Sunday, March 14, 2010

the unknown

i finally packed my first box tonight after meaning to start for the past two weeks... oh well, some of us work better under pressure. i just can't seem to find the time to DO the packing and cleaning! everyday things take up most of my time, and by evening i am usually exhausted and need some relaxation time! i discovered tonight, however, that packing that box was relaxing. i used emilie barnes' note-card and enumerating system, and i feel...powerful! i don't think i've ever done anything that organized in my life. here's what you do:

as you pack your box, you write on a notecard each item that you have placed into it. (preferably you are also previously sorting your items according to category so they are not all "misc" boxes!) if you are going to keep the box in storage or in a closet after the move, you also write on the note card where the box is stored. you label the box with a number, or a color, or both. the note card goes into a note card filing box with categories/colors where you can quickly find each card and locate individual items in corresponding boxes in a matter of minutes. wow. i am planning to do the entire house this way and never get unorganized again.

i seriously wrote down the title of every single book that went into my box #1. but i must confess that in the end, i put a small decorative pillow in the top of the box for "stuffing." the box was getting too heavy to add more books, but still had a little space. i hate wasting space! see, even when i do something unorganized, there is usually a practical purpose behind it. type A's can't have it their way all the time. i am not going out to buy packing paper to fill that space, dangit!

an excerpt from last night's journal entry:
"last night i began to be hitwith a major emotionality/sentimentality for santa barbara. i always knew i was going to miss it when we had to go, but suddenly it was this feeling of "what--have--i--done?!" getting us to leave the greatest place on earth..."

we were thinking that without a job set up in san francisco, we won't have enough money to move there yet. thomas was talking about going to tucson after all while we get SF figured out, but still to keep that as our ultimate goal.

"and now that tucson is a real possibility, of course i am thinking of all the challenges: tiny apartment, no kitchen, no AC in the car, heat, pregnancy, no close parks, no ocean...gosh, are we lucky here! but i realized to day too, that living in santa barbara for us was a bit backward, because the surrounding area and town was always more attractive than the home. in tucson, home will be IT. it will be an intense narrowing down, focusing on family and homestead, with no resort-town outside my door to escape to whenever things get stressful. it dawned on me that most people feel they need to take vacations away from home. i never felt that way here. because every trip into santa barbara is a vacation. each afternoon at the park, every morning at the beach was a vacation.

i drove by so many parks today, as i took the sceninc route home from the zoo in this perfect march sun-winded weather. and each remarkable place i passed brought up waves of sweet, jasmine-scented memories from the fullness of the past seven years. that is why i cried last night. it has all been too beautiful, yet too tragic as we struggled and struggled to get by, hopes sinking more each year that we would find a way out of the rut. but all of this will soon be a memory, nay, a fantasy in our remembrance, as we will surely remember nothing but the magic of this enchanting place."

here's to the unknown!

note: we are really still hoping to make SF work right away... we are going to have to ask for help and find a place with friends or family where we can crash while thomas finds a job. pray for favor! it is not easy to ask for help, nor to find those that are even able to extend it.

1 comment:

May said...

Wow Doris talk about a tear jerker! The emotions, thoughts, and feeling you are having I can very much relate to. You know it is time, and God will for sure provide as you know. SB will always have a part of our heart, huh. I am so excited for this new season ahead for your family. Praying and loving you from Seattle.