sp: "in heaven there's no throwing crumbs at people. but there ARE fire crackers." -sept. 2
g: "silas go da class?"
sp: no, silas can't go to class! he's too little, he can't walk! and secondly, he can't do what the teacher says!" -sept. 3
sp: "i put the cake in the oven. it's boiling for 40 minutes. but we have to eat it all up, cause it's rotten." -sept. 3
sp: "or if this painting falls down, it might be really heavy and we don't want it to fall on him (silas) and break him. cause he's really cute." -sept. 4
me: "so when we're cold and hungry or when someone takes our things, we can still praise the Lord!"
sp: "yeah cause maybe those were old toys and we didn't want them and somebody takes them, so we praise Him!" -sept. 5
(playing store with sparrow)
me: "i will buy some strawberries and a banana so i have food on my journey."
sp: "and here's some butterfly meat. the dog meat is one dollar, but we're living in mexico." -sept. 5
golden woke up from her nap and searched the house. she came to me with tears in her huge blue eyes and said sadly, "i can't find it, the daddy." -sept. 9
golden's abc's: "ABCDEDG, HIJJ ellenono P. QRS, Y and Z, now I know my ABC's, HIJK ellenono P. QRS, Y and Z, now i know my ABC's, HIJJ ellenono P..." (on and on and on!) -sept. 10 and beyond
"you can pull your own hair." (sparrow to golden) -sept. 13
"roll it up, the panties." -golden, when she *pulls* up her panties. (potty training!) -sept. 14
we went to the pediatrician, and they had me do an assessment with each of the girls to see where they are at developmentally. on one of the questions i was doing with golden, there were five little pictures: a cat, dog, bird, horse, and man, all in a row. you are supposed to point to each one and see if your child can identify them. golden: "kitty!...doggie!...birdie!...horsie!.................Jesus!" -sept. 15
golden has finally been completely potty trained (except for the occasional night accident) and it is so funny to watch her enthusiasm for going potty. every single time she has to pee, she calls out, "gotta pee 'gain!" it is apparently never the first time that she has to pee. it's ALWAYS "again."
apparently there is an imaginary bagel that interacts with the girls. golden runs through the house yelling, "bagel, bagel, bagel!" the other day sparrow asked me if "that bagel" were still around.
me: "what bagel?"
sp: "the one that always chases golden around the house!" (oh, of COURSE! that one!)
golden was having a whining episode at dinner time and i was talking to her about her grumpy attitude.
me: "where's your happy smile?"
golden pauses and then painstakingly forces the most cheesy smile, and says,
"i found it!" -sept. 14
sp: "i wish my teeth were curly." -sept. 20
sp: "yesterday when daddy left, i missed him the badliest of ANY missing!" -sept. 21
sparrow calling after daddy in the morning:
"bye bye! feel safe!" -sept. 22
me: "let's draw a landscape today. do you know what a landscape is?"
sp: "yeah. if there's flowers in somebody's yard and you pick them, that's a landscape."
after a little time of discussing landscapes, golden points to her drawing and says,
"look, lamb cakes!" -sept. 22
sp: "is GOD a jolly good fellow, or is JESUS a jolly good fellow?" (she thought that song was a hymn! love!) -sept. 24
sp: "sometimes, if somebody's gentle and nice to you, you can say, 'no thank you, i can be nice to myself.'" -sept. 28
sp: "i think it's so amazing that we live."
me: "it IS amazing! what made you think of that just now?"
sp: "because when i was asleep, i didn't notice that i live." -sept. 29
me: "daddy has a pretty cool job. he gets to teach dance all day. but do you wanna know a secret? i have an even better job, because i get to be your mommy all day long!"
sp: "i get to be your special one all day long." -sept. 29
sp: "goliath and the devil should be cursed. they should be cursed with a sword, cause they're badder than sin." -sept. 30
Friday, October 1, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
why i love living in the middle of nowhere
when i first thought of moving back here, i was apprehensive about it being so far out, and so hot. after living in the vibrant, beautiful, and socially savvy community of santa barbara, CA for the past seven years, i thought i would go semi-crazy living back in the desert. but God truly brought me to a place where i craved to be here. and the Word says that "a desire fulfilled is a tree of life." a good desire, given me by the Lord. arizona has been wonderful for our family so far. let me count the ways.
1. it is cheap. we were especially blessed to find a house for rent that is especially affordable. (and did i mention it is huge? it is 4-bedrooms and 2 bathrooms in all, which is actually way too much space for us five, and we rarely use the "apartment" side of the house. mainly it is a storage area, but we do have plans to turn it into some sort of dance/art studio if possible.) it is SO nice to live life without scraping and scrounging to pay a basic thing like rent--WAY overly inflated rent. what a lot of stress that used to be!
2. it is conservative. it is so refreshing to have neighbors in the neighborhood and in the grocery line who understand our views of the government and society!
3. speaking of neighbors, we have wonderful neighbors. almost too good to be true. they let us borrow their car, give us needed items all the time, set up our internet for us, supported us from their church, paid our first few months of bills, go on evening walks with us, have us over to dinner, give us any advice and help we might need to make life here simpler, AND have children that are the same ages as ours! (yes, we are not REALLY out in the middle of nowhere. we have no stores, but we still have neighbors.)
4. less distractions. it is SO freeing to live a simpler life. and being our here affords far less opportunity to get distracted with things other than home and family. when i am in a fun town or big city, there are always things i want to check out, explore, and experience. here, there IS no cool coffee shop i want to try, so i stay home, to the betterment of my children's lives. they don't need more parks and stuff to do. they need me. here. and happy to be with THEM. and i am! so thankful for the help God has given me in this by setting me out here on my "homestead." He is giving me a new mindset that i am sure will grow stronger until i can keep it anywhere!
1. it is cheap. we were especially blessed to find a house for rent that is especially affordable. (and did i mention it is huge? it is 4-bedrooms and 2 bathrooms in all, which is actually way too much space for us five, and we rarely use the "apartment" side of the house. mainly it is a storage area, but we do have plans to turn it into some sort of dance/art studio if possible.) it is SO nice to live life without scraping and scrounging to pay a basic thing like rent--WAY overly inflated rent. what a lot of stress that used to be!
2. it is conservative. it is so refreshing to have neighbors in the neighborhood and in the grocery line who understand our views of the government and society!
3. speaking of neighbors, we have wonderful neighbors. almost too good to be true. they let us borrow their car, give us needed items all the time, set up our internet for us, supported us from their church, paid our first few months of bills, go on evening walks with us, have us over to dinner, give us any advice and help we might need to make life here simpler, AND have children that are the same ages as ours! (yes, we are not REALLY out in the middle of nowhere. we have no stores, but we still have neighbors.)
4. less distractions. it is SO freeing to live a simpler life. and being our here affords far less opportunity to get distracted with things other than home and family. when i am in a fun town or big city, there are always things i want to check out, explore, and experience. here, there IS no cool coffee shop i want to try, so i stay home, to the betterment of my children's lives. they don't need more parks and stuff to do. they need me. here. and happy to be with THEM. and i am! so thankful for the help God has given me in this by setting me out here on my "homestead." He is giving me a new mindset that i am sure will grow stronger until i can keep it anywhere!
Saturday, September 11, 2010
july/ august quotes
"bear was the disobeyer." -sp. july 10
"mom, i don't like it when people sing happy birthday to me. i just like to sing it to everyone else. so could you tell all the people in the world not to do that to me? cause all the people in the world might take turns doing that." -sparrow, july 11
sp: "can i have some ice water?"
me: "no, there isn't any ice; there's something wrong with the ice maker."
sp: "well, we could HUNT for some!" -july 16
"golden, cheese is NOT animal. ...it grows on trees." -sparrow, aug. 4th
me: "it's so green outside! how pretty."
sp: "well i think it should be pink outside." -aug. 11
me: "shoot, i ran a red light, i hope i don't get a ticket!"
sp: "the kind of ticket you get to go somewhere special?" -aug. 18
golden's funny words:
"bike-issle" (bicycle)
"hanguber" (hamburger)
"bili cord" (umbilical cord)
also, the other day the girls were eating yogurt. all of a sudden golden looked down and noticed she had spilled copious amounts on her dress. her immediate response: "oh gu'ness!"
her first complete sentence, i believe, was on july 21st:
"my clippy fell down!" she does talk a lot and can go on and on, she prays sweetly listing people every evening, but usually she leaves out some connective words between her thoughts, so i was surprised to hear that sentence with each word in its proper place!
Golden praying:
"lissa and uncle reesa and gino, and grampa ceci, and..."
(melissa and cousin teresa and cousin gino and grampa jim who lives with auntie ceci...) -aug.11
"i know, i could marry silas!" -sp., aug. 22
(excitedly, full of wonder)
"oh! HE smells like PIZZA!" -sp. aug. 24
"does God have a cell phone? ...a really big one?" -sp. aug. 24
looking at silas,
"mom, i'm glad he didn't break when i leaned on your belly." -aug. 24
"mom, i don't like it when people sing happy birthday to me. i just like to sing it to everyone else. so could you tell all the people in the world not to do that to me? cause all the people in the world might take turns doing that." -sparrow, july 11
sp: "can i have some ice water?"
me: "no, there isn't any ice; there's something wrong with the ice maker."
sp: "well, we could HUNT for some!" -july 16
"golden, cheese is NOT animal. ...it grows on trees." -sparrow, aug. 4th
me: "it's so green outside! how pretty."
sp: "well i think it should be pink outside." -aug. 11
me: "shoot, i ran a red light, i hope i don't get a ticket!"
sp: "the kind of ticket you get to go somewhere special?" -aug. 18
golden's funny words:
"bike-issle" (bicycle)
"hanguber" (hamburger)
"bili cord" (umbilical cord)
also, the other day the girls were eating yogurt. all of a sudden golden looked down and noticed she had spilled copious amounts on her dress. her immediate response: "oh gu'ness!"
her first complete sentence, i believe, was on july 21st:
"my clippy fell down!" she does talk a lot and can go on and on, she prays sweetly listing people every evening, but usually she leaves out some connective words between her thoughts, so i was surprised to hear that sentence with each word in its proper place!
Golden praying:
"lissa and uncle reesa and gino, and grampa ceci, and..."
(melissa and cousin teresa and cousin gino and grampa jim who lives with auntie ceci...) -aug.11
"i know, i could marry silas!" -sp., aug. 22
(excitedly, full of wonder)
"oh! HE smells like PIZZA!" -sp. aug. 24
"does God have a cell phone? ...a really big one?" -sp. aug. 24
looking at silas,
"mom, i'm glad he didn't break when i leaned on your belly." -aug. 24
Sunday, September 5, 2010
born yesterday
ok, so he wasn't really born yesterday, but that little phrase expresses so much to me right now. when you have a baby you are instantly brought back to the amazing fragility and wonder of life, and are thrown into an awe-state that is all wrapped up in the newness of this child: the tiny body which was there inside you but concealed for all that time, the fresh-sparked soul, and all the delicate unknowns about the life journey to come. it is hard to think about. really, really thinking about life usually makes me end up in tears. it is easier to brush off the cosmic breath with the pressing things of everyday life, with distractions and amusements... part of me wants to be a native american nature dweller right now, digging for roots and hunting the deer as i think on all this, instead of dishing up bowls of cheerios every morning inside these four walls. but there is the Spirit, and He still speaks whether you are in or out, so here i am, fulfilling my duties, and snatching moments of spirit-depth before the vulnerable newness grows into its path of solid branches.
the end of pregnancy was hard this time around. i have never bothered much about the classic complaints of the third trimester, because to me anything is so much better than being nauseous all the time, as during my first trimesters. but this time it was hard in a spiritual sense; i felt hot and irritated most of the time, and i was overly harsh with my girls a lot, which grieves me to think about. not knowing an exact due date was a challenge as well; i was pretty sure it was the middle of august, but as days went past that, i began to fear i might go all the way into september, grunting every time i had to pick up the kitchen cloths off the floor AGAIN and waddling about in my rotation of two and a half outfits day after day...
thomas had come back on the 13th, and being relieved that he would not be missing the birth, we breathed a bit easier as we settled down to wait. i had a couple of false starts. one evening i sat down to write my sister an email and suddenly pains came on so strong that i couldn't write. i went to bed... and woke up to my 6 am alarm, disappointed that i would be doing a pilates video workout instead of a uterine one which resulted in holding a baby in my arms. wednesday the 18th i was also having fairly strong contractions in the evening. i got sparrow's dance bag all ready for the following day, just in case i wasn't there to pack it, and went to bed... again waking up to a pilates workout. tired of working out, and having recently cleaned the bathrooms, i was so ready for baby now that i told sparrow on thurs. evening that tonight might be the night. she prayed before bed that the baby would come out tonight, and sure enough... this time i woke up at 3 am to contractions!
my labors have always started while i was sleeping. part of how i know it's real is if the contractions wake me up. i never do believe the labor if it is kicking in during the daytime, or before i've gone to sleep for the night. the first thing i like to do when i know i am in real labor is take a shower. i can't stand the thought of giving birth to a baby while having greasy hair. ok, my first labor i delayed the shower, but that is because i didn't know how fast labor was going to go! now i know. they are not going to dawdle on for 24 hours, if i want clean hair, i've gotta get it NOW. so i lit some candles and thoroughly enjoyed the freshness of dr. bronner's peppermint hemp soap as the water ran over me and i swayed to the rhythm of my labor. once out, i woke up thomas. THE PLAN was to leave ASAP and do most of the labor in the hospital this time, as the speed of the labor was totally unpredictable, and the distance to the hospital was MUCH greater this time than either of my previous experiences. we ate some toast with peanut butter and bananas as we packed, some chocolate yogurt--the hospital does not allow you to eat once admitted. the weirdest thing was that we could not find the "listening" half of our baby monitor! i SWEAR i put both pieces into the top drawer of the tall dresser in the girls' room, but we searched and searched between contractions, and only the "transmission" side was there. THE PLAN for the girls was to have abby kugler (staying in our attached apt.) listen to the monitor til morning as she slept, then bring them over to omi/monty's in the AM. i even called and woke up poor monty to see if he had a baby monitor, but no go.(oh yes, i did wake him up, but they are also missing parts of their monitor.) so when we were almost ready, we knocked on kugler's door, and abby ended up coming over and sleeping on the couch. poor woman!!! she was going to have to go manage the wycliffe conference tomorrow, and here she was all cheerful at 4 am with her pillow! i love that woman.
so thomas and i high tailed it out of there and i kept having to tell him "GENTLY!" over the speed bumps. whoo! my contractions were three or so minutes apart, but relaxed in the car somewhat, and got further apart when we got to the hospital. i tell you, it was so much more bearable being in the car without being in pushing stage! we called dr. westerband's office because there were a few things i had discussed with her that were outside of normal hospital protocol, and she was the one that would have to give them the directives concerning me. (she said no routine IV would be ok, and that i could deliver lying on my side.) however, dr. w's office did not pick up the phone! it rang and rang. they are supposed to have a 24-hour answering service! i called the hospital back and they said that oh yes, dr. w. was not on call tonight, and i would be assigned to a random doctor. what?! that can happen here??!!?? i was a bit apprehensive and miffed. what if the other dr. was a male who did not respect the woman's power to labor? what if they now insisted that i be connected to an iv? NOT the ideal situation! i didn't expect my doctor to leave me in the dust during the final stretch here. actually, continuity of care has been shown to have better outcomes for baby and mother. but oh well, no turning back now.
once we got to the hospital, the flood of paperwork began. oh yes. admission. then triage (where they made me put on a hospital gown and checked me to see if i was really in labor. i was 7 cm dilated!) then i got to walk to labor and delivery and my nurse spent 5 minutes trying to stab a hep lock needle into my vein, jabbing my bone repeatedly (it is still sore two weeks later!). that was definitely one of the worst parts. she was trying to stab it into one of the most obscure veins in my arm, which is baffling! I HAVE GOOD VEINS! i have NEVER had them try to stick it into a side vein like that before. it has always been no sweat. aaaaaaanyways... they brought me a labor ball, and strapped me to the fetal monitor, and the fun of waiting began. poor thomas was extremely tired after his long day at work, and i kept employing him as a double hip squeezer for every single contraction. we also made sure i drank tons of water so an IV wouldn't be necessary. but it really was a waiting game. i did spend some time on the toilet which must have helped me to progress, but other than that i did not move much or do much to work with my labor. i had been reading "natural childbirth the bradley way" a few days before, and just kept remembering the emphasis on the importance of totally relaxing your belly, so that is pretty much all i focused on this labor. trying to totally relax my belly with every contraction. i spent time draped over the birth ball which was on the bed, i spent time just sitting on the bed, also toward the end, leaning my head into thomas who was sitting in front of me for part of the time, and toward the end i was up on the bed kneeling and clasping the top part of the bed which they had put all the way up for me. i didn't even look at the nurse when a new shift came in. i didn't know what she looked like til after the birth, haha! but still it was frustrating because i swear they had me signing papers, answering questions, getting tested, and getting fingerprinted the WHOLE time i was there laboring, right up until the end! sheesh! when you ask a woman in active labor a question that requires an intellectual response, you pull her out of her active labor every time! i am baffled that they don't know that and am positive that had i been left alone to get into it more, it would have gone faster, and i would have perceived less pain. because it WAS painful. it was hard. i felt like i was in transition for about an hour and a half! toward the end there were some high blood pressure readings and they were concerned i was getting preeclampsia, so they took my blood and tested me. it came back negative. the blood pressure was also reading normal again. turned out to be a funky bp machine. ah, technology!
anyhow, pretty early on we got to meet the doctor that was on call tonight instead of westerband. her name was dr. gillespie, and yes, it was a woman! when she came in, i was immediately put at ease. she was young-ish, in her 30s perhaps, and looked a bit like jerusha gittlen. she was wearing a little silver cross on her necklace, and a kind, open smile. she allowed me to labor without an IV, and when i asked her about a possible side lying delivery, she said ok in such an agreeable and unhesitating manner that i became even bolder and asked, "...or hands-and-knees?" "sure," she said right away. and became immediately one of my favorite strangers in the world. even dr. westerband said she would get too turned around if i was on hands and knees, so to keep it on the side. i hit the jackpot with this dr. gillespie! i also asked her to put counter pressure on while baby was coming out, and to remind me to push slowly while crowning, cause they usu. shoot out so fast that i tear, and she agreed to that as well. i'm serious, she was the coolest!
i finally started feeling the first inklings of pushiness around...7:30, 7:45-ish. the contractions were coming a bit slower now, more sitting in between. the doctor came in and checked me. 9 cm. 9 cm!!!! see why checking is so discouraging/deceptive? when they told me i was 7 at admission, i thought, i'm almost done! more than 3 hours later, i had only progressed 2 cm! but i am sure that the whole checking/ belly monitor/ question asking caused me to slow, or even regress somewhat before i moved on. anyway, gillespie asked me if i wanted her to break my water. i said no. she then asked me not to push through my contractions for now, so i just blew and moo-ed for awhile until i told the nurse it was unbearable not to push, i couldn't help myself. she called the dr. in again and this time i was complete. i was still hugging the back of the bed, up on my knees, with my back toward everyone, and i had no desire to move. and i was pushing! ah, glorious pushing, it's my favorite part! it is A) perceived (by me) to be more productive than any other stage because it requires more active participation, and B) so encouraging because you KNOW the baby is almost here, it's almost over! my water broke with the first push. the baby came out with the 2nd. the dr. coached me beautifully and provided the needed counter pressure. i definitely felt the "ring of fire" this time more than with my 1st two births. the head was coming out, and the contraction was ending. i stopped pushing, willing to wait for the next one, just to be sure i was pushing slow enough, but the dr. said, "keep pushing," so i pushed slowly through the end of the contraction, and the head came all the way out, and the body followed! 8:13 AM. what i had been growing in there for 9 months, my mystery, was here! "it's a boy!" they said. "IT'S OUT!" i thought. OH how wonderful to have this surprise come out and be so perfect! he was perfect! i pulled my shirt off and flipped over, reaching over the crazy bloody bed; they handed me the warm, squiggly body, blue curly cord trailing behind...
they clamped the cord right away, i asked if they could wait when i saw them doing it, but the dr. and nurse both immediately said, "no" and "we have to do it now." a bit surprising, but it was a minor thing after such a beautiful emergence that i didn't sweat it. thomas cut the cord. they suctioned him while he was on my belly. threw warm blankets on us. i just lay there relieved. thomas was stunned to have a son. we were both actually SO surprised! "i have begotten a man child with the help of the Lord!" (thomas is still getting used to it; he keeps referring to the baby as "she" and "her." we just laugh.) i put the baby to my breast right away this time. with my girls, i had waited to nurse, just placing them on my belly and letting them "crawl" up to find the milk for themselves. my philosophy on this has changed. yes, they CAN crawl up to find the breast at newborn, and it is really cool to see, but i have learned more about WHO I AM as MOTHER, who God made me, and what that means. part of my job is NOURISHER, and i have realized that me taking initiative to FEED my child is the right thing to do. i don't know how much it affects the child later on, if at all, but God gave ME the authority of motherhood, and they are not motherless. they don't have to be independently finding their food. the boy child latched on right away and began to suckle. it was a satisfying feeling.
they did give me pitocin in an IV pretty immediately to contract my uterus and stop the bleeding, which i would have preferred to avoid, (i think it cancels out some of the natural oxytocin that makes you fall in LOVE) but i was so happy with the birth that i didn't protest. i just looked at my boy child and laughed. gillespie checked me, and: NO TEARS! praise Jesus, i had thought it impossible. thomas got to hold his son after about 1/2 hour. then he made ready to go home for awhile, he wanted to see the girls, and i told him to feel free to take a nap. today was his day off!! i just sat there with my boy and praised God. and texted the world! i wolfed down a piece of french toast. i tried to sleep, but the pillows were impossibly uncomfortable. texted thomas: "bring pillows." i finally acknowledged my nurse, Cathi, who turned out to be this awesome on-fire Christian! she told me her whole testimony, which was pretty radical, divorce, conviction by the HS, getting back together with her husband, he coming to the Lord DAYS before dying of a massive heart attack. she goes to a church with a messianic Jewish pastor, (i'd like to visit it sometime) and listens to all the calvary preachers on the radio, incl. the one who teaches at the church we've been attending in oro valley. she really was a sweetheart. i wish she would have remembered better what it is like to be in active labor!!!!!!!!!!!! but God obviously blessed us through one another that morning. AND she rescued my placenta from the trash. at last i took a shower, got a patronizing talk from a pediatrician about the vitamin-k shot, and my baby had his bath too (with the CA baby "tea tree and lavender" soap i had brought in). lauren came to see me on her lunch break and brought me a latte! whew! i REALLY wanted that coffee! it was so great to see her. soon after came mrs. graham with aunt trina, emily, omi, sparrow, golden, david, and danielle. the hospital staff weeded out d&d because they were non-related children =( but the others got to stay and help me transfer (at last) to the postpartum room, with a parade of balloons and presents. it was wonderful to have visitors. the girls took to their baby brother immediately, golden acted like she knew what it was going to be the whole time: "baby broder," she kept saying, and sparrow got to hold him on the bed. soon thomas came back as well and stayed for awhile before going off to run some errands for me. i saw him again later that night and we sat down to discuss the question of our son's name. my sad discovery was that "youngblood," my long-favored name for a boy, is from jungbluth, german, and means "impetuous young man." impetuous?! impetuous???!!!??? really? does it have to??? ...we certainly couldn't speak that over our child. and besides, thomas was not so keen on the name anyways, so... i guess it was a good thing i decided to let it go. we had several options on the table: cyrus, blue, peregrin, strongbow (mine! i guess i am partial to warrior-sounding names), but decided in the end on Silas, at thomas' suggestion. i hadn't thought of it, but when he mentioned it, i thought "yes!" right away. and we had prayed a lot during the pregnancy about God giving us the right name. Silas Arrow. Silas means "forest" from greek "sylvanus." there are a lot of good spiritual connotations for forests, trees, etc. and i love that Silas in the Bible was a missionary and prophet. as for Arrow, thomas has always had that name in mind, and well, we are hoping for our quiver full of arrows! (Psalm 127.) God wants arrows for the battle!
"Listen to Me, O islands,
And pay attention, you peoples from afar
The LORD called Me from the womb;
From the body of My mother He named Me.
He has made My mouth like a sharp sword,
In the shadow of His hand He has concealed Me;
And He has also made Me a select arrow,
He has hidden Me in His quiver." Isaiah 49: 1-2
the end of pregnancy was hard this time around. i have never bothered much about the classic complaints of the third trimester, because to me anything is so much better than being nauseous all the time, as during my first trimesters. but this time it was hard in a spiritual sense; i felt hot and irritated most of the time, and i was overly harsh with my girls a lot, which grieves me to think about. not knowing an exact due date was a challenge as well; i was pretty sure it was the middle of august, but as days went past that, i began to fear i might go all the way into september, grunting every time i had to pick up the kitchen cloths off the floor AGAIN and waddling about in my rotation of two and a half outfits day after day...
thomas had come back on the 13th, and being relieved that he would not be missing the birth, we breathed a bit easier as we settled down to wait. i had a couple of false starts. one evening i sat down to write my sister an email and suddenly pains came on so strong that i couldn't write. i went to bed... and woke up to my 6 am alarm, disappointed that i would be doing a pilates video workout instead of a uterine one which resulted in holding a baby in my arms. wednesday the 18th i was also having fairly strong contractions in the evening. i got sparrow's dance bag all ready for the following day, just in case i wasn't there to pack it, and went to bed... again waking up to a pilates workout. tired of working out, and having recently cleaned the bathrooms, i was so ready for baby now that i told sparrow on thurs. evening that tonight might be the night. she prayed before bed that the baby would come out tonight, and sure enough... this time i woke up at 3 am to contractions!
my labors have always started while i was sleeping. part of how i know it's real is if the contractions wake me up. i never do believe the labor if it is kicking in during the daytime, or before i've gone to sleep for the night. the first thing i like to do when i know i am in real labor is take a shower. i can't stand the thought of giving birth to a baby while having greasy hair. ok, my first labor i delayed the shower, but that is because i didn't know how fast labor was going to go! now i know. they are not going to dawdle on for 24 hours, if i want clean hair, i've gotta get it NOW. so i lit some candles and thoroughly enjoyed the freshness of dr. bronner's peppermint hemp soap as the water ran over me and i swayed to the rhythm of my labor. once out, i woke up thomas. THE PLAN was to leave ASAP and do most of the labor in the hospital this time, as the speed of the labor was totally unpredictable, and the distance to the hospital was MUCH greater this time than either of my previous experiences. we ate some toast with peanut butter and bananas as we packed, some chocolate yogurt--the hospital does not allow you to eat once admitted. the weirdest thing was that we could not find the "listening" half of our baby monitor! i SWEAR i put both pieces into the top drawer of the tall dresser in the girls' room, but we searched and searched between contractions, and only the "transmission" side was there. THE PLAN for the girls was to have abby kugler (staying in our attached apt.) listen to the monitor til morning as she slept, then bring them over to omi/monty's in the AM. i even called and woke up poor monty to see if he had a baby monitor, but no go.(oh yes, i did wake him up, but they are also missing parts of their monitor.) so when we were almost ready, we knocked on kugler's door, and abby ended up coming over and sleeping on the couch. poor woman!!! she was going to have to go manage the wycliffe conference tomorrow, and here she was all cheerful at 4 am with her pillow! i love that woman.
so thomas and i high tailed it out of there and i kept having to tell him "GENTLY!" over the speed bumps. whoo! my contractions were three or so minutes apart, but relaxed in the car somewhat, and got further apart when we got to the hospital. i tell you, it was so much more bearable being in the car without being in pushing stage! we called dr. westerband's office because there were a few things i had discussed with her that were outside of normal hospital protocol, and she was the one that would have to give them the directives concerning me. (she said no routine IV would be ok, and that i could deliver lying on my side.) however, dr. w's office did not pick up the phone! it rang and rang. they are supposed to have a 24-hour answering service! i called the hospital back and they said that oh yes, dr. w. was not on call tonight, and i would be assigned to a random doctor. what?! that can happen here??!!?? i was a bit apprehensive and miffed. what if the other dr. was a male who did not respect the woman's power to labor? what if they now insisted that i be connected to an iv? NOT the ideal situation! i didn't expect my doctor to leave me in the dust during the final stretch here. actually, continuity of care has been shown to have better outcomes for baby and mother. but oh well, no turning back now.
once we got to the hospital, the flood of paperwork began. oh yes. admission. then triage (where they made me put on a hospital gown and checked me to see if i was really in labor. i was 7 cm dilated!) then i got to walk to labor and delivery and my nurse spent 5 minutes trying to stab a hep lock needle into my vein, jabbing my bone repeatedly (it is still sore two weeks later!). that was definitely one of the worst parts. she was trying to stab it into one of the most obscure veins in my arm, which is baffling! I HAVE GOOD VEINS! i have NEVER had them try to stick it into a side vein like that before. it has always been no sweat. aaaaaaanyways... they brought me a labor ball, and strapped me to the fetal monitor, and the fun of waiting began. poor thomas was extremely tired after his long day at work, and i kept employing him as a double hip squeezer for every single contraction. we also made sure i drank tons of water so an IV wouldn't be necessary. but it really was a waiting game. i did spend some time on the toilet which must have helped me to progress, but other than that i did not move much or do much to work with my labor. i had been reading "natural childbirth the bradley way" a few days before, and just kept remembering the emphasis on the importance of totally relaxing your belly, so that is pretty much all i focused on this labor. trying to totally relax my belly with every contraction. i spent time draped over the birth ball which was on the bed, i spent time just sitting on the bed, also toward the end, leaning my head into thomas who was sitting in front of me for part of the time, and toward the end i was up on the bed kneeling and clasping the top part of the bed which they had put all the way up for me. i didn't even look at the nurse when a new shift came in. i didn't know what she looked like til after the birth, haha! but still it was frustrating because i swear they had me signing papers, answering questions, getting tested, and getting fingerprinted the WHOLE time i was there laboring, right up until the end! sheesh! when you ask a woman in active labor a question that requires an intellectual response, you pull her out of her active labor every time! i am baffled that they don't know that and am positive that had i been left alone to get into it more, it would have gone faster, and i would have perceived less pain. because it WAS painful. it was hard. i felt like i was in transition for about an hour and a half! toward the end there were some high blood pressure readings and they were concerned i was getting preeclampsia, so they took my blood and tested me. it came back negative. the blood pressure was also reading normal again. turned out to be a funky bp machine. ah, technology!
anyhow, pretty early on we got to meet the doctor that was on call tonight instead of westerband. her name was dr. gillespie, and yes, it was a woman! when she came in, i was immediately put at ease. she was young-ish, in her 30s perhaps, and looked a bit like jerusha gittlen. she was wearing a little silver cross on her necklace, and a kind, open smile. she allowed me to labor without an IV, and when i asked her about a possible side lying delivery, she said ok in such an agreeable and unhesitating manner that i became even bolder and asked, "...or hands-and-knees?" "sure," she said right away. and became immediately one of my favorite strangers in the world. even dr. westerband said she would get too turned around if i was on hands and knees, so to keep it on the side. i hit the jackpot with this dr. gillespie! i also asked her to put counter pressure on while baby was coming out, and to remind me to push slowly while crowning, cause they usu. shoot out so fast that i tear, and she agreed to that as well. i'm serious, she was the coolest!
i finally started feeling the first inklings of pushiness around...7:30, 7:45-ish. the contractions were coming a bit slower now, more sitting in between. the doctor came in and checked me. 9 cm. 9 cm!!!! see why checking is so discouraging/deceptive? when they told me i was 7 at admission, i thought, i'm almost done! more than 3 hours later, i had only progressed 2 cm! but i am sure that the whole checking/ belly monitor/ question asking caused me to slow, or even regress somewhat before i moved on. anyway, gillespie asked me if i wanted her to break my water. i said no. she then asked me not to push through my contractions for now, so i just blew and moo-ed for awhile until i told the nurse it was unbearable not to push, i couldn't help myself. she called the dr. in again and this time i was complete. i was still hugging the back of the bed, up on my knees, with my back toward everyone, and i had no desire to move. and i was pushing! ah, glorious pushing, it's my favorite part! it is A) perceived (by me) to be more productive than any other stage because it requires more active participation, and B) so encouraging because you KNOW the baby is almost here, it's almost over! my water broke with the first push. the baby came out with the 2nd. the dr. coached me beautifully and provided the needed counter pressure. i definitely felt the "ring of fire" this time more than with my 1st two births. the head was coming out, and the contraction was ending. i stopped pushing, willing to wait for the next one, just to be sure i was pushing slow enough, but the dr. said, "keep pushing," so i pushed slowly through the end of the contraction, and the head came all the way out, and the body followed! 8:13 AM. what i had been growing in there for 9 months, my mystery, was here! "it's a boy!" they said. "IT'S OUT!" i thought. OH how wonderful to have this surprise come out and be so perfect! he was perfect! i pulled my shirt off and flipped over, reaching over the crazy bloody bed; they handed me the warm, squiggly body, blue curly cord trailing behind...
they clamped the cord right away, i asked if they could wait when i saw them doing it, but the dr. and nurse both immediately said, "no" and "we have to do it now." a bit surprising, but it was a minor thing after such a beautiful emergence that i didn't sweat it. thomas cut the cord. they suctioned him while he was on my belly. threw warm blankets on us. i just lay there relieved. thomas was stunned to have a son. we were both actually SO surprised! "i have begotten a man child with the help of the Lord!" (thomas is still getting used to it; he keeps referring to the baby as "she" and "her." we just laugh.) i put the baby to my breast right away this time. with my girls, i had waited to nurse, just placing them on my belly and letting them "crawl" up to find the milk for themselves. my philosophy on this has changed. yes, they CAN crawl up to find the breast at newborn, and it is really cool to see, but i have learned more about WHO I AM as MOTHER, who God made me, and what that means. part of my job is NOURISHER, and i have realized that me taking initiative to FEED my child is the right thing to do. i don't know how much it affects the child later on, if at all, but God gave ME the authority of motherhood, and they are not motherless. they don't have to be independently finding their food. the boy child latched on right away and began to suckle. it was a satisfying feeling.
they did give me pitocin in an IV pretty immediately to contract my uterus and stop the bleeding, which i would have preferred to avoid, (i think it cancels out some of the natural oxytocin that makes you fall in LOVE) but i was so happy with the birth that i didn't protest. i just looked at my boy child and laughed. gillespie checked me, and: NO TEARS! praise Jesus, i had thought it impossible. thomas got to hold his son after about 1/2 hour. then he made ready to go home for awhile, he wanted to see the girls, and i told him to feel free to take a nap. today was his day off!! i just sat there with my boy and praised God. and texted the world! i wolfed down a piece of french toast. i tried to sleep, but the pillows were impossibly uncomfortable. texted thomas: "bring pillows." i finally acknowledged my nurse, Cathi, who turned out to be this awesome on-fire Christian! she told me her whole testimony, which was pretty radical, divorce, conviction by the HS, getting back together with her husband, he coming to the Lord DAYS before dying of a massive heart attack. she goes to a church with a messianic Jewish pastor, (i'd like to visit it sometime) and listens to all the calvary preachers on the radio, incl. the one who teaches at the church we've been attending in oro valley. she really was a sweetheart. i wish she would have remembered better what it is like to be in active labor!!!!!!!!!!!! but God obviously blessed us through one another that morning. AND she rescued my placenta from the trash. at last i took a shower, got a patronizing talk from a pediatrician about the vitamin-k shot, and my baby had his bath too (with the CA baby "tea tree and lavender" soap i had brought in). lauren came to see me on her lunch break and brought me a latte! whew! i REALLY wanted that coffee! it was so great to see her. soon after came mrs. graham with aunt trina, emily, omi, sparrow, golden, david, and danielle. the hospital staff weeded out d&d because they were non-related children =( but the others got to stay and help me transfer (at last) to the postpartum room, with a parade of balloons and presents. it was wonderful to have visitors. the girls took to their baby brother immediately, golden acted like she knew what it was going to be the whole time: "baby broder," she kept saying, and sparrow got to hold him on the bed. soon thomas came back as well and stayed for awhile before going off to run some errands for me. i saw him again later that night and we sat down to discuss the question of our son's name. my sad discovery was that "youngblood," my long-favored name for a boy, is from jungbluth, german, and means "impetuous young man." impetuous?! impetuous???!!!??? really? does it have to??? ...we certainly couldn't speak that over our child. and besides, thomas was not so keen on the name anyways, so... i guess it was a good thing i decided to let it go. we had several options on the table: cyrus, blue, peregrin, strongbow (mine! i guess i am partial to warrior-sounding names), but decided in the end on Silas, at thomas' suggestion. i hadn't thought of it, but when he mentioned it, i thought "yes!" right away. and we had prayed a lot during the pregnancy about God giving us the right name. Silas Arrow. Silas means "forest" from greek "sylvanus." there are a lot of good spiritual connotations for forests, trees, etc. and i love that Silas in the Bible was a missionary and prophet. as for Arrow, thomas has always had that name in mind, and well, we are hoping for our quiver full of arrows! (Psalm 127.) God wants arrows for the battle!
"Listen to Me, O islands,
And pay attention, you peoples from afar
The LORD called Me from the womb;
From the body of My mother He named Me.
He has made My mouth like a sharp sword,
In the shadow of His hand He has concealed Me;
And He has also made Me a select arrow,
He has hidden Me in His quiver." Isaiah 49: 1-2
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| Silas Arrow McDonnell, Aug. 20, 2010, 7lbs 9 oz., 20"long |
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
placenta!
ok, placentas can be a bit intimidating. first there is the weirdness of an inanimate slab of meat hung by umbilical cord coming out of you. second there is all the blood and veins surrounding it, and then there is the question of what to do with it. so many options! but for me, the fascination factor overpowers the grossness factors, and after letting sparrow's placenta go to waste in my doula's freezer for about two years before i think she finally threw it away (i JUST couldn't decide how to enjoy it!), i went turbo with golden's and cooked it up with onions and garlic and ate the whole thing in two sittings! this time, i wanted to try dehydrating/encapsulating the nutritive mystery meat for a more spread-out release of the benefits (not to mention more user-friendly consumption).
now let me just observe that people are uncomfortable with placenta consumption because, presumably, of where it comes from. it comes out of a...crazy...kind of place. you want to eat that?? i'd like to remind everyone that the BABY came out of that same place, and we don't hesitate to kiss and smell and coo over it, even though it has not been sanitized by cooking, and has far less nutritional benefits. for that matter, YOU came out of that place. if you think eating placenta is gross, i think you're gross.
on the night of august 22, the placenta was on the verge of turning 3 days old. now or never, i decided. at midnight i entered the kitchen prepared for a late-night tussle with the steak of my son's in-utero provision. i know i am supposed to start going to bed early, but...that's just going to have to start tomorrow! i recalled from golden's placenta that the process of dealing with the membranes can be very time-consuming, bloody, and frustrating. however, was in for several nice surprises and two nasty surprises.
the online tutorial i was using came from the cafe mom website, from a cindy collins. most grateful to her and to the internet. here is the approximate process:
step 1: prep the prep area. get out all supplies. cover counter with newspaper (or paper bags) to help minimize cleanup.
2. rinse placenta in colander in sink and stab while rinsing to "bleed." (nice surprise #1: LOTS LESS BLOOD when you bleed/rinse beforehand! hello! why didn't the "cook it up like liver" tutorial tell me this last go-around? AVOID excessive trauma by adhering to step #2!)
3. sever cord at base (i used kitchen shears. i love them.)
4. "wrap placenta membrane fetal side around placenta into a ball." er... what? fetal side? ball? hm... my placenta's membranes seemed to be somehow already cut and partially separated from the placenta anyways, so this step was a no-go for me. i ended up cutting off the excess membrane and dealing with a partially-membraned organism, hoping for the best. (nice surprise #2: not having to remove all the membranes from the meat this time! that was the worst, remembering the last experience...)
5. place fresh lemon and fresh ginger in steaming water and steam placenta 15 mins. each side. huh. i had no lemon and no ginger. i did, however, have limes. the ginger is optional anyways. ...right? (nasty surprise #1: my steamer! it has a big skewer with a metal ring coming out the middle! i had to cut a slit thru the middle of the placenta in order to stab the skewer/ring through it. the worst was not realized until post-steaming: the placenta had shrunk and tightened to an astonishing degree, becoming stuck onto the skewer! in fact, i could not turn it over after 15 minutes; i had to steam it on one side for 30 mins. instead. then let it cool a bit before i wrestled it off the skewer.)
6. slice thinly and dehydrate. set oven (toaster oven) to lowest temperature. should take 6-8 hours. (no... mine took about 34. the 6-8 hours must have been for a professional dehydrator only.)
7. have fun cleaning the utensils! (nasty surprise #2: steaming a placenta creates some majorly adhesive residue! i will never, never put a placenta into that type of leaf-folding steamer again. ever. nope.)
8. grind to powder in food processor. (yet to be done. the pieces are looking like beef jerky right about now, being stored for the time when i have time...)
9. fill empty capsules with placenta powder. take 3 capsules twice daily for 1st week and 2 capsules twice daily for 2nd week. store in freezer! (storage tip from my doula friend, not online.)
10. enjoy feeling like SUPERWOMAN.
now let me just observe that people are uncomfortable with placenta consumption because, presumably, of where it comes from. it comes out of a...crazy...kind of place. you want to eat that?? i'd like to remind everyone that the BABY came out of that same place, and we don't hesitate to kiss and smell and coo over it, even though it has not been sanitized by cooking, and has far less nutritional benefits. for that matter, YOU came out of that place. if you think eating placenta is gross, i think you're gross.
on the night of august 22, the placenta was on the verge of turning 3 days old. now or never, i decided. at midnight i entered the kitchen prepared for a late-night tussle with the steak of my son's in-utero provision. i know i am supposed to start going to bed early, but...that's just going to have to start tomorrow! i recalled from golden's placenta that the process of dealing with the membranes can be very time-consuming, bloody, and frustrating. however, was in for several nice surprises and two nasty surprises.
the online tutorial i was using came from the cafe mom website, from a cindy collins. most grateful to her and to the internet. here is the approximate process:
step 1: prep the prep area. get out all supplies. cover counter with newspaper (or paper bags) to help minimize cleanup.
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| the iced tea and dark chocolate are for personal fortification, prior to beginning. for some, a glass of vodka may be more appropriate? |
3. sever cord at base (i used kitchen shears. i love them.)
4. "wrap placenta membrane fetal side around placenta into a ball." er... what? fetal side? ball? hm... my placenta's membranes seemed to be somehow already cut and partially separated from the placenta anyways, so this step was a no-go for me. i ended up cutting off the excess membrane and dealing with a partially-membraned organism, hoping for the best. (nice surprise #2: not having to remove all the membranes from the meat this time! that was the worst, remembering the last experience...)
5. place fresh lemon and fresh ginger in steaming water and steam placenta 15 mins. each side. huh. i had no lemon and no ginger. i did, however, have limes. the ginger is optional anyways. ...right? (nasty surprise #1: my steamer! it has a big skewer with a metal ring coming out the middle! i had to cut a slit thru the middle of the placenta in order to stab the skewer/ring through it. the worst was not realized until post-steaming: the placenta had shrunk and tightened to an astonishing degree, becoming stuck onto the skewer! in fact, i could not turn it over after 15 minutes; i had to steam it on one side for 30 mins. instead. then let it cool a bit before i wrestled it off the skewer.)
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| 12:24 AM--what's cooking in mom's kitchen |
6. slice thinly and dehydrate. set oven (toaster oven) to lowest temperature. should take 6-8 hours. (no... mine took about 34. the 6-8 hours must have been for a professional dehydrator only.)
7. have fun cleaning the utensils! (nasty surprise #2: steaming a placenta creates some majorly adhesive residue! i will never, never put a placenta into that type of leaf-folding steamer again. ever. nope.)
8. grind to powder in food processor. (yet to be done. the pieces are looking like beef jerky right about now, being stored for the time when i have time...)
9. fill empty capsules with placenta powder. take 3 capsules twice daily for 1st week and 2 capsules twice daily for 2nd week. store in freezer! (storage tip from my doula friend, not online.)
10. enjoy feeling like SUPERWOMAN.
Monday, August 16, 2010
golden's 2nd birthday
august 7th was a saturday, a beautiful day on which we celebrated the 2nd anniversary of our sunny golden child's arrival in our family!
sparrow and i had been plotting special birthday things and looking forward to them for quite some time. she had gotten five dollars out of her piggy bank to buy a special gift for her sister: a princess accessory set with a tiara, a necklace, earrings, and fancy heeled slippers. the night before the birthday, she got to stay up extra late with me to wrap it in a special way. it was going to be golden's breakfast gift. (in germany we have a tradition of giving gifts to the birthday person at breakfast time.)
golden and sparrow almost had the same joy when she opened it! we had had a rare "fancy" breakfast of pancakes (instead of the usual joe's o's cereal) and then sparrow got the gift out of the closet and presented it to the little one. oh what joy! i think golden wore those huge cinderella slippers for most of the day! we had gotten sparrow's out of storage too, so they traipsed about the house together clacking their plastic heels.
i decided to have a little toenail-painting session with the princesses as i took a break from cupcake baking (box mix!) and cleaning/getting ready for the party we were having that afternoon. i have tried to stay away from nail polish because i think it is not good to give young children too much "grown-up" stuff to become vain over, on a regular basis. but every once in awhile, it is ok to do something rare and special, even if it involves breathing in fumes. they were so tickled! we chose a nice sparkly blue and boy, were they proud of their toes! i did mine too, of course.
during golden's nap, i let sparrow stay up and help me color the frosting for the cupcakes and put sprinkles on them. the theme was "colorful"--i had found the cutest fans and paper globes for decorations on clearance at target--they ALL cost me only about a dollar! they had deep, strong solid summer colors, so i made the cup cakes to match. we also colored the fruit dip and made the soy milk pink.
the children showed up shortly after three pm: annie and her adelin, plus baby abrina. auntie emily. auntie omi and her danielle and david. i had tried to keep it very small and very simple this year, because i have realized that children don't really care if they only have a cupcake, a $3 toy, and two friends over. we break our backs and our banks to invite 45 people, and the birthday girl ends up clinging to you because of all the strangers.
the children were quite exuberant and golden had LOTS of help blowing out candles and opening presents... thomas called from san francisco just before we sang happy birthday, so i put him on speakerphone, and he got to sing along. golden got lots of cool little presents, and i so appreciate not having a huge pileful of new toys to find a place for! she got sidewalk chalk and crayons and flower wall stickers and new sunday shoes (from me) and an art apron and craft jewels, things like that. we had such a good time! i broke my sugar fast for a day and had some cupcake and ice cream, luxurious!
golden, on your 2nd birthday--
every day we are more delighted and amazed at how much laughter and sweetness you add to our home. we feel so special that God gave you to us, and are blessed to be chosen to take care of you and love you. you love to share with others, you love to help, and you want to take care of us all. if mommy says she needs her shoes, you hurry to find them for me, and when i remind you to be sweet, you love to comply. you also love to be funny and silly, and your laugh is one of the most beautiful sounds i've ever heard. you can already pray with sincerity for others. always remember this habit and this sincerity, and God will make your heart overflow with love. you are an anointed, sparkly golden one. God has set you apart for Him, so shine! love, mommy
sparrow and i had been plotting special birthday things and looking forward to them for quite some time. she had gotten five dollars out of her piggy bank to buy a special gift for her sister: a princess accessory set with a tiara, a necklace, earrings, and fancy heeled slippers. the night before the birthday, she got to stay up extra late with me to wrap it in a special way. it was going to be golden's breakfast gift. (in germany we have a tradition of giving gifts to the birthday person at breakfast time.)
golden and sparrow almost had the same joy when she opened it! we had had a rare "fancy" breakfast of pancakes (instead of the usual joe's o's cereal) and then sparrow got the gift out of the closet and presented it to the little one. oh what joy! i think golden wore those huge cinderella slippers for most of the day! we had gotten sparrow's out of storage too, so they traipsed about the house together clacking their plastic heels.
i decided to have a little toenail-painting session with the princesses as i took a break from cupcake baking (box mix!) and cleaning/getting ready for the party we were having that afternoon. i have tried to stay away from nail polish because i think it is not good to give young children too much "grown-up" stuff to become vain over, on a regular basis. but every once in awhile, it is ok to do something rare and special, even if it involves breathing in fumes. they were so tickled! we chose a nice sparkly blue and boy, were they proud of their toes! i did mine too, of course.
during golden's nap, i let sparrow stay up and help me color the frosting for the cupcakes and put sprinkles on them. the theme was "colorful"--i had found the cutest fans and paper globes for decorations on clearance at target--they ALL cost me only about a dollar! they had deep, strong solid summer colors, so i made the cup cakes to match. we also colored the fruit dip and made the soy milk pink.
the children showed up shortly after three pm: annie and her adelin, plus baby abrina. auntie emily. auntie omi and her danielle and david. i had tried to keep it very small and very simple this year, because i have realized that children don't really care if they only have a cupcake, a $3 toy, and two friends over. we break our backs and our banks to invite 45 people, and the birthday girl ends up clinging to you because of all the strangers.
the children were quite exuberant and golden had LOTS of help blowing out candles and opening presents... thomas called from san francisco just before we sang happy birthday, so i put him on speakerphone, and he got to sing along. golden got lots of cool little presents, and i so appreciate not having a huge pileful of new toys to find a place for! she got sidewalk chalk and crayons and flower wall stickers and new sunday shoes (from me) and an art apron and craft jewels, things like that. we had such a good time! i broke my sugar fast for a day and had some cupcake and ice cream, luxurious!
golden, on your 2nd birthday--
every day we are more delighted and amazed at how much laughter and sweetness you add to our home. we feel so special that God gave you to us, and are blessed to be chosen to take care of you and love you. you love to share with others, you love to help, and you want to take care of us all. if mommy says she needs her shoes, you hurry to find them for me, and when i remind you to be sweet, you love to comply. you also love to be funny and silly, and your laugh is one of the most beautiful sounds i've ever heard. you can already pray with sincerity for others. always remember this habit and this sincerity, and God will make your heart overflow with love. you are an anointed, sparkly golden one. God has set you apart for Him, so shine! love, mommy
Thursday, August 5, 2010
pregnancy update #3
have i ever mentioned that i am overly spoiled when it comes to having good friends?
last saturday we had a little brunch at starbucks, as is tradition for the graham/kugler/schmidt group (we have been joining them there weekly if possible, and it is a great thing to look forward to... sometimes i stay for hours and hours JUST to be able to feel the air conditioning.) when we got home, i was very tired, so gave the girls their lunch and plopped into bed a little after 1 pm. just before 2 pm i was awakened by a voice at my window and the sound of gushing rain. it was mrs. kugler, saying "doris, could you come over to the apartment really fast?" i shot up, thinking it was an emergency, put on a bra and t-shirt, and rushed out the door to meet her. we got soaking wet, even with her umbrella. they are staying in our attached apartment, so it was not 20 feet to travel, and still parts of us were definitely drenched. what met my eyes when i walked in the door, but a group of my friends, sitting there smiling at me, and an apartment all beautifully decorated for a BABY SHOWER!!! i was baffled! baby shower? not expecting this! rubbing sleep out of my eyes! wow. i didn't expect any type of baby shower this time around. i have mostly what i need! but here they all were, and omi had set it all up and prepared games and brought all the special foods i love the most and beautiful tea cups...she really does have such a servant's heart and loves to bless people, it is amazing. lauren was there! and shawna, and ann came later too, and annie with her adelyn and abrina, and julia with elizabeth and hannah, mrs. graham and mrs. kugler of course. we grabbed the monitor and set it up to listen in on my sleeping girls, but they weren't sleeping for long with all that activity next door! i let them come through the living room sliding door, and you should have seen their faces when they saw that there was a Party on the other side! it was quite like going through the wardrobe into narnia! so yes, we ate treats (breaking rules on my no-sugar diet of course), talked and laughed, played baby shower games, and i even got to open presents! mrs. graham gave me a thousand baby wipes, and an embroidery book, and my girls each got a dr. seuss bag with new markers and notebooks inside! i also got one of julia's signature nursing covers! and a few swaddle wrappers, money, diapers, soft blankie, etc. etc. i am so undeserving!
thomas is gone in san francisco now, to return on the 13th. the unofficial due date is around aug. 15th, so i hope this little one holds on. my friend who is studying to be a naturopathic doctor is in town, woohoo! and she said she can be my labor companion in case it happens before husband returns. then i have good friends in the kugler and graham clan next door(s) to cover me for anything else. i had an appointment today (aug. 5th) and the nurse said i was 2 cm dilated. which really means nothing, but that explains the sharp pains that have been happening in my cervix. afterward i took the girls to ross and target for a few household things and the whole time i was contracting, feeling like labor was imminent! i had to have a little wine to relax the uterus when i got home, and it worked. don't come out yet, baby! i have not been known to give birth early, so i don't know what i'm worried about. i bet my uterus was just irritated from the heat today and from the cervical check. i should have declined it, what was i thinking?
oh and i actually had LOST 2 pounds since my last appt. two weeks ago, is that a first or what!! for me, anyways. i am back at 156 lbs where before i was at 158.8, wow, i guess that's almost 3 lbs! my exercise routine and no-sugar thing is working, YAAAAAY! actually, omi says she lost weight too when she was preggy with danielle, after she gave up sugar. it is amazing how much a little sugar can affect your poor body.
but...i have darning and mending to do, so i'm gonna "make like a baby and head out!"
last saturday we had a little brunch at starbucks, as is tradition for the graham/kugler/schmidt group (we have been joining them there weekly if possible, and it is a great thing to look forward to... sometimes i stay for hours and hours JUST to be able to feel the air conditioning.) when we got home, i was very tired, so gave the girls their lunch and plopped into bed a little after 1 pm. just before 2 pm i was awakened by a voice at my window and the sound of gushing rain. it was mrs. kugler, saying "doris, could you come over to the apartment really fast?" i shot up, thinking it was an emergency, put on a bra and t-shirt, and rushed out the door to meet her. we got soaking wet, even with her umbrella. they are staying in our attached apartment, so it was not 20 feet to travel, and still parts of us were definitely drenched. what met my eyes when i walked in the door, but a group of my friends, sitting there smiling at me, and an apartment all beautifully decorated for a BABY SHOWER!!! i was baffled! baby shower? not expecting this! rubbing sleep out of my eyes! wow. i didn't expect any type of baby shower this time around. i have mostly what i need! but here they all were, and omi had set it all up and prepared games and brought all the special foods i love the most and beautiful tea cups...she really does have such a servant's heart and loves to bless people, it is amazing. lauren was there! and shawna, and ann came later too, and annie with her adelyn and abrina, and julia with elizabeth and hannah, mrs. graham and mrs. kugler of course. we grabbed the monitor and set it up to listen in on my sleeping girls, but they weren't sleeping for long with all that activity next door! i let them come through the living room sliding door, and you should have seen their faces when they saw that there was a Party on the other side! it was quite like going through the wardrobe into narnia! so yes, we ate treats (breaking rules on my no-sugar diet of course), talked and laughed, played baby shower games, and i even got to open presents! mrs. graham gave me a thousand baby wipes, and an embroidery book, and my girls each got a dr. seuss bag with new markers and notebooks inside! i also got one of julia's signature nursing covers! and a few swaddle wrappers, money, diapers, soft blankie, etc. etc. i am so undeserving!
thomas is gone in san francisco now, to return on the 13th. the unofficial due date is around aug. 15th, so i hope this little one holds on. my friend who is studying to be a naturopathic doctor is in town, woohoo! and she said she can be my labor companion in case it happens before husband returns. then i have good friends in the kugler and graham clan next door(s) to cover me for anything else. i had an appointment today (aug. 5th) and the nurse said i was 2 cm dilated. which really means nothing, but that explains the sharp pains that have been happening in my cervix. afterward i took the girls to ross and target for a few household things and the whole time i was contracting, feeling like labor was imminent! i had to have a little wine to relax the uterus when i got home, and it worked. don't come out yet, baby! i have not been known to give birth early, so i don't know what i'm worried about. i bet my uterus was just irritated from the heat today and from the cervical check. i should have declined it, what was i thinking?
oh and i actually had LOST 2 pounds since my last appt. two weeks ago, is that a first or what!! for me, anyways. i am back at 156 lbs where before i was at 158.8, wow, i guess that's almost 3 lbs! my exercise routine and no-sugar thing is working, YAAAAAY! actually, omi says she lost weight too when she was preggy with danielle, after she gave up sugar. it is amazing how much a little sugar can affect your poor body.
but...i have darning and mending to do, so i'm gonna "make like a baby and head out!"
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