one of my most looked-forward to things after i give birth is: wine. mmmmmm.
in september i will for sure be hosting a wine/beer/holy tea party for all the new mommies.
i confess i still drink it a little. i have heard from several doctors that it is ok to drink a glass even while pregnant. i definitely stay away from the hard liquor, though, and i must confess that drinking a little is almost worse than drinking none, because if it is good wine, then you want more, but then you really really have to deny yourself.
so while i am on wine parole, i will write a bit about it to keep myself at bay. let me start a list of our favorite wines. it seems that every time we are at trader joe's with an extra few dollars, we forget which kinds we have tried and liked--or not. i know two offhand, though, that i have found excellent on the palate:
ravenswood -zinfandel (that brand is actually consistently good and affordable)
smoking loon -syrah (that was the first time i had syrah, i think--yum!)
anyway, i am not a true wine connoisseur yet. i cannot describe it with the savvy and vocab that i have acquired for coffee. (light tannins? i am lost.) it seems like i find a type of wine that i like, merlot, for example, and then all i buy for awhile is merlot. then i hit a bad merlot. must be the brand, but you'd think...? my conclusion is that good wine has a LOT more to do with the manufacturer than the name of the grape.
ps- wine has tons of antioxidants, and the french, for all their faults drink a lot of it, and consequently live longer, even though they eat butter on everything! (just like me!) americans have an unhealthy fear of fat. i could write more on that. but later.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
sparrow's funniness never ceases
new quotes by baby:
"i made a poop." (feb. 10th) so proud that she can tell me now. still trying to get her to tell me BEFORE she does it!
"daddy is wake-upping." (feb. 10th)
"i bonked the chin." (feb. 10th)
now she answers her self when she asks to watch a movie.
"watch a movie? ...maybe after put da clothes on."
"maybe after kitchen."
"maybe after food."
(drawing)
"i made a sheepy. sheepy's crying. sheepy's cold."
"i made a baby. tiny eyes, tiny nose."
"squiggly lines." (feb. 11th)
i swear, after trying SO hard not to expose her to the detrimental effects of people drawing cutesy pictures for her, she is now already labeling her drawings as sheepies and babies. cute, but bummer. i don't want her to have those kinds of expectations and boxes around her art already. she is supposed to be free to just practice kinetic scribbling until age 3 or so. well, i will do my best to continue with free-art style encouragement!
oh hah, this is a funny one: she pooped, then smelled it, then said,
"mommy pooted." (feb. 11)
me: "sparrow, do we throw our silverware on the floor?"
sp: "yes, mama!" (feb. 17)
hahahhaa! just like a good little girl!
me: "sparrow, where are your socks?"
sp: "maybe in da living room." (feb. 17)
"daddy wake up? no, daddy's still sleeping." (feb. 18th)
"i saw the noise!" (feb. 18th)
so yeah, she asks me about 50 times a day if she can watch a movie. this is how it goes: "mama?" "what." "watch a movie." it NEVER varies. ALL the time. even right after she watches one.
the worst was, one day she WAS watching one, and she asked me during the movie! hahahahaaaaaa
the best one was one night when she was about to go to sleep: (feb. 23)
"mama?" "what." "...i love you."
aaaaaah! sigh. what did you say? it must have been the first time she said that to me without me saying it to her first! these are the best things in life. see? there ARE benefits to parenting your toddler to bed! must keep that in mind.
we are out on the balcony watching to lunar eclipse, and someone walks by downstairs. sparrow says, "there's a people!" (feb. 21)
so one day she wakes up from her nap and alan is out in the living room vacuuming. the first thing she says in her blurry sleepy voice is, "mama, alan's cleaning the crummies." (feb. 23)
sparrow listening to thomas' morning noises. bathroom clatter:
"daddy's coming!" then, "daddy had to spit." (feb. 25)
"i heard a train, mama!" (feb. 24)
that was the first time she used "heard" for hearing something instead of "saw." usually when she hears a hawk outside, for example, she says, "i saw a hawk!"
she is getting really good at "mine" and "yours," she knows to say, "this is yours," or "this is mama's," etc.
the other week, i swear she used a past tense, it was astounding! she says, "help mama, i stucked!" (she usu. says "stucked" for stuck. if she gets her foot stuck she says, "i stucked it.") so i walk over from the kitchen to see if she is stuck. but apparently she has loosed herself cuz she's just lying on the floor. i say, "you're not stuck!" and she says to me, "i WAS stuck."
so i know that those child development standards "where your child is supposed to be at what age" guides are dumbed down, but come on, do they really think that a kid who is almost three is supposed to be saying two to three word sentences? i swear that is what one dad told me the other day. hm. if my not-yet-two year-old can change "i'm stucked" to "i was stuck" in the correct context, those things are REALLY dumbed down. just like "no child left behind," eh? let's make EVERYONE seem equally unintelligent! that way the truly unintelligent ones can feel good about themselves! i smell democrats at work here.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
why i need therapy
money depression really hits me every once in awhile. i want to stay in bed and wallow and cry. much of life financially isn't turning out the way i just always assumed it would, and i didn't even realize i had these assumptions til they started rearing their ugly heads in the face of the reality of how life is winding up. i remember once saying as a child, disgusted with the attitudes of the rich, "i want to be poor when i grow up!" what was i thinking. right here and now i'd like to revoke that statement. a biblical view is, after all, "give me neither poverty nor riches." the beauty, and the hardest part of it, is that i am inextricably tied to my husband on our financial fate. on the one hand, there is nothing i can do, and i should rest in the Lord and be cheerful, doing my part well. on the other hand, i writhe in the age-old eve complex of wishing that i could do it myself; i would get my masters, i would start a business, i would teach at a university, i would move someplace cheap... i think to myself that one of the main lessons i will teach my kids is that having money is not about things. it is about having options. when you are scraping to survive, scraping to sell things just so you can pay the next bill, you are not in a place to be free. you are limited in what you can give to others, your energies spent on worrying about how to pay for your cavity. you can't stay in shape as well, being unable to afford gym or childcare. you can't take classes to expand your skills and views, you can't travel and see the other perspectives of God's creation. you are too weary from the everyday to create art or write or research or listen to music to stir the soul... in these musings of course i become profoundly unhappy. i am meant to learn to trust that God is telling and teaching my husband exactly what to do for us; do i not see that they spend a lot of time together, that he wrestles with these issues every day? good thing i don't have too much extra time to wallow, there is a little girl jumping on me with boogers in her nose, a matted nest of fine hair, and a great big smile saying "i woke up!" luxury of feeling sorry for myself temporarily on hold.
the ocean is my therapy. God meant it to be better than man's wisdom. he meant it to be a warm day today so i could take my toddler imp of a daughter out into the sun to stare at the sand and the big blue for an hour. i always feel that if we are GOING to pay (our lifeblood) to live in this ridiculous place, i have to take advantage of the ocean, at least! i go there every chance i get. my outlook on life sure is a lot better when i am looking at all that beauty with an iced coffee in my hand. there it is--the mighty footprint of God himself. a constantly moving canvas, which he stretches here and there in never twice-same patterns day after day, month after month. smell the salt, feel the sand, hear the voice of those continuous washings and breakings, and feel yourself small in the vastness of his presence. like little Job when he realized God's sole purpose was not to make him comfortable in this life. "where were you when i created this?" breathe. you will soon be away from this inkblot life and your whining won't matter to you or to anyone else then.
i am also reminded of what i read today, that the Lord promised the israelites to increase the produce of each sixth year (before jubilee) to last 2 years until the harvest of the 9th year. the Lord calls the seventh year JUBILEE, where they are not to harvest, not to sow... and he tells them He will provide. but had i been there, i would have seen it as a stagnant year, unproductive, i would have wanted to harvest at least the aftergrowth, and to make sure we had enough for our family the following season. i would have gone crazy with worry and inability to rest... note that the Bible even says of jubilee, "you can eat old food..." until the following harvest! the Lord has always been the same. he tells them to sit back for awhile and enjoy ea. other and enjoy his presence, and let new things develop while the land lies fallow. he tells them they can eat old food, it will be good enough, as his purposes are much greater than food. here they are, eating old food and told to wait, not to work their fields for a whole year, and God gives the whole shaky deal this amazing, exuberant name: jubilee. rejoice! party! celebrate me! focus on deeper things! be good to one another! wait on the Lord and see what He will do! hmmm, yes, he's always been the same.
so i breathe in the ocean warmth and sun and feel myself simple and small in the face of the supernatural things i am being told. and i realize another thing: yeah, i could have had money. i could be in colorado right now with a masters, a mortgage, and a great job. or anywhere. i could have chosen anywhere. and i would be alone. even if i had someone, i would, i KNOW i would always be wondering what could have happened between me and that guy... the one i fell head over heels in love with when i wasn't supposed to, but i did the right thing and walked away... i would be longing for him even now. but no! God lets the best dreams come true sometimes. i married him! i found the good thing and i got to keep it! i get to carry his children and kiss him every day. i promise, i promise, Lord, i will not let satan lie to me and steal my joy in what you have done for me. i will eat my old food in faith and look to you with jubilee in my heart.
"The Lord sustains all who fall
and raises up all who are bowed down.
The eyes if all look to you,
and you give them their food in due time.
You open your hand
and satisfy the desire of every living thing.
The Lord is righteous in all His ways
and kind in all his deeds.
The Lord is near to all who call upon him,
to all who call upon him in truth.
He will fulfill the desire of those who fear him;
He will also hear their cry and will save them.
The Lord keeps all who love him,
but all the wicked he will destroy (be gone, Satan!)
My mouth will speak the praise of the Lord,
and all flesh will bless his holy name forever and ever."
Psalm 145:14-21
the ocean is my therapy. God meant it to be better than man's wisdom. he meant it to be a warm day today so i could take my toddler imp of a daughter out into the sun to stare at the sand and the big blue for an hour. i always feel that if we are GOING to pay (our lifeblood) to live in this ridiculous place, i have to take advantage of the ocean, at least! i go there every chance i get. my outlook on life sure is a lot better when i am looking at all that beauty with an iced coffee in my hand. there it is--the mighty footprint of God himself. a constantly moving canvas, which he stretches here and there in never twice-same patterns day after day, month after month. smell the salt, feel the sand, hear the voice of those continuous washings and breakings, and feel yourself small in the vastness of his presence. like little Job when he realized God's sole purpose was not to make him comfortable in this life. "where were you when i created this?" breathe. you will soon be away from this inkblot life and your whining won't matter to you or to anyone else then.
i am also reminded of what i read today, that the Lord promised the israelites to increase the produce of each sixth year (before jubilee) to last 2 years until the harvest of the 9th year. the Lord calls the seventh year JUBILEE, where they are not to harvest, not to sow... and he tells them He will provide. but had i been there, i would have seen it as a stagnant year, unproductive, i would have wanted to harvest at least the aftergrowth, and to make sure we had enough for our family the following season. i would have gone crazy with worry and inability to rest... note that the Bible even says of jubilee, "you can eat old food..." until the following harvest! the Lord has always been the same. he tells them to sit back for awhile and enjoy ea. other and enjoy his presence, and let new things develop while the land lies fallow. he tells them they can eat old food, it will be good enough, as his purposes are much greater than food. here they are, eating old food and told to wait, not to work their fields for a whole year, and God gives the whole shaky deal this amazing, exuberant name: jubilee. rejoice! party! celebrate me! focus on deeper things! be good to one another! wait on the Lord and see what He will do! hmmm, yes, he's always been the same.
so i breathe in the ocean warmth and sun and feel myself simple and small in the face of the supernatural things i am being told. and i realize another thing: yeah, i could have had money. i could be in colorado right now with a masters, a mortgage, and a great job. or anywhere. i could have chosen anywhere. and i would be alone. even if i had someone, i would, i KNOW i would always be wondering what could have happened between me and that guy... the one i fell head over heels in love with when i wasn't supposed to, but i did the right thing and walked away... i would be longing for him even now. but no! God lets the best dreams come true sometimes. i married him! i found the good thing and i got to keep it! i get to carry his children and kiss him every day. i promise, i promise, Lord, i will not let satan lie to me and steal my joy in what you have done for me. i will eat my old food in faith and look to you with jubilee in my heart.
"The Lord sustains all who fall
and raises up all who are bowed down.
The eyes if all look to you,
and you give them their food in due time.
You open your hand
and satisfy the desire of every living thing.
The Lord is righteous in all His ways
and kind in all his deeds.
The Lord is near to all who call upon him,
to all who call upon him in truth.
He will fulfill the desire of those who fear him;
He will also hear their cry and will save them.
The Lord keeps all who love him,
but all the wicked he will destroy (be gone, Satan!)
My mouth will speak the praise of the Lord,
and all flesh will bless his holy name forever and ever."
Psalm 145:14-21
the morning after
harahar, i did it!! ha! i got up at five thirty and did forty minutes of pilates! if i go to bed right now, maybe i can do it again tomorrow!
Monday, February 25, 2008
pregnancy journal entry 3
wow, i just checked my calendar, and apparently i am 16 weeks already, i kept thinking 14 1/2! time goes by so much faster with the second one. praise God. i am 40.4% of the way there! baby is about 2.8 ounces and 4.6 inches with working bladder function and fully formed fingernails.
We finally had our 1st "real" checkup last thursday, which meant actually getting to hear the heartbeat! it sounded a lot slower than i remember sparrow's, and it was loud and booming, not like her little beating-wings sound. thomas and sparrow got to come with me and we are now not only referring to new baby as "belly button baby," like sparrow, but also "boom boom baby." which is satisfying for now.
the county clinic is a cultural experience in itself. i could already tell that from my first visit there. i kid you not, they gave me a one-hour "total health" interview in which i swear they asked me if i could read, and how often i wear my seatbelt in the car. hahahahaha! also, i was almost 10 minutes late to my first appointment, and it turned out i hadn't received paperwork in the mail which they normally send. so i had to go sign this paper in the back office where the assistant guy was like, "oh, where are the english ones?!" he couldn't find them so i told him i could read spanish and sign that one. then he was saying something along the lines of how responsible i seemed. "we'll see about that," i said. because i felt it was a bit unfair of him to judge me as he seemed to be comparing me to other patients. "well, you were on time, at least, and most people can't even do that." what? interesting. i wasn't on time. but he had already decided about me, and in his mind i had been on time. well at least that one interpreted things in my favor.
for the second visit, the nurse practitioner ordered an ultrasound for me at 15 weeks, as well as iron pills. don't question a county health worker. or most any western medical worker who tells you anything, for that matter. i asked her if there were different types of iron supplements, and she said, "no, they're all the same, get the cheapest one, here's a prescription." then i asked her if it would really be necessary to get an ultrasound at 15 weeks, since i know they do one at 20 weeks to determine the sex. i would prefer not to have too many ultrasounds, and when i explained to her that i have read they can be harmful to the fetus' brain and are linked to ADD and other attention problems, she thought i was nuts, as she herself had "never heard that before." "here, come with me," she said, and charged out into the hallway to find some other random woman. "look, here, she's been doing ultrasounds for 30 years--have you ever heard that they can be harmful?" "no." "see, there you go!" (virtual pat on the head, thank you!) i am not so easily placated. "well since it's not that early on any more, i am really not that concerned, i just want to know that i have options." "options? yeah, oh yes, of course you have options! hahaha!" (later the other lady took me aside and told me that i absolutely did not have to have a 15-wk. ultrasound, esp. since the only purpose was to confirm my due date, and i was really sure on my cycle dates anyways. that's better.) oh, and on the iron pills: i KNOW there are different types of vitamins, some are much better than others. i am choosing to buy my own food-based pre-natals, for example, because the only ones doctors write prescriptions for are the synthetic ones, which can do more harm than good. so i go home and look at my food-based prenatal vitamins. they have iron in them. i have just been taking only half the dosage, since i am running low. but i will now take the full dosage, and skip the scary pills they gave me at the clinic, which say on the label, i kid you not, "do NOT lie down within 30 minutes after taking this product!" and "do NOT consume this product one hour before or within 2 hours after consuming: eggs, whole grains, antacids, ..." the list went on! any pregnant woman that could keep those things straight is miraculous--i eat whole grains for every meal--i'm sorry! besides, you should have seen the list of side effects. my prenatals say nothing about those kinds of goings-on. oh yes, but it's all the same, and it's all perfectly fine.
at least all the other results of my blood tests came out fine. no risks of major things with the baby, at least not that they can see. they took six vials of blood the first time i went to the clinic--sweet. i had asked them if they could have dr. green send over my medical records, since i have had all these blood tests before--maybe it could save us at least half of them? and they looked at me and said, "...no." "why not?" "that's just how we do things here. we have to do all our own bloodwork." great. welcome to the system. you'd think some smart, thinking person could say, "hey! we could save a lot of time and money if we had patients' previous medical records sent to us!" but no. they insisted on taking six vials of my blood, and that was just the first extraction. if they try to make me take that glucose drink again (neon green) i am flat-out refusing. i'll sign a waiver. that crap i'm sure does more harm than good. i do NOT have gestational diabetes!
well, enough on that ranting. now quickly for my thoughts on boys and girls. or have i already stated this? i think i did. however, for the record, here is the basic thought: i love girls. a girl would be great for sparrow to have by her side. now why do people see it as a cursed thing to have 2 girls in a row? i know ia m getting kinda defensive here, but there is a 52% chance of having a girl! just wanna get that out there and say that girls are amazing. i was the second girl, and i am hecka glad i am around! i think my parents even liked me a little bit! besides, if i were planning on only having 2 kids, the pressure would be a little bit stronger on the male end. you know men want to have their male offspring. and americans want you to have one of each, and then stop. one of each and a white picket fence and a dog and all your vaccines. that is why they see the second girl as a bane. sure, my life will be different depending on what the outcome is, and here's how: if it is a boy, the pressure for "producing a male heir" (to what?) is off, and i will take a few years break before starting in on my second batch of kids. if it is a girl, ...i guess we will just keep going! hahaha yes, there is that need to satisfy a man's craving for a manchild. i have had visions of 2 little mini-thomases running around in rain boots and little sweat pants. but we'll see if they substantiate.
now, friends, it is 12:15 am, and if i am to start in on my new resolution tomorrow: get up an hour earlier and exercise! (this means 5 am) --then i'd better get to sleep.
We finally had our 1st "real" checkup last thursday, which meant actually getting to hear the heartbeat! it sounded a lot slower than i remember sparrow's, and it was loud and booming, not like her little beating-wings sound. thomas and sparrow got to come with me and we are now not only referring to new baby as "belly button baby," like sparrow, but also "boom boom baby." which is satisfying for now.
the county clinic is a cultural experience in itself. i could already tell that from my first visit there. i kid you not, they gave me a one-hour "total health" interview in which i swear they asked me if i could read, and how often i wear my seatbelt in the car. hahahahaha! also, i was almost 10 minutes late to my first appointment, and it turned out i hadn't received paperwork in the mail which they normally send. so i had to go sign this paper in the back office where the assistant guy was like, "oh, where are the english ones?!" he couldn't find them so i told him i could read spanish and sign that one. then he was saying something along the lines of how responsible i seemed. "we'll see about that," i said. because i felt it was a bit unfair of him to judge me as he seemed to be comparing me to other patients. "well, you were on time, at least, and most people can't even do that." what? interesting. i wasn't on time. but he had already decided about me, and in his mind i had been on time. well at least that one interpreted things in my favor.
for the second visit, the nurse practitioner ordered an ultrasound for me at 15 weeks, as well as iron pills. don't question a county health worker. or most any western medical worker who tells you anything, for that matter. i asked her if there were different types of iron supplements, and she said, "no, they're all the same, get the cheapest one, here's a prescription." then i asked her if it would really be necessary to get an ultrasound at 15 weeks, since i know they do one at 20 weeks to determine the sex. i would prefer not to have too many ultrasounds, and when i explained to her that i have read they can be harmful to the fetus' brain and are linked to ADD and other attention problems, she thought i was nuts, as she herself had "never heard that before." "here, come with me," she said, and charged out into the hallway to find some other random woman. "look, here, she's been doing ultrasounds for 30 years--have you ever heard that they can be harmful?" "no." "see, there you go!" (virtual pat on the head, thank you!) i am not so easily placated. "well since it's not that early on any more, i am really not that concerned, i just want to know that i have options." "options? yeah, oh yes, of course you have options! hahaha!" (later the other lady took me aside and told me that i absolutely did not have to have a 15-wk. ultrasound, esp. since the only purpose was to confirm my due date, and i was really sure on my cycle dates anyways. that's better.) oh, and on the iron pills: i KNOW there are different types of vitamins, some are much better than others. i am choosing to buy my own food-based pre-natals, for example, because the only ones doctors write prescriptions for are the synthetic ones, which can do more harm than good. so i go home and look at my food-based prenatal vitamins. they have iron in them. i have just been taking only half the dosage, since i am running low. but i will now take the full dosage, and skip the scary pills they gave me at the clinic, which say on the label, i kid you not, "do NOT lie down within 30 minutes after taking this product!" and "do NOT consume this product one hour before or within 2 hours after consuming: eggs, whole grains, antacids, ..." the list went on! any pregnant woman that could keep those things straight is miraculous--i eat whole grains for every meal--i'm sorry! besides, you should have seen the list of side effects. my prenatals say nothing about those kinds of goings-on. oh yes, but it's all the same, and it's all perfectly fine.
at least all the other results of my blood tests came out fine. no risks of major things with the baby, at least not that they can see. they took six vials of blood the first time i went to the clinic--sweet. i had asked them if they could have dr. green send over my medical records, since i have had all these blood tests before--maybe it could save us at least half of them? and they looked at me and said, "...no." "why not?" "that's just how we do things here. we have to do all our own bloodwork." great. welcome to the system. you'd think some smart, thinking person could say, "hey! we could save a lot of time and money if we had patients' previous medical records sent to us!" but no. they insisted on taking six vials of my blood, and that was just the first extraction. if they try to make me take that glucose drink again (neon green) i am flat-out refusing. i'll sign a waiver. that crap i'm sure does more harm than good. i do NOT have gestational diabetes!
well, enough on that ranting. now quickly for my thoughts on boys and girls. or have i already stated this? i think i did. however, for the record, here is the basic thought: i love girls. a girl would be great for sparrow to have by her side. now why do people see it as a cursed thing to have 2 girls in a row? i know ia m getting kinda defensive here, but there is a 52% chance of having a girl! just wanna get that out there and say that girls are amazing. i was the second girl, and i am hecka glad i am around! i think my parents even liked me a little bit! besides, if i were planning on only having 2 kids, the pressure would be a little bit stronger on the male end. you know men want to have their male offspring. and americans want you to have one of each, and then stop. one of each and a white picket fence and a dog and all your vaccines. that is why they see the second girl as a bane. sure, my life will be different depending on what the outcome is, and here's how: if it is a boy, the pressure for "producing a male heir" (to what?) is off, and i will take a few years break before starting in on my second batch of kids. if it is a girl, ...i guess we will just keep going! hahaha yes, there is that need to satisfy a man's craving for a manchild. i have had visions of 2 little mini-thomases running around in rain boots and little sweat pants. but we'll see if they substantiate.
now, friends, it is 12:15 am, and if i am to start in on my new resolution tomorrow: get up an hour earlier and exercise! (this means 5 am) --then i'd better get to sleep.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
pregnancy journal entry 2
1/24/2008 11:49:00 PM :: no more tea!!
boo--i finally decided to quit drinking dr. miller's wonderful beautiful amazing holy tea, as the company was not getting back to me on if it is REALLY safe during pregnancy or not. there is a warning on the package about "cathartic herbs,... "should not be taken while pregnant or breastfeeding..." but i know for a fact that dr. miller himself had said re: the nursing issue: "would you rather feed your baby through clean pipes or dirty pipes?" and everyone i know in the higher-ups keeps re-iterating how gentle and safe this tea is. i figure the warning was just one of those things they legally had to put on there thanks to the ridiculous fda. i mean, they practically have to put that on chamomile tea nowadays, don't they? but then i started thinking that i'd better not take any chances, so i quit drinking even small amounts of wine, quit coffee (stomach flu helped me get over that in one day), and (sigh) quit the tea. immediately thereafter, i began to feel gross and nauseous on a lot more of a regular basis, so it's making me a bit sad and i can't wait to start again! as soon as i give birth i am having a holy tea/ coffee/ beer and wine party with all my other recent birth-giver friends.
apparently baby is 2 inches long now! and has lips and fingernails. that's pretty cool. have i mentioned that sparrow rubs my belly and says "hi, baby!" it's such a sweet thing. we are trying to get out of her whether she thinks it's a boy or a girl, but she changes her mind quite frequently. i can't remember what i wrote in my last journal entry, but according to my ovulation calculator, it MAY be either, but i think it's probably a girl. which would be great, to have 2 little girls together. the only thing is, for a man the pressure is on to have male offspring, so i wouldn't mind having a boy right now just to get that pressure out of the way! i was the 2nd girl, and sparrow and this next one will be separated in age by the exact amt. of months that me and my sister are. so that would be cool. except i don't remember us getting along that well when we were growing up. but you never know. i pray God gives us one with a compatible personality, and that they will be absolutely best friends.
jen and joseph found out recently that their baby has a triosome condition or something like that. it is some fluke that happens at conception to one in so many babies, having nothing to do with genetics, health of the parents, etc. doctors expect the baby to die either before birth or have so many problems that she will probably not live long afterwards. but God has given them great faith and they are hoping for a miracle. this will be really interesting as i was requested to be a doula at her birth! God has also given them (and others) several dreams of when the child is already 2 or 3 years old, and he clearly gave them the name sarah elizabeth, which is super significant, since both sarah and elizabeth in the Bible had supernatural births. the first thing i thought of really when i heard the news was, "wow, i hope they have good insurance." how would you deal with money stuff in a baby that was health-challenged... but again, maybe she won't be at all. they said they are hearing so many stories of parents that had the same diagnosis, but the babies lived and were normal.
oh i found out i have to get my prenatal care at the county clinic, which is going to be...interesting. i see it as a place swarming with aids patients, junkies, and herpes. but hey, i guess beggars can't be choosers, and at least my prenatal care will be free again. the problem was that doctors are getting fed up with medi-cal, so barely anyone is taking it anymore. the ones i called that were potentially taking it, all said that they were currently "not taking new patients," but i do wonder if they really meant that they just aren't taking medi-cal. i mean, if no doctor is taking new patients, is every woman who gets newly pregnant in santa barbara having to go to the county clinic? i DOUBT it!! well, my registration is next tuesday, and i am resigned to it and don't really mind in the end. at least it's my second baby and i already know sort of what to expect. although the jen and joseph thing really does bring to mind that you NEVER know, and makes me a bit nervous to find out how this one is doing. esp. since i miscarried before. anyhow, the first question i will ask when i go in is how the dr. feels about natural birthing, and if he will allow me to write a birth plan. as long as he will agree to: no routine episiotomy, no iv, freedom of movement in labor, and alternative birthing positions, i think i will be ok. besides that, i just realized we might be moving before this baby ever comes!
we have high hopes for this summer. thomas' season ends early this year, at the end of february, and once i quit my job AND have another baby, in order to stay in this town and survive, he will need to be making about 2 thousand more than he does right now. hm. unless the tea business suddenly thrives and starts bringing in a ton of money. but i don't epect that to happen for another five years or so. anyways, i would LOVE to move out of state. in CA you can get ok rent in some places, but you really have to resign yourself to living in a ghetto area. in other states, you could live in a nice area and have a mortgage for half of what we are paying for our rent on the apartment! with 2 kids especially, it would be so nice to have a yard--i won't be able to take sparrow to the park as much, and she does love to be outside. so--we re praying about where to go! thomas would like to stay in-state for the next 4 years so he can finish his feldenkrais training, but that means we might have to live someplace like stockton. which wouldn't be horrible, i guess. as long as we have a job and our family nucleus, we will be fine. God is big. he knows exactly what we need. week 11 marks the time that i had my miscarriage last time around, and i hate to even think about it, but i can't deny that i have been nervous, and wondering what the difference was... hoping to hold on to this one and not have a repeat of that EVER again. once i am in the 2nd trimester i think i will breathe a bit easier, and that is coming up fairly soon. anyways, no spotting or anything so far at all, so i think we are good. once i am in 2nd trimester, i will have to go to the dentist, too, to get a cavity fixed that has been growing for quite sometime. good stuff. maybe i won't be so tired all the time anymore either... well not much left to say tonight! hopefully i will be journalling with more frequency in the future.
color spot focusing on "belly button baby," as the little one is now referred to by sparrow. yes, the lumpy figure has already set in... (note too that sparrow has 2 toothbrushes in the photo... neither of them hers!)
boo--i finally decided to quit drinking dr. miller's wonderful beautiful amazing holy tea, as the company was not getting back to me on if it is REALLY safe during pregnancy or not. there is a warning on the package about "cathartic herbs,... "should not be taken while pregnant or breastfeeding..." but i know for a fact that dr. miller himself had said re: the nursing issue: "would you rather feed your baby through clean pipes or dirty pipes?" and everyone i know in the higher-ups keeps re-iterating how gentle and safe this tea is. i figure the warning was just one of those things they legally had to put on there thanks to the ridiculous fda. i mean, they practically have to put that on chamomile tea nowadays, don't they? but then i started thinking that i'd better not take any chances, so i quit drinking even small amounts of wine, quit coffee (stomach flu helped me get over that in one day), and (sigh) quit the tea. immediately thereafter, i began to feel gross and nauseous on a lot more of a regular basis, so it's making me a bit sad and i can't wait to start again! as soon as i give birth i am having a holy tea/ coffee/ beer and wine party with all my other recent birth-giver friends.
apparently baby is 2 inches long now! and has lips and fingernails. that's pretty cool. have i mentioned that sparrow rubs my belly and says "hi, baby!" it's such a sweet thing. we are trying to get out of her whether she thinks it's a boy or a girl, but she changes her mind quite frequently. i can't remember what i wrote in my last journal entry, but according to my ovulation calculator, it MAY be either, but i think it's probably a girl. which would be great, to have 2 little girls together. the only thing is, for a man the pressure is on to have male offspring, so i wouldn't mind having a boy right now just to get that pressure out of the way! i was the 2nd girl, and sparrow and this next one will be separated in age by the exact amt. of months that me and my sister are. so that would be cool. except i don't remember us getting along that well when we were growing up. but you never know. i pray God gives us one with a compatible personality, and that they will be absolutely best friends.
jen and joseph found out recently that their baby has a triosome condition or something like that. it is some fluke that happens at conception to one in so many babies, having nothing to do with genetics, health of the parents, etc. doctors expect the baby to die either before birth or have so many problems that she will probably not live long afterwards. but God has given them great faith and they are hoping for a miracle. this will be really interesting as i was requested to be a doula at her birth! God has also given them (and others) several dreams of when the child is already 2 or 3 years old, and he clearly gave them the name sarah elizabeth, which is super significant, since both sarah and elizabeth in the Bible had supernatural births. the first thing i thought of really when i heard the news was, "wow, i hope they have good insurance." how would you deal with money stuff in a baby that was health-challenged... but again, maybe she won't be at all. they said they are hearing so many stories of parents that had the same diagnosis, but the babies lived and were normal.
oh i found out i have to get my prenatal care at the county clinic, which is going to be...interesting. i see it as a place swarming with aids patients, junkies, and herpes. but hey, i guess beggars can't be choosers, and at least my prenatal care will be free again. the problem was that doctors are getting fed up with medi-cal, so barely anyone is taking it anymore. the ones i called that were potentially taking it, all said that they were currently "not taking new patients," but i do wonder if they really meant that they just aren't taking medi-cal. i mean, if no doctor is taking new patients, is every woman who gets newly pregnant in santa barbara having to go to the county clinic? i DOUBT it!! well, my registration is next tuesday, and i am resigned to it and don't really mind in the end. at least it's my second baby and i already know sort of what to expect. although the jen and joseph thing really does bring to mind that you NEVER know, and makes me a bit nervous to find out how this one is doing. esp. since i miscarried before. anyhow, the first question i will ask when i go in is how the dr. feels about natural birthing, and if he will allow me to write a birth plan. as long as he will agree to: no routine episiotomy, no iv, freedom of movement in labor, and alternative birthing positions, i think i will be ok. besides that, i just realized we might be moving before this baby ever comes!
we have high hopes for this summer. thomas' season ends early this year, at the end of february, and once i quit my job AND have another baby, in order to stay in this town and survive, he will need to be making about 2 thousand more than he does right now. hm. unless the tea business suddenly thrives and starts bringing in a ton of money. but i don't epect that to happen for another five years or so. anyways, i would LOVE to move out of state. in CA you can get ok rent in some places, but you really have to resign yourself to living in a ghetto area. in other states, you could live in a nice area and have a mortgage for half of what we are paying for our rent on the apartment! with 2 kids especially, it would be so nice to have a yard--i won't be able to take sparrow to the park as much, and she does love to be outside. so--we re praying about where to go! thomas would like to stay in-state for the next 4 years so he can finish his feldenkrais training, but that means we might have to live someplace like stockton. which wouldn't be horrible, i guess. as long as we have a job and our family nucleus, we will be fine. God is big. he knows exactly what we need. week 11 marks the time that i had my miscarriage last time around, and i hate to even think about it, but i can't deny that i have been nervous, and wondering what the difference was... hoping to hold on to this one and not have a repeat of that EVER again. once i am in the 2nd trimester i think i will breathe a bit easier, and that is coming up fairly soon. anyways, no spotting or anything so far at all, so i think we are good. once i am in 2nd trimester, i will have to go to the dentist, too, to get a cavity fixed that has been growing for quite sometime. good stuff. maybe i won't be so tired all the time anymore either... well not much left to say tonight! hopefully i will be journalling with more frequency in the future.
color spot focusing on "belly button baby," as the little one is now referred to by sparrow. yes, the lumpy figure has already set in... (note too that sparrow has 2 toothbrushes in the photo... neither of them hers!)
pregnancy journal entry 1
12/16/2007 5:31:00 PM :: hi baby!
this is sunday. wednesday night tara and meg came over and brought me a "christmas present": a pregnancy test! i had "known" i was pregnant but was refusing to buy a test since they cost at least 8 dollars. then tara and meg were coming over for a coffee martini and i told them i should probably not have any hard liquor since i suspected the pregnancy! then they really wanted to know, which is why they bought me the test. i didn't take it til thursday when i was alone, since i wanted thomas to be the first to know. it turned out with a "plus" immediately. the same day, i went to IV Clinic and had it confirmed. they calculated i was 5-6 weeks already. friday night i told sparrow, "there's a baby in there!" pointing to my belly. she is sooo sweet: she said, "hi, baby!" and waved. now she keeps remembering when she sees my belly button, and says, "hi, belly--hi, hi...baby!" as if she is still trying to get it right: there's a....baby in there! right! no nausea yet, i pray that it either kicks in or just that this baby sticks and is a strong one. a bit antsy about that, but it's ok. and i need not have any more wine this holiday season. not that i go overboard, but... just in case. we have just been telling whoever we want already, this time around. i hadn't found a good moment to tell alan and melissa, but then i told them this morning, and...they already knew!! they were pretty light-hearted about it, but dang! they said they overheard. well, liz slipped a little yesterday whole melissa was there, but i didn't think she had heard. oops! since it's really going to affect their lives, i wish i had been the one to tell them. oh well!! that's that.
this is sunday. wednesday night tara and meg came over and brought me a "christmas present": a pregnancy test! i had "known" i was pregnant but was refusing to buy a test since they cost at least 8 dollars. then tara and meg were coming over for a coffee martini and i told them i should probably not have any hard liquor since i suspected the pregnancy! then they really wanted to know, which is why they bought me the test. i didn't take it til thursday when i was alone, since i wanted thomas to be the first to know. it turned out with a "plus" immediately. the same day, i went to IV Clinic and had it confirmed. they calculated i was 5-6 weeks already. friday night i told sparrow, "there's a baby in there!" pointing to my belly. she is sooo sweet: she said, "hi, baby!" and waved. now she keeps remembering when she sees my belly button, and says, "hi, belly--hi, hi...baby!" as if she is still trying to get it right: there's a....baby in there! right! no nausea yet, i pray that it either kicks in or just that this baby sticks and is a strong one. a bit antsy about that, but it's ok. and i need not have any more wine this holiday season. not that i go overboard, but... just in case. we have just been telling whoever we want already, this time around. i hadn't found a good moment to tell alan and melissa, but then i told them this morning, and...they already knew!! they were pretty light-hearted about it, but dang! they said they overheard. well, liz slipped a little yesterday whole melissa was there, but i didn't think she had heard. oops! since it's really going to affect their lives, i wish i had been the one to tell them. oh well!! that's that.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
nice art, mama
i can't believe all the things a child can learn to recognize--and pronounce--before they are two years old! their brain has to be making so many connections in order to even make sense of the world they are born into without motor skills, and then to organize it to a point where they can recognize an airplane in the sky as well as an airplane on a page, even a poorly drawn one. to know the difference between a man and a lady, to be able to say "uh-oh, mac and cheese on the dog," or "that's glass--it breaks" and know what those concepts represent.
here are some of sparrow's most impressive little detailed words that she knows and can pronounce!: mac and cheese*rolling pin*mittens*scarf*heart (shape)*knuckles*rocket*praying mantis*somersault*helicopter*dinosaur
she is getting to the point where she tells me, "good job, mama!" (yessss! i must say good job to her a lot!) oh and the other day (feb. 2nd) she also told me, "nice art, mama!" she was watching me finish the birthday card we were making for samuel.
speaking of samuel, he's been potty training recently, and has been walking around in a bath robe all day so he has easy access to the potty. well he is practically naked when the thing flaps open. anyways, sparrow the other night took her shirt off (she loves naked time of course and likes to say "hi, nakey girl!" to herself when she gets in that state) anyways, she took her shirt off and said happily, "all naked!...just like samuel."
funny tidbit from feb. 7th: i gave her a glass of water to drink, and she saw a bubble in it and thought it was sparkling water. she said, "it's bubble water!" i said, "no, it's not bubble water, it's normal water." then she "copies" me, but says (adorably), "it's nibble water." she couldn't quite get that pronunciation of "normal" after saying "bubble." haha. she also says the cutest thing for pancakes: "pa-pakes." m for several months it was so cute too cause she would pronounce kitchen "chicken." sooooo funny! every morning when she'd wake up (and wake me up), she'd immediately say, "go chicken." she just wanted to get out into the kitchen right away and nurse! now she still says it, except she's learned how to say kitchen correctly. bummer i never got it on tape.
so we were sick for about a month straight with three different things... the first and possibly worst was the stomach flu, which sparrow and i both got. luckily i got it a day later than her, so at least she was feeling better on the day i was constantly barfing. i had tried to get her to barf into a bucket, but whenever she would throw up, all she'd wanna do was cling to me so tightly. so i had her vomit in my hair, on my clothes, ...i took to catching it in a towel after awhile, and used all our towels in the span of 24 hours! anyways, she must have really observed me barfing in the bucket all the next day, because for the next couple weeks when we were sick with cold and other flus, i would tell her "i feel yucky," a lot. then a couple times she noticed me feeling yucky, and this is what she said: "mommy feel yucky--get a bucket." (01-29)
the other day she was looking at one of her favorite books which contains farm scenes. it has these flaps that you open to reveal pics underneath pics. well this one page is an "opposites" page, and you flip the flap over the large carrot to reveal a much smaller carrot. so the other day, sparrow flips the carrot flap and says, "mama carrot, baby carrot!" hah! she also did it with two hearts she saw on the cereal box, one smaller than the other: "mama heart, baby heart." (01-28)
we have been reading several dr. seuss books from the library. amazingly, the first one we ever got was a little board book version of "dr. seuss' ABCs." it had been several weeks since that one, when we got another dr. seuss book. but she called the new one "dr. abc" and she keeps doing it most of the time, with dr. seuss books: "read dr. ABC."
haha one time recently she found my wallet and was playing with it. we were in the car so i wanted to get it back before she took all the cards out and dispersed them everywhere. i finally got it off of her, and she said to me, "I need that!" (01-26)
the next day she told me "i need the cereal." (she has been eating mostly cereal and milk since i've been feeling so sick and pregnant.) then just today she was standing by thomas who was playing the guitar. all of a sudden she says, "i need a pick." (02-09) she amazes me!
she likes to be just like me which is so flattering! when i give her a towel too after i get out of the shower, she says, 'just like you!' earlier this week (02-04) she was playing with her toy cookware, and whisking her imaginary eggs. she said to me, "i making eggs--just like you!" aaaah! i almost wanted to cry.
oh yeah, the other day in the bathroom she left and told me, "i'll be right back." haha! she is so grown up! then she was paling with her bear, and she said, "sit down, have a seat." have a seat!? where did that one come from? ...thomas. had to be. super funny.
when she wants to read books, she grabs one off the shelf and says "read 'em." melissa has been pretty diligent in trying to get her to get in the habit of putting the books back on the shelf. tonight in the bedroom she had a stack of books out, but put them back into the shelf saying, "clean books on da shelf." i die!
here are some of sparrow's most impressive little detailed words that she knows and can pronounce!: mac and cheese*rolling pin*mittens*scarf*heart (shape)*knuckles*rocket*praying mantis*somersault*helicopter*dinosaur
she is getting to the point where she tells me, "good job, mama!" (yessss! i must say good job to her a lot!) oh and the other day (feb. 2nd) she also told me, "nice art, mama!" she was watching me finish the birthday card we were making for samuel.
speaking of samuel, he's been potty training recently, and has been walking around in a bath robe all day so he has easy access to the potty. well he is practically naked when the thing flaps open. anyways, sparrow the other night took her shirt off (she loves naked time of course and likes to say "hi, nakey girl!" to herself when she gets in that state) anyways, she took her shirt off and said happily, "all naked!...just like samuel."
funny tidbit from feb. 7th: i gave her a glass of water to drink, and she saw a bubble in it and thought it was sparkling water. she said, "it's bubble water!" i said, "no, it's not bubble water, it's normal water." then she "copies" me, but says (adorably), "it's nibble water." she couldn't quite get that pronunciation of "normal" after saying "bubble." haha. she also says the cutest thing for pancakes: "pa-pakes." m for several months it was so cute too cause she would pronounce kitchen "chicken." sooooo funny! every morning when she'd wake up (and wake me up), she'd immediately say, "go chicken." she just wanted to get out into the kitchen right away and nurse! now she still says it, except she's learned how to say kitchen correctly. bummer i never got it on tape.
so we were sick for about a month straight with three different things... the first and possibly worst was the stomach flu, which sparrow and i both got. luckily i got it a day later than her, so at least she was feeling better on the day i was constantly barfing. i had tried to get her to barf into a bucket, but whenever she would throw up, all she'd wanna do was cling to me so tightly. so i had her vomit in my hair, on my clothes, ...i took to catching it in a towel after awhile, and used all our towels in the span of 24 hours! anyways, she must have really observed me barfing in the bucket all the next day, because for the next couple weeks when we were sick with cold and other flus, i would tell her "i feel yucky," a lot. then a couple times she noticed me feeling yucky, and this is what she said: "mommy feel yucky--get a bucket." (01-29)
the other day she was looking at one of her favorite books which contains farm scenes. it has these flaps that you open to reveal pics underneath pics. well this one page is an "opposites" page, and you flip the flap over the large carrot to reveal a much smaller carrot. so the other day, sparrow flips the carrot flap and says, "mama carrot, baby carrot!" hah! she also did it with two hearts she saw on the cereal box, one smaller than the other: "mama heart, baby heart." (01-28)
we have been reading several dr. seuss books from the library. amazingly, the first one we ever got was a little board book version of "dr. seuss' ABCs." it had been several weeks since that one, when we got another dr. seuss book. but she called the new one "dr. abc" and she keeps doing it most of the time, with dr. seuss books: "read dr. ABC."
haha one time recently she found my wallet and was playing with it. we were in the car so i wanted to get it back before she took all the cards out and dispersed them everywhere. i finally got it off of her, and she said to me, "I need that!" (01-26)
the next day she told me "i need the cereal." (she has been eating mostly cereal and milk since i've been feeling so sick and pregnant.) then just today she was standing by thomas who was playing the guitar. all of a sudden she says, "i need a pick." (02-09) she amazes me!
she likes to be just like me which is so flattering! when i give her a towel too after i get out of the shower, she says, 'just like you!' earlier this week (02-04) she was playing with her toy cookware, and whisking her imaginary eggs. she said to me, "i making eggs--just like you!" aaaah! i almost wanted to cry.
oh yeah, the other day in the bathroom she left and told me, "i'll be right back." haha! she is so grown up! then she was paling with her bear, and she said, "sit down, have a seat." have a seat!? where did that one come from? ...thomas. had to be. super funny.
when she wants to read books, she grabs one off the shelf and says "read 'em." melissa has been pretty diligent in trying to get her to get in the habit of putting the books back on the shelf. tonight in the bedroom she had a stack of books out, but put them back into the shelf saying, "clean books on da shelf." i die!
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