arizona, home sweet...?

on wednesday, the 15th of july, we packed our warm bundles of babies into the car as evening fell here in the ocean-breezy cool of santa barbara, and headed off on an all-night trip to tucson, Arizona, where the sun always shines, even when it's dark. and oh, we started feeling that sun alright, the moment we exited LA and headed into the more desolate landscapes of south/ eastern california. we also discovered that tozer, our dear volvo, does not have functional air conditioning, contrary to our prior belief. add in the element of night construction, and you have a very unpleasant 12 hours ahead of you. we found ouselves going 2 miles an hour at 2 am in palm springs, with crying babies in the 95-degree weather, and the smell of tar permeating our miserable lives. there was nothing we could do about it, though. so we trekked on, one foot at a time, one hot farenheit after the other, until it finally began to cool down a little just before sunrise, and just past phoenix. i had been driving since about 3 or 4 am, having been unable to sleep in the back as planned, due to the awful sweltering, and my neurotic fear of car crashing while i am out cold. i felt that i might fall asleep at the wheel, too--why, oh why is the actual driving more sleep-inducing than lying on a bed of blankets in the back??!!? but i got a second wind right around phoenix. could have had something to do with the starbux frapp jarred drink i bought at the gas station--gross! sugar central. or it could have been the amazing number coincidence that fascinated me at 4:56 am: the trip mileage counter said 456 in the same moment!

either way, we made it to tucson around seven, arriving red-eyed and road-torn. not finding the door to the house where we were supposed to stay open as planned, and finding a key neither under mat nor potted plant, we had to call and wake up omi who called and sent her mother over to let us in. mrs. graham is as sprightly and active as ever, not to mention full of practical advice. thomas and the girls had managed to sleep a little, so they were eager to explore their surroundings, but i was expecting that. the first thing we did was eat a little breakfast and then take a bath in the claw-foot blue tub, to get the sweat off. following this, we had a nice long nap, and were awakened to the sounds of tuggys in the house! we were staying at marlett's house in the old neighborhood, a beautiful, mexican-ranch style house. marletts were gone for the summer. but the purpose for our journey was to attend heather tuggy's wedding! and the tuggys were using marlett's house for the bridal shower which was to be held that evening. so there was setting up to do, and i came out from under my rock to say hi to craig and mr. tuggy, neither of whom i had seen in at least seven years, and aunt joy, whom i haven't seen in about 4.

later we went to omi's for a reuniting in her bright green kitchen, and had a little quesadilla and fabulous conversation as the kids played dress-up. wow. i feel so old saying that. emi was there too.

the bridal shower that night was great, i got to help holly prepare the food and she had made the place look amazing. it is hilarious to see people you haven't seen in ten years, and they still look exactly the same! i got to meet annie's little adelyn for the first time, too, and the christopher tuggys' newly adopted first son, david abijah tuggy. this is awesome. no men or kids allowed at the shower, but mine were in the back room, so i snuck them some dessert of course.

the rest of the week was equally full of loveliness. friday we helped with boquets for the wedding, saturday the actual wedding, (goood old wycliffe fun!) on sat. night after the wedding, omi and lauren and i joined holly and a big pile of the tuggy clan at one of the hotel swimming pools. the four of us just stayed in the hot tub most of the time! these guys we had been ignoring said, "excuse me, are you religious?" they said they had thought we might have been in a cult. (because our swim suits were modest?) i loved talking to my friends and pretending like nothing had transpired since the high school days... sunday to church and lunch with the kuglers. one day we got to go swimming at the pool where i used to spend a lot of time as a child (formerly "dennis weaver park). they have put in loads of new play structures in the park, and a covered tarp thing over the kid pool (smart!). we had lots of decaf iced coffee and lots of 6:30 am walks around the neighborhood. families at starbucks. great nights hanging out at the grahams eating soup and getting lectures on the magical food "farina" or playing dutch blitz with omi and monty til all hours... and so much more. (during one of our dutch blitz nights, omi leaned over and said, "so, not to push my agenda or anything, but two of the houses in the neighborhood are up for rent... you should email the riggs and see if you can negotiate a low price with them!" so we fantasized for a bit about moving to az, and... well, we'll see what God says about that.) i even got to hang out with heather vanhouten, my good high school friend! the following wedesday, when we left in the evening hours, it rained. it poured. it dripped from the rafters and it smelled amazing. sparrow was sitting in the back of the volvo as we packed, and she stayed in there with a blankie and a toy snake for the whole duration of the storm. then monty came up and gave me a bunch of gas money... and an external hard drive!! what are these people thinking? i know they need the money for their own children, and yet they are always giving and giving.

the relief of the rain was brief; as soon as we hit florence it got hot again. and it remained hot all night, once again. i started driving at about 1:30, 2 am or so, and kept on going til we were safely home again. i listened to talk radio and drank the iced coffee i had brought (smart!) to keep myself going.

july phrasing

"this music is not good for my brain." -july 1 (she wanted to hear a story on tape instead)

"one teaspoon of sugar, one teaspoon of cookies, one teaspoon of chocolate, one teaspoon of alligator, one teaspoon of sugar alligator..." -july 3 (her special recipe for making cookies)

"I was just dreaming of a cat fest." -july 4th

"is it a holiday?" -july 2 (she saw a red, white, and blue wreath in trader joe's. i was impressed by her keen reasoning skills, and her mastery of the word "holiday")

"is the 4th of july gonna have a cake?" -july 3

me: "today is the 4th of july."
sp: "YAAAAAAAY! i wanna go to TRADER JOE'S!" -july 4th (because of the decorations she had seen in trader joe's, she thought that's where the party was happening.)

"hey, look at my awesome tricks!" -july 5th

"mom, i feel very tired about this." -july 6th

"there is a sign on my house that says 'no playing in the poop!' " -july 6

"mom, this is SO plastic, that it can't break." -july 8th

me: "samuel has to go to the doctor."
sp: "is the doctor gonna sew samuel's teeth back together?" -july 8th

"well how do farmers milk water cows?" -july 8 (during a discussion on cows, where milk comes from, and how it is extracted. she logically wanted to know, what about the cows that make water instead of milk? then we had a whole lesson on where water comes from.) then...

"mom, where do invitations come from? do invitations come from cows?" -july 8

golden cuteness: one of her favorite games this month was to take my nursing pads, put them on her head to play "hat," and then try to put them back in my shirt where they belong. haha!

another amazing thing about golden: i speak to her mostly in german, and her first couple of words have been german. but she is understanding english very well too. the other day i said to thomas in english, "golden can have broccoli, but we have to take her shirt off first." well! golden immediately got visibly excited (she loves broccoli), and not only that, but she started trying to take her shirt off! amazing. -july 13

"...and they trained kate not to pee or not to cry or not to jump on the sofa while they were reading." -july 21

"i will close the door so daddy doesn't get in. ok. the door is locked because the door locks at 7:12." -july 21

"mom, you're gonna get big like a city." -july 24

"dad, i'm gonna tie the greasy bear to the rocking chair for you. and it's gonna be special." -july 24

"no, golden. this is my house. unfortunately." -july 26 (not so proud of her attitude, but more her vocabulary.)

sp: "i forgive you."
me: "i didn't say sorry. is there something you think i should have said sorry for?"
sp: nods
me: "for what?"
sp: "for snapping at me." -july 26
(ouch! i do have way too sharp of a tongue at times. something the Lord and i are working on... more on that later.)

(we stayed up in san francisco with thomas' friend Al who is an old family friend of theirs.)
sp: "where's mrs. al?"
me: "there isn't one."
sp: "yes there is, he is married with gino's mommy."
(later i realized she had seen a picture of al dancing with gino's mommy (sparrow's aunt paula) on her wedding day. hahahaha! wow.) -july 27

as i drove down the last leg of our journey home from san francisco today and hit the breathtaking views of the coast, i got quite emotional about the prospect of leaving this place. i broke out with an old mix cd that crystal had made me years ago, and started crying when this song came on. it is a perfect description of what i have come to learn about God in my own prayers...

Send some rain, would You send some rain?
'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade
Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid
But maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case ...

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If You never send us rain

Daily bread, give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed
Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight
Wrap us up and warm us through
Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs
Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time
Or maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case ...

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude
A lesson learned to hunger after You
That a starry sky offers a better view
If no roof is overhead
And if we never taste that bread

Oh, the differences that often are between
Everything we want and what we really need

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight
Or maybe not, not today
Peace might be another world away
And if that's the case ...

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessd beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if You never grant us peace ...

But, Jesus, would You please ...

-Nichole Nordeman

more umbrellas

awhile ago, i posted a note of thankfulness because a couple we know had handed us a trader joe's gift certificate. for some reason, i had titled the post "umbrella in a storm." well. we really needed the food money at the time, and finances were stormy, so it kinda made sense. God has been dropping me little umbrellas like this for a long time now, and i realize they are more like stepping stones in a rushing river, where you think you are going to fall off into the water, but at the last minute, you see another stepping stone and are able to take one more step across the water. all during our engagement there were stones like these showing up in envelopes as cash and many other ways. and God still sends them; this past month or so has been incredibly full of them, and i know i must keep my eyes on Jesus to see every day's salvation as i look to him for eternal salvation. let's give thanks for His many stones, his umbrellas that he throws us to let us know He is still covering us, and that's how it should be. truly, that's how it is even for someone who lacks nothing and thinks they are self-sufficient. all is held together by God. i am thankful to have that perspective from firsthand experience.

-the other week my friend from college got to visit us with her two kids. she left me half a costco box of diapers and wipes. right as i was all out!

-our neighbors/ old roommates asked me to babysit, which i would gladly to for them for free, and then gave me an exorbitant amount of money as "pay," even though their daughter was in her room the entire time!

-our other neighbors/old roommates came by and dropped off a trader joe's gift certificate (yes, another one!) on the eve of us going to AZ. it fed us the whole time we were there.

-our friends in AZ wanted us to be able to come visit for a wedding of an old friend, so they paid for our gas! there i was with an entirely free vacation on my hands! praise God. when they handed us "the greenbacks," it covered a lot more than just our gas costs...

-the same friends gave us diapers, clothes, and (drumroll) an external hard drive! (i have been talking about getting one to save my pics from hard drive problems. there ya go. God hooked it up.)

-today there was a little miracle envelope in the mail: a gift certificate to Fresco, AND a gift card to peet's?! i have my suspicions as to who it was, but...i guess anonymous gift givers like to remain anonymous. "who loves us?" sparrow asked. "i don't know..." i said, "...God."

june quotables

"i just have one question: can you give me a hug?" -june 2

"can we sit and read in the lightness?" -easrly june, after having turned light on

(i have a character called "sunny wunny" i make up poems about (wunny from "wonne:" means joy, delight). sparrow absolutely loves her. i do impromptu poems about her most every night while i floss sparrow's teeth. they are usually loosely based on something sparrow did that day.)
me: "sunny wunny watched a leopard movie, up late with her daddy..."
sp: "and it was totally SAD." -june 8

sparrow loves a good narrative. i am convinced it's from all that reading we do. i estimate that i've read her about 4,000 books so far, some are repeats of course. every month or so i go to the library and check out between 40 and 60 new books to keep us busy for the next stretch... sparrow is now constantly asking for me or thomas to tell her stories we make up as well, and she is beginning to create stories of her own! here goes a good one:
sp: "once upon a time there was a little puppy and he had a mama. and they were lost in the woods. and they went swimming in the ocean at the beach that was in the big woods."
me: "and then what happened?"
sp: "there was a big shark and it swallowed them up." -june 8

(we do baby sign with golden and are making up signs for all the animals)
me: "what sign should we do for 'horse'?"
sp: holds up middle fingers and waves them around. "this one! this is the sign for horse!" (aaaaah, no. no, that can't be the sign for horse...) -june 8

sp: "mom, can i have a balloon?"
me: "sure, do you want a string on it?"
sp: "yeah, and i want to give it to you. you will get a balloon, mommy."
me: "oh, thank you, i will be so happy!"
sp: "you will be welcomed." -june 12

"i swung down." (correct past tense of "swing!" wow!) -june 11

me: "we don't have that kind of food right now."
sp: "let's go get some at trader joe's."
me: "well in order to buy stuff at trader joe's you actually have to have some money first."
sp: "maybe we could go to the bank AND to trader joe's!" -early june

(singing)
"squishiness, squishiness is what i long for, squishiness is what i neeeeeeeed..." -june 14

sp: "tomorrow your belly will get big and you will have a baby."
me: "well, maybe not tomorrow, but probably someday soon. would you like it if you got another sister or brother?"
sp: "brother."
me: "but what if it's a girl, cause we can't decide."
sp: "well if i change my mind i will get a girl. but someday i will get a boy. a baby boy." -june 17

me: "and Jesus was really popular with a lot of the people..."
sp: "but what about his israelites?" -june 18

sp: "golden! golden! where's golden?"
me: "golden! guggen-heim!"
sp: "is that how you say it in german?" -june 18

me: "what is it that you like about daddy?"
sp: "cause if you don't have your family, there will be no mamma and daddas cause you will be all alone." -june 21 (father's day)

"i like toys and i like daddy." -june 21

(playing 'pregnant' with a balloon in her shirt)
"mom, i'm going to have a baby and it's going to be a boy. named freddy. mom, are you so excited about my baby? would you like to come to the hospital with me? (pulling it out)...it's a b-b-b-balloon!" -june 21

me: "sunny wunny is a girl so sweet. she likes to smile & say 'ooh, that's neat!' she goes skipping down the street..."
sp: "and she stays on the road longer and cars run her over." -june 25 (what's with the morbid story endings??!!)

"kootzenkatz." -june 27 (she re-named a little clown whistle toy)

"my daughter's name is reophebek. my daughter's name is two-cats." -june 28

trying to settle in to the couch for a read:
me: "i still feel like i have no room."
sp: "well, it will go away in a second... when you get up." -june 29

"when it's my birthday there will be lo-o-o-o-o-o-ts of marshmallows. and butter." -june 29

blueberry picking

kind of last minute, we drove up to buellton this afternoon to a blueberry farm and had the most fun family outing. we brought our jogging stroller and golden was able to entertain herself picking and eating berries if i parked her close enough to a bush! good times for all.



seriously, here's the best thing about picking blueberries (where you can eat while you pick):
being able to shove a huge handful of them in your mouth without feeling guilty that you just ate four dollars in one bite!

and, of course, getting to eat this dessert late at night: (don't tell mary-ann.)
restoration oaks blueberry farm is open 10:30 to 5:30 every day through the season. no pesticides are used. be prepared to pay $15 per (small-ish) bucket, though. i thought it was worth it for the original experience! still cheaper than grocery store prices. (but hey, i bet farmers LOVE it when they can get customers to come up and pick their own berries, m? smart!) call 805-689-9014 for more info.

4th of july

this has always been my favorite holiday. summertime, history, patriotism, fireworks...

we went to the stowe house in the AM to see what was going on at their kids festival, but turned right around when we saw the entrance fee and detoured into the train museum instead, which was free. and sparrow did not even know the difference! she was extremely excited about the trains. as was i. i love learning about cool old stuff.


in the afternoon i was able to pick up some fire crackers and flags while out getting food for the potluck. the flags were made in the USA--thank God; it would have been just classic to give the chai-comms another profit from buying an american flag on independence day. sparrow was as happy as christmas when i brought the flags home. she sang and danced and waved them around (and still does.) she kept exclaiming, "i love my american flag!" i am sure she diesn't quite get the patriotism thing yet--does she even know what a country is? no. a few examples of her impression of the 4th of july. when i told her it was our country's birthday, she said, "are we gonna get the fourth day of july a birthday cake?" also, a few days before we had been in trader joe's and she had suddenly said, "ooh, is it a holiday?" i'd looked up and seen that she was pointing out a red/white/blue star wreath thing hanging up. "oh, it IS a holiday, sparrow, but it's not christmas. it's for the fourth of july." so on the actual fourth, when we woke up in the AM i said, "hooray, it's the 4th of july!" and sparrow said, "YAAAAAAAAY! I WANNA GO TO TRADER JOE'S!" somehow she must have thought it was a tj's thing? i dunno, i just laughed at the cuteness.

the potluck at alan and melissa's was really fun. we arrived in bonnets, cowboy hats, and all, waving flags and singing the star spangled banner. gotta cheese it up when you have kids. but seriously, over the years i had lost much of my kiddish patriotism, and i am happy to say it has recently all been coming back. i am SO thankful to live in this country and hope i can be as active as possible in protecting it and the CONSERVATIVE values that made this country so free and creative and amazing. yes, amazing. the values that indeed gave every whining liberal her liberty to whine.

we set off our firecrackers on the sidewalk and drove off to the nearest fireworks in goleta. our family ended up watching them from the albertsons parking lot, and sparrow, i am happy to say, was much more enthusiastic about them this year than last. last year we were at the daltons with a super good time, but sparrow kept saying that she didn't like the fireworks and making me really sad! the year before, when she was only one year old, we had watched far off ones from our balcony, but she had been so adorable and repeating "oo" "aa" with me. i can't believe this is her fourth fourth of july! at any rate, she was still hanging on to her flag and describing all the colors to me and saying happily, "i like it, i like it, i like it!" the albertsons parking lot lights were not ideal, but we didn't care. the moon was full behind the fireworks display and it was gorgeous. even golden said, or markedly tried to say "boom boom." she was pretty scared of them at first, but with sparrow's and my excitement, she soon caught on that it was fun! anyways, i am still SO mad that i lost the little video of sparrow watching the fireworks. i got home and loaded stuff onto the computer and forgot i have to do something special with the vid. files now on my new computer. so they didn't load, and i went thru and deleted all the stuff in my camera immediately! stooooo-pid. gone. .....oh well. gone is gone. it was a fabulous and memorable day; i'll just have to commit that scene to memory.

melissa helping sparrow with firecrackers

in the celebratory spirit