after saying "bubble." haha. she also says the cutest thing for pancakes: "pa-pakes." m for several months it was so cute too cause she would pronounce kitchen "chicken." sooooo funny! every morning when she'd wake up (and wake me up), she'd immediately say, "go chicken." she just wanted to get out into the kitchen right away and nurse! now she still says it, except she's learned how to say kitchen correctly. bummer i never got it on tape.
so we were sick for about a month straight with three different things... the first and possibly worst was the stomach flu, which sparrow and i both got. luckily i got it a day later than her, so at least she was feeling better on the day i was constantly barfing. i had tried to get her to barf into a bucket, but whenever she would throw up, all she'd wanna do was cling to me so tightly. so i had her vomit in my hair, on my clothes, ...i took to catching it in a towel after awhile, and used all our towels in the span of 24 hours! anyways, she must have really observed me barfing in the bucket all the next day, because for the next couple weeks when we were sick with cold and other flus, i would tell her "i feel yucky," a lot. then a couple times she noticed me feeling yucky, and this is what she said: "mommy feel yucky--get a bucket." (01-29)
the other day she was looking at one of her favorite books which contains farm scenes. it has these flaps that you open to reveal pics underneath pics. well this one page is an "opposites" page, and you flip the flap over the large carrot to reveal a much smaller carrot. so the other day, sparrow flips the carrot flap and says, "mama carrot, baby carrot!" hah! she also did it with two hearts she saw on the cereal box, one smaller than the other: "mama heart, baby heart." (01-28)
we have been reading several dr. seuss books from the library. amazingly, the first one we ever got was a little board book version of "dr. seuss' ABCs." it had been several weeks since that one, when we got another dr. seuss book. but she called the new one "dr. abc" and she keeps doing it most of the time, with dr. seuss books: "read dr. ABC."
haha one time recently she found my wallet and was playing with it. we were in the car so i wanted to get it back before she took all the cards out and dispersed them everywhere. i finally got it off of her, and she said to me, "I need that!" (01-26)
the next day she told me "i need the cereal." (she has been eating mostly cereal and milk since i've been feeling so sick and pregnant.) then just today she was standing by thomas who was playing the guitar. all of a sudden she says, "i need a pick." (02-09) she amazes me!
she likes to be just like me which is so flattering! when i give her a towel too after i get out of the shower, she says, 'just like you!' earlier this week (02-04) she was playing with her toy cookware, and whisking her imaginary eggs. she said to me, "i making eggs--just like you!" aaaah! i almost wanted to cry.
oh yeah, the other day in the bathroom she left and told me, "i'll be right back." haha! she is so grown up! then she was paling with her bear, and she said, "sit down, have a seat." have a seat!? where did that one come from? ...thomas. had to be. super funny.
when she wants to read books, she grabs one off the shelf and says "read 'em." melissa has been pretty diligent in trying to get her to get in the habit of putting the books back on the shelf. tonight in the bedroom she had a stack of books out, but put them back into the shelf saying, "clean books on da shelf." i die!
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
i'm a weaner!
i can hardly dare to believe that i may have actually weaned my child...at last! the last time she nursed was monday, jan. 21st before her nap, and she hasn't asked for it at all in at least a full day. so... we'll see. that was a horribly difficult thing to do! hah--it didn't help, of course, that two days after we started the weaning process she got the stomach flu, then me, and right on the heels of that, we got a horrid cold-flu thing that is still hanging on with a vengeance! it's been almost 3 weeks in the entire process. many thanks to leanne, who spurred me on and gave me advice when i was at a loss for even knowing how to begin. i swear, the only advice "weaning books" ever give is why you should keep on nursing forever and ever, providing many examples of mothers who changed their minds about weaning, and assuring you that your child will self-wean when ready. yes. well judging by my child so far that is not going to happen until she is four, and let's not forget that mother in england who let her girls decide on their own, and was still subjected to their suckling when they were eight years old! gnar! i could never do that (except maybe in the case of severe famine) and i knew it was time, as i was getting more frustrated with the nursing process than enjoying it. and of course babies are not immune to their mother's attitudes, so i was feeling bad for her too!
anyways, kim, who i usually go to for experienced mothering advice, was no help, but by no fault of her own--her babies really HAVE all weaned themselves, at nice early ages, too, goldie excepted (having been 2 before she let go). then i remembered leanne's tired struggling with lissette and called her up at once. she was brilliant. she said, sit your baby down and explain that you are no longer going to have nu-nu time. then brace yourself to get NO sleep--and do practically nothing else around the house either--for the duration of the process. at night, you have to go through her entire bedtime routine as normal, except do not nurse her at the end. stay up with her thereafter as long as it takes her to fall asleep--she will eventually get tired. this sounds horrible, doesn't it? walking the hall with a screaming baby for possibly hours and hours while you yourself are mad with exhaustion? the morning nursing had been dropped fairly easily using distractions like books and food, but i had been afraid to tackle the night one until leanne gave me this golden nugget of advice: "stay up and watch movies." BINGO! that couldn't be TOO awful... at least you'd both be amused and semi distracted through the sleepless struggle! too bad i was not big on having babies watch movies. but that rule was going to have to go out the window for a bit, wasn't it? once we had weaned her off the breast, we would then tackle weaning her off watching movies to go to sleep. and that is precisely what we did. it was gorgeous! i watched all of friends season 10, as well as several other chicky titles. this was all starting while thomas was in china, which was perfect. one of my fears had been the prospect of keeping him up at night.
so minus the glitches of getting horribly ill twice in a row in the midst of it all, it has been slightly easier than i thought. having her be sick dragged it out a little, i think, as there were times when i felt so awfully guilty that at the time she needed antibodies the most, i was depriving her! so i would let her have it in the morning occasionally, and i didn't tackle the naptime nursing until just recently. and eventually she got used to just having almond milk out of a bottle while we watched movies at night, and now doesn't even ask for it anymore. the naptime session has been slowly eliminated by simply letting her stay up in the afternoons, which actually worked out great for weaning her of nighttime movies, because she would subsequently be so tired in the evening, that i could just lay down with her in bed for a few minutes, and she'd be out cold. just the past 2 days, though, i've been trying to get her used to napping again by telling her to lay down and be quiet for 10 minutes, and then she can go play again. and she's been falling asleep that way, so i am fully astounded: i think i have actually done it!
next project: potty training! actually, she made her very first poop in the potty on saturday night (jan. 19th)--she was saying "poopy!" so i thought she had gone already and went to change her diaper, but when i found nothing in there, i asked her if she wanted to sit on the potty and she said "yeah." and to my utter amazement, in a few moments, i looked and there was a clean little loaf in there! wooo! you can imagine the hooplah. "TOM! YOU HAVE TO COME SEE THIS!" he was filming it and everything. my, how easy and precise it was, wiping her neat little butt with barely any residue on it! i was so pleased that i gave her a present i had been saving in the closet for a special occasion: two little toy bunnies which delighted her immensely! of course she hasn't done it since, but this was a glimmer of hope in the growing up of sparrow mcdonnell. sometimes you think your life will be all about the many details of raising babies forever...
anyways, kim, who i usually go to for experienced mothering advice, was no help, but by no fault of her own--her babies really HAVE all weaned themselves, at nice early ages, too, goldie excepted (having been 2 before she let go). then i remembered leanne's tired struggling with lissette and called her up at once. she was brilliant. she said, sit your baby down and explain that you are no longer going to have nu-nu time. then brace yourself to get NO sleep--and do practically nothing else around the house either--for the duration of the process. at night, you have to go through her entire bedtime routine as normal, except do not nurse her at the end. stay up with her thereafter as long as it takes her to fall asleep--she will eventually get tired. this sounds horrible, doesn't it? walking the hall with a screaming baby for possibly hours and hours while you yourself are mad with exhaustion? the morning nursing had been dropped fairly easily using distractions like books and food, but i had been afraid to tackle the night one until leanne gave me this golden nugget of advice: "stay up and watch movies." BINGO! that couldn't be TOO awful... at least you'd both be amused and semi distracted through the sleepless struggle! too bad i was not big on having babies watch movies. but that rule was going to have to go out the window for a bit, wasn't it? once we had weaned her off the breast, we would then tackle weaning her off watching movies to go to sleep. and that is precisely what we did. it was gorgeous! i watched all of friends season 10, as well as several other chicky titles. this was all starting while thomas was in china, which was perfect. one of my fears had been the prospect of keeping him up at night.
so minus the glitches of getting horribly ill twice in a row in the midst of it all, it has been slightly easier than i thought. having her be sick dragged it out a little, i think, as there were times when i felt so awfully guilty that at the time she needed antibodies the most, i was depriving her! so i would let her have it in the morning occasionally, and i didn't tackle the naptime nursing until just recently. and eventually she got used to just having almond milk out of a bottle while we watched movies at night, and now doesn't even ask for it anymore. the naptime session has been slowly eliminated by simply letting her stay up in the afternoons, which actually worked out great for weaning her of nighttime movies, because she would subsequently be so tired in the evening, that i could just lay down with her in bed for a few minutes, and she'd be out cold. just the past 2 days, though, i've been trying to get her used to napping again by telling her to lay down and be quiet for 10 minutes, and then she can go play again. and she's been falling asleep that way, so i am fully astounded: i think i have actually done it!
next project: potty training! actually, she made her very first poop in the potty on saturday night (jan. 19th)--she was saying "poopy!" so i thought she had gone already and went to change her diaper, but when i found nothing in there, i asked her if she wanted to sit on the potty and she said "yeah." and to my utter amazement, in a few moments, i looked and there was a clean little loaf in there! wooo! you can imagine the hooplah. "TOM! YOU HAVE TO COME SEE THIS!" he was filming it and everything. my, how easy and precise it was, wiping her neat little butt with barely any residue on it! i was so pleased that i gave her a present i had been saving in the closet for a special occasion: two little toy bunnies which delighted her immensely! of course she hasn't done it since, but this was a glimmer of hope in the growing up of sparrow mcdonnell. sometimes you think your life will be all about the many details of raising babies forever...
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
do it myself
i am so depressed because i SWEAR i made my credit card payment last month, but somehow the online transaction did not go through. so now my payments went up from 28 dollars to 93 dollars. fabulous. i CANNOT afford 65 extra dollars a month! m i can barely pay my babysitter anyways! so depressing. i hate money. i don't even use my credit cards anymore. i just barely manage to make the minimum payment but i always make sure it gets paid on time. i check it off on my organized paperwork as soon as it's done! aaaaaargh! i swear this has to be an online banking mistake, but i can't prove it of course because they will have no record of it, since i indeed can't find online record of it being paid. this sucks. now we are having to think about another baby and i still have to get a big cavity fixed, but it looks like i'll have to wait another month... again. just hope it doesn't turn into a root canal. i need help. this stuff depresses me immensely at least once a month.
anyways, on a happier note, sparrow was eating gold fishies today and she said, "so good!" which is the cutest thing ever and made me laugh outloud. thomas and i always say "so--good?!" in this certain way (based on a french lady we know) whenever we are eating something delicious. i wonder if it will always baffle me how much this girl picks up when i don't think she's paying attention. i mean, the other day we were looking at a bunch of clothes from gymboree, and she kept saying, "i love that!" (well, "eyauv dat!") about items i would pull out. more recent little sayings include saying "no, m-m," or just "m-m" when she doesn't want something. she also says "do it myself." oh dear. not even two yet. this evening she was trying to pull on a pair of leggings all by herself, and would get quite upset if i attempted to help her at any point. But of course leggings are so…narrow and difficult! She did manage to get both legs into the same panthole, however. Then I gently helped her while making it seem like she was still doing it herself. What’s funny is she now applies the “myself” bit to me, even. She likes to regularly do things and then say “mama do it.” Like if she takes a drink of water (she relishes the part at the end of her drink where she gets to go, “aaaah”), she ALWAYS hands me the glass afterward and says “mama do it.” Now, she will say, “mama do it myself.” Hahaha. Climbing up the jungle gym, then looking back at me, expecting me to follow: “mama do it myself.”
One particular difficult area in the “do it myself” world is shoe-tying. Oh yes. Thomas and I have both shown her once or twice how we tie her shoes, and let me tell you—that was a big mistake. The next one is getting shielded from shoe-tying until the dexterous age of five—minimum. When we know it is humanly possible for the fingers to actually start tying shoes. Because even though sparrow’s one-and-a-half year-old fingers are way too tiny and uncoordinated to really tie her shoes—even if she DID properly know how to make a bow—she insists “sparrow tie it!” every morning, and it is quite the ordeal getting her shoes actually tied, and everyone out the door, while she squeals and struggles with her laces! I have to let her deal with one shoe while I rapidly tie the other, and then I have to let her try to undo the first one (so she can tie it herself!) while I tie the other one! And half the time she succeeds in untying the first one, too! Then I am really over it! Seriously people—do I really have four more years of this before she actually learns how to tie them??!!? i have desperately abandoned her lacing shoes and gone back to the pull-on boots that are already a bit too small...
anyways, on a happier note, sparrow was eating gold fishies today and she said, "so good!" which is the cutest thing ever and made me laugh outloud. thomas and i always say "so--good?!" in this certain way (based on a french lady we know) whenever we are eating something delicious. i wonder if it will always baffle me how much this girl picks up when i don't think she's paying attention. i mean, the other day we were looking at a bunch of clothes from gymboree, and she kept saying, "i love that!" (well, "eyauv dat!") about items i would pull out. more recent little sayings include saying "no, m-m," or just "m-m" when she doesn't want something. she also says "do it myself." oh dear. not even two yet. this evening she was trying to pull on a pair of leggings all by herself, and would get quite upset if i attempted to help her at any point. But of course leggings are so…narrow and difficult! She did manage to get both legs into the same panthole, however. Then I gently helped her while making it seem like she was still doing it herself. What’s funny is she now applies the “myself” bit to me, even. She likes to regularly do things and then say “mama do it.” Like if she takes a drink of water (she relishes the part at the end of her drink where she gets to go, “aaaah”), she ALWAYS hands me the glass afterward and says “mama do it.” Now, she will say, “mama do it myself.” Hahaha. Climbing up the jungle gym, then looking back at me, expecting me to follow: “mama do it myself.”
One particular difficult area in the “do it myself” world is shoe-tying. Oh yes. Thomas and I have both shown her once or twice how we tie her shoes, and let me tell you—that was a big mistake. The next one is getting shielded from shoe-tying until the dexterous age of five—minimum. When we know it is humanly possible for the fingers to actually start tying shoes. Because even though sparrow’s one-and-a-half year-old fingers are way too tiny and uncoordinated to really tie her shoes—even if she DID properly know how to make a bow—she insists “sparrow tie it!” every morning, and it is quite the ordeal getting her shoes actually tied, and everyone out the door, while she squeals and struggles with her laces! I have to let her deal with one shoe while I rapidly tie the other, and then I have to let her try to undo the first one (so she can tie it herself!) while I tie the other one! And half the time she succeeds in untying the first one, too! Then I am really over it! Seriously people—do I really have four more years of this before she actually learns how to tie them??!!? i have desperately abandoned her lacing shoes and gone back to the pull-on boots that are already a bit too small...
watch einstein baby!
the child is actually conjugating sentences now. it was the night before christmas eve. we were sitting down to a nice simple dinner of soup and ciabatta, and thomas was interacting with sparrow in the way that he is so good at: with lots of fun and patience. sparrow has recently become so good at repeating sentences verbatim. she can pretty much copy anything we say! thomas said one phrase (i forget what) and of course she repeated it exactly. then he says to her slowly, "you're a copy cat!" and she--to our great surprise--said, "i'm a copy cat!" 20 months old!
thomas said that since she is so good at repeating things, we should be teaching her Bible verses, so the first one i started her on was psalm 27:1 "the lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall i fear?" i only started her on the first phrase--the lord is my light--and i made up little hand motions to go along with it so she would remember even better. however, she baffled me by making up her own version, which came from who knows where! i would say, "the lord is my..." and she would say "teee!" which was either a prophetic utterance from the mouth of babes and was supposed to mean "king"--which would be of course true, and quite amazing in its own way; or just an obscure association she had in her head that she could not easily override, having to do with tea, or keys, who knows. with the hand motions, she has gotten much better at saying "light!" and can say pretty much the whole first part when i say, "can you say your bible verse?" it's so sweet to hear her say "lord." then, the other day, we were all in the car, and i had her say the verse for thomas again, and to my great surprise, she said her part, and then she kept going, "my sa-va-dun" aaah! "did you hear that?" i had to make her repeat it several times, she was saying it so quietly! truly, i don't believe i challenge her enough! i mean, i had no idea she was paying attention when i would follow up with the rest of the verse, especially without hand motions, especially since salvation is such a long word, and she would have no idea what it meant! but pardon me, for she seems to be hungry for the word!
another, perhaps less edifying, activity that has popped into her life recently is the watching of movies. sometimes i get so desperate with her when i am trying to make dinner--she is definitely a child that needs a lot of external stimulation. her periods of alone play-time won't last more than 5 or 10 minutes, before she needs someone to rile up again. sigh. which is why she is going to be a big sister! well that's not the sole reason, of course. but it is a big one. i think her time of only-child-ness needs to end asap. so... i discovered baby einstein movies at the library and she is absolutely in LOVE with them. nothing else will really hold her attention, but the einstein series... she is riveted to the tv the entire half hour which allows me to get so much done. i don't know about those videos actually being helpful to their development, but honestly--it is a lifesaver and allows us to get dinner made! except every day, from morning til night, she now likes to ask me "watch einstein baby!" or "i wanna watch a movie!" yeah she can actually say that whole sentence just like that.
so we are really excited about the next little one coming along. (oh no--what will i do when i have 5 children? keep separate blogs for all of them? oops--should have thought of that before i named this one sparrowbella, eh?) anyways, on one of the occasions when she was examining my belly button (one of her favorite activities), i said, "hey sparrow--there's a little baby in there!" now every time she thinks of my belly button, she gently rubs it and says, "hi, baby!" instead of trying to bite it or poke it like she used to. "hi baby!" i asked her if she wanted a little girl baby or a little boy baby, and she said, "boy baby." she was so sure of herself. well, we'll see. i have a feeling that a girl might be easier for the relationship. but you NEVER know. i was the 2nd girl, so i have a soft spot for that place in the family. of course, if it is a boy, it takes the dang pressure off of having to have one! then maybe we can lay low for awhile before starting on our second batch. heh!
sleeping and nursing patterns are another issue (still!) i have sworn several times in moments of frustration, "i am weaning her tomorrow!" and especially being pregnant again, the nursing is a bit painful. my goal is to have her weaned and falling asleep by herself before the next baby arrives. hopefully WELL before. but i have NO IDEA HOW to do it! horrible. the first step has to be teaching her to fall asleep on her own, without nursing to sleep. i brought out the pack and play and put her in there a few times at nap time to fall asleep. it worked great two times, i was very pleased to discover that she won't actually climb out of it, even though she could. she climbs up onto the edge of it, and tries to put her feet down on the other side, but since she can't feel the ground, she doesn't let go, and then she eventually gets back in again! she only cried for 10-15 minutes or so. but: the third time she was up and screaming for at least 45 minutes, after which point i could not handle sitting there listening to it and biting my nails tensely ANYMORE! WHY wasn't it working!? i will never know. i went in there and picked up her little sobbing bundle of self and lay down with her in the big bed, where she wrapped herself tightly around me and we both fell asleep. half the nights, i manage to nurse her a little earlier in her routine, and then lie with her while she rolls around on my head and kicks my face restlessly until she finally dozes off. the next night we get home late or i am too bushed to care, or she is too bushed to stay awake, and she falls asleep on the breast again. i am too disorganized to be a parent! aaaah! blessed are the mothers whose children self-wean at the age of seven months. i have already decided: the next baby gets potty trained from birth, nursed only upon waking, taught to fall asleep by self from birth, and if there is ever a nursing strike, i am NOT going to work through it! there will be a lot more energy for playing and smiling if i am not constantly frustrated or exhausted!
side note: thomas is currently in china. he has only been gone for 2 days, but it is such a void in our lives! sparrow, of course, is not fully conscious that he is gone or why, but she misses him so much and here is the evidence: she is sleeping, but a few moments ago she woke up crying, and i ran in there to comfort her. i picked her up and laid her on my tummy and said, what's wrong, are you cold? she said, "daddy." i said, "daddy? you miss daddy?" and she said, "my daddy, my daddy," and fell back asleep in a little while. the poor dear! she is heartbreaking.
thomas said that since she is so good at repeating things, we should be teaching her Bible verses, so the first one i started her on was psalm 27:1 "the lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall i fear?" i only started her on the first phrase--the lord is my light--and i made up little hand motions to go along with it so she would remember even better. however, she baffled me by making up her own version, which came from who knows where! i would say, "the lord is my..." and she would say "teee!" which was either a prophetic utterance from the mouth of babes and was supposed to mean "king"--which would be of course true, and quite amazing in its own way; or just an obscure association she had in her head that she could not easily override, having to do with tea, or keys, who knows. with the hand motions, she has gotten much better at saying "light!" and can say pretty much the whole first part when i say, "can you say your bible verse?" it's so sweet to hear her say "lord." then, the other day, we were all in the car, and i had her say the verse for thomas again, and to my great surprise, she said her part, and then she kept going, "my sa-va-dun" aaah! "did you hear that?" i had to make her repeat it several times, she was saying it so quietly! truly, i don't believe i challenge her enough! i mean, i had no idea she was paying attention when i would follow up with the rest of the verse, especially without hand motions, especially since salvation is such a long word, and she would have no idea what it meant! but pardon me, for she seems to be hungry for the word!
another, perhaps less edifying, activity that has popped into her life recently is the watching of movies. sometimes i get so desperate with her when i am trying to make dinner--she is definitely a child that needs a lot of external stimulation. her periods of alone play-time won't last more than 5 or 10 minutes, before she needs someone to rile up again. sigh. which is why she is going to be a big sister! well that's not the sole reason, of course. but it is a big one. i think her time of only-child-ness needs to end asap. so... i discovered baby einstein movies at the library and she is absolutely in LOVE with them. nothing else will really hold her attention, but the einstein series... she is riveted to the tv the entire half hour which allows me to get so much done. i don't know about those videos actually being helpful to their development, but honestly--it is a lifesaver and allows us to get dinner made! except every day, from morning til night, she now likes to ask me "watch einstein baby!" or "i wanna watch a movie!" yeah she can actually say that whole sentence just like that.
so we are really excited about the next little one coming along. (oh no--what will i do when i have 5 children? keep separate blogs for all of them? oops--should have thought of that before i named this one sparrowbella, eh?) anyways, on one of the occasions when she was examining my belly button (one of her favorite activities), i said, "hey sparrow--there's a little baby in there!" now every time she thinks of my belly button, she gently rubs it and says, "hi, baby!" instead of trying to bite it or poke it like she used to. "hi baby!" i asked her if she wanted a little girl baby or a little boy baby, and she said, "boy baby." she was so sure of herself. well, we'll see. i have a feeling that a girl might be easier for the relationship. but you NEVER know. i was the 2nd girl, so i have a soft spot for that place in the family. of course, if it is a boy, it takes the dang pressure off of having to have one! then maybe we can lay low for awhile before starting on our second batch. heh!
sleeping and nursing patterns are another issue (still!) i have sworn several times in moments of frustration, "i am weaning her tomorrow!" and especially being pregnant again, the nursing is a bit painful. my goal is to have her weaned and falling asleep by herself before the next baby arrives. hopefully WELL before. but i have NO IDEA HOW to do it! horrible. the first step has to be teaching her to fall asleep on her own, without nursing to sleep. i brought out the pack and play and put her in there a few times at nap time to fall asleep. it worked great two times, i was very pleased to discover that she won't actually climb out of it, even though she could. she climbs up onto the edge of it, and tries to put her feet down on the other side, but since she can't feel the ground, she doesn't let go, and then she eventually gets back in again! she only cried for 10-15 minutes or so. but: the third time she was up and screaming for at least 45 minutes, after which point i could not handle sitting there listening to it and biting my nails tensely ANYMORE! WHY wasn't it working!? i will never know. i went in there and picked up her little sobbing bundle of self and lay down with her in the big bed, where she wrapped herself tightly around me and we both fell asleep. half the nights, i manage to nurse her a little earlier in her routine, and then lie with her while she rolls around on my head and kicks my face restlessly until she finally dozes off. the next night we get home late or i am too bushed to care, or she is too bushed to stay awake, and she falls asleep on the breast again. i am too disorganized to be a parent! aaaah! blessed are the mothers whose children self-wean at the age of seven months. i have already decided: the next baby gets potty trained from birth, nursed only upon waking, taught to fall asleep by self from birth, and if there is ever a nursing strike, i am NOT going to work through it! there will be a lot more energy for playing and smiling if i am not constantly frustrated or exhausted!
side note: thomas is currently in china. he has only been gone for 2 days, but it is such a void in our lives! sparrow, of course, is not fully conscious that he is gone or why, but she misses him so much and here is the evidence: she is sleeping, but a few moments ago she woke up crying, and i ran in there to comfort her. i picked her up and laid her on my tummy and said, what's wrong, are you cold? she said, "daddy." i said, "daddy? you miss daddy?" and she said, "my daddy, my daddy," and fell back asleep in a little while. the poor dear! she is heartbreaking.
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