Coming Home

Writing in this little space feels like coming home.
I can be simple here.
I don't have to worry about traffic. Or being profound.
I just get to talk about the lights in my day, the little children that I spend the most time with.

They say you are the sum of the 5 people you spend the most time with. So there you have it. I am a simple child.

Silver will be a year old in two weeks. She is completely delightful. Cuddly. Curious. I'm so glad I had her. We all delight in her every day.

Her new thing is saying "WUH," when she thinks something is astounding or cool.

She is walking a bit.

She is dancing a bit.

She is smiling a lot.

Words: Thank you (her first word besides mama, dada!), I love you, yes mama.

She got a keyboard for Christmas and she love sit so much she stands on top of it, cause what you love you must conquer.

I have been eating way too much German chocolate.

Y'all... these pictures were taken when Silver was only four months old. She looks nothing like this anymore. Hold on...

Yup. That's better! That's her! 

Sparrow has been listening to stories on the Kindle and trying to remember to brush her hair every day.

Golden draws. And does funny dances.

Silas loves to do fun things. I think he needs a boy in his life. He told me today, "Thanks for wiping me, mom," Cause I sometimes still wipe his bum. Cause I'm the mom. And I said, "No problem, it's my job." And he said, "Yeah, that you get money for it?" (I am paraphrasing... the way he said it was so cute and I can't remember how it went!) "Yes. Yes I do get money for it," I said. Cause God pays me. That's what.

Pippa, she's... all or nothing. And usually, it's ALL. The only time it's nothing is when she's sleeping. And even then, she throws herself off bunk beds or pees on the mattress. She ate all her advent chocolates early and then started on everyone else's. She spills water on purpose. Sits on the table. Takes crackers into the class room and crumbles them all over the desk like it's her job. Draws all over my calendar. Erases my to-do lists. And then smiles like this: That girl, with proper training (help me, God!) and proper inspiration (help me, God!) will be a great forerunner someday. She's got this.

I love my job. The year is drawing to a close and I have to think seriously about what my priorities are and how to arrange my life so that it will work. We are so blessed. But some of the aspects aren't working together quite right at the moment. It's a puzzle. God is a good puzzle solver. He told me today to approach my life with unfaltering trust.

So I go out of this one and into that one, knowing I can trust Him. Unfaltering trust.

To Silas, on His Fifth Birthday

Silas, the smiley one.

Is it true that you are five already? And is it possible that you are still mine?

You had a beautiful year digging in the dirt and chasing snakes and turtles and frogs. Out in the yard you would run and dig. Scraped knee, tick bit, dirty charcoal face. Digging worms in puddles. Watching tadpoles.

You learned to ride your bike! At age four! And you would ride it up the little hill, and down!  You had dreams about pirates. You admired the moon. You walked with me and dwelt with me and listened to the stories I read and attacked your dad when he came home and ate lots of German pancakes and were the best son a mother could wish for.

I love you with unearthly love. You are a boy growing in wisdom. Conscientious. Sweet. Surprising. God is watching you, putting His word into you. You are a man of God.

Happy birthday, little racer!

To Sparrow, On Her Ninth Birthday

Sparrow, whenever you feel frustrated, or sad, or alone,
whenever you feel small,
whenever the chair has slammed down on your foot
or you've lost someone special to you
or you can't seem to get a hold of your own emotions
or you feel overwhelmed
or confused about life
or fearful of the future,

Remember there is a Helper, the one who made you. You will take courage because of your eternal identity. Center yourself and remember you are loved. You don't have to feel brave to do brave things. You are already, utterly loved to the ends of the earth. Enjoy the beauty of God's world around you. I've had you with me for nine beautiful years. I am so excited about your future! There will be wild fun. Deep ideals. Beautiful friendships and trust in the Lord. Angels. Revelation. Be confident. Because what is hidden inside you can never be taken away. It comes from the Father.

I cherish you so much. Your resilience, your joy and spark, your keep-at-em attitude, your independence and do-it-yourself unctions! Your creativity and open, unassuming nature. How you strive to do better and strive to do better, and get up and try again. Your many ideas, and your team-player contributions. Your thoughtfulness, the way you love the younger ones. Your passion for story. Your sense of duty. How you love to sing. Your hope. Your humor. Your long, snuggly limbs.

Happy birthday, little big one. I love you nine years long, but really, I can't remember you not existing. Thank you for being mine.

You’re beautiful, powerful, strong and brave.

Kind and cunning, 

Pure and loving. 

Full of grace and full of truth.

Full of wisdom beyond your youth. 

Radiant, royal, a spiritual being,

Quick in hearing and quick in seeing.

Bold and secure and loved and free,

Ezer warriors you shall be. 

Eternally sure, even when you miss.

You are here for such a time as this.