miscellaneous thoughts

so last wednesday sparrow had a very productive hour with may, who came to watch her so i could take ballet for an hour with thomas. when i came home, not only had she learned to play peekaboo! by squatting behind the table and then popping up, but she could also do the sign for "hat," which i had been trying to teach her since she was 5 months old or something! (that was feb. 9th.)

today i took her to the beach to eat lunch when i got off work. i got all in a bikini and put little shorts on her, but when i stepped out, it was waaaay colder than it looked, and i had to go all the way back up the stairs to the apt. to put pants on her. but we braved the wind and had a good half hour at least, and sparrow had the best time, reaching out urgently to every bird that flew by and every tree in sight. she does this "thank you, santa barbara, and goodnight!" type of wave with her whole arm or both stretched out. she also got her first taste of sand and didn't like it, but i'd rather let her experience it than try to immediately stop her.

she was really into her 'goodninght moon' book tonight, which makes me super happy. i had ordered it online for 2 dollars or something, just because i'm so dang sentimental about that book. i have actually thought about modelling her playroom after it and doing all the paintings myself, like "the three little bears, sitting on chairs," and making the striped curtains and hiring a rabbit-woman to rock in the corner and say hush. j/k about that last part. but anyways, she liked it so much that i actually had to take it away because she wasn't letting me brush her teeth or change her, and when i took it from her, she cried so heartbreakingly with real tears, so sadly and so long that i felt the weight of the world, and thought that i could hardly bear the fact that she will be so heartbroken and more, over so many things. but it really can't be avoided, and all one can do here is hope in the fact that love is stronger than heartache and makes it worth it. and so i hurried up with her bedtime routine and then sat her on my lap and got the book and read it to her and held her in my lap and arms, that precious one, and let her try to turn the pages or imitate my pointing at all the objects as i say them, or eat the book, whatever she wanted, just to make sure she knew: mama loves her.