The Funnies ~ Jan, Feb, March 2018

"Mom, my eyes ripped out." -Silver, age almost-3, Jan 2

"Mom, my blood is better." -Silver, Jan. 2

Current form of being naughty: leaving a sink full of dishes. Goodnight world! -Jan. 7

Sparrow: "Come on, it's not even cold, it's like 50 degrees outside." (It was 42.) -Jan. 8

Sorry, slight delay bc my 9yo managed to drop a BOWL of SALSA on her toe and fall into a million pieces for while in pain. Her foot looked so tasty. -Jan. 8

Silver: "The devil is coming to town."

Pippa (age 5): "No, he's not, Silver! The devil tries to destroy our lives! He used to be an angel, but now he's the devil because he wanted to be God." -Jan. 15

The other night Silver was going to sleep in my bed, as Thomas was gone. I tickled her and was being silly , and after laughing her sweet, high laugh, she sighed and said, "Oh, Mama." -circa Jan. 20

On another sleeping night, there were too many people in my bed and I must have been grumbling early in the morning. And Silver said, "You can use my blankie, Mama." -Jan. 25

In school today, we started reading a summary of "A Comedy of Errors" before launching into the real thing. Just at the part where the family is shipwrecked, Silas, 7, says, "This is like a cross between The Parent Trap and Swiss Family Robinson." 😂
- Jan. 24

The other night we were getting out of the car, and Silver was gathering all her things, but she kept looking around and saying, "I lost the cheek!" I was confused and asked her to describe it to me, and she said, "Um, it was white, and fluffy, you know, the cheek!" I looked in the car and found something like a cotton ball. It was a little pom pom CHICK. Hahahah! -Jan. 24

Silver, watching me feed Blaise, said, "Mama, when I was Blaise's age, you used to feed me in that chair. But now I'm growing so fast." Then she went back into the room where Dad was doing devotions with the children and came out again with a sad pout: "They read without me!" Me: "Oh? What were they reading?" Silver: ... "Jasmine 2. In Daddy's Bible." -Jan. 26

Silver: Pippa's stinky feet were on me!

Me: I don't think those were Pippa's, they they were probably Golden's and you don't know if they're stinky. They probably smell like lavender.

Silver: Or chocolate. Or caramel.

-Jan. 26

Looking at the Maisy book, she says, "I don't want his name to be Cyril. I want it to be Johnson." -Silver, Jan. 26

"I heared a cloud popped." -Silver, after learning that the sound she heard on the window at night was rain. -Jan. 28

Silver: "When I was an elephant, I used to spray ice. At Oliver." -Jan. 28

Pip: I'm gonna be a store worker when I grow up. Cause they get lots of $.
Silver: Mhm. I'm gonna be Darth Vader when I grow up. -Feb. 1

Silver: "It's not quite morningly." -Feb. 12

Silver: "Mama, this got stuck, but I unstucked it." -Feb. 13

I took my socks off, and my winter toes were all wrinkly underneath. Silver: "Oh Mama! Your toes are all dried off!" -Feb. 19

Silver, pinching my thighs one evening: "My head is bigger than your butt." -Feb. 25

Silver: "I don't want a car for my birthday anymore. I want a giraffe. With pink glasses."

Me: "Where did you see that?"

Silver: (thinks for a long while) "...In Virginia." -Feb. 25

Me, repeating a Bible verse in German: “Die Füchse haben ihren Bau.“ 
Golden: “Mom’s speaking in tongues again.” -Feb. 25

Silver referred to a gila monster as a "kalla-minster." -Feb. 27 

Silver: "I dreamt about a thinginator. And the thinginator was shooting Dorises." -Feb. 28

Silver, looking at a photo: "That is you, jiggling with Blaise." -Feb. 28

Silver: "I have a red one right here. On my knee."

Me: "An owie?"

Silver: "No. A stomach ache." -March 6

Silver, sinking between the couch cushions: " I'm an upside down turtle." -March 6

Started a quick list of afternoon stuff I need to get done... "-Office time -Make Pizza -Go pee "-March 12

Silver: “Aw, Poor Bird’s leg! ...Someone prob’ly chewed it off.” 

Then, in same book, seeing a picture of a sun with a face, "Mama, that's the devil." -March 14

Me, talking to the British-man automated voice on my phone: "Thank you, Jeeves."

Silver: "Hahaha! You called him Jeeves!" -March 15

Golden, to Sparrow: You have a cute face. 
Sparrow: Thanks! And your face is obtuse. -March 16.

I bought Pippa a notebook. And she already taught herself to spell something super important: "OB1KNOB" -March 19 #starwarspeople

Silver farted loudly in the morning. 

Blaise (almost 1 year old): "Pthpthpthpth!!!" -March 26

Thomas and Silver talking about his childhood:

Thomas: "My parents didn't really understand me."

Silver: "Yeah. My parents didn't really understand me either." -March 28

Thomas: "Hey Silver, come here! I need to see your face."

Silver: "No thanks." -March 30

.

1 benefit of mom brain: participating in an egg hunt for which you yourself were the hider: cause you already forgot where you put them. -March 31

The Funnies - Oct., Nov., Dec. 2017

Silver is 2, almost 3; Pippa is 5 1/2; Silas is 7, Golden is 9, Sparrow is 11

Me: "Maybe make a symbol for something that comes out in the evenings."
Golden: "A... gopher?" - Oct. 2

Golden: Can I have a raisin bagel?
Me: not for lunch. That was breakfast. You have to eat something else.
Golden: Like what?
Me: Pasta. ...Oh wait...

Sigh. When all the foods are made out of white flour! -Oct. 2

Silver: "Mommy, you and I are hanging out of here." -Oct. 3

Every morning, Blaise wakes up around 5 AM and thinks it's fun to blow loud raspberries. Mom = zombie. -Oct. 7 

"You know what I like, Mama? I like the kissings." -Silver, Oct. 9

Silver, playing with her hands, making them "kiss" each other, & talking to herself in a high pitched voice: "No! Look away! They're kissing! Don't look!" -Oct. 19

Me: Aw, dangit, now you have cashew butter all up in your hair.

Silver: Yeah, but yesterday Daddy washed the STINKY out of my hair.

Me: You mean the STICKY?

Silver: YEAH! 

-Oct. 21

Silver: "When I grow up, I'm gonna be a moji." -Oct. 21

Silver called hedgehogs "Poky-pawns" today. -Oct. 24

When your nursing pad falls on the mat in the middle of group exercise... just laugh at yourself and be thankful. You are prob the only person in there nursing their 6th child. 😂-Oct. 13

Pippa: "Mom! Silas called me a fat and greasy citizen!"

Me: "Silas! Don't use Shakespeare to insult your siblings!"

Silas: --Sigh-- "Okay." -Oct. 24

Evidently, I can now make the bed while holding a baby in one arm. As my friend V always says, "Mom level: PRO!" -Oct. 28

(Discussing Robert Frost's poem "Mending Wall" with Sparrow, age 11) she says, "They were building a wall, and it seemed like there was really no reason to build a wall, like cows."

Me: :Yeah. So why do you think did the neighbor want a fence there?"

Sparrow: "Because he was an introvert." -Oct. 30

Silver: "How many birds are shrieking?" -Nov. 3

Silver, jumping about my bed: "I can do that, mom. And it's really cool." (willy cooah) -Nov. 3

Silver took the paper wrapper off a straw, and said, "Aaaah! I'm cold!" --as the straw, of course. -Nov. 7

The problem of how to fit into your own life while also breaking its limitations occupies most of my philosophical musings. -Nov. 11

Silver sang songs to me tonight, about our farting cats.

Me: What? The cats are farting?

Silver: Yeah! I like farting! 

-Nov. 7

Blaise fell off our bed and landed in a trash can right side up. -Nov. 15

Daddy had just scooted Silver over cause she was sleeping in his spot in the morning, and she blinked open her eyes and said, "Mama, there was a GUY. And he was throwing the pajamas in the sink." -Nov. 15

Watching a movie that was about 80's video games, Silver says, "They're from the A.D.'s!" -Nov. 17

Silver, singing: "Frosty the snowman was a very-very-old..." -Nov. 18

Me: Do you have some socks you can put on?

Silver: Yeah. I'm just really really busy.

-Nov. 18

Silver had just gotten a splinter out of her foot, when she discovered another one in the other foot. 

Me: Oh no, how old is that one?

Silver: Sixteen, I think.

-Nov. 20

Me: Tell me about the party, Silver!

Silver: Um, there was cooies, bread, water, plates, --one plate, lights, little lights, and little candles, and bread, and a table.

-Dec. 8

I just high-fived my husband and said, "We had a day!" -Dec. 9

Silver crushes my snowflake. "It's destroyed," she says. -Dec. 14

Silver: "And God was a baby. When he was born in our car." -Dec. 14

-Dec. 15

Silas, narrating the Bible reading: "And then the bush said that he was the God of Jacob, Isaac, Moses, and some other people..." -Dec. 16

Silver named her toy animals:

Giraffe: "How."

Bird: "Birdies."

Mouse: "Mousies."

Red snake: "Help."

Blue snake: "Helpies. I mean Blueberries. And the red snake is Red Blueberries."

-Dec. 17

Silver calls a flashlight a "FRUFF RIGHT." 

"This side (of the bed) is kinda fall-ish-y." -Silver, Dec 18 

Silver was singing "Deep Cries Out" (Bethel Music) this morning when she woke up. Then she slipped off the bed holding her blanket around her, dropped to the floor, and said, "I'm just a worm. That slugs and slugs and slugs. And some people get on me." -Dec. 19

Me: Wow, this Burger King coupon page says you can save over $130. Hah! I mean, if you went to Burger King every day and used these coupons, you'd be like, hey! We saved $130 on our BK bill this month!
Sparrow: If you went to Burger King every day you'd be dead.-Dec. 20

Silver calls ornaments "ardavents." -Dec. 22

Headline just seen in beauty section: "Rock the No Makeup look with ease." -Dec. 27

The Funnies - July, August, September 2017

Silver is 2 1/2, Pippa is 5, Silas is turning 7, Golden is turning 9

Things always fall into the toilet at the last minute. -July 14

Silver, first thing in the morning, re: Blaise: 

"Mom! Look at his face! ...I'm so proud of you."

Then she sees my wrinkly feet and examines them closely. 

"Mom! I love your feet!" -early July

Silver says funny things in general. She pronounces I's after vowels like i's or y's.

Store: "Stoy."

Cart: "Caw-yt." (one syllable.) (sounds a lot like kite)

Fart: "fight" or "faw-yt."

Silver is too cute right now. It's 7:30 AM and she has woken up and is chatting to me from my bed, where Blaise is also sleeping. She keeps saying things like:

"Mom, Blaise is so fluffy!"

"Mom, I'm so comfortable with Blaise!"

"Mom, he's farting!" 

"Blaise has eyebrows." 

She has really precise anunciation. The other day she called him a "munchkin," & her lips as she so clearly pronounced that word were so cute! -July 14

Me reading aloud about an Irish/English battle: The aliens were beat back.

Golden, suddenly paying attention: There are aliens in this book?!?

Silver: And the baby alien, it's hiding! -July 16
🙈

 Evening reading time with six children... So hard to get through the chapters. -July 16

Silver, pointing to a turtle in a book: "Iss a tooter!" -July 16

Me: Do you wanna go to the park today?
Silver: Yeah. And I want to go to the zoo. I want to go to the zoo and see elephants. And dinosaurs at the zoo.

Their expectations grow exponentially into the fantastical in a matter of seconds! Before you know what happened, you have to TALK THEM DOWN. Welcome to the world of toddler parenting.

Clearly the answer is never to ask a toddler their opinion.  -July 17

I gave Silas a homemade little bowl of trail mix to tide him over for breakfast while I sit here and work.

After a few minutes, he says, "Hmmm... that needs more chocolate chips and what not."

 ...and what not!

-July 18

Pippa: "Why is this cup OLD?"

Me: "I don't know, it's not THAT old!"

Pippa: "Yeah, it's only like... HALF old."

Silas: "Yeah, like 44 years or something." -July 18

I spent a few minutes singing Silver a song I had made up for her, during which she sat there beaming like a queen. When I finished, she said,

"That's creepy and stuff."

Creepy is one of her favorite words right now. -July 19

"I'm a baby ginoceros." -Silver, circa July 20

My children are playing hot potato with a dirty diaper. -July 20

Things I never thought I'd find myself saying:

"I will be serving crepes to people who are wearing underwear."

"JUST say thank you for the hairy cousin!!!"-July 20

Me: So in order to get the unknown by itself, you have to remove the other numbers on that side of the equation by doing the reverse function. So the opposite of times is divide. So divide both sides by 2/3.

Sparrow: I think the opposite of times Is un-times. -July 20

Been listening to the MSG translation. I guess it's some kind of flavor enhancer. -July 25

The other day I referred to erasing as "deleting." Just now I told my daughter we could "edit" her skirt. Aaaaah! #digitalage -July 28

"I wanna play with my toys, but I guess I'll do a puzzle for a few... whiles." -Pippa, July 29

Silver, crying with wide, sad eyes: "I can't jump over the ceiling, Mommy!" -July 29

Me: Are you interested in rock concerts? 

Sparrow: No. But I'm interested in ROCKS!

Me: I love you. 

-August 9

Silver: Gol likes to say 'boinga boinga.'

me: Hm? God?

Silver: No! God can't say anything! He CAN'T TALK! -Aug. 18

Silver, playing with a Playmobil goat early in the morning, called it a "goost." -Aug. 19

Everyone keeps saying we are going to the Scott's house tomorrow. Silver, to Daddy, "Wanna go to God's house?" -Aug. 26

"That popcorn is distusteen!" -Silver, who ate old popcorn  off the floor, Aug. 26

"Can we go to Jane's house now?" -Silver, meaning Jamestown. -Aug. 25

"Mom, there's beads on your lamp. And there's a string hanging up to it." -Silver, Aug. 29

Silas, describing how Silver was asking him for a toy of hers: "And then something happened to my heart, because I felt like I really wanted to get it for her." -late August

Silver: God ate the mustard. And he was folded. -Aug. 31

Silver found a stuffed animal upstairs at Mahnkens house and said, "I'm gonna put this little cutie in my shirt." -Sep. 2

Silver, age 2: I'm not in love. And there was worms in my LIFE. And there's no love out there (pointing toward the window). 
Thomas: Oh yeah? So... Where IS the love? 
Silver: The love is in the movies. -Sept. 7

Pippa: When Silver grows up, she's gonna get a bunch of extra money for helping us do our chores.

Me: Oh yeah? From whom?

Pippa: The king.

Me: Who's the king?

Pippa: Jesus. 

-Sept. 10

Silas, narrating after a reading about Queen Elizabeth: "Well, her mom, and her sister, I think, got cheesin' and died." (meaning treason!) -Sept. 11

Blaise: full teething mode. I feel like I'm the birth doula for his tooth. He's making breathy cow noises right now. -Sept. 13

Golden (age 9), de-pooping the kitty litter: "Sparrow, I am totally grieved about this." -Sept. 18

"Mama, I'm so glad this milk isn't wotten." -Silver, Sep. 22

ME, YOU, ME, YOU, STUMP. 😁 

A card Golden made for her friend Emily. -Sept. 25

Silver, chatting to a man in a parking lot: "We have a house! ...This is my friend Pippa." -Sep. 26

"I looked in the mirror and saw she was beautiful." -Silver , Sept. 28

"Sometimes Daddy brushes my hair, sometimes he cuts my hair, and sometimes he washes my hair." -Silver, Sept. 28 (first haircut happened that day)