sleep training is the worst!

sleep training is the worst!
i have been like a zombie lately, and sparrow grumpy too because a full-size bed is just too small for three people! she tries to roll over and hits either me or the pillow and this wakes her up several times per night and she's all irritated and then tired during the day. something has to be done. thomas barely notices, even though he is teetering on the edge of the bed through it all. he doesn't wake up. but i have had my fill of this and since we can't afford a king-size bed, which is what i really want, ...sparrow will have to learn to sleep alone. (getting a bigger bed would only postpone the inevitable anyways...)
we let her scream in her bed for one nap session and did not give in even though we were shaking with the forbearance. she was puffy-eyed and desperately shrieking at us and stretching out her pale little trembling fingers in agony. (we checked on her twice and it took her 40 mins to fall asleep, after which she only slept for 30, and was still totally sad and mad when she woke up.) after that i decided that i need to help her build skills to fall asleep on her own a little more deliberately and gently before we just leave her by herself again. so for the past few nights i've been cutting off her night nursing session a little early so that she's still awake when she falls asleep. i lay her on our bed and lie down with her and don't nurse her again and try to ignore her except for the occasional, "go to sleep, sparrow. lay your head down." i have also made sure to give her her doggy every night during bedtime so that she can begin to associate that as a comfort thing for sleeping. recently she's become obsessed with trying to eat the doggy's eyes... anyway, she likes to horse around on the bed, so she usually ends up throwing herself around for 30 to 45 minutes, knowing she's supposed to lie down, but then not being able to keep still very well. i get kicked and head-butted a lot during this interval. she also does funny things like straddle the body pillow and try to play with my belly button. today was the best. she stuck her mouth on the side of my bare tummy and said "dla-dla." it tickled so much and was so funny that i laughed a little despite trying to ignore her. she liked that i laughed, and laughed too. then i laughed because her laugh is so cute and she knows she's funny. so she laughed again, force-imitating me. which made me laugh even more. so we were pretty much lying there laughing for at least 2 minutes. have i mentioned i love her? then she fell right to sleep after that. i usually have to let her crawl on me to fall asleep. last night i determined that i wouldn't let her fall asleep on my chest, so i lay on my tummy. but she ended up crawling onto my back and lying down on me anyways, trying to situate her head between my poky spine and shoulder blade! i have been getting a little more sleep this week because i usu. end up falling asleep while i'm lying there with her to get her to fall asleep. and i may or may not wake up again... it's probably a good thing.

also, a little p.s.--today mitchell and liz and i took her to the zoo, and as we were relaxing on a grassy hill, she crawled off to explore. but the hill was a little steep, so she went feet -first, and she ended up crawling backward down the whole big hill--soooo cute!